The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  “Is there anything in particular you’d like to do?” he asked after a few minutes. “We could find a jazz club, or browse some of the art galleries. Or anything else you might like.”

  “Just this, I think,” whispered Jill, and then shockingly she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to meet her sweetly eager kiss.

  At first Max could only stand there, too stunned to react, and in total disbelief that innocent, inexperienced Jill had been the one to make the first move. And then, with a groan of surrender, he all but yanked her against him, deepening the kiss, and hearing her sigh of pleasure when he slipped his tongue between her lips.

  But when he felt her begin to tremble in his arms, he lifted his mouth from hers, stroking her back soothingly, and whispered in her ear, “Are you sure about this, Jill? Really and truly sure?”

  In reply she pressed a kiss to his cheek, and nodded. “More sure than I’ve ever been about anything in my life,” she declared earnestly.

  Chapter Eleven

  The overwhelming feeling of anticipation, the breathless sensation that something life-changing and amazing and wonderful was about to happen, made Jill’s heart race double-time, and she resisted the urge to fidget anxiously as the taxi brought them ever closer to Max’s hotel. She was terrified and thrilled at the same time, fighting off the impulse to blurt out that this was all a big mistake, while in the next moment she wanted to jump into his lap and beg him to kiss her again - the way he had done a few minutes ago out on the street in plain view of anyone who might be passing by. A kiss that she had actually been the one to initiate, she realized with a mild sense of shock, and wondered whether that extra half glass of wine was to blame for her uncharacteristic boldness.

  She snuck a quick peak at Max from beneath her lashes, noticing how rigidly he was sitting, and how he continued to gaze straight ahead as he held her hand clasped tightly within his own. He hadn’t said a word since they had slid inside the cab, and Jill hoped against hope that he wasn’t regretting his decision to bring her back to his hotel with him.

  “Will you come with me to my hotel?” he’d whispered in her ear, his arms still holding her tight against his body. “To my room? Will you stay with me tonight, Jill?”

  “Yes. To all three questions,” she’d murmured huskily. “I’ll go anywhere with you, Max.”

  Max had threaded his hands into her hair, tipping her head up slightly to meet the dark intensity of his gaze. “You’re sure about this?” he had demanded roughly. “I don’t want you to feel pressured or obligated. I’m guessing you aren’t very experienced, maybe even a - ”

  “A virgin,” she had finished for him, then nodded in confirmation. “I am, yes. You’ll be the first, Max. And to answer your question - I have never been as sure of anything in my life as I am about being with you. I want you to be the first. And I know you’ll make it wonderful. That is,” she’d added uncertainly, “if you really want to, of course.”

  Max had given a short bark of laughter. “Want to? My sweet Jill, I’ve wanted you since the second our hands touched on Monday evening and nearly set off sparks. But I also want you to be absolutely certain about this. Your first time should be with someone very special. It’s not a decision to make on a whim, you know, and you and I have only known each other a few short days.”

  “I am one hundred and fifty percent positive that this is what I want,” she’d assured him, cupping his cheek in her palm. “I’ve wanted this since Monday, too. And I don’t think I could find a more special man than you anywhere in the world. So - how far is it to your hotel?”

  Max was staying at the Gregson Hotel in downtown Seattle - arguably the most expensive and highly rated hotel in the entire city. Jill had been inside the majestic building just one time, for high tea to celebrate Casey’s birthday last September. The two of them, plus Shoshana, had dressed up, not wanting to feel completely out of place in the classy, elegant surroundings, and Jill had been more than a little awed upon first entering the high-ceilinged, marble floored lobby. She was relieved that the dress and shoes she was wearing this evening would be entirely appropriate for a place like the Gregson, and that she wouldn’t risk embarrassing Max when they walked inside.

  “We’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” offered Max, calling her attention back from her reverie. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Unless you’ve changed your mind of course,” he added gently. “Because if you have, I swear to God I won’t pressure you, Jill. I’ll have the driver take you to your home instead, and -”

  “Shh.

  She placed a finger over his lips and shook her head. “I haven’t changed my mind. And I won’t. I trust you, Max. I feel safe with you, even though we’ve only known each other a few days. It was the same for me, you know - I think that first time we talked in your office I knew you were going to be someone special in my life. That you were going to be the one.”

  “Jill,” he groaned, wrapping her in his arms and burying his face against her neck. He kissed her cheek tenderly, as though she was made of fragile, precious porcelain. “I don’t deserve you, not even a little bit, but I promise that I’ll treasure you, that I’ll do everything I can to make this night memorable for you. And,” he whispered in her ear, “that I’ll be as gentle as possible. The very last thing I want to do is cause you even a second of pain. But, unfortunately, given that it’s your first time - ”

  “I know,” she told him quietly. “And I’m prepared for that. After all, it has to happen sometime, doesn’t it? And I know without having to ask that you’ll take care of me, Max, that you’ll be far more considerate than, well, some of the guys I attend college with, for example.”

  “Of that you can be certain,” he promised, touching his lips to her forehead. “We’ll take it as slow as you want, even if it drives me half-mad.”

  The reply she had been about to make was interrupted by their arrival at the hotel. The uniformed doorman assisted Jill out of the taxi while Max paid the driver, and she shivered a bit as she waited for him - not from the crisp night air but in anticipation of what was about to happen.

  ‘You’re really doing this,’ she told herself in disbelief. ‘You’re going to a man’s hotel room with him, and you’re going to let him undress you and touch you and take your virginity. And not just any man, but the handsomest, most charming, and most wonderful man you’ll ever know. Please, God, don’t let this be some sort of fantastic dream that I’m going to wake up from in a few minutes. Because I think I would want to die of disappointment if this wasn’t real.’

  “Let’s get you out of the cold, shall we?” said Max, as he took her hand in his.

  Jill merely nodded and allowed him to guide her inside the splendid hotel lobby, the place that had reminded her of a palace the only other time she’d been inside. But she only had a few brief moments to admire the sparkling crystal chandeliers, the elegant lobby decor, and how smartly dressed everyone appeared to be as Max tugged her along in his wake towards the elevators.

  There was a uniformed security guard stationed in front of the bank of elevators that took guests to the uppermost floors of the hotel. A discreet sign had been posted on the guard’s podium that stated “Card keys must be presented in order to proceed beyond this point”. But before Max could produce his key, the guard smiled and waved him on, evidently having recognized him.

  “Only guests staying in one of the executive suites can access these elevators,” Max explained as he ushered Jill inside a waiting elevator car, of which they were the sole occupants.

  She nodded. “It must be nice to have that sort of security. And privacy, of course.”

  “Yes. It’s one of the reasons I always stay in a Gregson hotel if there happens to be one in the city where my jobs are located. Besides the security and privacy that you mentioned, the Gregson hotels are among the highest rated in the world, and the service and amenities are without compare.”

  “Pret
ty expensive, though, I would imagine,” she observed, touching her palm to the luxurious wood and glass paneled elevator wall. Even inside the elevator car a crystal chandelier was suspended from the ceiling, and the floors were of polished marble tiles.

  “Extremely expensive,” agreed Max. “Particularly the suites. Which is why I always insist that the companies who engage my services pay for all of my expenses - airfare, taxis, hotel, most meals. It’s written into the contract. But I have stayed in Gregson properties on my own dime, too, for personal travel.”

  “It’s a British company, isn’t it?” asked Jill. “My roommates and I had high tea here last fall, and I remember our server mentioning that to us.”

  “Yes. It’s a privately owned company, based in the U.K., but they own hotels and resorts all over the world. I happen to be casually acquainted with one of the family members, since he’s based in San Francisco. Ian is the manager of all the company’s properties in North and South America, and a good friend of one of my closest friends.”

  “It’s a beautiful hotel,” she replied earnestly. “It reminds me of a palace, in fact.”

  Max smiled faintly. “That’s fitting, then. Because you remind me of a princess - a beautiful, kindhearted princess who would be beloved by all of her royal subjects.”

  He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the palm, causing her to shiver in reaction. His eyes darkened at her response, and she was positive he would have kissed her lips this time if the elevator hadn’t suddenly stopped and the doors opened.

  “This way, your Majesty,” he told her teasingly, keeping her hand firmly clasped in his.

  Jill squeezed his hand a little tighter, suddenly aware of her rising uncertainty, and the definite spike in her pulse rate as they stopped in front of a set of imposing double doors. Max released her hand briefly to slide his card key into a slot, and then held open the doors as she walked inside. And as she heard him firmly shutting and locking the doors behind them, she realized anew that this was really happening - that she was inside a man’s hotel room, and was going to let that same man take her to his bed and make love to her for the very first time in her life. Unless, of course, she had a sudden change of heart, or lost her nerve. But at the same time that all of her doubts and fears were threatening to overwhelm her, Jill knew that there was no possibility of her calling things off. Casey had been exactly right in her spot-on assessment of Max Wainwright - never in a million years would Jill ever meet another man quite like him, and she couldn’t imagine a more perfect man to be her first.

  “Let me take your coat.”

  Max had stepped in close behind her, his hands on her shoulders as she unbuttoned her coat. He placed the black wool garment on the suite’s living room sofa, and Jill set her purse down next to it while he removed his own overcoat. She quickly glanced around the spacious suite, realizing that the living room, formal dining room, and full kitchen were nearly as large as the entire main floor of the house she lived in. The rooms were beautifully furnished, with what looked like a few antique pieces intermingled with the more modern ones, polished wood floors, and a variety of framed artwork decorating the walls. The kitchen appeared modern and well-equipped, though she guessed the high-end appliances and gadgets were wasted on Max, since he probably ate all of his meals out or ordered room service.

  But the real attraction of this elegant room was the view from the floor to ceiling windows that made up an entire wall of the living space. The suite was on the thirty-fourth floor of the building, and boasted a panoramic view of the Seattle skyline. It was a chilly but clear night outside, so the lights illuminating many of the city’s tallest buildings made for a breathtaking sight.

  “How beautiful,” she murmured, walking slowly over to the windows and gazing down over her adopted city. “I’d be tempted to just sit here by the windows for hours at a time and enjoy the view.”

  Max was beside her now, his arm slipping about her waist. “Unfortunately I haven’t had much time to appreciate the view until now.”

  She rested her head on his shoulder, a gesture of trust and maybe even a bit of surrender. “You work too hard,” she chastised him gently.

  He shrugged. “It’s what I do, after all. And I nearly always take a short break in between jobs, even if it’s just for a few days. But I am a confessed workaholic, and I admit that relaxing isn’t always easy for me to do.” He touched his lips to her temple, his fingertips caressing her hip. “Now, no more talk of work, hmm? It’s the very last thing I want to think about when I have a beautiful woman in my arms.”

  Max turned her in his arms, holding her tight as his mouth claimed hers in another long, slow, seductive kiss. Jill groaned deep in her throat as the kiss continued, her hands clutching the muscles of his biceps as she began to kiss him back. Faintly, she realized that any of the other men - boys, actually - she had exchanged kisses with had been rank amateurs when compared to Max’s sensual mastery, and that tonight had been the first time in her life she had truly been kissed.

  His lips traveled up and down the side of her neck, eliciting a gasp from her when his tongue traced a circle around her ear. At the same time, his hands moved caressingly up and down her back, before sliding down to cup her buttocks. She whimpered aloud this time as he pulled her pelvis flush against his own, making her very aware of his arousal.

  “I want you very much, sweet Jill,” he murmured huskily. “I want to undress you and then touch and kiss every inch of your beautiful body before making you mine. But before I start, I need you to tell me again that this is what you want, too. I don’t want you to ever regret this night, Jill, to wish you’d made a different decision.”

  She shook her head, though her voice quavered a little as she looked up into those intensely dark eyes of his. “It is what I want, Max. I’ve waited for a man like you all of my life, and I’m not going to change my mind now.”

  He frowned slightly. “What do you mean by a man like me?”

  Jill smiled, her hand visibly trembling as she touched his cheek with her fingertips. “I mean, someone amazing. Someone wonderful. Someone extraordinary. That’s you, Max. And I will never, ever regret meeting you, being here with you tonight, giving you my - oh!”

  She made a sound of alarm as Max quite literally swept her off her feet - leaning down to pick her up in his arms as though she weighed nothing, and then carrying her a short distance to the bedroom. Once inside he set her gently on her feet, then cupped her face between his palms as he gazed down at her tenderly.

  “I’ll be as gentle as I can,” he promised. “As patient as possible. And we’ll take things as slowly as we need to, so that you won’t be afraid or intimidated. All right?”

  “Yes.” She turned her head to kiss the back of his hand. “And I know you’ll be all of those things and more, Max. I trust you more than anyone I’ve ever met, even though we barely know each other. I, well, sort of have this sixth sense about things sometimes, sounds crazy, I know, but I’m nearly always right. And that sixth sense is telling me right now that this was meant to be. That it’s the best decision I’ll ever make.”

  “It doesn’t sound the least bit crazy,” he whispered against her ear. “Because I feel the same way. Now, before I completely lose track of my thoughts here, I have to ask you this. Are you using any sort of birth control? I know you’re a virgin, but I believe that sometimes young women are on the Pill for other reasons.”

  Jill shook her head regretfully. “I’m sorry, but I’m not taking the Pill. Or using any other sort of birth control. I never - well, never really needed to until tonight.”

  Max trailed his index finger around the outline of her lips. “You were never tempted to be with another man? I know you’ve been kissed before, because no one could kiss as passionately as you do without at least a little experience.”

  Her cheeks pinkened. “Um, I - I’ve kissed a few guys, yes,” she admitted. “And, well, I guess you could call it ne
cking or making out, whatever the right term for it is. But as far as taking it any farther - no, I wasn’t attracted to any of them that way. I wanted my first time to be really, really special, and none of the guys I dated or kissed were especially - well, special. Not like you, Max.”

  He kissed her lips again, but this time briefly, sweetly. “And in all my life I’ve never come close to meeting someone as special and precious as you, sweet Jill. Now, wait here a moment while I check the bathroom. These luxury suites typically stock a much wider variety of toiletries than just the standard shampoo and soap most rooms offer. I’ve found things like shaving cream, razors, a first-aid kit, women’s hygiene products, and occasionally a condom packet or two. Be right back.”

  During Max’s brief absence, Jill made a cursory inspection of the spacious bedroom. The king-sized bed dominated the room, and was easily the biggest she had ever seen. The thick cream colored drapes had been partially opened to reveal another breathtaking view of the skyline at night, but she was far too tense at the moment to enjoy it. She wrapped her arms around her torso to stop herself from trembling, hoping that she wouldn’t be too awful or clumsy at this, or that it didn’t hurt as much as she feared it would. Max had expressed concern that she might regret her decision to be with him tonight, but Jill was terrified that he would end up being the one to have regrets.

  “We’re in luck,” announced Max as he walked back inside the bedroom, holding two small blue packets between his fingers that she knew were the condoms he’d been in search of.

  “You, um, don’t normally - well, take some along with you when you travel?” she asked shyly as he set the packets on one of the nightstands.

  “No.” He shook his head decisively. “If those particular, er - circumstances change during a trip, then there’s always the gift shop in the hotel lobby or a local pharmacy. Come here now, Jill.”