Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  Just as he finished speaking those words, someone ran over to him and spoke with him urgently. The man sighed with relief. I turned around when I heard rushed footsteps. Bolting into the back stage was Lakon and the others.

  “Sorry we’re late.” Lakon gasped for breath. “We ran into a situation that we hoped to have had fixed before we got here.”

  “What type of situation?” Ryoko asked.

  “Alyra lost her voice this morning,” he said.

  “No, don’t tell me that.” They guy with the clipboard held it up to Lakon. “You’re on in ten minutes and she’s needed for half these songs.”

  Lakon moved his hands in a motion to get the guy to calm down. “Don’t worry. Eyri is going to take her place for those songs. She double-checked this morning to make sure she knew them all.”

  “Yeah but, dad, I still don’t know the new song,” Eyri said.

  Lakon sighed. “I know. I’ll just have to do it as a solo.”

  Ryoko frowned. “Aw man, that sucks. You guys were really hoping to do a duet for its big release too.”

  Lakon nodded. “Yeah, but it can’t be helped.”

  “Maybe it can be.” Ryder looked at me. “Eira, you know the song since you wrote it, and you can sing. You could help them out.”

  I grunted. “Yeah, funny, real funny.”

  “That wouldn’t be a good idea,” Ryoko voiced. “Eira doesn’t do well in front of crowds and cameras. And we don’t want any of your rabid fans showing up at our house.”

  Lakon’s eyes lit up. “We’re not broadcasting this concert. We want to create a bunch of hype with the people here at the concert to start off our new tour so we banned all communicators and other forms of tech that allow photography and filming.”

  Ryoko shook her head. “That won’t stop people from seeing her identity. We can’t do that, Lakon.”

  “Get her a wig,” Blaze suggested. “Not that hard to find one.”

  “The band goes on in five minutes,” the man with the clipboard replied. “No way we can get her one in time.”

  “The soldiers are the only ones who know her,” Ryder pointed out. “If we use a stage name and I tell the others to keep their mouths shut, we could pull it off.”

  Ryoko shook her head. “It’s still not a good idea.”

  I looked between everyone as they planned. Ryoko was the only one who was trying to help me. “I love how everyone is making a plan for me without my consent.”

  Lakon’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean I’m not doing it,” I said. “There’s no negotiating that. You can sing this on your own.”

  “Eira, please help us out,” he begged. “It’d mean a lot to us. We’ll compensate you if you want.”

  “I don’t want compensation, because I’m not doing it.” I turned on my heels and found a bench to sit down on, far way from everyone else.

  I couldn’t believe they’d actually try to run with that idea. They all knew how I felt about singing in front of others. The nerve of them…

  Ryder sat down next to me. “Hey, I think we need to talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” I stated.

  “Yes there is,” he insisted. “You didn’t even give this any consideration before shooting them down. This is really important to them, and you’re always being loyal to your friends, so what’s stopping you this time?”

  “Singing is a personal thing for me, Ryder. I don’t sing in front anyone.”

  “You sang for me when I was a kid,” he objected.

  “That was different.”

  He sighed. “But it’ll really help Lakon and the others out, and we can do a few things so people who don’t know you won’t be able to stalk you if they like you enough.”

  “Doesn’t change how I feel about the matter, Ryder.”

  He sighed and then stood up. “All right, fine. I can’t make you do something you don’t want to do.”

  He left me alone, but I didn’t stay alone for long. Raikidan sat down next to me and I tried to ignore him.

  He kept his voice low. “It’d mean a lot to him if you did it.”

  “I don’t care if it means a lot to Lakon,” I said.

  “No, not Lakon. Ryder. I watched how excited he looked at the thought of hearing you sing.”

  I looked down at the ground. I knew where this was going. “As I told Ryder, and you before, singing is a personal thing for me, Raikidan.”

  “I understand that. I think you should be more open with your ability to sing, but I understand your want for privacy with it. But even if you can’t do this out of loyalty for your friends, could you do it for your son?”

  He would play this card. Everyone knew I’d do just about anything to make Ryder happy.

  “No one will say anything when it’s over.” He chuckled. “And if you obtain any rabid fans I’ll get rid of them. Or get you away from them. Whatever works out better.”

  I stayed quiet to think about this.

  Raikidan held out a few rolled up sheets of paper I assumed were the music sheets. “The others are making sure the concert goers didn’t sneak in any technology that could film or take pictures and I even came up with a cover… stage… whatever it’s called, name for you use.”

  I looked at the sheets of paper and then him. “You came up with my stage name?”

  He smiled. “Yeah, I think you’ll like it.”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s a surprise. But I know you’ll like it.”

  I sighed and he laughed.

  We were quiet for a minute before I took the sheets of music from Raikidan. “Fine, I’ll do it. But I’m not going to pretend I’m happy about it, or that I wasn’t bullied into this decision.”

  Raikidan patted my leg and stood up. “See it how you want. Just know the happiest person here will be Ryder.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I muttered as I stood up and started climbing a nearby scaffolding to get a good view of Lakon’s band performance before my unfortunate stage entrance.

  I listened in when Raikidan went to tell the others of my decision. “She’ll do it.”

  “Really?” Ryoko said. “You sure? Cause I’m pretty sure she would have said no.”

  “She just needed the right motivation,” Raikidan said.

  Eyri snorted. “What, us needing help wasn’t enough motivation? My dad has had her back multiple times, so you’d think she’d show some—”

  “Eyri, stop,” Lakon ordered. “Don’t you dare start challenging Eira’s loyalty. If any of us were in trouble, she’d be the first to come save us, no matter the odds. But this isn’t one of those situations. This is about my own pride, and I let it get the better of me. I knew she didn’t like to sing in front of others, but I had it stuck in my mind to have this song sung the way I wanted it, so I didn’t stop to think about that. Eira had every right to say no, and has every right to find some other type of motivation to help us. I’m just grateful she is.”

  Eyri sighed. “All right, all right, sorry.”

  I tuned them out and watched as the opening act finished and the stage crew went to work getting everything set up for Lakon’s band. Once the crew was done, Lakon and the others entered the stage. The crowd went wild as Lakon spoke to them.

  With the energy he was able to give this crowd, you could tell he was going to enjoy this concert. Especially when they showed a positive reaction when he apologized for Alyra’s inability to sing today, and told them about his little surprise I was dreading to make up for it.

  The energy of the crowd was high. Lakon and the others really knew how to give them what they wanted. I was happy for them. They were able to get forged identification cards so they could do this. Though, that happiness wasn’t as hig
h as it should have been, thanks to the dreadful feeling I was getting about what was going to happen later.

  Raikidan had climbed up here with me at some point and occasionally would watch me while I studied the song I was going to sing. Lakon and the others had marked it up so I could see where they had made the duet work, and they had even changed up some of the instrumentals. Raikidan had also told me Lakon had requested I play the guitar while I sang, and I hadn’t found a reason not to, so I was sure to study the instrumentals as well as the lyrics. Ryder joined us a little later and acted completely casual about it.

  He was good at pretending to only know me as a friend. He hadn’t slipped up, even a little, while we chatted occasionally during the breaks in songs. The music was loud, making conversation pretty much impossible, so whenever the band took a quick break, that was when we spoke, and that opportunity was coming up after the current song they were playing.

  “Hey, Eira, thanks for being a good friend to me,” Ryder said once the music ended.

  I blinked. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  He shrugged. “Well, to be honest, I don’t have many friends. I’m not like the others.”

  “Because you make things?”

  Ryder nodded. “Soldiers are meant to fight and protect. I can’t do some of the most basic fighting maneuvers. Everything I do is geared around my building skills. My building skills got me my tactician position. It gave me the brain power to think the way I do.”

  “So what’s the big deal?” I asked. Ryder looked at me quizzically. “So you don’t like to do what everyone else does. Who cares? It just makes you unique.”

  Ryder chuckled. “Eira, don’t take this the wrong way, but you remind me a lot of my mom.” I tilted my head. “She always knew what to say to make me feel better or smile. She was there for me whenever she could, and I rarely ever saw her without a smile, even though everyone else said they couldn’t see it. It was like a special smile only I could see.” Tightness gripped my heart. “Your smile reminds me of hers. It’s light and warm, like the burdens of the world are all just lifted for a moment.”

  Ryder unzipped his vest and pulled out a small photograph. I looked at it when he handed it to me. It was of the two of us. I was in my assassin uniform, kneeling down with him as he stood there with a huge smile.

  “She was an assassin. The only assassin that I knew who could do her job flawlessly and still command a company of foot soldiers like there was nothing to it. She wasn’t like the other assassins, though. She didn’t enjoy killing. She just did it because that was her job. I think that’s where I got my biggest trait from.”

  I remembered that day. My men and I had been assigned to go off to a battle that wasn’t important enough to remember now. Ryder was so insistent that I didn’t leave him, but I had to remind him of my job.

  Jasmine took this picture for us. It was a promise that I’d come back, and it gave him something to look at while I was gone, since I didn’t know how long I’d be away. I ended up being away for four months.

  “What happened to her?” I asked as I handed the photograph back.

  Ryder shook his head. “She just disappeared one day. Some think she became a traitor, and others believe she died somewhere on some secret assignment.”

  “But you don’t believe either.”

  Ryder shook his head. “She always did what she thought was right and never believed blindly. She wasn’t a traitor.”

  “But she’s also not dead.”

  “I can’t explain it. It’s just a feeling that tells me she’s out there.”

  “That’s the bond of a mother and child. You know they’re there. Even if it doesn’t make sense, you just know she’s alive.” I looked down at my hands. “Or not…”

  I could feel both Raikidan’s and Ryder’s gazes on me. I wished they’d stop looking at me. I didn’t want to be the center of their attention. Not when I was like this. Especially when I was like this.

  I sighed when Lakon spoke to the crowd about his big surprise. I knew it was coming, but I still didn’t want it to.

  “You’ll do fine, Eira,” Ryder encouraged.

  “Doubt it,” I muttered before climbing down from my perch. There was no point in stalling. It would only make everything worse.

  Two crewmembers helped set me up. I sighed when I was good to go and just waiting on Lakon. I prayed I didn’t mess up—that I could go through with this.

  I took a deep, slow breath when Lakon introduced me as Xephrya. Xephrya. It was the name Raikidan had chosen as my stage name. He was right, I liked it.

  Lakon also told the crowd I was an old family friend, and called me out. This was it. Taking a step forward, my instincts screamed at me to turn back. But once the lights of the stage hit me, there was no going back.

  “Xephrya, why don’t you say hi to everyone?” Lakon teased. I half smiled, and just plugged in my guitar. Lakon laughed. “Xephrya is one of few words, but she’s happy to be here for us. Right, Xephrya?” I strummed my guitar in response and Lakon chuckled. “And eager, so without any further delay, here’s our new song that Xephrya was kind enough to help compose for us, and now fill in for Alyra last minute.”

  Alyra started up the song with the keyboard intro and then Eyri joined in on the drums. When it was time, the rest of us joined in. Lakon moved closer to his microphone and the lyrics flowed out of his mouth flawlessly.

  My nerves had been screaming at me to leave, but with each stroke of my guitar and each beat of Eyri’s drums, those screams slowly dissipated. The crowd disappeared. The thought of being seen for what I was about to do stopped crossing my mind. This song I’d written, my song, was too close to my dead heart to not be consumed by it. It controlled me, and the words flowed with meaning from my lips when it was time.

  Lakon joined in with on the chorus, and then took over the singing when the next verse came. I happily let him take it over and played my guitar powerfully, aware that I wasn’t done. Lakon did most of the singing, but there were parts I was still supposed to join in on.

  Lakon stopped singing and I went into my guitar solo. When it was time for me to fade out and allow Lakon’s quiet strumming to be heard, I let it come, and Lakon sang a few words before I took over. I put more emotion into this one phrase then I even had thought possible for me to feel. It was hard for me to tell others about myself. It was hard for me to get them to understand with words. But when I wrote a song that had meaning, it wasn’t hard anymore. Just like it wasn’t hard for me to carve it permanently into wood or metal.

  But no one ever realized this. No one saw it past the surface. They didn’t look deep enough to understand.

  Lakon sang the last words, and I faded out the song with a few strums of my guitar. I let out a slow breath and the sound of loud cheering brought me back to reality. I squinted a little when I came back. The lights were brighter than I remembered.

  Lakon wrapped an arm around my shoulders and ate up the praise of the crowd. I felt weird again, and the need to get away from the hundreds of eyes gazing at us took hold. Lakon spoke to the crowd before quickly ushering me and the others off the stage. I assumed he would stop forcing me to move when we were out of sight, but his pace only quickened.

  “What gives, Lakon?” I demanded.

  “We need to get out of here ASAP,” Lakon murmured. “I think you’ve acquired a few more rabid fans than we first anticipated.”

  “I what?” I shrieked.

  Lakon scratched his head. “Sorry, Eira. I didn’t think they’d react this well.”

  “Fix it!” I demanded.

  “I am.” Lakon looked around as if he were looking for the best exit. “It won’t last long anyway. Once our tour gets underway and they notice you were a onetime deal, they’ll forget about you. That’s how it goes in this business.”

  I went
to say something, but a strong hand grabbed mine and pull me away while Lakon and the others weren’t looking.

  “Follow me,” Raikidan urged as he pulled me in another direction. I nodded and stayed quiet. He was up to something, and my curiosity was getting the better of me.

  I nearly laughed when I hear Lakon speak in the distance. “Ok, Eira—Eira?”

  “Raikidan, where are we going?” I whispered as he pulled me away from the back stage.

  “I’m going to get you out of here. Your friends are being too slow. You’ll get caught up in the mass that’s forming.”

  “Mass? What mass?”

  “The mass we have to pass in order to get out of here the fastest.”

  I gulped. I didn’t like this idea anymore. But I didn’t have time to protest. Raikidan pulled me out into the open, down a path with a small gate and soldiers acting as security guards. People were shouting and screaming and trying to get over the small fence and past the guards. Raikidan broke into a run and I gladly followed. As I followed, a smile spread across my face and adrenaline rushed through me.

  Then the feeling faded when a distinct voice called out from the crowd. “Eira!” It can’t be. “Eira, wait.”

  I groaned. It was.

  “Eira,” Zo called again. “Get out of my way. Eira!”

  I should have known he was here. Ryder had been here, after all, and Zo was his commanding officer. I just hated how I could pick out his dumb voice out of hundreds. Or maybe that meant he was close. Too close. I picked up my pace and resisted the urge to locate him.

  Raikidan took a sharp corner, squeezed though a break in the path, and led me into a back alley. He then led me to a main road and then into another back alley with a dead end. My breath came heavy once I was allowed to catch it again. I held my breath when we heard heavy footsteps coming from the street we had just come from. Raikidan moved closer to me and we both watched as squad of soldiers ran past our hiding spot, black-armor suited and shaven-headed Zo leading them.