Take Me Again

by Carly Phillips

  Dammit. She shook her head and pushed him out of her thoughts.

  Alone in the living room of Ethan’s apartment, she straightened the pillows on the sofa and glanced around. The servers had taken care of the silverware, plates, and glasses, and there wasn’t anything left for her to do. So she headed for the kitchen to make sure things were clean for the morning, killing time and giving Ethan more opportunity to be alone.

  The day had been rough, as funerals tended to be. For Ashley, she’d had the added stress of dealing with people she hadn’t seen in eight years.

  Of facing Sebastian.

  Despite being prepared, seeing him again had been a shock. When she was younger, he’d been a gorgeous guy, a guy who’d seemed to understand her when no one else bothered to care. Until he hadn’t.

  Now, over eight years later, he was an extremely sexy man. He’d filled out, his body muscular, evident even beneath his well-cut suit, his dark hair cut short but stylish, and his face was, in her opinion, a work of art. She could stare at him for hours.

  Which sucked considering she still resented the hell out of him and for damned good reason.

  She’d kept busy throughout the afternoon and evening and managed not to let herself be cornered by him at any point, not that she had the sense he wanted to talk to her. He’d appeared surprised to see her again and definitely puzzled by her relationship with his brother. More than once, she’d caught him staring at her over the top of his tumbler glass, his blue eyes intent as he studied her.

  Just looking at him brought her back to the past. She braced both hands against the stainless-steel sink and sighed, remembering his betrayal as if it were yesterday. She might have been the one to come on to him, a teenage girl certain she knew what she wanted, but he hadn’t pushed her away. They’d been caught together by his father. Yet the next morning, as she’d made her way downstairs, hoping adult tempers had cooled down, she’d heard voices coming from his father’s study.

  “I think boarding school abroad is the smartest, safest option,” Alexander Knight had said. “Ashley will make friends there, and it will take the temptation away from Sebastian.” He’d clearly had no problem all but punishing her for their mutual actions.

  She’d flattened herself against the wall outside the study, where the door was partially open.

  “I agree,” her mother had said, not in the least bit concerned about sending her daughter away. Ashley had been hurt but not surprised. Jocelyn had probably seen boarding school as a benefit, giving her more spa time, she still thought bitterly. Although she had made peace with her mother, spoke to her occasionally and on holidays, she’d never forgotten the woman hadn’t been there for her when Ashley was growing up.

  “It’s not right,” Ethan had said, standing up for Ashley. Being there as he’d been from that day on. “Keep her home and let Sebastian get his shit together.”

  Alexander, who didn’t like to make parental decisions, must have been going around the room, taking advice, because Parker spoke up next. “I don’t care,” he said. “Do what you think is right.”

  Switzerland, she thought, even now. It always amused her that though the nickname came originally from his skiing, it fit his placid personality. When it came to family choices, he let things swirl around him, not taking sides.

  “Sebastian? You’ve been silent,” his father said.

  “Come on,” Ethan said. “Keep your dick in your pants and let her stay. She doesn’t deserve to be sent away.”

  Ashley had leaned against the wall outside the study and held her breath, realizing whatever Sebastian said next would determine her fate. She might not love it here, in this big house and new school, but boarding school abroad would be so much worse. Lonelier, she’d thought with a shudder.

  “Jesus Christ. You’re really going to put this on me?” Sebastian had asked, sounding pissed.

  “You’re older,” Ethan reminded him. “You can control yourself.”

  “She runs around the house in tight sweats and doesn’t wear a bra. I’m only human,” Sebastian muttered.

  “And that answers that. Discussion closed,” Alexander said. “I’ll call my contacts abroad and see if I can get her into a good school come September.” He paused, then, “Behave yourself for the rest of the summer,” he muttered to his son.

  To this day, Ashley’s stomach lurched when she thought of how they’d discussed her life as if she were a thing to be bounced around without thought or care. All because Sebastian hadn’t spoken up. Hadn’t said he’d keep his hands to himself so she could stay.

  Blowing out a deep breath at the memory, she straightened her shoulders, reminding herself it was in the past. Just because she was here for Ethan now didn’t mean she had to deal with Sebastian. That decided, she headed into Ethan’s study, where he’d holed up after the apartment emptied out.

  She stepped inside to find him staring out the window into the dark night, his thoughts probably on his deceased wife.

  “Hey,” she said softly.

  He turned to face her, deep grooves around his mouth. “I don’t know how to thank you. I know what it took for you to come today. To face everyone after all this time.”

  She swallowed hard. From the moment her fate had been sealed in that study, she hadn’t seen any point in coming back. Hadn’t considered the Knights family in any way. Until Ethan had shown up on her doorstep at school. He’d been the big brother she’d never had, always a presence in her life, showing up for her in ways no one else ever had.

  “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” She walked over and took his hand. “I’m here for you as long as you need me.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “I have an extra room for you to stay in,” he said, gesturing across the apartment.

  She shook her head. “I don’t want to get in the way.” He needed time alone, to grieve. “I made a hotel reservation.”

  “How long are you in town for?” he asked.

  She shrugged. “As long as I feel it’s necessary.” If she left it up to him, he’d tell her he was fine. That she didn’t need to stay. She knew better. He’d never really lean on other people unless forced to.

  Jonathan had called her a few times, but Ashley hadn’t answered, not wanting to deal with his persistence about the proposal she’d turned down.

  “Look, we have a company-owned apartment in the building, where family and friends stay when they’re in town,” Ethan said, interrupting her thoughts. “It’s fully furnished. You can use it while you’re here. Stay here tonight and we’ll get you settled in tomorrow. I’ll feel better knowing you’re close by.”

  She knew he was throwing that last line out there so she wouldn’t argue. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” she asked.

  He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “Nope.”

  “Okay. I’ll stay there.”

  He managed a smile. “Which brings me to another point.” He paused, and she knew, without a doubt, what the topic was going to be. “Cut Sebastian some slack? He was just a kid when things happened between you.”

  She swallowed hard. “It’s complicated, Ethan. It’s not just because we were caught making out. I don’t blame him for that. We were both young and stupid.”

  It was what she’d overheard that stayed with her, even now. How he’d all but thrown her out of the house without thought. But she wasn’t about to bother Ethan with the past. Not now.

  “Don’t worry. I can be civil,” she assured him. As long as Sebastian gave her a wide berth, she thought. But to Ethan, she said, “You won’t have to worry about me being around your brother.” She was here to make Ethan’s life easier, not more difficult.

  But the playboy wasn’t someone she wanted in her life in any form.

  Chapter Three

  Ethan had insisted on going back to work almost immediately, so for the rest of the family and their employees, life went on as usual. Except for Sebastian, who now had to deal with Ashley being around
, at the office and at his brother’s apartment, a constant fixture, taking care of Ethan.

  She brought him homemade muffins and Starbucks in the morning, made sure he ate lunch in the afternoons, and the nights Sebastian or his siblings showed up with dinner for Ethan, Ashley was there, her fitted but obviously expensive dresses hugging her body, her warm vanilla scent permeating the air. If he thought she’d been a temptation when he was younger, she was even more of an enticement now.

  Except now she didn’t give him the time of day, and it pissed him off. He wasn’t a bad guy, and they’d both had a role in getting caught together.

  So what was her problem with him?

  Not wanting to cause trouble and upset Ethan, he let it go, ignoring the subtle tension for days, until he came back from lunch to hear female laughter. Sierra, who headed the social media division of the company, and Ashley stood together in the break room, drinking from Starbucks cups and laughing over something, big smiles on their faces. They’d obviously broken the ice that had existed between them from the past. Ashley could get over whatever differences she’d had with Sierra.

  Just not with him.

  Coming on top of his bruised feelings concerning his family’s treatment, it hurt. So when Sierra headed for her office, Sebastian rose to his feet and strode to the break room, determined to have it out with Ashley, once and for all.

  He stepped into the room as she dumped her coffee cup into the trash. She glanced up, met his gaze, and started to walk around him, in a sudden hurry to leave. His gaze took in her deep purple dress, wound tight around her ample breasts, small waist, and still-enticing ass.

  Ignoring his cock, which had definitely taken notice, he cleared his throat. “Ashley.”

  She froze in the doorway and turned, eyebrows raised as she waited to hear what he had to say.

  “This is ridiculous. You, me, this cold war we’ve got going on.” He extended a hand in peace. “What do you say?” He braced himself, ready for the slide of her hand against his skin.

  But she ignored the gesture, her eyes frosty, and despite her rebuffing him, he found something sexy about the cool blue stare.

  “There’s no cold war, Sebastian. I just have nothing to say to you.” She drew back her shoulders, the dress pulling tighter over her breasts.

  “Are you really holding a grudge over something we both played a role in?” He didn’t add that she’d initiated the encounter, that she’d come on to him. He didn’t think she’d appreciate the reminder.

  A slow smile spread across her glossed lips. “You think that’s why I have no desire to engage in small talk? Or have any kind of relationship? No. That’s not it.” She shook her head. “I can take responsibility for my role in what happened between us. I’m well aware I started things.”

  “Then–”

  She stepped closer, her scent pervading his senses, going right to his dick.

  “I was there, Sebastian. I heard what you said to your father in his study. You were the one thing that stood between me being completely cut off from the world I knew. You were eighteen and you didn’t step up and say, hey, I’ll behave. Keep Ashley home. So if you’re wondering why I have no use for you, now you know.”

  He blinked in surprise, her words coming out like a verbal slap. Jesus. All these years, and he’d had no idea she’d been outside that room. Shame filled him as it always did when he remembered that time. In the moment, he hadn’t believed his dad would ship Ashley abroad. And when he’d realized his father had been serious about boarding school, he’d gone to the man’s study to ask him to change his mind. “Too late, son. Money paid. Nonrefundable. It’s a done deal.”

  “I was young and I fucked up,” Sebastian admitted out loud to her, wanting her to know he understood.

  She narrowed her gaze. “You sure did. And now I’d appreciate it if you left me alone.”

  He did his best not to wince or react to her barbed words, instead trying one more time to get past her walls. “It’s been eight years,” he reminded her. “I’m not the same man I was then.”

  She raised one eyebrow in disbelief. “Really? From what I understand, your habits regarding women and booze haven’t changed much. And frankly, I don’t care. I’m just here for Ethan.”

  He hated the fact that her words had merit, that Ethan had probably clued her in to his partying ways.

  He shook his head, knowing there was no way she’d soften. So he opted for the question still nagging at him. “Just what is your relationship with my brother?” he asked.

  “He’s been my rock,” she said simply. “He kept in touch after I was sent away. He made sure I had a semblance of family. Someone to care when I had a birthday or at Christmas.”

  Jesus, Sebastian thought. And he’d had no fucking clue. Worse, he hadn’t given those things a thought.

  “So if coming home to help him means I have to deal with you, so be it,” Ashley said, unaware of the turmoil rushing through him. “But I’d appreciate it if you’d make it easy for me and keep your distance.” And on that statement, she flipped her long blonde hair over her shoulder, a clear dismissal, as she walked past him, head held high.

  Fuck.

  Even after all this time, she had every right to be pissed at him.

  The truth ate away at him until he couldn’t focus or sit still in his seat. The appointment he had at three came at an opportune time. He told his secretary he was leaving and headed out of the office, then stopped to pick up Chinese before going home with takeout loaded in a paper bag. The whiskey from the night of the funeral was waiting for him, too.

  He ate.

  He drank.

  He felt like shit, his family’s unwillingness to take him seriously, to include him in the important parts of their life, wrecking him. And Ashley’s anger, over eight years old but legitimate, twisted in his gut.

  He took a healthy sip from the tumbler, forced to look deep and acknowledging at last, in his heart, their characterization of him had merit, no matter that he’d had his reasons.

  His mother had died just as he was finishing middle school and entering high school, and they’d been close. He’d confided in her, had fun with her, loved her. Watching her grow frail as cancer ate away at her devastated him. And the fact that his father was never around, that he’d never bothered to hide his affairs – he smelled of perfume when he came home, if he came home at all—made Sebastian angry at the world.

  Elizabeth Knight passed away at home and Sebastian reeled, acting out as much and as often as he could. Not even Ethan’s calming presence – he’d returned home from Duke University in North Carolina and enrolled at New York University – kept Sebastian in line. He’d made damned sure his father had his hands full bailing him out of trouble. From cheating to skipping class, bailing on school altogether, to drinking and smoking, cigarettes and marijuana, and getting caught, Sebastian had done it all.

  And Alexander Knight had had to tap-dance to keep his son in the private school that meant so much to the man. He was on a first-name basis with the cops who brought Sebastian home. A shrink might say Sebastian was looking for attention from his old man, but Sebastian himself thought he just wanted his father to pay. In time, in money, in any way he could for what he’d done to Sebastian’s mom.

  The years of partying continued through college and business school, but he did take work seriously, had believed he’d stepped up to perform his role in Knight Time Technology. Obviously, though, his siblings didn’t see him the same way.

  And as he glanced around, he was forced to admit the truth—from the pool table in the middle of the family room to the liquor cabinet, healthily stocked and well used, to the women listed by first names and reminders like “red everywhere” noted in his phone—the way he lived backed up Ashley’s claim and his family’s view of him. He really hadn’t changed, and it had taken Mandy’s death and Ashley’s return to point out that ugly fact.

  He glanced at the tumbler in his hand and frowned, throwing it ag
ainst the wall, watching as it shattered, gold liquid staining the wall and dripping onto the floor.

  It was embarrassing, he thought, having lived his life and not realized how his siblings saw him. How Ashley saw him. It was as if he’d been in a bubble, behaving no better than his father, doing what he desired without thought to those around him. Without even caring enough about himself.

  Was that what he wanted? To do his job but be a waste of space otherwise?

  Hell no, he thought, waking himself up and acknowledging the kind of man he wanted to be. A better man than his father was. A man his brothers could count on, be proud of. A man his sister could turn to for anything and know he’d be there, not out partying or fucking when his family was trying desperately to reach him.

  And a man Ashley could look at not with disgust and condemnation but with respect.

  * * *

  Sebastian woke up the next morning, surprisingly clearheaded and ready to deal with the day and the people in his life. Feeling uplifted and determined, he showered and put on his suit because he had scheduled business meetings, and made himself a cup of coffee, downing it before heading downstairs to the convenience store across the street to pick up something important.

  Then he walked to the elevator so he could head upstairs to where Ashley now lived.

  They needed to have a conversation. One that changed the direction of their relationship. And they would have a relationship, because another thing had become clear to him as he lay in bed last night, trying to fall asleep.

  She meant something to him. She always had.

  Many women had come and gone from his life and he’d been unable or unwilling to commit. For good reason, he realized now. None had been Ashley. Seeing her again had been the kick in the ass he needed to realize something had been missing from his life, and there was every possibility it was Ashley.