The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  She still kept in touch with Shirley, exchanging Christmas cards and little notes every so often, and texted Lissy a few times a month. Lissy, too, had left South Carolina and headed to Miami as she had once suggested Jill should do, except that she was working as a cocktail waitress in a high-end club instead of attending college.

  And while she might have left South Carolina behind, Jill still hadn’t completely lost her honeyed southern drawl. Casey liked to joke that their household was like a mini United Nations, what with her own Australian accent, Tam’s Vietnamese one, Shoshana’s Midwest twang, and Jill’s drawl. But having roommates from diverse backgrounds wasn’t anything unusual in a big, multicultural city like Seattle, a city that offered all manner of ethnic restaurants, shops, museums, art galleries, and music. Jill, who’d grown up on a steady diet of meat and potatoes and chicken-fried everything, had relished the opportunity to finally sample all sorts of different cuisines - from sushi to curry to tapas and falafel.

  She’d also had her first taste of alcohol, along with her first hangover when she realized her tolerance for the hard stuff was pretty low. Since then, she had been careful every single time she had allowed her roommates to talk her into going out with them to keep her alcohol intake to a minimum. She would never amount to much of a party girl, she had realized right from the start, but didn’t consider that such a bad thing. It was difficult to just forget all of the teachings and rules and Bible verses that her grandmother had preached at her, and while she didn’t attend church services any longer, that didn’t mean she had stopped praying or considering herself a Christian. Betty might have been a tough cookie, and not one to show much affection, but Jill had too much respect for her grandmother and everything that she’d done for her to completely thumb her nose at all the conventions she’d been raised with.

  As for her so-called love life - well, there really wasn’t much to say about that, either. She was still a little shy around men, though she was coming out of her shell more and more. She’d gone on a few dates, though admittedly most of those had simply been to grab a cup of coffee or lunch with someone from school. When she got dragged along to clubs with the girls, it was a common occurrence for her to get asked to dance - quite a bit, if she was being honest. And while she loved to dance, she was careful not to let a few dances turn into anything more complex, using the “I’m the designated driver tonight” excuse to escape her more persistent partners.

  Casey and Shoshana thought her crazy to keep turning down the offers she received, bemoaning the fact that she attracted a whole lot more attention that either of them ever had. Casey proclaimed that Jill was just too damned picky, while Shoshana chided her to loosen up and live a little. And Jill knew they were both right in their own ways. She did need to loosen up a lot more, something that was likely going to take some time to achieve given her staid, old-fashioned upbringing. As for being too picky - well, she would be the first to agree with Casey’s assessment. But it just didn’t feel right to her to settle for the first semi-attractive man who treated her decently, not when she’d waited this long to finally have a romantic relationship. Oh, she’d kissed several of the guys she’d dated from school, maybe even let a few of them cop a feel or two, but that was as far as it had gone. She hadn’t felt any sort of spark or attraction or that special feeling you were supposed to get when the right one came along. And she was still too much of an optimist to not hold out for the man she’d once dreamily described to Lissy - someone “extraordinary”.

  “Lucky for you the rain seems to be stopping,” commented Casey, dragging Jill back from the daydreams she’d temporarily gotten lost in. “Though it’s still colder than a penguin’s turd out there. And to think back home in Melbourne it’s summertime now. Which reminds me. I’m going to try and guilt trip my mum into paying for my airfare so I can go home for a week during Spring Break.”

  Jill rummaged through her purse until she located her bus pass. “Didn’t she just pay for you to fly home at Christmas? Why don’t you hit your dad up for the money this time around?”

  Casey grimaced. “Because then I’d be obligated to spend part of my vacation with him and my evil stepmother. AKA the Trophy Wife. AKA the Bitch Down Under. AKA - ”

  “I get it,” interrupted Jill. “We all get it. You don’t like your dad’s new wife. Actually, you hate her. But you might have to suck it up from time to time if you ever want to see your father. If I was in your shoes, I’d think that was a small price to pay.”

  It was a subtle reminder to Casey - who frequently complained about both of her parents - that Jill was without a mother, a father, or any family members at all. And Casey got the hint, giving Jill a quick hug.

  “Sorry,” she apologized. “Didn’t mean to be insensitive. And you’re right, I suppose I ought to hit up dear old Pops instead. Or maybe I’ll just stay stateside, considering how bloody long the flight to and from Australia is. Hey, I know! You, me, and Sho can go away someplace warm and sunny for Spring Break. Mexico, maybe. Or Hawaii. Hell, I’d settle for Disneyland after all these weeks of cold and rain, even though it’ll be overrun with rug rats.”

  “It sounds great, but there’s no way I could take the time off work,” replied Jill regretfully. “Allison doesn’t need another reason to pick on me, or look for reasons to fire me.”

  Casey scowled. “I still don’t understand why you stick with that job. If I had a boss who was that hateful to me, I’d tell her to go fuck off and find myself something better. I mean, it’s not like you even have to work, is it?”

  “Not really, no,” admitted Jill. “I mean, I’ve got plenty of money in the bank, but I guess living with my grandmother - the ultimate penny pincher - all of my life has rubbed off on me. I don’t mind working, honestly, and it’s nice not to have to keep dipping into my savings to pay for stuff. As for the job itself, even though I have to put up with the boss from hell, the money is really good for a part-time gig, way better than I could ever hope to make waiting tables or working retail. Plus, working afternoons lets me go to classes in the morning and study at night. And while doing all that data entry is pretty monotonous, at least it’s more educational and looks better on my resume than working at The Hard Rock Café or The Gap.”

  Casey snorted disdainfully. “Like you’ve got to worry about padding your resume! Sho told me that you’re already getting recruited by half a dozen different headhunters, and we’re all still a semester away from graduating.”

  Jill shrugged, unwilling to brag about her accomplishments. “I’m not sure if recruited is the right word. More like these headhunters are trying to get me to sign on with them. No one has mentioned specific jobs as yet, though of course that would be premature, I suppose.”

  “You’re being too modest, as usual,” declared Casey. “You’re going to snag a fantastic job with that brain of yours. Good thing you aren’t from an uber-competitive family like Tam’s. Otherwise you’d have to be on constant alert to make sure one of your siblings wasn’t trying to one-up you. Or arrange for you to have a little accident. I swear that’s why Tam seems so paranoid about everything, probably always looking over her shoulder to make sure an assassin isn’t following her.”

  Jill rolled her eyes at Casey’s dramatics. “You watch way too many of those true crime shows. Frankly, I think you’d be better off sticking to the soap operas. Hey, I need to head out and catch the bus so I’m not late for work. Allison would really go for the throat if I was late today of all days.”

  “She’s already gonna be pissed when she sees how hot you look,” commented Casey. “But then, you look great in anything you wear, what with that figure of yours.”

  “Hot?’ asked Jill anxiously, inspecting the simple, wrap-front dress of jade green wool she’d chosen to wear. “But I don’t want to look hot, Casey! I was going for businesslike. Professional. Something a little nicer than the khakis or leggings and sweaters I usually wear. Is it too much, then? Should I go change?”
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  “No, you should definitely not go and change,” insisted Casey. “And, sweetie, I hate to break the news to you, but you look pretty smokin’ in your leggings and sweaters, too, so it really doesn’t matter what you wear. And you do look professional, very businesslike. Not an inch of cleavage showing, either.”

  Jill grimaced, readjusting the V-neckline of the dress. “That’s because there isn’t all that much up top to show.”

  Casey waved a hand in dismissal. “Size isn’t everything. You might not be a double-D like Sho, or even a C like me, but your girls are plenty big enough for your height and weight, Jilly. Trust me, all of us would kill for a figure like yours. My ass would look like the side of a barn if I tried to wear a dress like the one you’ve got on. Now, you’d better hustle if you want to catch your bus and get to work on time. Don’t give the Bitchy Boss cause to make your life even more miserable than she already does.”

  Jill snickered, thinking that Casey’s frequent and creative use of nicknames was always good for a laugh, especially when one needed cheering up. She fastened the belt of her raincoat securely around her waist before bidding her roommate good-bye and heading out the front door.

  She paused for a minute on the porch, smiling as she felt a ray of sunshine against her face. It was an omen, she thought, a good omen, that the sun was finally shining through a little after so many days of cold, rain, and fog.

  And then, when she spied the faint glimmer of a rainbow in the sky, she just knew that something magical was going to happen to her before the day was out. Maybe even something extraordinary.

  Chapter Eight

  “Well, thank God you’re on time today. It would have been a disaster if you’d been late, given all the work that has to get done. Everyone’s on edge today, what with the consultant having arrived, and they all want to make sure their stats are up to date. So stop standing there wasting time, Jill, and get to work, will you?”

  Jill bit her tongue, as she so frequently did around the arrogant, snooty Allison. She didn’t bother to point out that, far from being late, she was actually ten minutes early. She’d tried doing that a few times in the past, and the results hadn’t been pleasant, with Allison accusing her of being disrespectful, and pointing out that it wasn’t professional to correct one’s superior.

  Instead, she merely nodded and continued on to her small cubicle, hastily stashing her coat and purse away and waking up the computer. She was uncomfortably aware of Allison still hovering in the background, almost as though the other woman was spoiling for a fight and just waiting for some excuse to pounce on Jill. Steadfastly, she refused to look Allison’s way, unwilling to give her superior any cause at all to pick on her today. After a couple of more minutes Allison gave a little huff of frustration and flounced off, her high heels clicking impatiently on the polished wood floors, leaving Jill to heave a sigh of relief.

  As she logged onto the company’s server, Jill asked herself the very same question that Casey had just posed to her a short while ago - why in the world did she stick with this job and deal with Allison’s antagonistic attitude on a regular basis? She didn’t really need the money she earned, though she cringed a little at the thought of dipping further into her savings, and wondered if the admittedly high salary she earned for part-time clerical work was worth it.

  ‘The high wages they pay everyone here is just one reason why their finances are in such a fix,’ she thought to herself as she started right in with the rather staggering amount of data entry awaiting her attention. ‘That and all the money they spent redecorating and refurbishing the office last year. Not to mention the over-the-top bonuses all the executives and managers have received the last three years. And of course the on-site espresso bar, the free lunches three days a week, the free yoga classes and in-house masseuse, and all the other little perks they hand out all the time. And that’s just the employee expenses. I haven’t even touched on all the ways they completely mismanage their retail stores and distribution centers.’

  Pour Elle Apparel - which translated from French meant For Her - specialized in pricey, high-end women’s clothing and accessories, and sold their goods both online and in-store at one of their fifty or so boutiques located in major U.S. cities. And even someone who wasn’t a finance major like Jill would be able to figure out just by looking at a recent quarterly report that the company was losing money at an almost uncontrollable rate. Profits were way down, expenses were way up, and yet no one in upper management had evidently figured out a way to staunch the bleeding. Jill could have easily handed the board of directors a neatly typed, two page list of recommendations, but of course the opinion of a lowly data entry clerk would have been laughed clear out of the building, and she wouldn’t have dared to offer it up.

  Jill gave a brief shrug of her shoulders as her fingers flew over the keyboard, entering in endless lines of data and figures in a methodical, almost robot-like manner. Her photographic memory, a trait she’d discovered she possessed after taking countless online tests and passing them all with perfect scores, served her well in this type of job. She always checked and even double-checked her work, of course, because God forbid she ever made one tiny error and thereby evoked the wrath of Allison. But overall her data entry was astonishingly accurate, one of the reasons why she could command a generous salary for the relatively mundane work she did. She could also plough through a staggering amount of work in just a few hours, something that unfortunately had backfired on her since it meant her workload just kept increasing once management had noticed her efficiency.

  ‘It’s just for a few more months,’ she told herself. “Just until you graduate and get a real job. Thank goodness, too, because I’m not so sure this company is still going to be in operation by June.’

  She didn’t worry about the future of her own job here, since it was in fact temporary in nature and part-time to boot. In a worst case scenario, if she was to be laid-off, she could easily find a similar position for a few months, or simply dip into her savings as she had mentioned to Casey earlier today.

  But she did have several friends here at the office, friends who worked fulltime and who badly needed their jobs and the generous salary and benefits that went along with them. Jill couldn’t help but sympathize with the plight that was almost certain to befall them sooner than later, especially after this supposedly high-powered consultant finished his analysis of the company’s overall financial picture. And, honestly, she thought with a grimace, if the man didn’t come to the exact same conclusions she had, then he was totally ripping the company off with the ridiculously over-the-top fee he was most likely commanding.

  However much she might have wanted to give her co-workers a heads-up about what was most likely to happen - massive layoffs, store closings, benefits and salaries slashed, just to name a few steps - Jill didn’t dare say a word. She shuddered to think how much trouble she could land herself in if she were to start cautioning her co-workers that maybe this would be a good time to consider finding another job. She felt guilty at keeping the knowledge to herself that the company had dug itself into a deep financial hole, but consoled herself a bit by rationalizing that all of the quarterly reports, financial statements, and other data was just as readily available to every employee here, not just herself. And if her co-workers chose to keep their heads buried in the sand, not wanting to face reality, then was it really her responsibility to clue them in?

  She soldiered on uninterrupted for the next hour, making a sizeable dent in the pile of work she needed to get through, but knew she still had at least three more hours of data entry ahead of her. Technically she was only paid for four hours a day, five days a week, but she frequently worked past quitting time each day, and had never summoned up the courage to request overtime pay. Jill winced as she imagined broaching the subject with the icy Allison, and the sort of scathing rebuke she’d receive if she even hinted at the idea.

  ‘Less than five months,’ she consoled herself a
gain. ‘Less than five months until you graduate, get your degree, and get a real job. Then you never have to do a lick of data entry again, and, more importantly, you never have to see or hear from Allison ever, ever again. You can stick it out for five months, Jill. Come on, look at how many years you had to live with all of Grandma’s impossible rules. Besides, if this hotshot consultant is half as smart as he’s supposed to be, then he’ll probably recommend an immediate round of layoffs to save money. And since you’re low man on the totem pole your job will probably be one of the first to go, so you might have even less than five months to tough it out.’

  “Hi, Jill. How’s it going? Hopefully your Monday has been better than mine.”

  Jill glanced up from her computer monitor, smiling up at the petite brunette whose heart-shaped face was barely visible over the top of the cubicle partition. “Hey, Trina. I’m okay, thanks. Just buried under here as usual.”

  Jill knew from past experience that Trina was both chatty and gossipy, and that shy of being outright rude it was nearly impossible for the other woman to get the hint that Jill simply didn’t have time to talk for endless minutes. She gave Trina another friendly smile, this one tinged with regret, before returning her full attention to her computer, and hoped that her co-worker would get the message this time and be on her way.

  But there would be no such luck today, unfortunately, as Trina draped her arms over the partition and leaned her head further over. “Yeah, things have really been heating up around here these past couple of weeks, haven’t they? My manager’s had us all on edge about what that consultant might uncover or recommend, so we’ve all been putting in extra hours lately. Speaking of which - have you gotten a look at the aforementioned consultant? Or wondered why every female tongue in this place is hanging out?”