The One Real Regret

by Janet Nissenson

  “Grandma taught me how to cook from the time I was a little girl. Simple stuff, like I told you, but once you know the basics it’s pretty easy to apply it to more complicated dishes. And since I moved to Seattle, I’ve done a lot more experimenting. My roommates and I frequently cook meals together, have barbeques when the weather is nicer.”

  Max nodded. “The three of you seem to get along quite well, especially given your very different backgrounds. And there’s a fourth roommate I believe?”

  “Yes. Tam. Though she isn’t terribly social, too focused on getting through school in three years so she can beat her twin sister to medical school. It’s - well, sort of a complicated tale. A sibling rivalry thing that got taken to the extreme. But I’m glad you like the food. And is the wine okay? I don’t know the first thing about wine, of course, so I had to rely on the guy roaming the aisles who asked if he could help me.”

  Max gave a low snort of derision. “And I’m very sure he recommended this particular vintage because it’s one of the more expensive ones. But to answer your question, love, yes, the wine is perfect, just like the rest of the meal. And,” he added, pressing a kiss to her hand, “very much like the chef. This might be the nicest surprise I’ve received in a very long time, Jill. Maybe of all time.”

  “Hmm.” She regarded him curiously. “So does that mean that none of the other women you’ve - er, dated - in the past ever tried to cook dinner for you?”

  “That’s exactly what it means. Most of the women I’ve known over the years - and there truly haven’t been all that many - haven’t been what you’d call the nurturing type. Or the least bit domestic. Not like you, Jill. For someone as young as yourself, you have so much compassion and the most generous spirit I’ve ever known. Someday you’ll be a wonderful wife and mother.”

  He returned his attention to his dinner after that, leaving Jill to wonder wistfully why she couldn’t be his wife someday, be the mother to his children. But that was dangerous territory to be wandering into, she thought regretfully, especially knowing how Max felt about relationships. It was sad to think of him being alone for the rest of his life, of intentionally closing himself off, and not permitting himself to experience love and family and a sense of truly belonging. She wondered briefly what sort of traumatic experiences in his life had caused him to be so emotionally shut off, but knew without having to ask that he had no intention of sharing that story with her.

  Max insisted on helping with the dishes after they finished eating, but begged off on having dessert for awhile. They worked in companionable silence for a couple of hours after that, he at the desk in the living room while Jill spread out her laptop and notebooks on the dining room table. At some point she took a short break to make them each a cup of tea, but aside from Max smiling up at her in thanks they didn’t speak.

  Jill quickly lost track of time as she became engrossed in her research, typing up notes at an almost frantic pace, and would have likely continued on in that manner for another hour or two if Max hadn’t interrupted her - though in the nicest way possible.

  She hadn’t heard him approach and thus gave a little start of surprise when his hands began to massage her shoulders, and his warm lips caressed the nape of her neck.

  “That, I think, is enough work for both of us this evening,” he whispered against her ear. “Especially since it’s time to move on to those other lessons you seem so interested in learning.”

  “Oh. Ohhh.” Her head fell back against his rock hard abs as he began to unbutton her shirt, spreading the sides apart unhurriedly. She was wearing the lacy blush pink bra he’d bought for her, the one with the shallow demi cups that pushed her breasts up invitingly.

  “I knew there was a reason I liked this particular bra,” he murmured huskily, deftly yanking down one of the cups to bare her breast. His thumb whisked over the already taut nipple, drawing a low moan from her throat. “It’s because of the ease it allows me in accessing your beautiful breasts.”

  Max repeated his actions on the other side, until he was cupping both of her swollen, achy breasts in his palms, plucking the nipples until she was squirming uncontrollably on her seat.

  “Please,” she begged, dazedly hoping that the wetness she felt trickling down the insides of her thighs wouldn’t stain her jeans. “I - I need - ”

  He licked the side of her neck. “Yes, I’m well aware of what you need, sweet. You need me to put my fingers inside of that tight pussy of yours, and fuck you until you come all over my hand. Or better yet, to slide my cock as deep as I can reach and ride you hard. You know, you haven’t come that way yet - during intercourse. Not surprising considering how inexperienced you still are. And it’s not always easy for many women to climax vaginally. But perhaps the other surprise I have in store for you tonight will fix that. Come with me now, love.”

  He drew her to her feet and then directly into the bedroom, where he leisurely began to undress. With trembling hands, she did the same, until both of them were naked. Max took her in his arms then, crushing her breasts against his chest, and kissed her long and hard and deep until she was pressing her pelvis against his rigid cock, silently urging him to take her.

  “Easy, love,” he admonished, then took her hand and guided it to his penis. “Unless, of course, you’ve changed your mind about what you asked me earlier.”

  “No.” Jill shook her head in denial. “No, I want to learn how to please you - that way. Please, Max.”

  He laughed softly, then groaned as she began to stroke his cock slowly. He had already taught her that particular motion, how to move her hand up and down his penis in the way he liked best, and even how to reach back and stimulate his testicles.

  “A man would have to be a little crazy to say no to the offer of a blow job, wouldn’t he?” he murmured huskily, sucking in a breath as her strokes quickened. “And especially when the offer is being made by such a beautiful, passionate woman like yourself. I’ve turned you into a little wanton, haven’t I, sweet?”

  “Yes,” she breathed. “All I can think about is you, Max. Being with you like this, feeling your hands on me, kissing you. And especially making love with you. It feels like I can never get enough.”

  He kissed her again, harder this time, and with barely leashed passion, his tongue tangling with hers almost furiously. “And you’ve got me bewitched, I think,” he muttered roughly. “To the point where all I think about is being inside of this sweet pussy, fucking you until you faint with pleasure.”

  “Ah, God!” she cried out, as he plunged his fingers inside where she was wetter and needier than she ever had before.

  It took less than a minute for her to climax, already so turned on by his kisses and caresses that she was more than ready for this. Max eased her onto the bed gently, then crawled up beside her.

  He cupped her flushed cheek tenderly. “Are you sure you want to do this, Jill? I would never, ever pressure you to do something you weren’t ready for, or that made you feel uncomfortable.”

  She nodded. “I definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent want to do this. I just hope I don’t fail at it miserably.”

  Max gave a short, almost guttural laugh. “Trust me, love, it’s not rocket science or advanced calculus. And I can’t speak for most men, but I can assure you right now that I’m not especially picky when it comes to - er, technique. Now, time for your lesson to begin.”

  At his huskily muttered instructions, she tentatively began with simply running her tongue up and down the impressive length of his cock, which proved more than enough to make Max gasp and groan. Then she took just the bulging head of his erection between her lips, sucking it gently, before sliding her mouth a bit further upwards. Slowly, mindfully, she took more and more of his hot, slightly salty cock into her mouth, until she felt she couldn’t possibly accommodate another inch.

  “Relax your throat, sweet,” he rasped. “And breathe through your nose, not your mouth. Ah, that’s better. Now, use your
hand at the same time. Jesus, yes, that’s fucking brilliant!”

  She moaned deep in her throat as the techniques he’d suggested did in fact allow her to take in a little more of him. Max began to move then, thrusting his cock in and out of her mouth as she simultaneously moved her lips up and down his length, pumping him with her hand at the same time. She felt triumphant that she was actually doing this, was obviously giving him pleasure considering how loudly he was moaning, and how his penis seemed to swell even harder with each thrust. That knowledge made her feel both powerful and sexy, confident and feminine, and her body responded accordingly. And even though he had thoughtfully brought her to orgasm a short while ago, she was already craving more.

  Abruptly, Max shoved his hands into her long hair, holding her head still, and then slid his cock out of her mouth. The action made a wet popping sound, causing her to gaze up at him in confusion.

  He brushed his thumb over her trembling mouth reassuringly. “As good as this feels - no, more like as incredible as this feels - I don’t want to come in your mouth, Jill. Not this time, anyway. I think this is more than enough for your first lesson. A lesson, by the way, that you aced. The first time I noticed that sexy mouth of yours I wanted it on my cock, and what you did just now went far beyond my wildest imaginings.”

  “I - I don’t mind if you - do that,” she whispered shakily. “Come in my mouth, I mean.”

  But Max was already rolling onto his back, his head against the pillows, and putting on a condom. “I know you don’t. Because you’re the sweetest, most generous, giving woman I’ve ever known. But you’re still inexperienced, love, still getting used to me. To being intimate with a man. And that’s enough for tonight. Besides, if you’ll recall, there was a different lesson I wanted to teach you. Tonight it’s time for you to be on top.”

  Before she could anticipate his next move, he was grasping the sides of her hips and urging her to straddle his thighs.

  “Take me inside of you, love,” he instructed hoarsely. “Lift up just a bit. Ah, yes, like this.”

  Inch by inch, Max began to thrust his cock inside of her vagina, and she was immediately aware of how much deeper it felt in this position. She was wet enough that his entry didn’t cause her any discomfort, but she couldn’t help but be very much aware of how completely he filled her.

  “Your turn to ride me,” grunted Max. “Just let your instincts take over, sweet. Do whatever feels right to you, whatever feels good.”

  Closing her eyes for a moment, Jill followed his instructions, beginning to rock her hips back and forth against his. Within seconds their movements had synched perfectly, the steady rhythm of their bodies reminding her of an erotic kind of dance.

  Bracing her hands on the mattress to frame his torso, she impulsively lifted herself up a little, sliding her vagina along his cock until just the tip of his erection remained inside of her. Then, just as slowly, she lowered herself back down on him, until he was fully sheathed again.

  “Mmm, that feels sooo good,” she moaned, and proceeded to repeat her movements over and over again, until she was breathing unevenly, and sweat trickled down between her breasts.

  “Temptress,” moaned Max, his chest heaving with the force of his own unsteady breaths. “Wanton. One - one more lesson you’ve learned all too quickly.”

  She cried out in reaction when he began to stimulate her clitoris, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger repeatedly as she continued to postulate up and down on his cock. Amazingly, she began to feel the same sort of sensations beginning to coil up in her belly and pelvic area that signaled the rapid approach of an orgasm. Except that, in this position and with his cock embedded deep within her, the sensations were far more enhanced, becoming so strong that she was almost afraid of how powerful they felt. She whimpered in a combination of arousal and fear, until Max stroked the side of her hip reassuringly.

  “It’s all right, love,” he murmured. “You’re so lovely, Jill, so passionate and natural. Don’t hold back now, hmm? Don’t be afraid of what you’re feeling. Just let it happen.”

  And then all of those sensations seemed to coalesce at the exact same time, flooding her nerve endings and senses with mindless, endless pleasure, and all she could do was cry out helplessly, her head falling back limply. She didn’t feel Max’s fingers gripping her hips tight enough to leave an imprint, or hear him give a savage yell as he, too, found his release.

  She was so weak afterwards, so spent and shattered from what had been her first vaginal orgasm, that she wasn’t even aware of Max settling her gently on the pillows, or cleaning her up as he always did after sex. A smile did cross her features dreamily, though, as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, and pulled the duvet up over her nudity.

  The last thought she had just before falling into a deep, exhausted slumber was that she had definitely, completely, and utterly fallen in love with this man, despite his warning about not doing relationships. And that even though this affair could only end badly for her, she was going to enjoy every single second she had left with him.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I’m a total wreck, Jill, I swear. I wish they would just come out and tell everyone what’s going to happen, instead of leaving us all hanging this way. Are we still going to have jobs once this whole evaluation is over? Roslyn heard a rumor from her manager that the company is practically bankrupt, doesn’t even have enough to pay its bills this month. And Ashton over in the merchandising department told me yesterday that more than half the retail stores are probably going to close within the next six months. You’re lucky, you know, that this is only a part-time gig for you. The rest of us aren’t going to be nearly so well off.”

  Jill sighed, wishing that Trina would find someone else to whine to about the potential demise of her job. Once again, she felt horribly guilty that she couldn’t share some of the insight she had managed to gain - mostly due to her own research, but also from a few comments Max had made in recent days - about the fate of Pour Elle. Instead, all she could do was offer up a sympathetic ear to her friend, and try to calm her down.

  “Relax,” she told Trina soothingly. “All of that stuff is probably just rumors. I doubt if anyone knows exactly what’s going on, just lots of speculation and wild guesses at this point. Just keep doing your job like nothing is happening, and wait and see what’s said after the, um, consultant wraps up his report.”

  “And that’s another thing that’s got everyone so worried,” fretted Trina. “That man has been here for almost three weeks now. What on earth can he still be researching at this point? I mean, there’s only so many reports and figures you can study, right? The longer he sticks around the more bad stuff he’s bound to uncover. God, I’d wish he would just finish already and go back to where he came from!”

  Jill didn’t - couldn’t - reply to Trina’s last outburst. Because, unlike her co-worker, Jill positively dreaded the day when Max would wrap up his assignment, pack his bags, and head back to San Francisco. Because he would be taking her heart - her broken heart - along with him.

  “Look, I get that everyone is worried,” offered Jill kindly. “But, honestly, until any formal announcements are made there’s not much point in losing sleep over it. After all, I’m guessing that if there are layoffs they’d be done in stages, not all at once, so who knows if you’d even be impacted. Plus, they’ll have to offer some type of severance pay, continuation of health benefits, that sort of stuff. So no one is going to be left high and dry.”

  Trina looked teary-eyed. “God, I hope you’re right, Jill. I mean, I’ve got my share of the rent to pay, plus I stupidly maxed out two of my credit cards over the holidays and the monthly payments are outrageous. And I was really hoping to go to Mexico for a week in April, I haven’t had a real vacation in ages, but I guess I’d better forget about that.”

  Jill bit her tongue, unwilling to point out that she had never had a single credit card, and that she’d never gone anywhere on a vaca
tion in her entire life, save for a few little weekend trips with Casey and Shoshana to the Washington coast and Outer Islands.

  “We’d better be careful not to let Allison overhear us talking about this,” murmured Jill in a low voice. “She’s been extra nasty to me lately.”

  Trina snorted. “Not just to you, believe me. That bitch has been wicked to practically anyone who crosses her path, even her own boss. Rumor has it that she’s especially worried about her own job, since revenues are way down and she’s supposed to be this bigwig financial brain. My guess? It’s because of her ineptitude that the company is in this mess to begin with.”

  That same thought had crossed Jill’s mind on several occasions. Allison frequently boasted about having a degree in finance from Georgetown, one of the top ranked universities in the country for that particular major, and had broadly hinted that Jill’s own choice of the University of Washington simply wasn’t on the same academic level. But Jill had also overheard Allison attempting to explain a concept or answer a question about her so-called specialty, and her replies had been incorrect most of the time.

  “But in any event, no need for you to worry about running into the Wicked Witch today. I saw her head into yet another closed door meeting ten minutes ago. My manager’s in that meeting, too, and he told me it would probably go on for the rest of the day. However, you’re right, I’d better head back to my desk and get some work done. If your guess is correct and the layoffs happen in phases, they might decide to hold onto the hardest working employees the longest. See you, Jill.”

  Jill exhaled in relief as her overly chatty co-worker walked off, and then resumed her data entry. Her workload had slowed down quite a bit over the past week, and she wondered exactly what that might imply. She could have asked Max’s opinion, of course, but was still being scrupulously careful not to appear too nosy about his research and the results. It would have been a conflict of interest in a way for him, she supposed, and she refused to butt her nose into things that really didn’t concern her. Especially, she thought morosely, since she knew quite well that Max’s job here was beginning to wind down, and it would be a matter of days, not weeks, before he left town for good. The last thing she wanted was for their final days together to be marred by confrontation or any sort of awkwardness.