by Renee Travis
"I'm sorry Rose, I've argued this point with your mother but she's being... difficult," he got a rather evil look from mom.
"Rhodanthe, when it comes to your safety and health there will be no tolerance, do you understand? I will not lose you and I believe part of your relapse is his fault."
I stared at my mother, and I knew my face was frozen in a look of sheer panic; I could feel something akin to hatred welling up inside me for her. She had ruined so many aspects of my life; she would NOT take this one from me too. My heart began to pound fiercely in my chest and I didn't fight it, it would serve them right if something happened because of their bad judgment.
"I hate you both." The words were out before I could stop them. My mother froze and I could feel the hurt radiating from my dad from across the room.
"You don't mean that Rose," dad murmured.
"I do, I love Julian, he makes me happy AND healthy, nothing, especially you, will keep us apart," I opened my mouth to say more, but I choked a little, pain welling up from my chest.
"Honey what's wrong?" mom asked. I refused to answer her, stubborn and childish yes, but I was truly hurt.
As mom began to reach for the pill bottle on my night stand I felt Julian's hands on my throat, just his light touch and my body relaxed, my heart deciding that a normal beat would suffice for now.
"Please just get out." And amazingly, after mom gave me another once over, they did just that. I could tell I hurt them, but they hurt me much deeper. I'd rather be dead than living the non-life my mother had just prescribed.
Once the door shut, Julian appeared to me, he climbed in my bed and wrapped his chilly arms around me, I laid my cheek against his neck and we just spooned there together for a few minutes, his hands rubbing circles on my back. Feeling silly I began to cry, not pretty tears that model girls cry but big fat unattractive sobs all over him. My hands were claw like as I grabbed his white T-shirt. My whole body shook.
Julian murmured in my hair words of comfort but they felt empty, they were not words of love, just normal condolence words, phrases I had heard my whole life, robotic responses that I hated.
When I was done, we pulled away from each other. Julian wiped the tears under my eyes with his fingers and I watched as the water was absorbed into his alabaster skin. His face looked so sad and I knew in that instant what he was going to say.
I took his hand in mine and began to shake my head, dear Goddess please no. I hiccupped, shaking my head faster, mouthing "no" over and over again as the silent tears began to leak from my eyes and stream down my cheeks.
"Rhodanthe please, don't make this any harder," he murmured, eyes trained on my face, "I am sorry love, but I have to agree with your parents. Had we never began our doomed relationship, Athol would have stayed your friend; he never would have attacked you. Every pain you have suffered these past months, it has all been my fault."
"No! No Julian it's not, please we're not doomed, we love each other, that's what's supposed to matter most," I whispered, desperation in each word.
"You have no idea how hard this is for me, please my Rose blossom help me keep you safe, don't make this any harder than it needs to be." Julian stood then and let go of me, he backed up to the window so I couldn't reach him.
My tears dried up with his words, like there were no more of them to shed. My whole body felt quiet, sad, achy and miserable. All I could think of to say was, "No you're wrong, Athol.... he would have come after me anyway." But even those words felt like dust on my tongue.
"No sweetling he would not, Avalon and I did some research. Athol comes from a long line of vampire hunters. When they hit 18 they have to prove themselves by making a vampire kill, you were just to be the bait for me. I think Athol loves you in his own way but he never would have come for you if not for me," His face was passive; he'd made this decision before tonight, he must have.
"I don't care." I told him coldly, even as I tried to absorb this new information. Athol was a vampire hunter? How much more insane could things get?
"I do." Julian blew me a kiss and then he was gone.
I just sat there for a few minutes, hurt and angry. No, not just angry PISSED. I was pissed that my mother was running my whole world, stopping my life even before my heart could. I was furious that Julian felt like he had the power and the control to end our relationship, furious that I was feeling powerless and disrespected.
I stood up and made myself walk to the vanity; I grabbed my ivory handled hair brush, the one my grandmother had sent me for Christmas the year before. I missed her, and if things didn't improve, I might just run away and stay with her. Thinking about running away gave me a little more perspective. Nana wouldn't allow me to stay with her, she'd always told me not to run from my problems.
I began to brush my hair and look at myself in the mirror. I asked myself what Grandma Lacey would do? She would fight back, I answered. So I finished brushing my hair and concocted a plan.
Chapter 10
"I think we've made a mistake Elizabeth."
"You would blame us for this instead of that boy."
"It's us who told her she couldn't see him anymore."
I stopped, bare feet just touching the last step of the stairs. My parents were discussing me again; they had done that a lot over the last nine days.
"Have you even LOOKED at your daughter Elizabeth? She's pale and she almost never sleeps, you could fall into the bags under her eyes."
This was how most of my mornings started; Mom and Dad arguing in the kitchen and me perched on the stairs just listening. I was wearing a deep purple peasant skirt and a black scooped neck T-shirt. The clothes hung off me; I had barely eaten in the last week. Thoughts of Julian making me feverish, angry and sad. I didn't want to talk to my parents: this was partly their fault too. Julian was just being Julian, a martyr.
Tired of them talking about me I cleared my throat to let them know I was there, they stopped talking instantly and came out of the kitchen.
"Rose, good morning, how about some orange juice before school?" my dad asked, plastering a big fake smile on his face.
"Or maybe some wheat pancakes?" My mom looked tired and her offer sounded bored. I could tell they were each on their last leg.
"No thanks, I've gotta go," I said. I walked past them and slipped on socks and boots. Before they could offer me anything else I was out the door.
Mel had been giving me rides to school and back pretty much every day, she felt sorry for me, I could tell. I steeled myself for her normal conversation topic as I got into the passenger seat, cringing against the fake leather, missing the soft buttery feeling of sliding into Julian's vehicle.
"Hey hun how you feeling today, you eat?" Mel asked, looking over at me briefly.
"I'm okay, I ate some crackers when I got up this morning," I told her as I buckled myself in.
"Well that's healthy," she said sarcastically. "I still can't believe your Stepford mom put so many damn restrictions on you; that sucks and we both know it. How are we supposed to celebrate Christmas together, your mom always lets you attend at least that party."
I let her ramble knowing that it comforted her to be able to bash the people who had hurt me.
"Thank God stupid Athol is being home schooled now, if we had to deal with him and the restraining order on top of everything else I'd pull my hair out!" She exclaimed while we were stopped at a red light. This was one thing I agreed with completely. Per the restraining order Athol could not be within 50 feet of me. Seeing the issue with this since we went to the same school his parents had reluctantly enrolled him in home school so my parents didn't bring a civil suit against them.
"And that Julian eh? I still can't believe he listened to your parents and agreed with them! I knew there was something wrong with him that first night at the dance. I said to Killian, 'Killy, no guy that perfect looking survives without a flaw', bet he wears his underwear two days in a row." Mel giggled at her own little joke. She even made me smile a bit.
As we pulled into the parking lot my eyes searched for Julian's huge Ford, like always, but like every school day in the last nine it's wasn't there. Neither he or nor Avalon had been in school since we broke up. She had called me a few days ago saying she'd be back later in the week but they just wanted to give me some space. She hoped she and I could still be friends. I hadn't said anything, just hung up.
Most days I just wandered from class to class, barely speaking to anyone but Mel. I'd been working on a plan, a plan to make Julian see he couldn't live without me. I didn't know if I had the courage to pull it off but I was going to damn well try.
My anger was always beneath the surface, sometimes things, words or thoughts made it rise, but I had pretty good control over it.
But this day was different, Tuesday and the rest of the week seemed to loom ahead of me like a giant black cloud. Sitting in last period, the November breeze floating through the open door, I felt my anger burst to life. I hated the empty feeling that filled my soul. Abhorred that I woke in the night craving Julian, his presence, his touch, even his smell and I wouldn't have felt that way if Julian hadn't given me his blood, if he'd just let me die.
I tried to use our bond on several occasions but each time just touching his essence had made me cry, but it was different this time, because of my anger. Our bond flared open in my mind and while I was still seeing with my own eyes my surroundings, in my mind I was seeing a dim path to where Julian was.
I stood up, clutching that path and my anger to me like a blanket; I ignored my teacher's protest and walked out of the door. I heard people talking to me as I walked out of school and toward the sidewalk. I shook them off, all I could think of was getting to Julian before he moved and I lost the connection.
I could feel his sadness, blue and dark moving quietly along the blush colored link I saw in my mind, the link that connected us by love and blood. Also covering our connection was a deep bruised purple, my own anguish.
My heart began to beat a little faster as I made my way up the small hill that led to the main road, my short heeled boots leaving depressions in the wet grass. My senses were honed into him, playing an almost sick game of hot or cold. I pulled out my cell phone and my numbing fingers dialed a local cab company.
Waiting, I began to fidget with my clothes, keeping my hands at my sides so not to chew my fingernails. Even now I could hear my mother's reprimand in my head if she saw bitten and uneven nails.
The cab showed up quickly, and I was glad, the bell would ring soon, I was sure to be missed; Mel had been trying to escort me to each of my classes. As we drove I called Mel. I wanted to leave her a message so she wouldn't call my house and freak out mom and dad.
As I climbed into the backseat of the cab I left a brief message telling her where I was going and that I was fine. Hanging up I told the cab driver, an older man who smelled like peppermint, where to head. He looked a little curious, but thankfully didn't ask questions and drove away.
I sat back and closed my eyes, keeping a firm grip on Julian and mine's bond, my stomach growled and I glanced up, a little embarrassed. I hadn't been hungry for days, just my luck my appetite would show up now, at a really bad time. Lethargy also was trying to invade and I had to fight it off, afraid if I fell asleep when I woke up I wouldn't be able to feel Julian at all.
"We're here Miss; do you want me to wait?" The driver pulled to a stop outside the swimming hole. He looked back at me, patiently.
"No, how much?" I grabbed my wallet and gave him the amount due plus a good sized tip, thankful I'd remembered to shove my purse into my backpack that morning.
“You sure you don’t want me to wait? There’s nothing here for miles.” The cabby looked concerned.
“No, I’m meeting someone.”It was only sort of a lie.
I got out of the car and he drove off. My boots and socks slipped off easily and I dropped them into my back pack. Leaving them I walked toward the beach. The sand was heaven between my toes as I looked around. I couldn't see Julian but I could feel him, stronger than ever. Tears began to form in my eyes. I couldn't tell if he was still there or had just barely left. Frustration coursed through me as I turned and peered into the darkness under the trees a few feet away. The smell of vegetation and water drifted around me.
"Rhodanthe, what are you doing here?" My heart leapt as I heard his voice coming from the deepest shade of the trees.
Swallowing I tried to find my voice, almost croaking I whispered, "I love you and you needed to know that not my parents or my death will keep me from you."
He emerged from the shadows and walked slowly toward me, I gulped in air feeling like my lungs had constricted. He looked wonderful, his black hair windblown and those eyes, those blue eyes like gems in the light. He stopped just in front of me.
"I will not cause your death."
I gave him my best smile, " I'm dying Julian, have been for years. I'd rather die loving you than alone."
Julian opened his mouth as if to say something else then shut it. We stood in silence for what seemed like forever, he just looked at me, his gaze taking in every inch of my person.
Finally he let out a breath, a breath I knew he didn’t need, "Rho, dear Goddess! You look horrible. When was the last time you slept?" He wrapped his arms around me and I let out a deep and awful sounding sob. The tension of the last week drained from me in less than five seconds. I felt my shoulders sag, a deep fatigue filled me and my knees gave out. Julian swept me up in his arms cradling me to his chest. It was so good but I blushed anyway, hating to be seen as weak. We stood there together for what seemed like hours, I had no idea how much time had passed I was so happy.
He kissed the top of my head his breath fanning my face; I took a few deep gulps in, my heart feeling better than it had in days. Just his scent gave me a few more precious moments of strength.
"Oh my Rose blossom, it's against my better judgment, but I do so love you." His hands splayed over my hips and back, settling me in a firmer position. "I'm going to take you home, but we will have to run. Is this okay?"
"Of course, just don't drop me." I heard him laugh, we walked to where I'd left my things, he picked them up, slinging them over one shoulder while still holding tight to me and then we were off.
It was cold and fast, exhilarating. I kept my eyes closed; fingers buried in his tight white t-shirt and loved every minute of it. The only thing I saw was the inside of my eye lids and all I felt was the chilling wind and hard texture of Julian's chest under his shirt.
It was over too soon. We stopped, in a fluid motion, and I opened my eyes. The sun set was beautiful, orange with deep splashes of crimson. We stood there for a while before I noticed we were outside my house. A couple of the lights were on and I knew my parents were home. Nothing seemed hectic, so I figured Mel had covered for me and vowed to make it up to her later.
"No, I don't want to go in, I don't want to leave you," I told Julian as he set me down on the lawn. The grass was dry and crinkled under my bare feet. I was sleepy and had to rub my eyes, feeling about four years old.
"Oh I'm not leaving you, but love; I'm not welcome in your parent's house. So you go in and upstairs to bed, I'll wait for you there." Julian wrapped an arm around me as I almost sagged to the ground tired, I was surprised that I wanted to sleep.
I managed to stand up straight and take a step away from him, once I lost the contact I felt sad again and was worried, what if he wasn't in my room, what if he left again?
"Go on I'll be there," he kissed my lips, soft and tender. He gave me a little push toward my house.
The front door loomed in front of me, I grabbed the silver knob and pushed, the door was unlocked. I dropped my back pack; the house was warm and smelled like basil. At first I wondered if my mom was gardening again, she used to when I was little and our home always smelled like herbs. But then I smelled the garlic and realized she was cooking her famous tofu casserole. For a second I almost gagged but controlled it, all thoughts of my
earlier hunger gone.
As I reached the stairs dad popped his head out of the kitchen door,
“Did you get your project finished?" Ah, so that was the lie Mel gave them.
“Almost.” I replied.
So you want some dinner?" He asked
"No, I'm tired, thought I'd go to bed early." It was a sign of how much they'd been worried that he didn’t glance at the clock and ask me if six wasn't a little early. Instead a look of relief covered his face.
"Ok honey, well goodnight."
At the top of the stairs I thought I was home free and would make it without dealing with my mother. But my luck had run out, right as I was about to open my bedroom door she came from the bathroom and called my name.
I just wanted to ignore her, but ignoring her would have made it worse, instead I turned to her and gave her my best what-I'm-tired-leave-me-alone look.
"A letter came for you today Rhodanthe," she smiled, strained thin, and handed me a letter.
"Thanks Mom," but I was talking to the back of her head she was gone so fast. Flipping over the envelope my heart stilled in my chest, skipping two beats before catching up with itself. I knew the hand writing, had done homework and wrote papers with the owner too many times to not know it. Athol.
Taking a giant gulp of air I leaned up against the wall. If I didn't calm down Julian was going to be able to tell I wasn't okay, even through the plaster and paint. I ripped open the envelope and on very generic notepad paper in pencil was one sentence: Eventually Rho, it'll just take time.
I crumpled it and carefully made my way to the bathroom; I tossed the offending ball into the trash can. I'd known Athol had gotten out of Juvie, but I had a restraining order against him. But I didn't know if it covered letter writing. Going to my parents wasn't an option. I didn't want Julian to know especially not after having just gotten him back. It would scare him and make him angry.
Finally I was able to open my door and walk in. Julian, shoes off, was lying on my bed. I shut the door and clicked the lock behind me.
