Shouldn’t Want You: A Brother’s Best Friend Romance

by Monroe, Lilian

  “Get in, I’ll drive you home,” Sacha says through the open window.

  My stomach clenches. His voice has a direct line to my gut, sending shivers through me every time he speaks.

  “I’m good,” I answer, not daring to look at him. “I can walk.”

  “Frogface,” he says in a low growl, making the fire in my center burn hotter. “Come on. You shouldn’t be walking on your own.”

  “And you should be with my brother celebrating his bachelor party.”

  “We’re not going out for another hour. I have time to drive you.”

  I keep walking, and Sacha keeps rolling along slowly beside me. I’m not the weak little girl he left behind. I’m not Max’s little sister who needs protecting from the big bad wolves of Woodvale. I don’t appreciate being ordered around.

  I’m a grown woman, and I don’t need Sacha Black to hold my hand when I cross the street.

  My lips pinch together and my jaw ticks.

  He doesn’t get to show up here after a decade and turn my life upside down. What if I wanted to be with Benji, and then he showed up and scared the mechanic away? What if he was getting in the way of a relationship I actually wanted?

  I don’t, but that’s beside the point.

  Sacha coming in here like a protective beast snarling at any man who comes near me isn’t appropriate. He lost the right to be with me when he left without saying goodbye.

  As attractive as he is, and as much as I’d love to slide my tongue from his neck to his navel, he’s not right for me. Sacha Black is every ingredient in the recipe for heartbreak. He’s my certain destruction. He’s everything I’ve been trying to forget, even though he’s everything I’ll never be able to avoid.

  When he stops the car behind me, I don’t slow down. I lift my chin up and grit my teeth, walking toward the house I bought with my own money. I didn’t need to beg his parents for a job like my mother did. I didn’t need a leg up in the world. I didn’t need to put the Black name on my business just to see it grow.

  I did it. On my own. By myself.

  I certainly didn’t need Sacha Black to be by my side while I grew into the person I’ve become, and I don’t need him now, either.

  “Willow.”

  I hate that his voice makes me stop in my tracks. I wish I were strong enough to walk away from him, just like he walked away from me.

  Turning slowly, I see Sacha standing on the sidewalk with his arms hanging loosely at his sides. His eyes are dark and full of agony. His lips turn down in a grimace as his palms turn out toward me.

  “I had to leave,” he rasps, his voice barely audible.

  “No, you didn’t.”

  Sacha takes a deep breath, his chest trembling as he inhales. His brows draw together and his face twists, words still too difficult to speak.

  “My father…”

  Sacha drops his gaze, sliding a hand through his hair.

  Every fiber of my being wants to run to him. I want to cradle him in my arms and kiss his pain away. I want to tell him I forgive him for leaving—was I ever really angry in the first place? I want to tell him I’m here. I’ve always been here. I’ll always be here.

  But I don’t.

  I stay rooted to the ground as Sacha suffers six feet away from me. Call it pride. Call it self-preservation. Call it whatever you want, but I just can’t bring myself to go to him.

  When he meets my gaze again, I can see embers swirling in his gray eyes.

  “My father was a violent man. He hid it well from the outside world.”

  “W-what?”

  Sacha’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. His eyes look through me, as if he’s staring into the depths of his own past.

  “You came to me, Willow and you…” He sucks a breath in, squeezing his eyes shut. “You were so fucking perfect. I’d loved you since I was eight years old. We grew up together, and when you kissed me that day, I couldn’t drag you into my world. I just couldn’t do that to you.”

  “Do what to me, Sacha?” My voice is a breath. I’m afraid to move.

  Sacha is cracking himself open for me. I can see him unravelling the layers of armor that have protected him for so long. The struggle is written on his features, and he’s doing it for me.

  “My father hurt me. Often. As I got older, and I started fighting back…” He shuts his eyes, shaking his head. “He found other ways to hurt my mother and me.”

  My eyes widen. I didn’t know any of this. I swallow thickly, searching for something to say. “Why didn’t she leave him?”

  “She didn’t want to.” The lines in his face fall away, and his expression is blank. “She wanted to stay by his side.”

  I take a step toward Sacha, my heart thumping against my ribcage. Did Max know? Did anyone know?

  Did my parents know? They worked for the Blacks. Surely they would have seen something…

  Sacha lifts his eyes to mine, tears clinging to his lashes. “I left, because she couldn’t. You were too good to be part of that world, Willow. You still are. I had to run.”

  Erasing the distance between us, Sacha wraps his arms around my waist and splays his hands over my lower back. His gaze is fiery, intense.

  “Leaving you was the best and worst thing I ever did, Willow. I thought of you every day for ten years. Coming back here twisted my stomach into knots, because I thought I’d find you with someone else.”

  A boulder is stuck in my throat. My voice is nothing more than a rasp when I finally manage to make a noise. “There’s never been anyone but you, Sacha.”

  “You should find someone better.”

  “That’s impossible.”

  “I’m no good for you.”

  “I know, but I want you anyway.”

  He sucks in a breath, pulling me closer to him. I can feel his heart thundering against his ribcage, every hard angle of his body molded against mine.

  My body screams. My mind is blank.

  The only thought that enters my head is ordering me to kiss this man and seal my fate. I’ll take any heartbreak, any pain. I’ll absorb all the agony in Sacha’s soul if it means I get to feel his lips against mine.

  My need for him drowns out any other feeling, any other desire.

  I need his kiss like I need air, and I need it now.

  12

  Willow

  Willow: 17

  Sacha: 19

  My stomach grumbled as I stared up at the ceiling. I was hungry…again. Turning over in bed, I tried to stare at the wall again, but sleep evaded me.

  It didn’t help that my mind had been buzzing ever since I’d ripped open my acceptance letter to Woodvale University. If I was able to snag a scholarship, I’d be studying Business in less than six months’ time, and then, who knew? Maybe I’d end up running my own company. Either way, being accepted to college felt like the start of something big.

  My stomach protested with another loud growl. I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table and sighed when I saw it was nearly midnight.

  At least Mom and Dad were probably asleep.

  Throwing my blankets off, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and pulled a bright pink T-shirt on over my head. Cracking my bedroom door open, I listened for any noises coming from across the hall.

  Silence answered back.

  I slipped through my door and stepped down the stairs, placing my feet in the spots where I knew the stairs wouldn’t creak. When I made it to the kitchen, I let out a sigh as a smile slipped over my lips. My stomach gurgled, happy that I’d listened to it.

  I pulled the fridge open and scoured the insides for any leftovers. My eyes landed on a packet of deli meat. A sandwich sounded pretty good, and I wasn’t going to resist what my stomach demanded.

  Tiptoeing around the kitchen, I started making the biggest, baddest sandwich Woodvale had ever seen. My mouth watered as I slathered a thick slice of bread with mayo, piling cheese and meat on top of it.

  “You going to make me one of those?”
<
br />   I stifled a yelp, glancing up at the source of the voice. Sacha stood in the kitchen doorway, leaning against the doorjamb as he stared at me.

  He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and the sight of his bare chest sent a tremor straight through my belly.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Sacha jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. “Your parents’ couch is more comfortable than my bed at home.”

  “I seriously doubt that,” I scoffed. “You live in a palace.”

  “An estate, actually.”

  “Same diff.”

  He moved toward me like a predatory cat, never taking his eyes off me. I gulped, turning my gaze back to my sandwich. My stomach clenched deliciously as Sacha moved to stand beside me. He smelled musky and warm, like honey and warm alcohol.

  He reached for the bread and started making his own food. We worked in silence, but my body screamed so loud I feared he would hear it.

  My heart raced, and every time his arm brushed against mine, I thought I’d faint.

  I threw him a glance. “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

  “And you’re not wearing pants.” He shifted his gaze to my bare legs.

  Heat bloomed over my cheeks. I was only wearing a T-shirt and panties, but I felt completely naked. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. It felt good, even though it probably shouldn’t.

  Sacha finished building his sandwich first, then spun around to lean against the kitchen counter as he bit down into it.

  “You want a plate?” I asked, looking at the crumbs falling down to the floor. Mom would have a fit in the morning, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to care.

  “I’m good,” he replied, his gray eyes flashing. In the low light of the night, they looked almost black. A shiver of heat snaked through my stomach, landing somewhere between my thighs.

  I looked at my food, but I’d lost my appetite. My stomach was quiet now, replaced with an aching pulse somewhere lower. I took a reluctant bite, glancing at Sacha as I ate.

  “You never told me what you’re doing here. Aren’t you a little old for sleepovers?”

  Sacha shrugged and my eyes drifted over his chest. “Needed somewhere to crash.”

  “And you couldn’t go to one of your parents’ multiple houses?”

  “No.”

  There was a finality to the way he said the word, and I knew he wouldn’t explain any further.

  Sacha nodded his chin toward me. “I heard you got into Business at Woodvale U.”

  I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. “Yeah. I start in the fall, all going well. Still waiting to hear about the academic scholarship. The counsellor has been hinting that I might get a full-ride.”

  “Congrats,” he said, nudging my shoulder. A buzz went through my arm. He smiled, and it reached all the way to his eyes. “That’s a competitive program. I always knew you’d do big things.”

  “Fingers crossed I get the scholarship. Probably won’t be able to go otherwise. No way we could afford it without a full scholarship.”

  “You’ll get it. You get straight As.”

  I glanced around the old kitchen, thinking of how hard my parents worked to keep a roof over our heads. I wasn’t sure he was right. Even if I got student loans, I wouldn’t be able to afford a college degree without scholarship money. My part-time job was just about enough to help out around here. There was nothing left over for a college fund.

  We ate the rest of our sandwiches in silence. When I finished, I put the food away and slid my plate into the dishwasher, brushing my hands over my shirt before dragging my eyes up to Sacha’s.

  He was still leaning against the counter, staring at me.

  My eyes dropped to his lips, tracing their fullness with my gaze. I wished I could taste them. Every time Sacha came around to our house, my mind started spinning circles around me. Now, alone here with him, with the cool air swirling around my bare legs, my hands were itching to feel his skin.

  Sacha didn’t say a word.

  I cleared my throat, averting my eyes from the power of his gaze. I walked to the pantry and pulled out a couple sour gummy worms, tossing one toward Sacha. He caught it against his chest, grinning.

  “I’m surprised you have teeth left.”

  “I floss daily,” I replied, sticking out my tongue before chomping down on a worm.

  Sacha grinned, then pushed himself off the counter and walked out of the kitchen. I watched him walk away, reaching into the bag of sour gummies for another one. He’d disappeared into the darkness of the living room, but something tugged at me to follow him. I was drawn.

  Compelled.

  I couldn’t help myself.

  The old brown sofa had a blanket and a pillow on it. He sat down, lacing his fingers behind his head as he stared at me.

  “You want to watch something?” Sacha jerked his head to the TV. “I can’t sleep.”

  I nodded, swallowing thickly. As I walked toward the sofa, Sacha’s eyes dropped to my legs. I liked the way he looked at me, even though it felt wonderfully wrong. We shouldn’t have been this close to each other. He was my brother’s best friend.

  Ah, who was I kidding?

  I’d been in love with Sacha Black since he dropped a frog in my hands and ran away. I sat down beside him on the sofa, watching as his gaze shifted to my bare legs. He exhaled softly, squeezing his eyes shut.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “You’re killing me.” Sacha’s hand moved to his crotch, where a distinct bulge was forming. I watched a vein in his neck pulse.

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  It was beating as fast as my own heart.

  My mouth was dry. Before I could stop myself, my hand moved toward him. My fingers walked up his chest, barely brushing the thin wisp of chest hair that sprouted down the center of his pecs. A soft breath slipped through Sacha’s lips as he stared at me through those thick, black lashes of his.

  His eyes darkened, and my heart stuttered. Catching my fingers with his hand, he pressed my palm to his chest.

  “I care about you, Willow. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’re not hurting me.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  “I’ve known you my whole life.”

  “You don’t know the real me.”

  “I’m the only one who does.” I whispered the words, but they echoed between us as if I’d shouted them. Sacha’s lips dropped open, and I watched the slow, torturous movement of his tongue as it slid over his lush lips.

  Burning heat erupted in my core as his fingers curled around my hand. His skin felt warm under my palm, and he smelled so freaking good it made my head spin. My heart was beating so fast I thought I might pass out.

  When Sacha put his hand on my thigh, I was embarrassed by the wetness between my legs.

  “Willow,” he whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “I want to kiss you.”

  I’d never been so close to a boy, or so nearly naked with a boy. I’d never kissed anyone, even though I’d wondered what it was like. I guessed a part of me thought that the only boy worth kissing was Sacha Black, but I never thought he’d see me that way.

  I guessed I was wrong.

  I gulped, blinking twice or three times, and then I nodded. “Me too.”

  My voice was a whisper, a rasp, barely audible. But he heard it. Sliding his hand up my thigh, Sacha moved toward me and pressed his lips to mine.

  My heart took off so fast I thought I might have a heart attack. My teeth crashed against his as I moved my lips awkwardly, but Sacha groaned as he squeezes my thigh and moved his other hand to cup my cheek. His tongue slid between my lips and I tasted him for the first time.

  Sweet, sinful, and completely perfect. Sacha Black was worth waiting for. My body was on fire. His lips claimed mine as his tongue swept into my mouth, and my whole body burned. My mind was empty, and all I could feel was the burning ball of heat in the pit of my stomach.

  Sacha pulled me closer, press
ing his chest against mine. He kissed me fiercely, like he owned my lips. Maybe he always had. The way he moaned sent another wave of heat pulsing through my body and I kissed him back, tangling my fingers into his thick, dark hair.

  Kissing Sacha Black was like riding the wind. I could feel the whip of the air around my ears, and the stuttering of my heart inside my chest. My stomach clenched, and I held on to him like he was the key to everything good in the world.

  Or maybe, everything bad.

  13

  Sacha

  Six inches of space separate my lips from hers. Maybe less. I could cross it in an instant. All I have to do is lean down and take the one thing I’ve been dreaming of since I was a teenager. The one moment I’ve been re-living since I left this town a decade ago.

  But I don’t.

  I pause, staring down at the big, blue depths that look back up at me. Willow’s eyes are a pool of aqua, drawing me in—but I resist.

  I have to.

  If I kiss her now, what kind of man am I?

  Nothing has changed. She’s still better off without me. I still have to leave when the weekend is through. My family still runs this town, and my father is still a vindictive, violent man behind closed doors.

  Kissing Willow would only drag her down with me.

  For the millionth time in my life, I resist her. Dropping my hand from her hip, I release a breath and pull away. The emptiness in the center of my chest aches, pulsing like a gaping wound. Willow makes a soft noise before clearing her throat, looking away from me.

  It hurts, but I hide my pain and nod to the car.

  “Let me drive you home.”

  Willow smiles sadly, shaking her head. “I’d rather walk.”

  She turns away from me and starts walking away. I watch her leave, and a small part of me knows what she felt like all those years ago. It’s an emptiness. A numbness. Loss that hurts to even acknowledge.

  But this is how it has to be. Letting Willow walk away is the best thing I can do for her.

  Slipping back into my car, I turn it around and drive back to the Wise house. Max has been mopey and apologetic all day, and he lets out another long sigh when he sees my black eye. I grin.