Arousal

by A. C. Rose

  “Jeez, like Nicolai, you don’t mince words.” I took a deep breath. In my heart, I knew she was right.

  “And this shit with Sheila,” she said, leaning in and putting her hands flat on my desk. “It is all about unresolved issues with your father. He left you, then he found you, then he left you again, and he did not take care of you and leave things in place for you in this company. There was no clear inheritance. That bitch hijacked your birthright.”

  I rolled my chair away from my desk and turned toward the window. The window shade had been down all day. I reached over and opened it. Sun came streaming in. A tear slid down my face. I sat there, staring at the wall.

  Aisha stood and came to where I had rolled myself and leaned over to put her arms around me. I laid my head on her shoulder and cried, until there were no more tears. She reached for the tissues and plopped the box in front of me.

  “In my effort to stay connected to my dad’s company and his legacy, I guess never fully grieved,” I said, grabbing a tissue. I felt heaviness in my chest. “And I never questioned it when Dan Berke and Sheila told me that my father never intended to leave me the company. My dad was so sick toward the end, and Dan was covering all his medical bills and managing the financial end of things, so I didn’t want to rock the boat.”

  “I know.” She was standing now, but had a hand on my shoulder. Then she walked around the desk, to her chair. “Maybe this all came to a head for a reason.”

  “Maybe,” I said, still sniffling. “I can’t figure it out right now though. I think I need a warm bath and a drink.”

  “Or maybe you need Nicolai?” She moved back in her seat, scrunching her face and pretending to duck, as if I were about to toss something at her. “I know this is sensitive, so throw something at me if you want me to shut up, but I think Nicolai is the good guy. He’s the good karma coming back to you. And he wants to help you. Let him help you figure it out. I think Nicolai is here for a reason.”

  It was amazing how she and Nicolai had such similar ideas about romance and gallantry. “Did he tell you to say that?” It sounded awfully familiar.

  “Of course not,” she swore. “I’m your friend and I have seen you in pain for so long. And you have a chance for something real, even if it seems too fast and too unreal. I just want you to at least consider that somewhere in the universe there is a rhyme and a reason for all this.

  Aisha’s insights were intense, but I suspected she was spot on. I mouthed the words, “Thank you.”

  “Text me if you need me,” she said. “I will be around doing my usual millionaire research.”

  We both stood for a hug. When she left, it came to me that I had not known Aisha for that long, yet we became fast friends and I trusted her the moment I met her. Maybe things like that can happen with men you like, too.

  At five p.m., the energy shifted as I got ready for an evening with Nicolai. With all that occurred in the morning, it seemed we’d already had a date, but I was looking forward to more. In fact, that chat with Aisha made me want to go running to him and jump into his arms. I changed into my dress, dabbed on a touch of makeup and perfume, and went down to the car. Although I couldn’t help but wonder if Sheila had her spies out there, I didn’t feel my usual paranoia. I just wanted to see him.

  Sam stood there with the limo door open. No Nicolai.

  “Where is he?” Something felt wrong. Panic set in pretty quickly as I imagined the worst. After all that had been said and done, how could he not be here?

  “He got called away to a family emergency,” said Sam, taking my small garment bag and helping me into the car. “He asked me to take you home where you can await his call.”

  Suddenly, I was terrified that he was leaving me. Oh my God, maybe having to deal with my boss today made him realize I wasn’t worth it. I didn’t even know who this man was four nights ago, and now I was filled with dread, the kind that only comes when caring for someone.

  My mind was occupied running through a dozen different scenarios all the way home, so when I got to my building I was distracted. Sam opened the limo door, and helped me out. Then he carried all my belongings to the doorman for me. He kept his free hand on my elbow, as if he knew I needed a little support.

  When he said good-bye, I mustered the courage to ask, “Why isn’t he here, Sam?” My voice was clearly shaken. I wasn’t sure how this had so quickly turned me into a wreck, but my heart was hurting. It was the first time Nicolai hadn’t kept his word. Although he had shown up a little late for one of our dates, he hadn’t ever not shown up.

  “I can’t say, ma’am,” he said, warmly squeezing my elbow. It was an uncharacteristic move on his part but he must have seen the pain in my eyes. “But he told me to tell you he will call as soon as he can.” He smiled. “He will call.”

  Sam went to the limo. I headed to my apartment.

  It was weird making my way on my own. The doorman helped me to the elevator, pushed the button, and handed me my things. Did he know how lost I felt? My mind wandered to three nights ago when Nicolai insisted on escorting me in, getting me to my door. And now, he was a no show.

  There must be an explanation. I tried to fight the feelings of abandonment, but they gripped me. And fear got the better of me. By the time I walked in my door I doubted everything—again.

  My doubts played like an internal audiotape: Maybe the warm feelings for him weren’t real. Perhaps I was falling for him by virtue of my desire for him, which was not the same as love. Could a New York City girl thrive with a sexy alpha from Transylvania? Was it even possible to bring two such different people together? How could a commitment-phobe mess like me even last in a relationship, with anyone? My mind seemed doggedly determined to be down on love—again. And I had to wonder, what the hell is a soul mate, anyway? It sounded like something made up by greeting card companies.

  I searched it online and discovered a few schools of thought. Essentially a soul mate is considered to be someone a person feels a connection to. Maybe there is a natural affinity. Some people believe soul mates are from past lives, or here to teach us lessons. Some say that when they met their soul mates there was a recognition or familiarity. More than anything, a soul mate feels like home.

  Holy fuck. These concepts didn’t seem so foreign to me anymore. And now that I was hooked, he’d disappeared. I missed the nearness of him and the feel of his arms around me. I thought of watching a movie or making headway on work I brought home from the office, but I couldn’t focus. So I called him.

  No answer.

  Why did it hurt so much? Memories flooded to my mind, like when I tried to call my father the day he first disappeared out of our lives and there was no answer. It broke my heart. It broke again the day I called his hospital room, only to discover from the nurse that he’d slipped into a coma. I never got to speak with him again. The no answers of my passed haunted me now.

  The emotional exhaustion of tonight, the day, and the week were catching up. It was still early evening, and I could have hunkered down with wine and ice cream, but I decided to lie down in bed to unwind. I drifted off to asleep and into a dream world, but Nicolai wasn’t there. The last thing I remembered was saying to someone in my dream, “Something must be wrong.”

  That’s when the phone rang.

  “My love, please forgive me for not being there tonight,” he began, “especially after the events of the day. I was called into an emergency.”

  “Nicolai!” I was so relieved to hear his voice. “Oh my God, I was so worried.”

  “My grandmother fell ill,” he said softly. “It’s the only thing that could keep me away from you.”

  A rush of dopamine exploded in my brain. I shouldn’t have felt happy to hear his news, but I had gone into such a dark place that it was liberating to know he had not abandoned me.

  “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” I had spent the evening so focused on my own fears that it was just dawning on me that he was in a family crisis. “How is she doing?”
<
br />   “She seems a little better. But I guess at ninety-eight years young, this is in the hands of the divine.” He sounded tired and sad, but accepting. “My grandmother is quite strong-willed, so you never know.”

  “Is there anything I can do?” I had been through the death of my own grandmother, mother, and father. I knew how much this sucked. Maybe I could be there for him in some way.

  “Yes,” he said, “Come to me here tomorrow. I didn’t want to miss our date tonight, and Grandmamma didn’t want me to miss it either, but it couldn’t be helped. If you don’t mind coming here, we can catch up.” I thought it was odd she knew about our date, but I let it go for now.

  “Um, okay,” I said, nervous that I may be packing for a long flight. “Do I need to bring my passport? Are you in Romania?”

  He laughed out loud. “I’m in Connecticut,” he said. “But your willingness to travel far and wide to see me warms my heart.”

  “God, I miss you, Nicolai,” I sighed into the phone. I was so glad to hear his laugh.

  “You do?” His voice was soft.

  “I do.” The words flowed out on a whisper, and I realized how true they were.

  We held on in silence. As our breathing synced up, it was like we were together in the same room.

  “I’ve had many epiphanies today.” I broke the silence. “More on that later. But for now, why don’t you take some pressure off of yourself and consider this morning, in my office, as our fourth date?”

  “Yes, it can hold us for today, but that was a bit of an exception,” he said. “I was completely motivated by emotions and my concern for you. Not exactly the plan.”

  “Well, maybe one of the other lessons of the day is that plans don’t always work out the way you imagine, but the results could be the same,” I said. I liked sounding like the pithy one for a change. “You did find your way into my pants. Defending my honor was an extra bonus. We don’t have normal dates anyway. They’re more like episodes.” Actually, they were more like telenovelas, but I refrained from saying that.

  “You’re starting to sound rather Zen, Ms. Monroe.” It was good to hear the humor in his voice.

  “Maybe you’re rubbing off on me.” The smile on my face was big and bright. I was floating on a happiness cloud.

  “Oh, I most definitely would like to be rubbing off on you.” His laugh was so sexy, I wished I could pull his body through the phone into my bedroom. “I’m going to look forward to tomorrow.”

  “What about your grandmother? I mean, won’t it be awkward “dating” at her home?”

  “Grandmamma wants us to be close,” he said. “And she wants to meet you.”

  “So tomorrow?” Nervous butterflies swarmed my tummy thinking about meeting his family.

  “Yes. I need to sort a few things out, but I’ll call in the morning with a plan so we can be together.”

  “I’ll miss you until then.”

  “I’ll miss you more.”

  I nearly crumbled when I thought he was gone. In my wildest dreams I never thought I would become that woman, the one who loses her shit when she thinks she has been left by a man. Then again, I never let myself get this close to the edge of love.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Saturday: Day Five/Date Five

  I slept so soundly that I couldn’t remember any dreams. Nicolai called early Saturday morning.

  “Good morning,” he said, sounding more cheerful than expected. “So we’re coming into the home stretch.”

  “Your grandmother? Is she—” I worried she was dying.

  “No, she’s a bit better today. I meant us,” he said, his tone a little sad. “This is the last day I’m going to officially ask if you want to sign on for another day with me. Tomorrow is in your hands.”

  “Well, if you mean home stretch refers to us coming at your grandmother’s home in the stretch limo today, I’m in.” I tried to be humorous because I was suddenly feeling a little nervous. But I couldn’t wait to see him.

  “Then I will send a car for you by nine a.m. so we can have our fifth date on location,” he said. “I would have taken you somewhere more exotic but Connecticut will have to do.”

  He didn’t mention exactly where in Connecticut he was, just that it was a bit of a distance. He told me to bring a change of clothing in case. I wasn’t sure if that was because I may have to stay over or because something wet or dirty might happen to my clothes. I felt a little bad thinking about sex with his grandmother not well, but then again, he said she wanted us together. And he’d originally asked me to help make her last wishes come true—even if it meant pretending.

  Sam showed up with coffee and breakfast in the car.

  “It’s a bit of a drive to where we are going, Ms. Monroe,” he said. “Just let me know if you need to stop for anything. There is a call button on the arm rests.”

  “Thank you, Sam.” I was tempted to leave the privacy window open and pump him for information, but instead I used the time to reflect. I hoped this trip would enlighten me about a few things—like why we were speeding toward this full moon deadline, what his grandmother’s role was in all this, and how I truly feel about Nicolai and his proposal.

  I was in pretty deep, but was it real love? And how would things change if I were still with him on day six? His words from the first night we met flowed into my head: “Let’s agree to disagree about the term ‘mine,’ but agree to belong to each other for the next six days. You retain the right to ditch me at any point, and the right to refuse the option to consummate on the full moon. If you decline that option, it means you don’t care for me, so the ‘mine’ part will be irrelevant, anyway. Let’s see if you can go along with it for six days.”

  He said he was motivated by his grandmother’s prophecy, and now she was ill. Would he change his plans or the way he felt about me?

  I was prepared to ask Nicolai to clear up my questions before any arousal activities. But when the limo drove up a gravel drive and parked and I heard footsteps, all I wanted was to jump into the arms of my man. Was he my man yet? I was starting to think of him in that way.

  Sam got out of the car and Nicolai told him there was lunch for him at the house and to go take a break.

  When Nicolai swung open my car door, my heart leapt. He appeared more tired than I’d ever seen him, and vulnerable. He slid into the back seat and pulled me close, so close, and drew my head to his chest, stroking my hair. We held each other in silence. He was clutching on for dear life.

  Then he pushed the button that locked all the doors and looked at me with hunger in his eyes.

  “How are things going?” I asked, reaching over to touch his hand.

  “My love, it’s hard for me to talk about it,” he said, his voice edged with sadness. “Grandmamma and I are very close, and this is not easy. But let me spend this time to bring us together again. It felt strange to not be with you last night.”

  My heart ached for him. When he inclined back against the seat and opened his arms for an embrace, I leaned in and pressed my ear to his chest. I felt his heart pump and sensed his pain.

  “I’m here for you,” I said rising up to look into his weary eyes. I placed my palm over his heart. I’d never done that before but felt moved to touch him that way, thinking it may make him feel better. “I know what it’s like to go through this. Let me help.”

  “I need physical contact with you,” he said, lifting off his gray T-shirt and exposing his chest. “Can we just be close for a while? Is that okay?” He pulled me back onto his upper torso.

  “Of course,” I said. “Whatever you need.” He was asking for permission instead making a command.

  “I need you, Allison.” He cradled my head against him and gently rocked. “I can’t bear the idea of being separated from you.”

  “I’m here.” I smoothed a hand over his abs and chest. “I came here to the wilds of Connecticut to be with you, didn’t I?”

  “You are here today, but what about tomorrow?” Pain etched in his
handsome face. I felt his body tense. “What if, after today, this all ends?”

  I didn’t want it to end. I really didn’t. But I wanted to know more about where this crazy journey was leading before I made any promises about the next day. Damn that full moon. It was creating so much pressure.

  “I need to share some things,” he said, running two fingers along the top of my thigh, inching my dress up toward my hips. “That will clear up some questions you may have. But … I need … you … close.”

  Even in a moment of despair, his sexual appetite seemed intact—or was it his discipline about following through on our dates? He lifted my dress over my head and reached over to unbuckle his jeans. He quickly slipped out of them. We were both in our underwear and he was hard. Suddenly the air around us sizzled with the intensity of need—his need—and I wanted to make him feel better.

  He slipped my bra aside and took my nipple into his mouth. Pleasure shot between my legs, making me wet. My whole body was alive with pleasure.

  He helped me lay down on the back seat. Moving my knees apart, he lowered himself between them. Next, I felt his mouth on me, kissing my inner thighs until he made his way to the place covered only by my panties. He used both hands to hold my hips down as he kissed me over the thin material. Every gentle caress of his mouth moved me closer to ecstasy. He found my swelling clit, took it in his mouth, and then let go his hold on my thighs so I could rock into him. Even with my panties still on, my lower parts were close to bursting with delight. Suddenly, he stopped.

  “I need to taste all of you.” He looked up and his gaze searched mine.

  I pressed myself closer to his mouth to let him know that was exactly what I wanted him to do.