● Forced smiles. (In other words, not smiling with their eyes).
● One word answers.
What has/is hurting them:
Discover what has and currently is hurting them, and you can use this to your advantage. If you’ve noticed people who return to their lovers who mentally destroy them, it’s because the person hurting them has touched a wound. If you’ve read the first book, you may remember the section about pouring alcohol on their wounds, then soothing their wounds. We do this when making someone obsessed with us, because we are wired to seek out things, friends, partners and circumstances that reflect our deepest emotional wounds until the wounds are healed. However, most people aren’t even aware that most if not all, of their actions are based on reflecting this wound. Leverage your victim’s lack of awareness, and discover what injuries them through their body language.
Sad and disappointed body language:
● Head bowed down.
● Closed body language.
● Frown - mouth turned down.
● Back, hunched.
● Shoulders forward.
Angry body language:
● Glare
● Furrowed eyebrows.
● Tightened lips/mouth.
● Tightened muscles.
What makes them happy/what their values are:
Provoking someone’s deepest wounds is just one of the very few things to make someone obsessed with you. Getting along is something that’s very valuable, especially if you plan on having them stick around for a long period. How do you do this? Have similar values. Not having identical values, would mean a lack of happiness which is what we’re driven to seek. How do you ascertain your victim’s values? An exercise was given to us when I attended life coaching college. The name of the game escapes my mind, but we’ll call it: The Hell Game. Imagine you reside in hell. Hell is a place that you would without a doubt - loathe. The government has created rules that would make hell, hell. Jot down the rules that would make hell, hell.
Here was my list:
● You were prohibited to speak.
● No flossing, showers.
● No learning.
Everyone in the class had different answers. The purpose of the game was to detect what your values are. Sounds simple, maybe even a little childish but I’ll explain the exercise to you. Many people become depressed when they can’t live by their values. Hell represented what not living by your values meant. The items on the list represent a deeper meaning: what you truly value. Being prohibited to speak means I value self expression, especially verbally. No flossing, and showers means I value personal hygiene. The last one I placed on the list would is evident: I value learning and the acquisition of knowledge.
Now, you’re not going to sit down with your target, place a piece of paper and do this exercise with them. That would be dubious to say the least, unless you have that relationship with them. Otherwise, do this exercise without them realizing. Inspect what angers them, what truly breaks their heart. Observing their body language would aid in gaining a clear comprehension of what their values are. Particularly happy body language, but also refer to sad, and angry body language above.
Happy body language:
● Generally relaxed, shoulders back. Muscles relaxed.
● Calm voice.
● Movement fluid.
Not only does body language hold value to conceiving what makes them happy, whether or not they are lying and what makes them feel sorrow, but it can also assist in further unearthing some of the other sections in this book such as defense mechanisms, partners in past lovers and the like.
Chapter Three
Their Past
It is rare people see the world for what it is. Essentially we are walking filters; projecting our past experiences onto our present experience. People easily manipulated are unaware of the workings of their minds, ignorant of their destructive search for the past to repeat itself again. Take control of your victim by replaying the past they continue to search for. Within this chapter are the major factors that determine how you replay your target’s past.
Transport Your Target to Childhood
Readers ask me what inspired the beginning of my books. The simple answer would be my crooked family. The parental techniques were built on a strict foundation of power dynamics. At a young age, using my sexuality to obtain my heart’s desires, and exploiting men was encouraged - if not the norm. Their parenting techniques primed me to seek out power. Using my desires for good, came the creation of this book.
Why is this important?
Our relationships with our parents shaped and molded our perceptions - which become our reality. When we were born, we were a blank canvas. The painters of our empty canvas were our parents and/or guardians. The canvas being your mind, and the parents/guardians using the paint brushes to shape and mold your beliefs and perceptions of the world - including love.
A small number of people are aware of the workings of their families, thus yielding to these passed down beliefs. Most people don't stop to wonder: why do I believe this? Why do I behave this way? This loophole in the ignorant human psyche, is where people like us come in; the manipulators, the highly functioning sociopaths, and power seekers.
There are two factors with regards to how our parents/guardians/family influence our perspectives on love. The first factor is your beliefs. Second; what characteristics you seek in prospective partners. If a child witnesses abuse between their parents - they’ll believe that’s what love is supposed to be. Correlating the first example with the second one - the person with this belief will seek out a partner who will validate these beliefs. In this case, a partner who may be abusive.
How to find out their relationship with their parents:
There are specific questions you should ask if you want to understand your target’s relationship with their parents. Firstly, how and what you ask about their relationship with their parents or guardians depends solely on the kind of relationship you have with them, currently. On the contrary, if you’ve developed a close relationship - this is your cue to ask anything you’d need to know for your benefit. Listen for specific things like if they are close with their family. Observe any patterns in your conversations about their parents. Most people are comfortable discussing their family relations. If not - you’d have a lead. The more dysfunctional the family is, the easier it is to control your target.
Example:
Here I’ll discuss two perfect examples. Jamie* lacked security in her family. Security was what she desperately wanted. There were many indirect ways I provided security for her. One of the few things was displaying a calm and collected mindset. I was firm about my decisions, and made some suggestions about activities we could do during our meetups - that implied how stable I was. Activities such as going to a cafe, having a healthy dinner, and if the weather permitted it - a walk in the park. These activities were the complete opposite of what her standard friends would do: clubbing, drugs, drinking, and the like. She came to me to provide her deepest need: security.
The second example is a textbook case of a person seeking his parental characteristics in his partner. Ryan* is an attractive young man - and knows it. Getting any girl to be his girlfriend was easy for him. There was a pattern for him, he seemed to attract partners who were party goers, and drug users. These women were somehow tied to his mother. Obtaining drugs, alcohol and free passes to parties. Like the women, Ryan's mother had her own choice of drugs: money and power. The ways these women went after drugs, were the same ways Ryan's mother retrieved money and power.
However, one girl came into the picture that got him to commit. While the other women shared similar traits, this girl shared one trait with his mother no other girl has: this woman ridiculed him, criticized him, made him feel unworthy. They're still together. This is the longest he's ever been with a woman.
Our subconscious minds search for people who inflict pain on our deepest wounds. This is because it thinks it is healing
itself by finding more wounds, and it is familiar to us.
What to do with this information:
Listen closely to how they describe their relationship with their parents.
Display their parents or guardian's traits they like, and validate their beliefs on love created by their parents. This is why you see people who lived in abusive households and you wonder why they can't just leave their abusive relationship - after all, it is the most logical solution - right? Try to avoid any parental traits your target despises in their parental figures.
Attachment Styles
What is it?
Attachments styles are ways we attach ourselves in relationships. These develop during our childhood. Our relationships with our parents and/or guardians create our attachment style. There are four main attachment styles in the world of psychology today.
Why is this important to know:
For obsession to occur, you must make your victim attached. How? By uncovering their attachment styles, and appealing to it.
Secure Attachment:
This kind is independent within the relationship, without feeling like they’re someone else's other half. They are whole and complete.
How you can tell:
● These people are usually confident.
● They don't hide/mask their emotions unless they have to.
● They're open, and won't back away from anything emotional.
● They're proud, but humble.
● They don't run away from love, but they aren't forcing it either.
● Don't get jealous of other people's success - they cheer for them.
● They don't play mind games. (Like we do).
Usually in manipulation we seek out things that people are missing. Secure people aren't missing much. The key is, (this quote) "when you nag control, emasculate weak men, they will bend to your will. Strong men will push you away.” -Evan Mark Catz
This doesn't only apply to men, this is for anyone with a secure attachment style. If they are aware of your games, they will back away. Confident and happier people are much harder to seduce. There's no turning back with this kind of attachment style - they will stand their ground.
Example:
Raquel communicates her needs, and understands them. If something bothers her, she’ll share her concerns in an assertive manner. She doesn’t play games, and will definitely call you out once she realizes you are playing games. Raquel is real, genuine and expects the best, and only the best. She is confident, but not cold hearted.
How to work with this style:
There is a difference between manipulation and growth. Manipulation keeps someone insecure, so you can control them. Growth helps someone grow past their insecurities, and weaknesses - so they can blossom into the beautiful flowers they are!
Confident people are internally dependent, and will work on turning their insecurities into strengths. If you can find a loophole, an insecurity, a lack, they are unaware of - work with that. The main point is - they are unaware of it. This will give you a mysterious seductive effect on them.
Dismissive Avoidant Attachment:
This is the cold person in the relationship. It appears they don't need you. They're cold, and will often disassociate from you - and the entire world.
How you can tell:
● Come off as indifferent.
● SEEM very independent.
● Easy to dismiss you.
● Will emotionally shut down.
● Push you away.
● Abandon you.
● May isolate themselves.
● Seem disassociated from the world.
Example:
Dismissive avoidants often appear cold, but they do care. They have shut down their emotions, and are no longer in touch with them. There was someone I met, who we will call Richard. Richard appeared to have a cold dismissive attitude during our time together. All I had to do was discover the source of his coldness. Just as I had suspected - it was his mother. Simple little sayings such as “you’re such a baby - stop your moaning and complaining”. “Real men don’t act like women.” Phrases like these can unconsciously train a child to shut their emotions out. Society has conditioned us to associate feeling and expressing our emotions as “girly” meaning weak.
What happens when a dismissive meets someone who brings down their walls? You will be met with a heavy resistance, and possibly more distance. However, take your time and work their minds. The kind of person who brings down your walls will be able to see past all the personas. Slowly, I worked on allowing him to “open up”, and he did.
How to work with this style:
● Don't shove commitment down their throat. They will commit if they feel you will not steal their “freedom” however they define freedom.
● Allow them their space and distance.
● Give off the impression that you are just as "independent" as they are.
● Provoke emotions.
● Commitment phobias are usually about control. Control in this case, is about becoming vulnerable, showing the other party who you truly are past the cold exterior. While dismissive avoidants crave this intimacy, it is a daunting reality for them as well.
Fearful avoidant attachment style
These types are in a constant state of fear. They fear being too close or too distant from their partner.
How you can tell:
● They're hot and cold.
● They cling to you when you're distant, they're distant when you want to get closer.
Example:
Karrie embodied the perfect example of the fearful avoidant. Karrie was a colleague more than anything else. On less professional occasions, her demeanor was cool. She was introduced to Ivan. Casual dating was what they were doing. Everyone around us could see they were slowly building up to something serious. Her cold demeanor still appeared. However when he got close to her, she backed away. When he got frustrated, and decided to keep his distance - she held on tightly. These are the dynamics of the fearful avoidant.
How to work with this style:
● When they're clingy - be distant.
● When they're distant - let it be. Given this, you can try reverse psychology and do the same thing. Especially if you are clingy, they'll wonder why you aren't being clingy.
● Know their fears. Summon when required.
Patterns Between Their Former Flames
Have you introduced your new partner to your friends, and they say the same allegation: “s/he reminds/looks exactly like your ex”. There's a reason for this - we have patterns and correlations between the lovers and partners we choose and seek. Oftentimes we are too immersed in our pleasurable feelings to recognize any patterns. Let alone break any destructive patterns within romantic relationships, and create new standards for themselves that will serve them in a positive way.
Why is this important?
If you notice patterns between lovers and partners, they will most likely return to the person who portrays prevalent patterns among former partners. Observing patterns will also provide insight as to what their unmet needs are, suppressed sides, values, and idealized versions are. Along with these reasons, the most prominent lover(s) in their lives - your target will attempt to revive their prominent lovers.
All you'll have to do is find out about their ex lovers, by simply asking them. If they talk about their exes without your questions, even better!
Their responses may either be:
● Refusal to speak about their ex.
● Vague answers.
● Bitter rants about their exes.
Responding with the first two answers may designate:
● Indifference towards ex, and have moved on.
● Considerate about your feelings.
● Feelings of embarrassment and/or shame.
● Want to hide their past from you.
● Better yet, has moved on.
However, if they advance their rants about their past
lovers - use this as leverage. Watch for micro facial expressions, a gloss in their eyes, a slight frown on the corner of their mouth, or vice versa - a twinkle in their eye, curve on the corner of their lip, parted lips. Sometimes it helps to have an external circumstance to occur so you have an excuse to ask about their ex. For example, see a movie that concerns two parted lovers.
Notice what they repeatedly mention about their exs, and the themes between them.
Maybe their exes were:
● Emotionally unstable. This could mean your target is a rescuer.
● Their ex's always left first. This could mean your target has issues with abandonment, and find companions that validate this belief.
● Had certain career choices. Perhaps their exes were always teachers. This could mean your target likes authority figures, or feel the need to be “lead” by a teacher.
If they don't talk about their exes - provoke them. Get closer to their friends, have their friends share information unwillingly. Do anything to retrieve information - even if it is bleak.
How To Psychoanalyze Someone Page 2
