Secrets

by Shannon Pemrick

  My eyes widened. She was lying, right? He didn’t actually hear what I had said. But as I thought about it, it made sense. His emotional state after that matched perfectly.

  “It’s not… it’s not just fear. She deserves better than me.” My ears dropped at the tone of his voice. There was so much pain in it. “I should have seen it. But I didn’t because I was hung up on you and then afraid I’d do the same exact thing with her.” He sighed. “I’m such an idiot, I don’t deserve her.”

  I leaned on the wall of the staircase. It felt as though my heart had just been ripped out. She was right. She was right this whole time…

  “And you think your brother does deserve her?”

  “I don’t know if he’s right for her, but he sure as hell deserves her more than me. He’s been chasing after her since he first met her. He’d go to the ends of Lumaraeon for her if it meant she’d notice.”

  “And you wouldn’t?”

  “I’d give her Lumaraeon if that’s what she asked for. But I don’t have any right to be in that position.”

  “So, why did you go through with the dare last night if you feel this way?”

  “Because when my brother has the chance to get a leg up on me and tries to rub it in my face, I feel like I can’t back down. And I know it was wrong to do what I did. It’s why I’ve decided I need to pull back and let him get in my way. Since I don’t deserve her, I can’t get mad when he tries to be there to make her happy and look his way instead of mine.”

  “Are you sure about this?” I detected a frown from her voice, matching my own.

  “Yes.”

  I ground my teeth together. I came up here to figure things out. I got my answer just now, and there was no way was I going to let him wallow in self-pity or for me to lose out on the guy I’ve been waiting for all this time. I threw open the door and the two of them jumped, but remained sitting on the curb of the roof.

  “Ryoko?” Laz said with a raised brow of confusion. “What’s up?”

  I locked my gaze on Rylan and stalked over to him. He swallowed. “Ryoko, you look really angry. If you’re mad at me, whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

  Laz scooted away, keeping a close eye on the two of us. I grabbed Rylan roughly by his shirt and crashed my lips into his. He locked up in shock, not that I wasn’t expecting that. Although my advance was aggressive, the feeling of his lips on mine sent a flood of warmth through me.

  I pulled away, but kept my hands grasping his shirt. “You’re going to take me out on a date tonight, and it’s going to be dinner and some sort of movie, I don’t care what. Got it?”

  “What?” he asked in confusion.

  Laz sucked in a tight breath and clapped her hands together. “All right then. I’m just going leave and let you two talk.”

  She left, but I was too intent on staring at Rylan to care much. “I heard everything you just said to her about me.” His eyes widened with shock and fear. “And you’re right, you are being an idiot, but not because you didn’t tell me how much you want me, or that you couldn’t see that I want you just as much. You’re an idiot for thinking my stubbornness is your fault, and for giving up because of self pity.”

  “Ryoko, I—”

  I sat down on his lap, facing him. “I want you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I kissed him again, softer this time, making my heart skip a beat. “You’ll be my idiot.”

  Rylan grinned and cupped my chin. He kissed me passionately, and I thought my heart might jump right out of my chest. “Are you sure you want dinner and a movie? We could stay home and spend time together talking about this.”

  “I want a real date.”

  “Very well. We’ll have dinner at seven, and a movie after.”

  “And before all that, we’ll talk about us,” I said. “And how we’re both idiots.”

  Rylan laughed and rested his forehead on mine. “It’s a date, then.”

  Chapter 28

  (Eira)

  Ihanded Rylan the sheets of paper to look over. The song came to me suddenly, so I thought it was a good idea to write it down, even if the boys didn’t like it. I didn’t care if they approved or not. It was out of my head now.

  Rylan smiled and made a few changes to the vocal notes, and then added the instrumentals like he always did. The fact he liked it without questioning the meaning surprised me, though, I shouldn’t have been. Ever since he and Ryoko had gotten together the other day, he’d been okay with just about anything.

  Raid, on the other hand, had been crushed. He had convinced himself that he was going to have a good shot at it this time. Then again, a part of me wasn’t convinced he was ready to give up just yet.

  He was still overly friendly with her, and tried to compete for her attention whenever possible, but it wasn’t working so well, now that her attention was completely glued to Rylan. I had to admit, he was stubborn. It had to be in the genes, because even now, as Ryoko watched eagerly from her seat by the piano, he was still trying to gain her affection.

  Rylan showed me his corrections and I just nodded. I didn’t care what he did to it. When I approved, he showed the boys, who wrote down copies for themselves. I sat on the piano and watched as they worked out the instrumentals. It wasn’t a beautiful thing to listen to, but it wasn’t the worst they’d done. Ryoko couldn’t help but laugh. She knew it was just practice, but no one could deny it sounded awful.

  Rylan struggled with his part, so I hopped off the piano and looked over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes. He had decided to put in some power chords, which he always had trouble with. I wasn’t sure why he insisted on using them when he hadn’t perfected his talent, but I guess it didn’t matter. It was what he did, and there was no changing it. Luckily, I knew this power chord well, and I picked up my new guitar to give him a hand.

  He watched me as I showed him the way I did it for him to try. He continued to struggle, but after a few more times of watching me, he got the idea and was able to do it on his own.

  I smiled and stepped back, to allow him to play without me getting in the way. All three of them were so good at this it seemed almost wrong. I only hoped they didn’t butcher the lyrics. If anything was worse than instrumental practice, it was vocal mess-ups. I sighed with relief when they had gotten through a quarter of the song and hadn’t messed up.

  I closed my eyes and let the tune engulf me. It was soothing, and I could feel it compelling me to do something. I opened my eyes a little and began to strum my own tune that harmonized with the one already being played. I wasn’t sure where the tune came from, or where it would go, but I didn’t stop it. It wasn’t often I did something so spontaneous. What surprised me more was when I began to sing along. No one said anything, but I could feel a few extra pairs of eyes on me, and if I hadn’t been so relaxed, I would have stopped.

  “Zo, what are you doing here?” Zane whispered.

  I stopped immediately and looked up. Sure enough, there was Zo, and few of his lackeys, standing just outside the doorframe. Awkwardness flowed over me. I could put up with my friends hearing me, but not someone I wasn’t fond of.

  “I’m sorry I interrupted. I just had to let you all know we’re here for an inspection,” he explained.

  I slipped off the piano and put my guitar back in its stand. I excused myself quietly and pushed my way out of the room.

  “Nice going, Zo,” Raikidan muttered.

  “What did I do?” Zo asked.

  “It may not seem it, Zo, but Eira is pretty shy,” Zane told him. “Particularly when it comes to her singing ability.”

  “But she sang in front of hundreds of people,” Zo defended.

  “She did it because she owed her friends a favor,” Rylan said. “She wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

  “We didn’t mean any harm,�
�� a soldier told them.

  “That may be, but she won’t see it that way,” Zane said.

  Footsteps headed my way, but I didn’t stop walking. I needed to be alone.

  “Eira, hold up,” Zo called to me. I took a deep breath and stopped walking. Zo touched my arm lightly, but I wouldn’t look at him. “Hey, we didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I know,” I replied.

  “You really have nothing to be shy about, Eira.” I still didn’t look at him. “How about I make it up to you?”

  Now I looked at him. What could he do to possibly make me feel better about this situation?

  “It’s a little last minute to do today, but how about I treat you to lunch tomorrow?” he offered.

  Great, another date I’m going to have to sit through. “Well that’s… thoughtful of you, Zo. But…”

  “But?” He sounded upset over my hesitation.

  “But she’s busy.”

  I looked up when Zane spoke. I hadn’t heard him walk over. “I am?”

  He held up a communicator. “I just got clearance to bring some custom vehicles to a dealer on the sea coast, and you’re coming with us.”

  Joy and excitement welled up in my chest. “Seriously?”

  “I figured you could use a change in scenery.”

  I threw my arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug. “Oh, thank you, Zane! I’ve never seen the ocean. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  He chuckled. “You’re welcome. Ray said you’ve never had the chance to see it, so I figured now was the time.”

  I scrunched my nose. “He’s not coming, is he? He’s already had the chance to see the ocean without me.”

  Zane chuckled some more. “Someone has to keep an eye on you while the rest of us work.”

  “But I don’t need to be watched like a child.”

  He rubbed my head. “That’s true, you’re not a child, and your memory is doing well, so that’s why I’m letting you come with us, but it’s still not safe for you to go out on your own, even in a small seacoast city. It’s still a city.”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  Zane smile. “Then go get your things packed. We’re leaving early in the morning, and it’s a long drive there and back.”

  “How early?”

  “Try one A.M.”

  I groaned. “I don’t want to be up that early.”

  He chuckled. “You can sleep in the truck. Now get ready. And, Zo, I’d appreciate it if you and your boys would get this pointless inspection over with quickly, so we can get to work with getting ourselves ready.”

  Two women poked their heads out of my and Ryoko’s room and cleared their throats.

  Zane held up his hands. “My apologies, ladies. Meant no disrespect, but you both are smarter than the men and know this is just as pointless as it seems.”

  The two giggled at his flattery and went back to their pointless searching. Zane, you’re such a ladies man. I slipped away and got to work packing a bag for the trip, making sure not to get into the female soldier’s way. It had been true. In all my years, I had never seen the ocean. I was excited to finally see it with my own two eyes.

  The feeling surrounded me. Warm and fuzzy—something I hadn’t experience in a long time. I knew I should push it away, but I didn’t want to.

  Her aqua hair blew in the wind and her smile radiated like the sun. Everything felt all right when she smiled—like it dispelled the nightmare that threatened to consume me.

  Strong arms wrapped themselves around me from behind. They were protective, caring arms and I was okay with them. Her smile brightened and I knew this was okay. It was more than okay. It was right…

  I jolted awake and looked around. The truck’s engine rumbled as it idled, and it was too dark to see much outside, not that I would see much anyway, thanks to the bright light that was shining through the truck on the opposite side of me.

  Zane pulled his hand away from my shoulder. “Easy, Eira. I just need you to be awake for a few minutes for some procedures, and then you can go back to sleep. Can you hand me our identification cards?”

  “Oh, okay,” I replied groggily.

  Reaching into the glovebox, I pulled out a few thin, rectangular objects with small buttons and glass domes in the center. I handed them to Zane, who proceeded to hand them to someone outside the truck, beyond the light. As I waited, I glanced around the large cab of the truck. Ryoko was curled up against Rylan and looked as awake as me. Rylan, on the other hand, looked wide awake, and stared out the window. Blaze sat next to them in the roomy back, leaning on his knees while Argus relaxed in his part of the seat next to him.

  Raid had opted to stay back at the house so no one would feel cramped, but I had a feeling it was because he wasn’t going to be able to stomach watching Ryoko and Rylan interact with each other. It wasn’t like he’d have any opportunities to try to impress her.

  Raikidan lounged behind me and looked tired. I pitied him. Unlike the others and myself, he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

  “You going to be okay?” I whispered.

  “I’ll be fine,” he muttered.

  “All right, I just wanted to make sure…” I curled up to my pillow and looked out the window. “You didn’t have to bite me…”

  I closed my eyes and waited for us to be cleared to leave. My eyes bolted open when my pillow was yanked away from me from behind. I stopped my head from hitting the window and spun around in my seat. I glared at Raikidan as he tucked my pillow behind his head and relaxed. “Give it back.”

  “I’m using it now,” he stated.

  I grabbed it and yanked it away from him. “If you wanted one, you should have brought one.”

  Raikidan grabbed a hold of the pillow and pulled. “I don’t have one.”

  “Not my fault.” His grip was tight, making it hard to take it away from him, and I narrowed my eyes. “You’re going to rip it.”

  When he didn’t show any signs of caring, I reluctantly let go. I slipped back down in my seat and sulked. Now I wasn’t going to be able to sleep either. I jumped when someone knocked on my window. Ryoko snickered but I ignored her. I pressed the window button and the window rolled down so the soldier on the other side could speak with me.

  He held up a thick metal bracelet that wasn’t at all appealing. I hated these things. “Ma’am, you’ll need to wear this tracking device. This is your first time out of this city since you’ve become a citizen, so I’m going to show you how it’s put on, just in case you choose to leave some other time.”

  Sighing quietly, I held out my arm for him. He held my arm and secured the tracking bracket around my wrist. I flinched when he tightened it too much, and he immediately loosened it with a key. I looked at it unhappily and the soldier hopped off the truck. I looked back at the others as they reluctantly secured their tracking bracelets to their wrists as well. Even Raikidan had insisted on putting his on without help, and when he was done, he remained leaning on his knees with his hand wrapped around the bracelet.

  When the soldiers looking in determined everyone had a tracer on, they hopped off the truck. Soldiers ran up to Zane’s side of the truck and informed their commanding officer of their findings, or lack thereof. Once they deemed the towed cars clear, we were given our identification cards back and given the clearance to leave.

  Zane handed me the identification cards and we headed through the gate. I played with the cards while I waited for us to get to the outer wall. I pressed the biggest button I could find and it started up a hologram on the dome in the center of the card. The card I had happened to be Zane’s. It showed his face and as I pressed buttons, the display changed.

  I put the cards away when we reached the outer wall gate and stared out the window. We wouldn’t need them, and this drive was going to be long.
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  Chapter 29

  (Ryoko)

  The soldiers barely paid us any mind when we reach the gates of outer wall, not that I was surprised. Once you passed the first wall they assumed you were good to go through the second. It almost made the second wall pointless.

  The moment we cleared the gate, Raikidan threw his tracer on the floor. My eyes widened with surprise, and Laz laughed. He had used his body posture to conceal the fact he wasn’t wearing the stupid thing.

  “Why didn’t I think of that?” Blaze exclaimed.

  “‘Cause you’re not smart enough,” Laz teased.

  He took his hat and threw it at her, but she tossed it back at him.

  “All right you two, settle down,” Zane reprimanded. “You should all be trying to get some sort of sleep. It’s a long drive, and you’ll need the energy when we get to the harbor.”

  I curled up against Rylan. “Which harbor town are we going to again?”

  “Larkren.” Zane replied.

  I yawned. “Okay.”

  Laz relaxed in her seat and stared out the window as everyone else relaxed, but Raikidan’s open eyes caught Zane’s eye.

  “Raikidan, that means you too,” he told him.

  “Not a good idea, Zane.” Laz corrected. “Unless of course, you want everyone in this truck to be crushed.”

  I perked up. “You mean you can’t sleep like that, Raikidan?”

  Raikidan shook his head. “Not possible.”

  My brow furrowed. That didn’t make sense. He had slept on the couch with Laz that one day. Unless… unless he didn’t know. It was possible, but that idea didn’t make any sense either. I wanted to rub my temples. I was hurting my brain.

  “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have had you stay up the whole night helping up load up the truck,” Zane said.

  Raikidan shrugged. “I’ll manage. It’s just one day without sleep. Nothing to it.”