Example:
I had known someone who we'll call Prince (don’t ask about these peculiar nicknames), since I was fifteen. I was his first girlfriend - his first everything. Eventually, we had to break up because he moved eight hours away. Our friendship remained intact. We would talk about our love lives, and there's always a recurring theme between the women he would fall for - including myself. Prior lovers are emotionally unstable. They were one large mess waiting to be cleaned up. He complained about it. However, he would've left if he hated the emotionally unstable women. People are suspended and return if something psychologically serves them - even if it is deemed negative. As soon as I become emotionally stable, and flaunted it - his attraction towards me diminished.
What to do with this information:
Recognize any prevalent patterns your target is drawn to, then depict the universal patterns that keeps them coming back for more. Stay away from any patterns that frighten them. If you dare to provoke frightening patterns, make it erotic.
Chapter Four
Their Belief Systems
Belief systems are self fulfilling prophecies. Whatever we believe, is exactly what we search to validate a specific belief. This is important when controlling someone because if you do not validate a belief, they may run from you. Have you noticed people with low self esteem stay with people who validate their unworthiness? On the other hand, if someone is trying to lift them up they don’t show any signs of attraction - at all. Why is this happening? You can credit the good old trusty belief system for that. With that in mind, this chapter will explore multiple ways to ascertain your target’s belief systems in order to infiltrate their minds.
Who are you?
Who is your victim?
We all identify with something. Our egos created identities for us to make sense of this world. It is how we create order. This is a vague question. What does it even mean? How does one even answer such a strange and vague question?
No one can know for sure. Yet there is a pattern between the answers people will give you to the question: “Who are you?”
Here they are:
"Oh - I'm Linda's husband!"
"I'm the instructor for this class!"
"I'm the CEO for (insert company name)"
Sure - these are roles we play in society. These are things we do. Nonetheless what does it mean to explain who we are? Again - who knows.
Why is this important?
It's important to apprehend what your target concludes their identity is. It's easier to learn what they identify with if they're constantly placing labels on themselves.
Once you're aware of this you'll need to break down their identity. Question their identity - make them feel unsure of their identity. Just as they feel doubtful, they will begin to rely on you to make them feel psychologically secure again. This is just like any other technique in the first book. Except they are all applied differently. An identity is like a filter. Our identities filter out our reality.
Example:
A man I’ve mentioned lots of times on my blog - Peter, repeatedly says to me “I don’t know why I’m unsatisfied. I’m an engineer for god’s sake”. You know what this indicates? He bases his self worth on his career. Several people will base their identities on their looks. Other examples include: the car they own, how well they can perform Krav Maga, and their past childhood.
What to do with this information:
Whatever it is they identify with - seize that and break it down. I wouldn’t say anything - when Mr. Engineer was hoping I'd praise him. What he expects me to say is: “yes you are a god.” with a huge grin on my face. Truth is, I don’t care that he is an engineer. Once they start becoming insecure, they will depend on you to make them feel secure. Once you detect they are becoming anxious, this is when you say “so tell me more about your work. I’d love to hear more.” The key is bringing them on an emotional roller coaster. One of they key foundations in making someone obsessed with you. (See: Anxious much?)
Their Sexual Fantasies
Sexual fantasies are an extension of fantasies - they satisfy a psychological need. They all emulate our inner selves, and our belief systems. If you take a closer look at someone’s personality, you’ll notice their sexual fantasies may reflect an aspect of their personality. A person who craves attention may fantasize about gang bangs, someone who is passive will seek submission and domination. Although every now and then, seeing someone’s personality at face value - their fetishes will genuinely surprise you. For example, many people have the misconception that a dominant person would be assertive in bed, while in fact s/he may be submissive as hell.
Another topic regarding sex, is countless people believe sex is the end game - once a person has sex with you - they’ve possessed you.. Right? Wrong. Sex can often facilitate someone’s obsession with you further. This is because you've shared another part of yourself and it only makes your target feel closer to you.
Why is this important?
Sexual desires are just another way of our minds fulfilling a psychological need. If your relationship isn't platonic, there may be a form of sex or some sort of sexuality.
Common sexual fantasies and potential meanings:
Being walked in on:
Chronic shame, lack of boundaries/privacy in childhood.
Dominant:
Dominant personality. Wants control. Another one could be, they do not have control in their lives.
Falling for married people and/or emotionally unavailable.
Issues with abandonment. If you have issues with abandonment:
You may have these fantasies because if you go for someone who is emotionally unavailable, or married or both.. Then there is no worry about abandonment...because it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
Rape:
It’s not so much about rape. It’s about pleasure - if a guy or girl breaks into your house just to have sex with you, they’d pretty much do anything to be with you. Again, it’s about going all the way. If you have fantasies about doing the raping - get therapy. It’s probably about control. You may feel powerless to women or men, and want to take back control… by raping them.
Being slapped around:
Low self esteem - undeserving. There's also a possibility the person with this fantasy had parents who did not provide any healthy boundaries - if at all.
Submission/tied up:
This person may always be tense - thus they have the desire to lose control. This fantasy helps them lose control - even if it isn’t physically.
Example:
One of my targets, Timothy was a child stuck in a man's body. He literally acted like a little child, begging his mother to buy him toys and gadgets most boys would have outgrown by their tenth birthday. His sexual fantasy? A mother in bed. His mother was a typical mother - overbearing yet nurturing. The only thing missing? Discipline. Someone needed to straighten him out - and it would be me. Oftentimes he would push his mother's boundaries to test her limits. She never asserted any boundaries, nor did she know how to. That's where I stepped in. Leading up to the moments we finally had sex, I would allow him to catch me in moments where I would “discipline” people. During a dinner he was attending with some friends, someone called begging for me to save them because they were having a bad drug trip. Keeping the frustration in my voice down, I asked the person on the other line what they “ate.” Bursts of giggles ensued as he replied “Why are you so serious?!”
My irritable levels skyrocketed. “Look, if you don't answer my fucking question I'll come over there and have to discipline you.” Shocked expressions wavered over me, some avoided looking at me. Timothy? He stared with a glimmer in his eyes. He was the first person to question the identity of the person on the other line. The tone in his voice was filled with a childlike curiosity, while others expressed concern. While a majority of the crowd did not want to admit it - some felt shame. The feeling of shame derived from my lack of self control, my inadequate ability of timing. Co
uldn't I wait until after the dinner to “discipline” the mystery person? No. But it's in progress.
Not only did I not care what the others at dinner thought, I loved that most members at the dinner table felt disturbed by my emotional impulses. At the time, all I cared about was pushing Timothy's buttons - so he could push mine…
The spark in his eye, the excitement of a little boy on Christmas morning he displayed, was enough to pursue the strict mother persona with Timothy. As I observed his mother further, it was evident what his mother lacked was order. Some people yearn to be put in their place. Timothy wondered what it would be like unconsciously.
Finally, the fateful day came. Timothy was misbehaving. After experimenting with the orderly strict motherly role, it became habitual. I loaded my discipline skills and techniques on him, and he glowed. I showed both sweet nurturing and strict mother traits up until we had sex.
What to do with this information:
Represent the needs emotionally, not just sexually. Sex isn't usually required to someone obsessed with you, as long as you can indirectly fulfill and represent their psychological desires and needs. Sex is just a bonus.
What Kind of Thinker Are They?
Throughout your standard educational life, the terms “visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic learner” may ring a bell. Studying, teaching and learning through your mind’s preferred learner type, will aid in absorbing information further, and the ability to recall the information would not only help a student pass tests and exams, but feel more confident in recall of the information. So what’s this got to do with making someone fall in love with you? Awareness of the method your target’s mind receives and gives information can help you communicate, and appeal to their self interests much more effectively. It would be as if you are learning their own language.
Visualize this interaction:
Girlfriend: I've heard some bad news from Megan. We need to talk.” (Auditory)
Boyfriend: “I see. What did she tell you?" (Visual)
Gf: “I've heard you've been still talking to your ex." (Auditory)
Bf: “Look, I'm sorry.” (Visual)
Gf: "I want to hear why you're still talking with her." (Auditory)
From the looks of this interaction - it is going downhill. It is most likely turning into an argument. The conversation could be much more fluid if each or one partner would have adjusted to both or one representational systems. Here is an example of the boyfriend using his girlfriend’s learning style.
Girlfriend: I've heard some bad news from Megan. We need to talk.” (Auditory)
Boyfriend: “What did she tell you?"
Gf: “I've heard you've been still talking to your ex." (Auditory)
Bf: “Listen, I'm sorry.” (Visual)
Gf: "I want to hear why you're still talking with her." (Auditory)
What to do with this information:
Just like in the motivation section, it's child’s play to motivate your target when you're literally speaking their language - precisely with how their brain perceives information and knowledge.
Insults
“She’s fat.”
“He’s too short.”
“They’re too stupid.
You’ve heard all these ridiculous insults before. If “insults” are not verbalized in a constructive manner, don’t take it personally. The reason being most insults are a result of projection. After all - misery loves company.
Why this is important:
When the mind can't accept something about ourselves, it tries to pass it onto someone else - like a hot potato. Insults are a byproduct of projection. Insults can give you insight on what the person believes about themselves. We're always projecting our inside world onto the outer world. Insults are just one form of projection. There are many others mentioned in this book. Once you discover what their insecurities are, use it to your advantage.
What to listen for:
Listen for things they criticize you and other people about. It's usually projection when it isn't true. When people criticize others - they unconsciously seek out their own insecurities.
Examples:
Someone who had acne problems will constantly criticize people about their skin.You'll also notice they may stare at your or someone else's skin often. Someone who is hard on themselves about work related things, may call you lazy. Even if it isn't true, they'll find reasons and excuses to call you lazy.
Lastly, insults can come in the form of jokes as a passive aggressive way of insulting you. For example, “you're stupid, I'm kidding!”.
One thing to beware of, is you may project. The way you react to someone's sense of humor can indicate your beliefs as well. If a joke hurts you, analyze and heal the insecurity/emotional wound.
What to do with this information:
Remember to take their insults with a grain of salt, then capitalize their insecurities for your personal gain. You can either rub salt on their insecurities then make them feel better, or use it to feed their egos.
What Motivates Them?
Why did I write this book? What prompted you to get out of bed on the weekend besides a full bladder? Why are you doing the things you do? Everything starts with a motivation.
Why is this relevant to psychoanalysis?
Behind every behaviour, action, thought, and desire is a psychological motivation. The primary motivation is to satisfy these needs. When you investigate further into your target’s motivations, you can fulfill their needs, thus you become their first motivation. The hunger for you will increase as you uncover what propels them.
How you can tell what motivates them:
Let's use exercise as an example. Are they doing working out for aesthetic reasons or for health reasons? E.g. blood circulation.
Examine what they reveal about the topic. Are they always talking about how they're starting to shed some pounds, or are they discussing how warm their feet feel now? It doesn't have to be one reason. It can be both. Usually one reason is more dominant than the other. Learn which one it is. Listen for precise detail.
Another example:
Someone you know ingests a substantial amount of drugs. Is it because it helps them find meaning? Are they trying to escape from his or her reality? Listen to what they say about their experiences on drugs. And how it made them feel etc.
Note: you can't be presumptuous and create reasons as to why people are doing the things they do. Two people can do something or behave the same way - but do it for two various reasons. One girl may smoke cigarettes because she believes it'll suppress her appetite. While the other girl may smoke because she thinks it's sexy. Therefore, you must watch carefully. You'll notice patterns. Then, you can safely connect it with the reason they are motivated. Power and control is what motivated me to write this book and start my blog.
Motivational words:
People have different words that motivate them. The common ones are:
I HAVE to
I WANT to
I NEED to
I DARE you.
Notice what they say about their errands, chores, whatever they call it. You may hear it in your daily conversation.
Here is an example:
You: what are you doing today?
Other person: I HAVE to finish a couple of errands today.
You: what do you HAVE to do?
Other person: I NEED to clean up my car.
They may say other words, but notice the ones they say often. An example of you, using it could be:
You: hey, today we HAVE to go see a movie.
Using their motivational words is speaking their language. It is more likely to motivate your target. Their motivational words are how they perceive motivation. If they have to, it's a chore. They are obligated. If they use the word want, it's more of a desire.
What to do with this information:
In addition to using their motivation words, represent what motivates them. If social status drives them - represent what social status
means to them.
What’s So Funny?
“Do you want to hear a funny joke?” your date inquires as the two of you sit down at your table.
You give an unsound smile “yes.”
“Why did the skeleton have no date to the party?”
How To Psychoanalyze Someone Page 3
