Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  “I don’t believe in love,” I stated.

  “Oh, you don’t?” She, like many others, didn’t sound as if she believed me.

  “No.”

  “But you used to.”

  “Yeah, when I was young and stupid. Then I learned.”

  “One bad experience doesn’t mean they’ll all be that way.”

  I stared at my sandwich and frowned. “I never said it was just one…”

  Ryoko poked her head into the kitchen. “Hey, Ray is looking for tools. The guys weren’t exactly smart enough to go home and pick some up.”

  Matron Lyra looked at me briefly before looking at Ryoko. “I don’t have many, but they’re locked away in a utility closet so the children don’t get into them. I’ll fetch them.”

  When she left, Ryoko looked at me. “You okay?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I just thought you might have been on your way back to a time that you wouldn’t want to be in,” she said.

  I shrugged again. “I’m good.”

  “Okay.”

  She left, and I went back to eating until Raikidan poked his head in. “Can you give me a hand? Rylan is paying attention to the kids now and I want to make sure I get a little help when replacing these windows.”

  I nodded. “Sure. Just let me finish my food.”

  He nodded and ducked back out. I ate my lunch a bit quicker, and then headed into the living room. Matron Lyra was setting out tools for us, while Raikidan worked on prying off the wooden boards covering one of the broken windows. I looked over the new windows the boys had purchased, and then went about helping Raikidan with the boards and plastic that had been covering the other windows.

  The children became curious about the work we were doing, but Ryoko and Rylan managed to keep them away so they wouldn’t get hurt. Raid, on the other hand, insisted on getting under my feet every now and then, and I had to shoo him away until Ryoko managed to get him under control. Of course with her giving him attention, he attempted to keep her concentration on him and not on Rylan, even if she just wanted to ask a simple question or request.

  Matron Lyra laughed. “I’d watch that dog if I were you, Rylan. Contrary to popular belief, a dog is a woman’s best friend, not diamonds. He’ll steal your girlfriend from right under your nose if you’re not careful.”

  Rylan’s face reddened, as did Ryoko’s. “She’s not my girlfriend, Ma’am.”

  Matron Lyra stared at the two, dumbfounded. “You sure about that? You two act awfully close. Don’t lie to me now. No shame in it.”

  Ryoko did her best to calm Raid down as he started jumping around. “No, really, we’re just friends.”

  “Well, it seems I’m getting all these friendly pairings mixed up today.” She shook her head. “Shame. How I pictured things in my mind, it all worked out so well.”

  I noticed the slight upturn of her lips and a nearly hidden twinkle in her eye. She wasn’t convinced in the least, but she played her disappointed part well, I gave her that.

  By the time we had the windows done, Rylan had jumped in to help, and many of the children had fallen asleep on the couch or floor while attempting to fight their naps. I wiped away a few beads of sweat that had formed on my brow, and then looked over our work. It was already looking better in here, and we had only done the living room and dining room. I would have liked to do more, but it was starting to get late.

  “I think that’ll do it for today,” I told Matron Lyra when I handed her the tool box.

  She smiled her thanks. “I really appreciate what you’ve all done today. I can sleep a bit sounder knowing this place is a little bit safer for the children.”

  I looked down when a small hand tugged on my pant leg. I smiled at Myra as she looked up at me with sleepy eyes. “What is it, Myra?”

  “You come back,” she said.

  I knelt down and smiled at her. “Of course we’ll be back. And I’ll make sure I bring Raid too.”

  She smiled and gave me a quick hug before latching onto Raid. I smiled as Raid wagged his tail.

  “She’s taken quite a liking to you,” Matron Lyra said as I stood up.

  “I think she likes Raid more.”

  Matron Lyra giggled. “This is true. I won’t be surprised if one of these days you visit and he won’t be coming home with you.”

  I laughed with her and then said my goodbyes to the children who were still awake. Ryoko and Rylan did the same, but Raikidan kept his distance, as I had expected. He really hadn’t shown much interest in the children. I wanted to ask him about it, but I knew now wasn’t the right time or place. I’d have to remember to ask him later.

  I called for Raid, who was a little reluctant to leave, though that might have had something to do with Myra, since she really didn’t want to let him go. Eventually, he slipped her grasp and followed us out of the orphanage. We said our goodbyes to Matron Lyra, and promised to be back another day with more help to fix the place.

  As the group of us headed for the cars, Ryoko began teasing both Rylan and Raid on how good they were with the children. Rylan’s face reddened as he tried to brush it off as nothing major, but Raid didn’t back down, just as he hadn’t with me, catching Ryoko off guard. I had to refrain from smirking when Rylan started sulking as Ryoko held a conversation on kids with Raid. Gotta come up with something to top your brother now, Ry. Ryoko had her mind set on having children one day. She loved them a lot. It was why she had volunteered to pose as Genesis’ mother for cover stories.

  Their conversation ended when we split up to jump into our vehicles. Raid chose to join Raikidan and me, instead of going with Ryoko, perplexing me. “You sure you want to come with us, Raid?”

  He lay across the back seat so he’d be hidden, and shifted to his nu-human form. “I thought it’d be a good idea to leave in the same car I came in. The Matron doesn’t know we all live together, so it could raise some suspicion.”

  “She knows,” I said as I drove off. “It didn’t take her long to figure me out.”

  Raid sat up. “Wow, really? I always thought you were one of the best at hiding that.”

  I chuckled. “Same here. She’s a sharp lady.”

  “So, since she knows, are we really going to come back?”

  “Don’t worry, you don’t have to give up your dream of being mauled by those children again. The Matron is safe.”

  Raid relaxed. “Good. I didn’t want to have to show up as a stray one day.”

  I laughed and glanced at Raikidan, who had been quiet the whole time. I had to remember to talk to him when we got home. He was just acting too strange to let this go.

  Chapter 18

  Paint streaked behind my small detailing brush as I sat on my motorcycle and leaned over the gas tank, painting in the small details of my design. The way I sat was weird, but it allowed me to get these few details just right to line up with the rest of my paint work, so I wasn’t about to change what I was doing. I tilted my head when I finished with the blue, and then slid off my motorcycle to grab the brush I used for detailing with reds.

  Leaning over my motorcycle once more, I worked, becoming oblivious of the work the others were doing around the shop. I almost messed up when someone leaned on my bike, pissing me off. I had been working on this tirelessly to get it to look right. I snapped my gaze up in irritation, but my expression changed from anger to surprise when I saw that the person who had disturbed me was Zo. “Um, hey, Zo.”

  Zo grinned. “Eira.”

  I sat up. “Can I help you with something?”

  Zo’s eyes drifted from my eye contact, making me uncomfortable, and then he finally looked at my bike. “Just admiring your handy work. Please, don’t let me distract you from what you’re doing.”

  Liar. I bit my tongue an
d smiled instead. It was best to not create a bad situation. “I’d love to, Zo, but you’re leaning on my bike.”

  Zo chuckled and stepped away, allowing me to go back to work. My painting didn’t last long, however. His watching me made me too uncomfortable. Instead, I sat back up and looked over the work I had done. When Zo frowned, I knew it was time to keep this unfortunate conversation going. “Something the matter, Zo?”

  “What? Oh, no nothing’s the matter. Just trying to understand your choice in subject.”

  My brow furrowed and I slid off my motorcycle to look at the image I had painted in full. “What’s wrong with a dragon?”

  Zo shook his head. “Why would a nice girl like you want such a bloodthirsty, evil creature on her bike?”

  I grunted and walked over to the bench with my paints. “You people of the city may see them that way, but the people of my village don’t.”

  “And how’s that, Sweetcheeks?”

  “It’s all in the words you just said.” I picked up my helmet and looked it over to make sure the two would match in the end. “You all think dragons are these bloodthirsty, heartless killing machines, but the people of my village see something better. To us, dragons are a symbol of power, intelligence, balance, strength, courage, and even fortitude.”

  “You speak as if you believe they’re still around.”

  I turned and smiled slyly at him. “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”

  Zo walked over to me and took my helmet to look it over. “The boys told me you were doing them a favor and testing a new style of helmet that would help us with communicating with each other.”

  “Yeah, but it’s real glitchy right now,” I lied. “Half the functions don’t work properly, and the other half don’t work at all, but the most frustrating part is that the communication function we really want to work cuts in and out. But because it’s more of a side project to everything else you have them doing, it doesn’t get much time for fixing or testing.”

  “You sound disappointed.”

  “Only because I actually like this project. It’s a lot of fun to work with Argus on, even if I don’t get to do much more than testing.”

  Zo chuckled and handed the helmet back to me. “So, Eira.” I gulped. I had a bad feeling about that beginning line. “I was thinking maybe you and I could grab a bite to eat and see a movie.”

  Oh great. It was only a matter of time before this came up. “You mean like… go out on a date?”

  Zo grinned. “Yeah.”

  “Don’t do it.”

  I rubbed my arm. “Well, um…”

  “Don’t go anywhere with this creep.”

  “She’d love to!” Ryoko chirped.

  My brow furrowed at her sudden appearance. “Excuse me, are you Eira?”

  Ryoko rolled her eyes. “I just said what you were about to say.”

  “Excellent. I’ll pick you up at seven.” Zo spun on his heels and headed out.

  “Don’t let them get away with this! Say something.”

  I stood there in a dumbfounded daze. What the hell did I— When the shop door closed behind him, I turned on Ryoko. “Why did you do that to me?”

  “Because you were going to have to say yes, and I knew you were thinking of some way to say no.”

  “I don’t have to say yes to anything.”

  “You do if you want to keep him thinking you find him a little interesting.”

  “I don’t want him to think that! I can’t stand him. It’s because of this stupid place he even knows I exist.”

  Ryoko rolled her eyes. “You’re being so dramatic. It’s not going to kill you.”

  “What’s not going to kill her?” I turned around to see Rylan and the boys walking over to us.

  “Besides Zo. Unless you count him bothering Eira hazardous,” Blaze joked. “What was he doing here anyway? He didn’t talk to anyone when he came in. Just went over to Eira.”

  “That’s because he was determined to get Laz to go out on a date with him,” Ryoko teased a she looked at me.

  I scowled. “Not like you let me put up much of a fight.”

  Rylan crossed him arms. “Laz, go on a date?”

  “Ryoko made my choice,” I muttered.

  “It wasn’t much a choice,” she defended. “You were going to have to say yes and I knew you wouldn’t.”

  I sighed in defeat. She was right and I hated it. Genesis would have had a fit if I had turned him down.

  Ryoko grabbed my wrist. “C’mon, we have to get you ready.”

  “What? Now?”

  “Yes now. He’s going to be at the house in two hours. You need to be ready.”

  I groaned as she dragged me to the door. “Someone shoot me now.”

  My shimmery, silver shirt clung to me like static, and my heeled shoes hurt my feet. The city lights lit up the streets as Zo and I walked them in silence. The silence was an awkward, uncomfortable one for me, but Zo, as usual, was oblivious. He thought this date had gone well, but I was of the opposite opinion. The moment he arrived, it had started off on the wrong foot.

  Zo had no car, claiming it was in the shop, so we had to walk everywhere. Ryoko, thankfully, was sure to make a few snide comments about poor manners and timing for his proposed date without a car, which he hadn’t missed. It went south from there, almost immediately, when he admitted to me on our way out of the house that he had left his money at the barracks.

  I knew better, though. Zo spent a lot of time at Twilight or, from the talk I overheard from other soldiers while working, Midnight, so that meant the little allowance he got to appear normal was all but gone. Zo also liked to gamble, and to make money for this date, I guessed he had made a bet with his company on it somehow.

  When we reached the barracks, which looked more like a house, Zo went inside while I waited out on the street. He had offered to let me come inside, but since I wasn’t about to trust him, I declined and remained outside. Once he had the money, he took to me to this nice restaurant, which had been the highlight of the evening. It hadn’t been too fancy, but it was pricey. I had chosen a burger to eat, since it was one of the choices on the lower price end, and when they had brought it out for me I was surprised by its size.

  I had expected the burger to be small, even smaller than most, since it was a fancier place, but instead, the burger was nearly the size of my head. The most surprised of us was Zo, who didn’t think I was capable of finishing such a meal. But I did, and it had been easy. I even ordered some cake as a dessert. Zo wasn’t sure how I stayed so thin with the way I was able to eat, and I had played it off as if my stomach was more of a bottomless pit than a stomach. During this time, I had made small attempts to extract information from him that would be of help to the rebellion, or even just me, but had no success.

  The movie after dinner had been the worst event of the evening. Zo really didn’t know a thing about me. He had prepared himself to have to sit through a boring chick-flick when I couldn’t stomach those, either. It was also obvious he was new to this ‘dating and not hooking up for a night’ thing when, not even fifteen minutes into the movie, he was snaking his arm around my shoulders and making an attempt to get something I had no intention of ever giving him.

  Although unplanned, the popcorn that had been in my lap had fallen onto the floor, saving me from that very uncomfortable situation. Zo, of course, didn’t see a big deal in the loss of popcorn, but I had insisted on getting some more. It gave me a good excuse to get away from him for a short time, and made it so he couldn’t continue his awful attempts until I came back, which he did.

  Zo made several more attempts during the movie, but I used the movie to my advantage. Even though I found the movie boring, I pretended to find it quite interesting. Zo, although upset by my lack of inte
rest in him, continued to try. He couldn’t get the hint. Before the movie, it had been the same deal, with him getting too close, or his hand wandering to areas it shouldn’t.

  Now that the movie was over, Zo was walking me home, much to my relief. He was also, much to my surprise, giving me some breathing room, but that didn’t last the moment we reached the front door.

  I brushed my bangs away from my face as I faced him and was taken aback by how close he had moved to me. “Um, well, thanks for taking me out tonight, Zo. It was… interesting.”

  Zo smirked. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  I wished I could just punch him. How can someone be so dumb? “Well, I guess this is good night then.”

  “I guess so.”

  He leaned into me and my eyes widened. Instinctively, my hand flew up at his face, but I caught myself in time to make sure my touch was light and it was only my fingers coming in contact with his lips instead of a solid fist.

  I looked at him warily as he pulled away and rubbed his head while letting out a tense slow breath. “All right, sorry.”

  I continued to give him an apprehensive gaze as I opened the door. I sighed and relaxed against the door once it was shut and separating us.

  “Stupid!” I could hear him through the door as I collected myself. “I should have known that was going to happen. She had been avoiding that all night. Fuck!”

  I had to bite my lip. Not only did he sound absolutely ridiculous, but he actually sounded like a normal man for once. I still felt as though he treated this date as more of a game than anything, though. The way he didn’t want to listen to my obvious cues, hadn’t made any good attempts at small talk to allow us to get to know each other, and thinking this had gone really well, it’s as if we were on two completely different dates.

  My conclusion wasn’t that surprising. Zo was a soldier like me, and unlike civilians, we didn’t have good pasts to speak of. You never knew when your last day was, so it was best not to make connections with others.

  I sighed. Men and women would hook up with others for a night and then go on their way. I always rationalized men’s behavior because that’s what I had been surrounded by. It was all I had known. But I knew it was just me who had been filled with hate. I lived with men who weren’t like that, except for Blaze of course. Tannek wasn’t like that…