The Way of the Clan 7

by Dem Mikhaylov

  “Rostislav! Listen!”

  “Listen to this!” I interrupted her. “I will tell you what he’d do - he would take a badly sharpened kitchen hatchet into his sleek professorial hands and destroyed your damn cocoon!”

  “Ros! You would not do it!”

  “He would destroy it - and with your cocoon would pass your dream of a colorful world full of magic and brilliance. A cocoon is not cheap! Hm? And that’s not all! Fool! I am going to go right now and file a complaint against you! You know how much admins care about player anonymity! You know how they will chastise you! Valdira will be closed to you forever! Forever!”

  “Rostislav, please, listen, I will give everything…”

  “Do you understand me, Lena?”

  “Yes, yes. I heard. I hear you.”

  “Will you obey me? Are you going to keep your chatty mouth at bay? Will you?”

  “Yes, I will. Just do not Rostislav, please! Without a cocoon… I cannot do without Valdira anymore!”

  “Easy on the pathos, Lénolie. You heard me, understood, and listened. Excellent. A little later, a week or so, we will meet in Valdira, chat, discuss matters. Can help you with business or advice. Okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. Thank you.”

  “Okay. Well, okay then. Until then.”

  “Rostislav!”

  “Huh?”

  “Where did you move to anyway? Where are you living?”

  Damn it… either it is paranoia again, or there is a practically imperceptible tremor in her voice. She really, very much wanted to know the answer.

  “I live in the north now,” I said evilly. “In the extreme temperature, on the frozen and wild terrain. So far, a polar bear is working the concierge, and there is a traffic jam outside because of the number of walruses.”

  “Rostislav, I am serious… this number from which you’re calling. Some kind of internet program, right?”

  “And I am serious too. We will talk again, Lena. Until then!”

  I clicked the end button again, and immediately blocked her number so that further calls would not get through.

  “I do not want to talk badly about your ex,” Kira said softly.

  “Oh, do not be shy. Speak…”

  “I do not want to… but I will say something about the set. Remember? The Emerald Swallow.”

  “Emerald, right. So what?”

  “When it is a complete set, you can wear it at the hundredth level. The set is very specific, Ros. Enhances some special spells of the Green Witch class. It is also called the Accursed or the ZelVeda. Purely a female class. All spells and abilities of the class are aimed at disorienting, disarming. How does the Phantasmal Amputation spell available to this class work? I saw the battles of the Green Witches with other players. I saw how they operate. They have spells like “burst stomach,” “rotten tongue,” “glass fingers.” Do you understand?”

  “Uh-huh,” I nodded grimly. “Torture.”

  “Right. This is pure sadism. The class is very difficult - it cannot be played by anyone. You need cunning and skill. And to watch as players struggle to speak with a swollen black tongue - it is not a very funny thing. To impose silence upon another, I understand - but there are other ways to do that, more humane ones. More about the set - it is rare, very expensive, and not easy to buy on your own. We have such ones in our clan storage, I have held them in my hands a couple of times. So the Emerald Swallow, in addition to stats, enhances the magic of spells such as “heart abscess,” “glass knees,” “eye rot,” and “worms in the ribs.” How do you like that?”

  “Hmm…”

  “So do not worry about the vulgar girl from the video you showed me. A ZelVeda cannot be such an idiot. Only a cruel and cunning fox can use the curse to her advantage. Though… you, of course, think I am exaggerating, but I am not, though you must think I have reason to…”

  “Stop, stop! I understand - my ex-wife is a sadist who enjoys the suffering of others, and pretends to be a refined girl who loves books. Great, thank you. Lord! Whom did I live with through all those years under the same roof and slept in the same bed?”

  “Not necessary about the bed,” immediately puffed up Trouble. “Otherwise, you won’t blame me for enjoying the sight of your suffering…”

  “Let’s not talk about the past. Kira, do you think she will sell the info to anyone? Again?”

  “To all who will listen,” categorically declared Kira. “Are you still wondering about? She is vile chuckling creature and she will sell you out for sure!”

  “Oh stop it, why name-call?”

  “Who is name calling?”

  “You are calling her - but do not worry, I am not defending her, I am angry as hell too. But to call her vile chuckling… “

  “That was not me! Have you ever encountered one of the Green Witches?”

  “Do not know if they were green, but I have. They were doing something with some dolls and nails, one had smoke billowing from her…

  “Yes. Red and gray witches. Screaming and muttering. And the green ones - they giggle a little. If you are going to fight with a ZelVeda somewhere in a dark forest, a gloomy swamp, or an abandoned house, there is no hope for you. It is something else. The giggles do not come from the witch herself - that is, she does not give out her location, but on the contrary, misleads you. In short - It is a real horror film! Your eyes swell, your tongue falls out, someone giggles but there’s no one there, and suddenly there is a glass needle in your back, injecting poison into your body. And again, a thin laugh from a dark corner… Ros, this is full of darkness. Though many enjoy it - they feel like inquisitors looking for evil witches. Just like in movies. You can be the hero directed by the Great Council to find and execute the vile witch… a classic loved by many.”

  “Did you guys fight with them? With the witches?”

  “Crowds of them - many times. And one on one only once. I was stupid, a beginner, a naive paladin. I ran into such an aggr in the ruins of an old estate - about my level.”

  “And what happened?”

  “I lost. I was not upset at dying, but at how I had been killed. But, I myself am to blame - there will always be some shit like that waiting in the ruins. But still a shame. So I remembered the class - and made a vendetta. I found and slayed not only the offender, but also a dozen other colored witches.”

  “What an evil one you are! And they call you a paladin…”

  “All the evil into the fire! All the thieves on the scaffold!”

  “Vicious! Speaking of thieves... I will contact ours, get the details. Do we have the Valdira-messenger?”

  “Of course! Both on the laptop and computer. The icon with the Pelican. Click it.”

  “Clicking.”

  “Should I leave? Is it a secret affair?”

  “Nah. I commissioned a thief to clean up the dungeons underneath a ruined temple. In Tishka - you remember the town?”

  “Sure! But why?”

  “To resume work on restoration of the temple,” I said. I had hardly remembered myself. “Right… entering nickname. Shmigovik… damn, he’s not in the game.”

  “What’s the nick?”

  “Shmigovik.”

  “Ros, are you serious? Or are you pulling my leg?”

  “Why? Funny, eh? Aha, Shmigovik. What a name…”

  “Ros, that is my brother!”

  “I do not understand. He does not seem to be part of your clan.”

  “No! In real life! My real brother. You even saw him when you drove to see me.”

  My jaw dropped in shock as I stared at Kira, who stared at me.

  “Wait a minute,” I shook my head. “Shmigovik? Really? That nickname?”

  “Uh-huh. He lost a bet against me,” sighed Kira.

  “How?!”

  “A long story.”

  “Here, take it, it is already calling. He has the program on his phone, so you’ll reach him, even if he’s not in Valdira,” Kira shoved her laptop at me, and dial tones rang from the s
creen. On the fifth ring, a tired, hoarse voice answered:

  “Hello, who is this?”

  “It is me, your employer,” I blurted out. “Listen, you cleared the temple ruins, right? Cleared them well?”

  “Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! I do not understand. The hell? It cannot be! What the fuck?! Where did you…”

  “I did not understand!” - a severe and very formidable, familiar voice sounded from the distance. “What kind of expressions are those, Mikhail? And who is calling?! A friend? One of the decrepit ones?!”

  “No, a good man. I accidentally broke out.”

  “I ask you to convey my greetings and assurances of eternal respect to Lena the housekeeper,” I said hastily, wincing.

  “I do not understand… how do you know Mama Lena? Where are you from?! Have you followed me or what?”

  “No, no,” I assured him. “I did not follow you. It is just that if you give a player a task in Valdira the system immediately gives out his real name, address, info from the registry office, the housing and communal department, and even contacts from the police and the FBI.”

  “What?!”

  “Who knows me, Mikhael?”

  “Mike! It is me, Kira!” Interjected my “brighter” half. “Do not listen to him.”

  ”Kira?!”

  “She is with me,” I changed my voice to an ominous wheeze. “Did you clean the temple dungeons well, Mikhael Shmigovik? And did you find the One Ring of Omnipotence in the left corner?! Answer, or your sister pays…”

  “Do not listen to him! No one followed you. I told him about you,” Kira said, choking on laughter. “Rosgard is Rostislav, my boyfriend, the one that brought me that one time.”

  “Damn it! You scared the shit out of me! Did you want my death?! Rosgard! How could you?!”

  “How could I?! Easy! Mike, friend, I just recalled something from our last conversation - you were muttering something about setting the nuclear charge powering the tank of your pet shark on your sister’s boyfriend, who takes drugs and has a questionable sexual life!”

  “What was that?” Said Trouble, suddenly interested. “Home shark? Nuclear charge? The boyfriend - you obviously, right? What kind of scandals do you have in your sexual life and why does Mike know, and I do not? Mike! What is your relationship with my boyfriend?!”

  “Oh stop it! It was a joke! Ros, Rostislav, do not tell her!” Mike said, clearly embarrassed.

  “Kira? Ros?” Came the muffled voice of the housekeeper. “Give me the phone, Mikhael. And finish the pie before it gets cold.”

  “Pie,” swallowed Trouble. “Probably meat filling… Mike, you bastard!”

  “Give the phone to the home shark,” I agreed. “Give it to her! We will have something to talk about!”

  “Please, do not! Ros, do you want me to give you a huge ruby? The size of a fist! Or I can give you money!”

  “Mikhael, are you sure it is Rostislav calling? Or some extortionists? Give me the phone!”

  “No extortionists! We’re kidding, Mama Lena.”

  “Then let me say hello to the children of the sarcophagi…”

  “Not sarcophagi, game cocoons!” Kira muttered. “Mama Lena! Hello!”

  “Hello, honey. It is really you. Your voice is so tired! Like after a double shift. Again, spending day and night in the boxes?”

  “I am not tired. Is the house okay?”

  “Fine. Do not sidestep, Kira! Again, I ask, all day in the boxes? You call that modern romance, right? Lying in separate boxes in separate rooms. Oh, my grief. Okay, I am not going to chastise you tonight. I do not have long. Give the phone to your beloved.”

  “He is listening.”

  “Good evening,” said she, with the euphony and splendor any TV presenter would envy. “Listen up!”

  “Taking note, listening,” I said a little grumpily. “Everything alright?”

  “Yes, all is well.”

  “Ros, just do not say about the sharks!” Came a panicked voice from afar. Hm, shivering Shmig? Serves him right! Just a moment ago he was talking shit about his sister’s boyfriend. Too bad it was me!

  “What sharks?” Said Mama Lena with annoyance, obviously hating to be kept in the dark.

  “We were going to go to the aquarium,” I answered, struggling to keep from laughing, since I had hardly restrained myself from pronouncing the phrase “we were going to visit you.”

  “Hmm… take a walk, get fresh air. That’s good. Good idea. Get to know each other better. Go tomorrow! And then tell me about how it went.”

  Ah, damn it…

  “We would, gladly. But cannot for a few days,” I said cautiously, mincing my words. “I am working on closing an important deal that promises a good income, but my assets are not yet fully in line with the demanded quality. I have to roll up my sleeves.”

  There was silence on the other side, a slight sound of surprise. Kira did not hide her emotions - she looked at me with her mouth gaping, and then silently mouthed: “Who are you?”

  “Hm…” Finally, the great and terrible silence ended. “Well… Mikhael, take the phone, but do not bother them too much. And please kindly use words from the reasonable part of the Russian language, otherwise, I will use a rolling pin to knock them out of you.”

  “Ooh,” I said with Kira in chorus.

  “Hey, me again. Ros, well, you surprised me, I am not gonna lie. Overall, though - under the temple is not completely sterile, but it is safe. The workers could not be saved, they were dead before we got there. There was very little loot. But we did go through everything.”

  “Stellar,” I said. “Did you do your own thing?”

  “I did.”

  “Well, good. You will tell me later if you want.”

  “What thing?” Kira said, but I just shrugged in response. I do not know what Shmig was pursuing.

  “Is Doc okay?” I did not forget to find out.

  “Angry, lost seven levels, gained six, but made some progress with some spells. Oh! And thanks for reminding me. Ros, listen - do not ask him about the white rabbit, do not say something stupid like “how is the white rabbit doing” or anything. Okay?”

  “Okay… why? What will happen?”

  “He will become a furious doctor with a nervous tic and a face twisted from anger. I am serious! Ros, do not even think about it!”

  “I understand…”

  “Okay, I am going. To finish the pie and then sleep! See you here or there!”

  “Same to you! See you.”

  “Sis! Sleep well, glutton! As soon as I open the fridge, I remember - Kira has moved! Because all the sausages are intact, and the smoked fish. Thank you, Ros! Living has become more satisfying.”

  “What are you talking about, Mikhail?” Mama Lena was indignant.

  “Asshole! I will kill you!” Kira hissed. “I will kill you in both worlds!”

  Click.

  Communication was interrupted.

  Trouble tried to get hold of the laptop and dial the number again but I did not allow it. I was bitten three times and scratched twice, but the computer remained with me.

  “Since today is the day of verbal conflicts, we should call another one,” I muttered, dodging a blow from a pillow.

  “Who?”

  “The sacrificed envious suspicious often beaten Vlas…”

  “Ah! Got it. Should I leave?”

  “No. But sit quietly. All you hear is between us. And if he wants a private conversation, then go into the bedroom and make the bed in an early Kenyan style and wait for the appearance of the lord!”

  “Mama Lena is not coming to visit today!”

  “He he…”

  “And what do you mean early Kenyan?”

  “You’re the mistress - you decide. Alright, I am calling.”

  I had already managed to punch in Vlas’ number into the program and punch the green button. The phone rang diligently for a minute, but there was no response. Bummer. If he was not answering, then he was not in the game. Soon, the
messenger joyfully reported the “green” status of the subscriber. I immediately sent a short message, and then waited. While we were waiting, Kira took the computer and googled something. I could guess what she was looking for, but I did not intervene.

  Soon, a message popped up on the screen of the laptop.

  “Hello?”

  “Ros, hey! Where are you?!”

  “In real life,” I chuckled. “Well, how are you?! Alive and well?”

  “I am fine. Listen, brother, can you come to the game for a while? Not long, about forty minutes. I will borrow you for an hour at most. In any great city.”

  “You surprised me,” I confessed, thinking how an old friend would indeed try to pull be out to the country with a sauna and girls.

  “I try,” snorted Vlas. “By the way, the Banker inquired about your health. And was a little mad that he stretched his hand out to you, and you just went for the paladin… if you’re completely tired, I will explain - I am talking about Kira.”

  “I went for the paladin,” I said, peering at the thoughtfully listening Trouble. “Snatched her from the friendly ranks of the Albatrosses.”

  “Right. He really is a bit offended. But Kira is still one out of a whole flock of white birds, so everything is in order. By the way, what will you say, if he asks you again? I want to know for the sake of sport.”

  “What do you think?” I answered lightly. “We have a relationship here. I do not know where it will end up, but one thing is certain: our relations are more important than clan assignments. Is that what you wanted to ask me? About what I think of Kira, the Albatrosses and Gosha?”

  “No. I was just filling out the empty space in conversation while you thought about the invite.”

  “It won’t work out,” I confessed. “Not right now. I just got out of the coffin. I need to have a bit of rest.”

  “I see.”