Reach for a Star

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘It’s only money,’ he said as he took her jacket before leading her into the living room. ‘Nothing important, nothing that matters. I’m going to take a quick shower. Would you like a drink?’

  ‘Anything containing alcohol would be great.’ She felt she was going to need it.

  He gave her the smallest of smiles before disappearing, presumably into the kitchen. He reappeared a minute later carrying a glass of red wine. ‘Make yourself at home. I won’t be long.’

  The moment he was gone she took a large gulp of wine. Shit, why was she here? This man didn’t need her in his life.

  But then she remembered how distraught he’d been in New York. How he’d sent her tickets to his performance, turned up at her door.

  Given up performing.

  He might not need her, but if there was the slightest chance he still wanted her, then she was damn well going to bury her pride and snatch it.

  He was true to his word. Five minutes later he walked back in dressed in a black shirt and black dress trousers, holding a tumbler of whiskey. His feet were bare which made her shiver.

  ‘Are you cold?’

  How to explain it was desire, not temperature that had sent tremors through her? ‘No, I’m fine, thank you. I see you’ve abandoned the idea of jeans.’

  He gave her an odd look, something like pain flashing fleetingly across his face. ‘I haven’t felt like wearing them recently.’

  His admission gave her a dart of hope. Maybe she was reading too much into it but when he’d been with her he’d relaxed into jeans. Now he was back to formal again.

  ‘So.’ He took a swallow of drink before perching on the arm of the sofa furthest away from her. ‘You said you had some things to say to me.’

  ‘Why did you come and see me last Sunday?’

  His face remained expressionless. Only a tightening of his jaw told her he wasn’t as cool as he was trying to appear. ‘The reason is now redundant.’

  She thought she knew what he was referring to but he was sitting so far away from her and looking so aloof, so cold. How could she spill her feelings to him? ‘Why is it redundant?’

  He looked at her sharply. ‘You know why. You’ve moved on.’

  ‘What if I haven’t?’ Her voice held a tremor she couldn’t shake.

  ‘Stop playing games with me, Jessie. You know how I feel about you. I’ve never hidden that from you. Never.’

  As he spoke his mask slipped and she glimpsed his pain. Shamed, she squeezed her eyes shut, holding back the tears. She’d hated the woman that had first trampled all over his heart, leaving him simply because he wasn’t rich enough. Had she been just as cruel though? She hadn’t been strong enough to give their relationship a chance, hadn’t believed in them enough to risk continuing.

  ‘For a woman who said she wanted to talk, you’ve not said much so far.’

  ‘Last Sunday, when you visited my house, you put two and two together and made five.’ She hesitated, looking to Michael for encouragement, but his face wasn’t giving anything away. ‘John is just a friend. He did want to be more,’ she admitted, noticing his knuckles whiten as his hand tightened round the glass.

  ‘I knew it. Knew from the way he looked at you at that football match.’

  She lifted her eyes to his. ‘That day you came round, I’d invited John over with the aim of moving on, but even before he arrived I realised it was no use. There was no spark. I told him there would be nothing between us but friendship.’

  Michael rose jerkily to his feet. ‘So you’re looking to move on – your words – but not with John?’

  Slowly she shook her head, her heart thumping wildly. ‘How could I go out with anyone else after what I’ve shared with you?’

  He didn’t drop his glass and rush into her arms, as she’d hoped. Instead he frowned. ‘Yet you didn’t come to the concert. You must have known how I’d feel when they told me Jack and Luke had come with Annabel, not you.’ His voice took on a raw edge as he relived the moment. ‘I’ve no idea how I managed to perform that night. I wanted to scream, to put thumb screws on Annabel to make her tell me why you hadn’t come rather than fob me off with an excuse about you not being up to it. I should have understood what was staring me in the face. You’d sent me the clearest signal that you still didn’t want anything to do with me.’

  Jessie was no longer able to keep a check on her emotions. ‘That’s not true,’ she choked out. ‘I didn’t go precisely because I was still in love with you.’ Surprise flashed across his face before he quickly masked it. ‘I was a coward,’ she said quietly. ‘Too scared to reopen deep wounds I’d spent months trying to heal. What was the point of torturing myself when nothing in our circumstances had changed? Besides, I didn’t know how you felt. I didn’t know what was behind your gesture.’

  ‘You thought I just wanted to fill empty seats?’

  ‘I didn’t know,’ she reiterated, wiping her cheeks. ‘We hardly parted on good terms and I knew you’d have no shortage of women willing to take my place. Maybe Georgina, because we all know how much she wanted that.’

  She stared miserably at him, wondering if there was any hope for them any more. Maybe there was too much hurt, too much distrust.

  Slowly Michael stood and went to sit beside her. Her pulse leapt as he reached for her hand. ‘I’ve not been able to look at another woman since you walked out on me.’

  She couldn’t help but feel dubious. ‘Even Georgina?’

  His eyes slid away from hers, staring out of the window. ‘Georgina did come on to me once.’

  Jessie recoiled, trying to snatch away her hand, but he held it firm. ‘She was drunk, I turned her down. She apologised the next day and said no more about it until the night of The Palladium concert.’ He touched her face, forcing her to meet his eyes. ‘She realised then how much I loved you and handed in her resignation. I let her leave straight away and haven’t seen her since.’

  Jessie felt a brief pang of pity for her but then Michael was ducking his head, his mouth hovering. His beautiful eyes searching hers. ‘Since the day I met you there has only ever been you, Jessie,’ he said softly. ‘Only you.’

  He lowered his lips to hers and Jessie was lost, submerged in the familiar feel of his mouth on hers, the smell of expensive aftershave. The arousing movement of his tongue as he swept it over her lips and into her mouth. ‘God, how I’ve missed you,’ he said on a strangled moan before returning his hot, needy mouth to hers, silencing them both.

  Somehow she ended up in his bed, tangled in his sheets, exhausted and satiated. She registered that it was late, but didn’t have the energy, or the inclination to do anything about going home. She wanted to stay cocooned in his bed, snug against his body.

  His arm wrapped around her and he tugged her closer. ‘Have you got to get home for the boys?’

  ‘No, they’re staying with Annabel.’

  The face that had been so aloof, so unreadable an hour ago lit up and love blazed in his eyes. ‘Good.’

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Michael woke to a rare deep feeling of contentment. His groin was resting against soft curves, his chest against a warm back, his arm wrapped around a naked female body.

  Desire pulsed through him and he shifted closer still, tracing his fingers over her skin. But as he raised on his elbow to look at her, he was alarmed to see she was wide-awake, and staring into space.

  Fear almost paralysed him. ‘Jessie?’

  She gave a start, then rolled over to face him, her mouth slowly curving. ‘Good morning.’

  Her smile eased his worry slightly, but there was something in her eyes, a troubled look he didn’t like.

  ‘Any regrets?’ He almost choked on the words.

  Her eyes flew open. ‘Of course not.’ With a happy sounding exhale she touched his face, her hands feeling so good he felt like purring. ‘Of course not,’ she repeated, her voice softer the second time, the emphasis making it sound firmer, more certain.

  He relaxed
, taking hold of her hand and kissing the palm. ‘Thank God for that. You looked so pensive just now.’

  She smiled into his eyes. ‘I’m exactly where I want to be. But,’ the word sent prickles of fear racing across his skin, ‘there are a couple of things we should have talked about yesterday before…’ A faint blush appeared on her face. ‘Before we got carried away.’

  Her pink cheeks, tousled hair, sexy eyes. She was irresistible. Dipping his head he kissed her, tasting her, inhaling her. ‘I’m ready to get carried away all over again.’

  She smiled against his lips. ‘Sounds good.’ But then she drew away slightly, though her arms were still around his neck. ‘Though perhaps we should talk first.’

  ‘Can we do it here?’

  She dropped a series of soft kisses across his face, then down his neck and onto his chest, making him groan. ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Carry on doing that and the talking will have to wait,’ he warned.

  She sat up, hugging the duvet to her chest. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No.’ Taking hold of her he turned her so she was sitting between his legs, her back to his chest, his arms around her. ‘Never be sorry for kissing me. Now tell me the things you need to discuss that are stopping me from making love to you.’

  She sank back against him, angling her head so she could catch his eye. ‘Why did you give up touring?’

  He let out a soft laugh. ‘You know why. I knew it was at least one of the things stopping you from seeing me. I thought if I could remove that barrier, it would give me a chance with you.’

  She twisted around on his lap to face him. ‘But you love performing.’

  ‘I love you one hell of a lot more.’

  Her expression softened but then she bit into her lip, shaking her head. ‘I don’t want you to give it up for me. You once told me being on stage is the only time you feel like the man you want to be.’

  His eyes skimmed over her face before settling on hers. ‘That used to be true, before I met you. Now with you on my arm, in my bed, in my life, I’m not just the man I always wanted to be. I’m the smug, happy bastard I used to envy.’

  Her eyes glistened and she leant forward, kissing him with the utmost tenderness. ‘I didn’t realise you were such a romantic.’

  He moved his hands to her hips, holding her lightly. ‘You bring it out in me.’

  ‘So you really want to give up performing?’

  ‘Not performing,’ he corrected. ‘Touring. I’ll still do one-off shows, but I’ll fit them round my life, rather than the other way round.’ He smoothed back a curl that had fallen across her forehead. ‘I don’t want to be apart from you for any length of time ever again. That’s what I came round to your house to tell you last Sunday. Until my pride, and then John, got in the way,’ he added ruefully.

  She nodded, taking in a deep breath, but there was still a wrinkle in her forehead. Worry in her eyes. ‘Okay, but I don’t want you giving it up for me. If you want to keep touring I will learn to live with it. That’s one of the things I came round to tell you last night.’ She laughed, looking up at him from under her lashes. ‘Until lust got in the way.’

  His fingers tightened on her hips. ‘I can feel it getting in the way again. Better make the next item quicker.’

  Jessie squirmed on his thighs, his desire sending her own body into a heightened sense of arousal. Her breasts, between her legs, her whole body hummed. But what she had to say was too important, too serious to be overlooked.

  ‘I’m sorry I hurt you. That I didn’t have enough faith in you, in us.’ She dropped her eyes. ‘In myself.’

  He tucked a stray curl back behind her ear. ‘It’s okay. It’s in the past now, I hope.’

  ‘I was scared it was all just a dream. That when you woke up you’d look at me and wonder what you were doing.’

  He gave a huff of frustration. ‘I told you I loved you, Jessie. I’ve only told one other woman that.’

  Jessie dipped her head, ashamed. ‘I know and she hurt you, just like I did.’

  He tapped her face, making her look at him. ‘Why would you think I didn’t mean it?’

  Her eyes skimmed over his film star face, down to the hard muscles of his chest. ‘You and your,’ she waved her hand, ‘general magnificence. It always seemed so out of reach. I felt any moment you’d notice we didn’t match and kick me into touch.’

  His head snapped back. ‘Didn’t match?’ He smoothed a hand across her forehead, down the side of her face. ‘Do you know what I see when I look at you?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘I see a woman who has no idea how utterly gorgeous she is.’ With his index finger he gently outlined her face. ‘A beautiful, sexy, clever, unspoilt, funny, genuine, down to earth, warm-hearted woman who came into my life and gave it meaning. Someone I love to the very core of my being, who I never want to lose again. Someone I hope will understand that we were made for each other, irrespective of how different our lives might currently appear.’ He feathered kisses across her cheeks, down her neck. ‘I was always worried any moment you’d realise I was a fake. That beneath the celebrity gloss, the man you once had a crush on wasn’t who you thought he was. I’m too introverted, too standoffish, too ordinary when you, dear Jessie, are extraordinary.’

  Her heart couldn’t get any fuller. All this while she’d been concerned with her own doubts, forgetting that he’d have some, too. She’d done what he’d always asked her not too, and treated him as a celebrity. Not the modest, slightly insecure man she’d discovered.

  ‘Michael we still live two hours away from each other. I still have two boys. Can we really make this work?’

  ‘Yes.’ His lips brushed over hers, caressing, teasing. ‘I love you, Jessie Simmons. One day, when Jack and Luke approve of me, and when I’ve gained your trust sufficiently that you know we will always belong together, I’ll ask you to marry me.’

  Her heart stopped beating for a moment. ‘Marry me?’

  ‘Absolutely. So you’d better start thinking what your answer might be.’

  Laughter bubbled out of her just as tears sprung from her eyes. She felt giddy, gloriously happy. Head over heels in love with this beautiful man. ‘I won’t need long.’

  ‘Good, because I’m hoping it won’t take long to convince the three of you that I’m here to stay.’

  She sighed into his arms, closing her eyes as his own wrapped around her, surrounding her in a hot, muscular blanket.

  Then suddenly she snapped back, putting a hand to her mouth. ‘What time is it?’

  Michael glanced at the bedside table. ‘Eleven thirty.’

  ‘Shit, the boys. Annabel. I need to phone her and let her know where I am.’

  ‘I think she might guess,’ he pointed out dryly. ‘But be my guest.’

  He nodded towards the phone by his bed and she scrambled over to it.

  ‘Annabel, it’s me.’

  ‘Thank heavens. Are you okay?’

  ‘I’m better than okay.’ She glanced over to Michael who was smiling, amusement and a hint of smug in his expression. ‘I’m with Michael.’

  ‘Well, thank the Lord for that. For a moment I thought you’d shacked up with someone else for the night.’

  ‘Funny woman.’

  ‘So are you two good?’

  ‘Yes, very good. Very, very good.’ Michael raised a brow and she giggled, losing herself in his brilliant eyes for a moment before dragging her gaze away. ‘Don’t tell the boys yet. I’ll broach it with them when I get home.’

  ‘Err, that might be a bit difficult. You’re on speakerphone.’

  As Jessie went hot and cold, thinking about what she’d said, she heard Jack and Luke laughing loudly in the background.

  ‘Way to go, Mum!’ she heard Luke shouting into the phone.

  ‘He’s obviously never met Taylor Swift.’ That was Jack’s deadpan voice.

  Jessie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘I love you all,’ she managed, her voice on the verge of brea
king. ‘I’ll be home soon.’

  ‘We love you too. No need to rush back.’ Annabel had clearly taken the phone off speaker mode, as her voice added softly. ‘Take your time, Jessie. Enjoy the moment.’

  Eyes brimming with tears she put the phone back on the bedside table.

  ‘What was that about Taylor Swift?’

  Amusement danced in Michael’s eyes. Amusement and so much love. Jessie had to swallow several times before she could speak. ‘Long story.’

  ‘I have met her, you know.’

  ‘Of course you have.’

  He nodded, clearly struggling to maintain a straight face. ‘She’s pretty hot.’

  ‘Is she now?’ Jessie wriggled round so she was straddling him. ‘But can she sing like me?’

  Michael’s valiant efforts not to laugh, were starting to fail. ‘I can state, quite categorically, that she can’t sing like you.’ He dipped to kiss her. ‘Not many can.’

  Then he burst into laughter.

  Epilogue

  ‘Jack, Luke, will you please look after your sister for a minute? I can hear her crying.’

  ‘It’s okay, Mum, we’ve got it covered.’

  The cries stopped, and minutes later the giggles began. Cute little two-year-old girlie giggles. Giggles that Lucy reserved specially for her big brothers.

  ‘Hey, Mum, that’s Michael coming up the drive. He’s home!’

  Thrusting the washing she’d been collecting back in the linen basket, she dashed over to the huge bay window of the beautiful Georgian house they’d bought soon after they’d got back together. Just before they’d got married.

  Sure enough, there was Michael, extracting his long frame from the low-slung sports car he’d insisted on buying himself a few months ago. There were now five of them, and the sports car could only fit two adults and one and half midgets, but Michael had been adamant that he still needed some credibility. If not with the public, he had argued, then at least with her sons. So the sensible four by four was considered her car, and the sexy sports car his. Which about summed them up, she thought with a smile, though it no longer made her feel insecure. Through some quirk in his nature, he had decided to make her the love of his life. She no longer questioned why. She just put all her heart and soul into loving him back.