Single Dad Needs Nanny

by Teresa Carpenter

  ‘Jodhpur boots,’ Alice supplied. ‘They are quite practical for being outside on a farm.’

  ‘We won’t find them in a shoe shop. Maybe another time, Em. We need to get stuff that’s useful for school.’

  ‘I want to wear boots to school.’

  ‘No,’ Andrew said firmly. ‘Shoes for school. Boots for home.’

  ‘So I can get some boots, then?’

  Andrew looked helplessly at Alice but she just grinned. ‘There’s a saddlery shop not that far away. They do boots.’

  They did more than boots. Emmy found a rack of child-sized jodhpurs and she turned a look of such pleading towards her father that he shook his head in defeat.

  ‘Why not? You do sit on Ben quite a lot these days.’

  The salesgirl was happy to help find sizes to fit. She found a pair of jodhpurs with suede inserts on the back and insides of the legs.

  ‘Sticky bums,’ she told Emmy. ‘They help you stay in the saddle.’

  She held the toggle on the back of the boots as Emmy excitedly stuffed her feet into a shiny brown pair.

  ‘What’s your pony’s name?’ she asked.

  ‘I haven’t got a pony,’ Emmy said sadly. ‘I sit on Ben but he’s too big for me to ride.’

  The girl looked up at Andrew. ‘If you’re interested,’ she said, ‘I happen to know a small pony that would be perfect for a beginner that’s looking for a new home.’

  ‘No, thank you,’ Andrew said.

  ‘Oh, yes, please!’ Emmy said at exactly the same moment.

  The salesgirl grinned at Alice. ‘The advertisement is on the counter. Maybe Mum gets the casting vote.’

  The odd stillness that seemed to freeze time was enough to make the salesgirl blush as she realised she’d said something awkward.

  Andrew couldn’t say anything. He didn’t dare look at Alice. But Emmy, bless her, wasn’t in the least perturbed.

  ‘I haven’t got a mum,’ she said. ‘She’s dead.’

  ‘Oh…’ The salesgirl didn’t know where to look. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  Andrew held his breath. It was the kind of sympathetic response everybody offered and, initially, it had been easy to respond to. He’d been grieving as deeply as any widower. Mourning the fact that any possibility of a meaningful marriage was gone. Sad beyond measure that his daughter would grow up motherless.

  But he’d been living with that grief ever since Emmy had been born.

  Did Alice think it odd that he never mentioned his wife? Or that there were no photographs on display? Did Emmy ever say anything when he wasn’t around? Probably not. She’d been only three years old when Melissa had died and she’d only seen her mother before that during the periods that her mother hadn’t been resident in rehab clinics. That her mother was dead was a fact she was happy to relate to anyone, as she had just done to the poor salesgirl.

  The bond she should have had with her mother had been Andrew’s privilege to receive. Past nannies had been loved but hadn’t intruded into that bond.

  Until now.

  Somehow, Alice had crept in and Andrew had no idea what, if anything, he could or should do about it.

  Just like he had no idea how to rescue this salesgirl from her obvious, acute embarrassment.

  But Emmy had that in hand as well.

  ‘It’s all right,’ she told the girl kindly. ‘I’ve got

  Alice now.’

  The embarrassment over her mistaken identity was still there thirty minutes or more later when Andrew steered them all into a fast food restaurant for lunch.

  Had it been an attempt to gloss over the incident that had made him agree to all Emmy’s desired purchases in the saddlery? Even to the point of taking a copy of the advertisement for the pony and saying he would think about it?

  At least it gave them something to talk about over their hamburgers and fries.

  ‘His name is Paddington Bear,’ Alice said in answer to Emmy’s query.

  ‘Very English,’ Andrew noted. ‘In fact, he looks remarkably like a Thelwell pony.’

  He did. Paddington was a tiny Shetland with long shaggy hair and a very round belly. According to the information on the advertisement, he also had an unblemished record of being a beloved children’s pony for the last eighteen years.

  ‘Isn’t that extremely old?’ Andrew asked.

  ‘Not really. I’ve known ponies who are still full of go when they’re thirty.’ Alice smiled at the photograph. ‘He’s certainly cute and if he’s as quiet as this says, he really could be a perfect first pony.’

  Andrew shook his head. ‘I don’t know anything about keeping ponies.’

  ‘But I do,’ Alice said softly.

  Emmy was apparently entirely focused on dipping fries into the little sachet of tomato sauce and eating them very, very slowly, like a rabbit nibbling on carrots. Maybe she was hoping that if she kept very quiet and wished very hard the adults involved would make a decision in her favour.

  She didn’t see the way those adults were looking at each other right now.

  ‘What happens,’ Andrew asked slowly, holding Alice’s gaze, ‘when you go somewhere else?’

  Alice had to put down her food. Her appetite vanished as her heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t look away from Andrew. What was she seeing in that intense gaze? Some kind of plea? An invitation to reveal what was becoming impossible to hide? She had no control over the silent assurance she knew her gaze was sending.

  You can trust me. Always.

  ‘Why would I want to go somewhere else?’ was what she tried to say aloud. It came out in little more than a whisper.

  Andrew made no audible response to that but something changed.

  Something huge.

  It felt as though time had frozen again. As though the earth had just tilted on its axis. And then she saw a flicker of warmth in Andrew’s eyes that had the effect of generating an astonishing heat. Thank goodness she was sitting down, Alice thought hazily, because she was melting here. She couldn’t even feel her legs. Couldn’t feel anything below the level of that heat low down in her abdomen.

  The silence hung there long enough for Emmy’s head to jerk up to reveal a small, anxious face.

  Alice could feel the drag as Andrew transferred his gaze to his daughter.

  ‘You had enough to eat, pumpkin? Shall I ring the number on that advertisement and see if Paddington Bear is home for visitors?’

  The squeal of excitement from Emmy made heads turn all over the crowded restaurant. This time, Alice and Andrew could exchange a glance and share the embarrassment. Dilute it with understanding and amusement.

  The way doting parents could.

  And it felt…right.

  Alice drew in a very deep breath as she emptied their trays of rubbish into the bin near the door. She let it out in a long, almost relieved sigh.

  They’d stepped onto a new road. No. An old road for her. One that she’d been stranded on for a very long time. The difference was that Andrew had joined her. And maybe this time it would lead somewhere. It didn’t matter how long it took to take the next steps because stepping onto that road at all was the hardest one to take. You couldn’t go backwards and it was only a matter of time before forward movement was inevitable.

  And it didn’t matter how long that was going to take because Alice had been waiting for years. She was more than happy to keep waiting for as long as it took Andrew to catch up. She fully expected that to takes weeks, if not months.

  No way was she prepared for it to take only a matter of hours.

  She didn’t want to go somewhere else.

  She wanted to be here.

  With him.

  For ever?

  Despite every argument his mind wanted to produce for the rest of that amazing day, Andrew couldn’t get past the notion that he could trust Alice.

  He wanted to, dammit! He wanted to trust her, heart and soul. Enough to be able to give and thereby receive the kind of love that could last for ever. He’d give
n away even the possibility of finding that for himself. Until he’d seen something in Alice’s gaze back there in the fast food outlet. Something that had touched him in a place he’d believed didn’t exist any more.

  He knew, on a rational level, that not all women were like Melissa. Self-centred and deceitful and incapable of taking the feelings of others into consideration. And he knew Alice wasn’t anything like that.

  But he also knew the agony that believing in someone and being proved wrong time and again could cause. He could deal with it himself if he had to, but he couldn’t deal with having to try and explain it to his innocent child. Were they already past the point that she could be protected, though? Emmy trusted Alice completely. Loved her.

  Andrew could see it in the way his little girl hung onto Alice’s hand and looked to her for reassurance when she was sitting on top of one small, fat pony, being led around for a trial ride. He saw the look of pure joy they shared when the trial was deemed complete.

  For a moment Andrew felt a pang of…not jealousy exactly. A sadness, almost, in acknowledging that Emmy would find people in this world that could share a bond he couldn’t share. Others could give her things she needed that he couldn’t provide. Was this a part of parenting? A gradual letting go, a tiny piece at a time? Giving Emmy freedom to explore the world and what others had to offer?

  And then Alice bent to whisper something in Emmy’s ear and she looked up and smiled as Emmy launched herself to hug her father and suddenly he was included in that joy. A part of a totally new adventure. He hugged Emmy but looked over her shoulder at Alice, aware of something warm and tight in his chest as he tried to thank her with a look.

  Something elemental was changing today and it was so much to try and get his head around that Andrew was feeling a little dazed. The easiest course of action was to go with the flow, especially when the current was this strong.

  All he had to do was produce his chequebook. Do a lot of driving to go home and collect the horse float and then back to collect the new addition to the family, along with enough accessories to fill the back of Alice’s truck. Paddington Bear came with everything he could possibly need. A saddle and bridle and warm coats. Brushes and lead ropes and feed buckets.

  Emmy was glowing with excitement.

  ‘Look, Daddy! Ben loves him. They’re best friends already.’

  It looked ridiculous, the giant black horse and the small hairy pony, but, amazingly, they were grazing nose to nose and looking as though they’d known each other for ever.

  Andrew had a mental image of Alice on her horse holding the reins with just one hand. With one of those lead ropes in her other hand attached to a miniature version alongside. His stomach did a slow curl. Could he trust Alice to keep Emmy safe?

  He had no choice. He could hardly buy a pony for his daughter and then refuse to allow her to learn to ride.

  Could he trust Alice further than that?

  The real test came later that evening when Emmy, exhausted by the most exciting day of her life, was soundly asleep.

  Alice was insisting on being allowed to help clear up after the dinner they’d shared. She had a tea towel in her hands but Andrew grabbed the other end of the cloth.

  ‘I’ll do the dishes,’ he said. ‘You did most of the cooking.’

  ‘It’ll only take a minute.’ Alice was smiling as she gave a tug.

  Andrew tugged back. Harder. Hard enough to pull Alice closer.

  So close, she was right there in front of him, looking up, and suddenly the laughter in her face faded. For a long, long moment they stood in absolute stillness and Andrew found himself sinking. He let his eyes make a slow map of her face. The wispy curls of new hair at her temples. The pale skin and delightful dusting of freckles. Those glorious hazel eyes with their golden flecks. A pretty snub nose that he had an urge to kiss the tip of. And then, at last, her lips. So soft-looking. Parted slightly to look…expectant.

  Andrew forgot about kissing the tip of her nose. He bent his head so he could touch her lips with his own.

  The softness…the sweetness…The electrifying bolt of desire was startling enough to make Andrew jerk back. He saw the same wonder in Alice’s eyes but she didn’t move. Didn’t try and withdraw from him.

  He could feel her breath on his face and see the beat of a rapid pulse in her neck. And then the tip of her tongue appeared to touch her lips where his lips had just been and the magnetic pull back was irresistible.

  This time he was ready for that shaft of sensation that went through every cell in his body. He could keep control. To explore every delicious part of Alice’s lips and mouth. To experiment with different amounts of pressure and let his tongue dance with hers.

  He could slide his fingers into her hair and taste that silky skin on the side of her neck. Let his hands drift lower and discover the curve of her breast. He heard her gasp at the same moment he found the hardness of her nipples beneath the soft wool of her jersey.

  And then he had to stop and pull back. While he still had some semblance of control. He was breathing hard and so was Alice. They were back to where they’d started. Standing there, staring at each other. But so much had changed.

  ‘I don’t want to stop,’ Andrew confessed.

  ‘Neither do I,’ Alice whispered.

  ‘I…um…haven’t got a condom to my name.’

  ‘Neither do I.’ Alice licked her lips again and Andrew stifled a low groan of need. ‘I…um…I am on the pill.’

  ‘Oh?’ Why? Was there—or had there recently been—someone else? Okay, this was jealousy. White-hot.

  Alice sensed the unspoken demand and gave her head a tiny shake.

  ‘It’s not that…’ She caught her breath. ‘I haven’t been in any kind of relationship for a very long time.’

  ‘Neither have I. More than five years, in fact.’ Not since Emmy was conceived, just about. How embarrassing was that? ‘Beat that,’ he said with a wry smile.

  ‘I just about could.’ Alice closed her eyes for a heartbeat. Was she also embarrassed admitting to a lack of any love-life?

  Andrew swallowed. ‘I’ve never had an STD.’

  ‘Me neither.’ Alice opened her eyes again and he could see that she understood what he was suggesting.

  He could also see that she thought he was crazy. He was crazy. Except…he’d told her he trusted her but he hadn’t when it really mattered, had he? He hadn’t stood up for her in the face of those allegations about the drugs and she’d ended up losing everything. Her job. Her home. Probably most of her friends.

  Going this far in the trust stakes now was like…an apology. A way of putting things right.

  Maybe something of what he was thinking was being communicated to Alice because she blinked slowly and when he could see her eyes again he could see that the shock of suggestion was wearing off.

  ‘We did all have to get tested for HIV after that patient bled everywhere in Emergency.’

  ‘I was clear.’

  ‘Me, too.’

  So there it was. A desire that seemed equally intense on both sides. A clean bill of health and protection against pregnancy, if what Alice told him was the truth.

  It was a question of trust. A huge amount of trust, but Andrew found he didn’t need to even think about it any longer. He had an obligation to carry this through.

  ‘I trust you, Alice,’ he said slowly. ‘Do you trust me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  He touched her face, softly trailing a finger from her brow, around her eye, across her cheekbone and finally to brush it across her lips.

  ‘I want you, Alice Palmer.’

  She didn’t have to say anything. Her answer was in her eyes. In the way she mirrored his action and reached up to touch his face. In the way she released her breath in a sigh that held just the edge of a whimper of desire.

  Andrew dropped his hand. He laced his fingers through hers and when he moved, she was right beside him. All the way up the stairs.

  Into his bed
room.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘SO…YOU and Andy Barrett.’

  ‘Mmm.’

  Jo eyed her friend with a mixture of respect and envy. ‘Lucky you!’

  ‘Mmm.’

  ‘How long has it been going on for?’ Jo was setting out the last plastic tray of the sushi she had brought in to share for lunch.

  ‘Oh…a few weeks.’

  ‘And you never said anything!’

  ‘No.’ Alice stirred some wasabi into the little pot of soy sauce and then dribbled it over a roll that had a delicious-looking mixture of chicken and avocado. ‘I was…it was…’

  Too precious to share. Too unbelievably good to be true. Alice had spent the last weeks expecting to wake up and find she was dreaming it all.

  Jo was smiling as if she understood. For a moment, the two women ate in silence in the otherwise deserted staff room and then Jo glanced up.

  ‘He’s got a little girl, hasn’t he?’

  ‘Yes, Emmy. She’s five.’

  ‘And that’s okay?’

  ‘Better than okay. She’s gorgeous.’ Alice reached for another roll. ‘These are great.’

  ‘Leftovers from dinner last night. My flatmate was celebrating and went a bit overboard on the ordering.’

  Alice swallowed her mouthful. ‘Emmy’s got a pony now. I’m teaching her to ride. She’s such a gutsy little kid, she wants to get rid of the lead rein and be galloping over the hills already.’

  ‘Sounds like a match made in heaven.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Alice couldn’t help the smile that just kept growing.

  It would have been enough that she and Andrew were now lovers and that the private times they had together were far more wonderful than any fantasy she had conjured up in the past. What made it breathtaking and had stolen her heart completely had been the way Andrew had trusted her.

  She’d told him she was on the pill and protected from the risk of pregnancy and he had trusted her. Even when Melissa had probably told him the same thing when she had been deliberately trying to trap him into marriage. With that kind of history he would have been insane to trust her to that degree.