“You aren’t going to die. Okay? You aren’t going to die.” One paramedic was ahead of the other has he climbed into the ambulance, helping the other guy push me inside of the life savings metal box.
“I’m getting married. I’m cold.” My teeth started to chatter as a guy threw a few blankets on me.
“You’re getting married? That’s great. When?” He had a needle in his hand as the sharp pointed metal reflected the lights. I felt a slight sting as he hooked a bag of clear fluid on a metal post.
“Soon, under a weeping willow.” I sighed. “I’m tired.”
“I’m going to need you to keep your eyes open for me. Okay? Tell me about your husband. I’m sorry, you're soon to be husband.” He looked outside the ambulance, but I didn’t know what he could see. It was dark.
“He is Kane. All tattoos and sexy. What did you give me?” I slurred.
“A painkiller. I’d love to hear more about your tattooed Kane, but we are at the hospital now. Your friends are right behind us. You’re going to be fine.” The nice man looked me dead in the eye. He was black. The blackest black I had ever seen, and it was beautiful. His skin was void of all blemishes and he had a shaved head. His eyes were the color of dark amber, and they seemed to grow lighter the more he softened his gaze.
“You’re going to be just fine, Leslie.” He smiled. A big bright, pearly-white smile, and it made me feel better. My heart was lighter and my skin felt a little warmer.
“What we got?” A doctor rushed over, running beside the gurney, and fear started to pump through my veins like morphine on a constant drip.
“Leslie Benson, female, between twenty-four and twenty-eight, severe bleeding out of her vaginal area. Possible miscarriage.”
Miscarriage? No, that can’t be right. The thought made everything else seem minute; even my life. The lights above me flashed every few seconds as the gurney wheeled down the tunnel that would decide if I was losing Kane’s baby or not.
“Vitals are dropping!”
I didn’t care. I was losing the will to live. I didn’t care what happened to me. I wasn’t worthy of Kane. He would be all right. He was tall, good-looking, and talented. He was every girl’s walking wet dream. He would forget about me in no time.
“All right, Leslie. You’re in good hands now.” The guy in the white coat patted me on the shoulder, but all I could concentrate on was the paramedic standing behind the double doors giving me a thumbs up.
If I made it out of here alive, he was getting a wedding invitation.
Chapter 8
Sounds of machines were invading my dreams. The constant beep was interrupting my apology to Kane. I wasn’t sure how he was taking it because the beeps kept muting his reply. Every bone in my body ached, like I had been hit by a bus, then ran over by a car. Moving would be a challenge.
“Leslie?”
I groaned when I heard my name. It sounded like a desperate plea, a heart-wrenching sound filled with terror and pain. Something squeezed my hand, sending a jolt to the needle in my arm causing me to hiss.
“Come back to me, Crazy. I’m going out of my mind with worry. Don’t leave me in the dark any longer. Come on.” His voice laced with agony struck my heart like barbed wire, puncturing it until it bled out.
“I can’t live without you,” he choked. “I love you more than anything on this earth. I wouldn’t be the same man. You bring light to the darkest parts of my mind, of my soul. The parts that I tried to hide, that I buried deep down inside me. You saw past it all, shining your light until all my shadows were nothing but a memory.” Soft, wet lips kissed my hand. Quiet sobs invade their way into my subconscious, leading me back out into life.
“Kane?” I rasped. My throat was dry as the desert; raw and the taste of blood followed after I tried to swallow. “Water.” I hadn’t opened my eyes yet. The light felt like a billion sun rays piercing through my eyelids.
“Leslie! Oh, thank God. Whatever you want, Crazy. Whatever you want.” Glass clinked and the sound of water sounded like harmony, like a waterfall during a light misting of rain with the sun peeking through the forest. It was relaxing and exciting all at once.
“Lights.”
“Of course. Yes, I’m sure they hurt right now. I can’t imagine all the sensations you must be feeling.” It was like a weight was lifted off my eyes when the lights dimmed. I sighed in relief. My head didn’t feel like it was being sliced in half with a laser.
Something hit my lips causing me to open my mouth on instinct. The first sip was the hardest, gathering the strength to suck the water from the cup presented a challenge, but once the cold water hit my throat, I moaned. The relief was instant. It was like a life-saving elixir given to me before the brink of death. I wasn’t on the verge of extinction, but I felt like it.
“Ahhh, feels good.” I took another greedy sip, wanting to coat my damaged throat.
“Careful, you don’t want to upset your stomach.” Kane pulled the blue cup away from me, making me whimper. I wanted more. I need more.
“I know, Crazy. You can’t overdo it though. God, you scared the life out of me.” He curled his arms around me, touching his forehead against mine. Mine was cold, clammy, and had a hint of sweat while he was warm. His lips caressed my cheek and tears started to gather in my eyes.
“I was so scared.” I trembled.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m so sorry.” He sobbed against my shoulder, and they were loud with a hint of what sounded like a growl. The hospital bed jolted from his weight settling on it.
The sterile wooden door creaked opened, revealing a man with a long white coat and glasses. He had white hair but seemed to be in his thirties. He had dark circles below his black-framed glasses and lines creased between his eyebrows as he looked at, what I assumed, was my medical chart.
“Ms. Benson, I’m glad to see you awake. I’m Doctor Willey, and you gave us quite the scare.” He strolled in like he had done it one hundred times before. It was impressive. The way he seemed to float while he walked, the white coat fluttering behind him like a superhero’s cape.
“What happened?’ I croaked. I sounded like a frog or worse, a smoker that puffed a carton a day.
“Before we get started, is this your fiancé? Would you like him to be here?” Dr. Willey yanked out his fountain pen (of course, it was a fountain pen), and peeked up between his glasses to look at us.
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.
He scribbled. “All right. I don’t know how to say this.” He scratched his beard with the pen, leaving behind a blue mark on his face. “You had an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that is?”
“She’s pregnant?” Kane said with a smile, and it broke my heart all over again. It was like someone dove inside my chest, past the layers of skin and bone, and ripped it out to crush it under their boot.
Dr. Willey sighed. “I’m sorry, but she isn’t anymore. The extreme sickness you were feeling and the cramps were signs. You couldn’t have known. An ectopic pregnancy is when the egg fertilizes outside of the uterus. When left for a period allowing the egg to grow, it causes life-threatening blood loss. The egg can’t live outside of the uterus. Sometimes, we can perform surgery if we catch it in time to move the egg to the correct place. We couldn’t, though. When you came in, you already lost a significant amount of blood because the egg had ruptured. The egg can attach itself anywhere outside the uterus, which is very dangerous. In your case, I’m sorry to say this, but it attached itself to one of your fallopian tubes. It ruptured, causing severe bleeding. We almost weren’t able to stop it.”
Kane buried his face in his hands, scrubbing his eyes with his palms, before looking at the doctor with red eyes. “So not only are you saying she miscarried, but one of her tubes is gone? Can she conceive again? What did this do to Leslie?” He grabbed my hand, rubbing soothing circles over the numb skin. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, but I couldn’t feel a thing. Nothing made sense anymore. The baby I didn’t
even know I had, I lost. It wasn’t fair.
“Conceiving will be trickier, but not impossible. You still have one tube that works perfectly. It cut your chances by fifty percent, so you’ll have to try harder.”
“Did this happen because I took a sip of champagne?” My bottom lip and chin quivered at the memory of turning up the cheap bottle like a drunkard. “I don’t drink all the time. I didn’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it. My friends took me to buy my wedding dress; we were celebrating. Oh God, I did this!” I cried into my hands, the plastic tube that connects to the IV rubbed against my cheek as I sobbed. “I’m sorry Kane. I’m so sorry.” Salvia traveled down my chin from the excessive force of my sobbing.
“It isn’t your fault. That wouldn’t have mattered, right, Doc?” Kane’s right hand petted my hair to try to calm me while he searched the doctor’s gaze for an answer. Even though he seemed like a pro when he breezed in, his face held sympathy and pity. I didn’t want his pity; I wanted my baby, I couldn’t let the anger disrespect him. No matter how much I wanted to scream and blame him.
“Leslie, that wouldn’t have mattered. The location of the egg was what caused this. A sip of alcohol didn’t. Most women don’t realize they are pregnant until around six weeks, during those six-weeks they don’t change their lives. I promise you.” He grabbed my hand. “You did nothing wrong.”
“Can I not carry a baby?” I stared at the bottom of the bed, looking at nothing, but thinking of everything. In nine months, we could have had something that was the perfect mixture of both of us. He or she could have had his black hair, that was as dark as the night sky, and his bright blue eyes that made my heart thump a mile a minute. Our baby would have had the perfect skin. He would have been beautiful.
“A lot of women blame their bodies when something like this happens, but I promise you, it isn’t your fault. This, unfortunately, is a convoluted answer. There could be history in your family, but I believe it was your IUD. You switched from the pill to that, and an ectopic pregnancy is more likely to occur with an IUD.” He sighed.
“What? Why wasn’t that explained to me when I decided to get it? So because no one told me about it, I lost a child. We lost a child, and my chances of pregnancy are lower. I wouldn’t have ever agreed to it if I had known that!” I screamed. My machines were beeping at dangerous levels, showing how upset I was getting. I felt like I was about to combust.
“You should have been notified.” He said so medically and pompously.
“Oh fuck you, Doc. Should have doesn’t matter now, does it? This hospital will be hearing from our lawyer.” Kane stood, his shoulders broad and his spine straight. The doctor slowly looked up, eyes wide, and his Adam’s apple bobbed from swallowing his fear and trepidation. It was Kane’s turn now to intimidate him.
He leaned his hands against the bed, tilting his strong defined neck to gaze at the doctor that was much smaller than his six-four. “You’re going to tell us when we can leave. Then you’re going to bring the discharge papers and what we need to do to take care of my fiancée. If she isn’t allowed to leave, I want her transferred to another hospital. She isn’t staying in a medical facility that can’t provide basic fucking facts. This placed risked her life, and I refuse to have the most important person in my life at risk a second longer. Do you get that?” He lowered his voice, and there was a feral edge to it like he was on the verge of completely losing all control.
The doctor seemed composed, but the tremors in his hand gave away his façade. “She can leave the day after tomorrow. Please, don’t transfer her. She is in a delicate state right now and moving her can risk that.”
“No thanks to you!” Kane roared, spinning around and punching a hole in the wall.
“Yes, sir. I understand. Um…” He fluffed the collar of his white coat with obvious nerves. “It takes four to six weeks to recover. After that, she will need to come back for a checkup.” His hands shook as he ran them through his hair. I could understand now why it was white at such a young age. He probably dealt with angry patients all the time.
Kane’s chest was heaving, his nostrils flared, and his fists were balled at his sides ready to attack. I reached for him like I always do when I’m awake, when I’m dreaming, when I’m sad, when I’m afraid. His touch comforts me like no other, so maybe mine could do the same.
My fingers wrapped around his wide wrist and his eyes found my pleading ones, and they softened. All the hate, all the lines that were on his face, all the stress and tension, gone once his blue eyes met mine.
He nodded, and the doctor ran out the door like he was running to save his life. I guess he was. Kane was ruthless and he wouldn’t have hesitated if it wasn’t for me.
“What are you doing, Crazy?” He sat down, holding my hands within his.
“It wasn’t his fault this happened. He wasn’t the one that failed to tell me the IUD could have caused this. He is the one that saved my life. He is the one that broke the horrible news, and it didn’t look like he had an easy time with it. I’m so angry and devastated for our loss, but at the same time, I can’t comprehend anything right now. Getting angry is the last thing we need right now. Let the doctor do his job. I could have died, and if I had a different doctor, maybe I would have.” His jaw fit perfect in my palm as I held it. My thumb stroked over the rough beard, tickling and leaving behind pinpricks. Even the little jolts of pain reminded me that I did feel. I could feel. I didn’t want to feel anything so astronomical, but I knew I had to. I knew that this was going to catch up with me one day, so I couldn’t just set it aside to let it rot.
Wasn’t that the usual with pain? You disregard it, bury it six feet under until you can’t feel it anymore, but one moment, usually a small moment, something like stubbing your toe against the coffee table, and it was that moment that releases everything that had been buried. You scream, curse, break things, and cry, wondering why something so awful happened to you. And you ask yourself, “Why did this happen? What did I do to deserve this?”
All the pain, all the sorrow, and all the hate that had festered boils over, and a destructive monsters rip from your skin, leaving nothing but a destroyed path. The pain was a tornado in the midst of a hurricane.
“You’re right, and Leslie, I’m so sorry this happened to you.” He laid his hand on my stomach, the palm engulfing my midsection, and it was at that moment that it didn’t just happen to me. It happened to us.
I covered my hand over his. “It happened to us. Don’t pretend this doesn’t affect you too. You lost a son or daughter, just like I did. We can get through this. We have to stay together though. We can’t let pain cloud that. We can’t let it control us.” I sniffled. The thought of Kane resenting me tore at my opened wound. If someone were to cut me open, they would find my heart drowning in its blood.
“I could never resent you, Leslie. I love you. And even though we had no idea about the baby, I loved that baby the moment he told me. And if you want kids, we will never stop trying. I could never want you less because the world decided to tilt our axis, okay?” His fingers brushed my cheek. “Okay?” He leaned in, kissing me with a soft, delicate, tenderness that I had never felt before. His lips felt like pillows, only the softest kind, as he took his time to show me how he felt. Those lips, like every time, took my breath away. They took me above cloud nine as he took me on a journey. He poured his emotions into me until our tears were mixed on our lips, but we drank each other’s pain, mixing it like a potion. He dove his tongue inside my mouth, twirling and dancing around mine, sinking his lips harder into mine, but still made love to my mouth with a gentle touch.
“I love you,” he whispered against my swollen red lips that still tingled from the abuse of his beard.
“I love you too, Kane Bridgeshaw.”
More than pain would ever allow.
Chapter 9
A few days later the hospital discharged me and Kane pushed me out at Nascar speed in the wheelchair. I didn't think it was a race,
but apparently he hated I had to stay at this hospital. We were still reeling from the fact that I had been pregnant, that a baby had been inside me, but couldn't thrive the way it needed to. It was a thought that felt bigger than me, but the only thing that was left for me to think now was why?
I didn't think I wanted kids. Kane didn't think he wanted kids. Well, we didn't want kids right now, but now that the option was taken away from us we did. We didn't know if we would ever be ready, but we agreed that in six weeks after the doctor had given the clear, we would try again. A part of me was remaining positive and upbeat thinking, "How hard could it be to get pregnant?" And then the other part of me was thinking, "You might not ever get to experience another pregnancy." It was an internal battle that I was dealing with every day, and every time I started to feel negative about myself, Kane was there. He always knew when the worst thought came to plague me. Our souls were intertwined so he could probably feel my turmoil like a rock sitting in the pit of his stomach.
It reminded me of those paranormal romance books that I read while I was lying in the hospital. Kane had bought me a Kindle, and Molli and David had visited numerous times with flowers. One time they gave me an Amazon gift card, which was amazing since I was using the Kindle and I loaded up on all the books. Anyway, I got invested in this whole ‘mate bond.' The shapeshifters said it was a human's way of saying soulmate, only the mate bond went much deeper. It was said that true mates could sense each other's emotions like fear, sadness, happiness, and pain. It was beautiful and entirely fiction, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe Kane was my true mate, in the human sense, of course.
Our bond was more profound than a soulmate's, that I believed.
“What are you thinking about, Crazy?” Like I was weightless, he picked me up from the wheelchair and settled me in the passenger seat. Oh, the heat warmers were on! I could feel the bottled sunshine sink into my back making my muscles relax, but a nagging thought still rang in my head.
The Ink Romance Series Page 35
