A part of me was afraid to go home with Kane. I still hadn't been able to go into my room after Chase, so I had been staying at Kane's most of the time. It was hard though because of all the dogs he adopted after the fire at the clinic. I still loved my home. It was everything I had wanted, just tainted now. We would go and sit on the deck in the backyard to hang out with the dogs, but I'd steer clear of my room. Behind that door was a monster and every time I walked near it, I could feel its tendrils try to wrap around me. It was darkness and I had yet to face it.
“I don’t know. A lot of things?” I sighed. I didn’t know where to start explaining. Too much had happened recently, and processing it seemed to fry my brain.
“You know I'm always here for you, right? I'm not going anywhere. It's you and me. I know lately, it has been a whirlwind of emotions, and…" He swallowed making his Adam's apple bob. "I know we lost something neither of us knew we wanted." Kane intertwined our fingers, looking at them like they changed his life. "And what we took from it is, we do want kids. You might not ever be ready, and that's okay. I want you to know that I love you. I'll love you through your pain. I'll love you through your agony. I'll love you through your doubts, fears, and sadness. I can't slay all your monsters, but maybe I can help some of your demons lay to rest for a little while. As for kids, well, in six weeks, I'll be more than happy to pump you full of me, if that’s what you want.” He winked giving me that crooked smile that melted me into a puddle.
A chuckle worked its way out of my throat. “Wow, you are so romantic. How did I get so lucky?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll do my best to remind you though.” He squeezed my hand.
The truck jerked forward as Kane accelerated. The deep rumble of the engine roared through the morning air, scaring nearby people as they were walking to and from their cars. We drove in silence. It wasn't awkward, and I didn't need to fill the space with words. It was peaceful, something I hadn't felt in what felt like forever. The windows were rolled down and the sweet smell of flowers hung heavy in the air. Oranges, purples, blues, and reds were painted across the sky as the sun peeked over the horizon. We were racing towards it like Bonnie and Clyde with the law hot on our tails. I rested my arms on the windowsill, closing my eyes as the cool breeze whipped across my face.
It was hard to ignore the beautiful scenery around me, but it was also hard to appreciate too when I felt so empty, like something had been stolen from my arms. I was angry, and all I wanted to do was cry, but my tears had dried up a day ago. I had surpassed that stage, and now I was on to anger. My hand rested against my stomach and my breath hitched. My body was different only a few days ago, and now it was damaged. Nothing looked different from the outside, and everything seemed normal; yet, here I was barely holding myself together. I hated life sometimes. I hated the pain and trials it loves to bring. Sometimes I wonder if life is a villain, lurking in the shadows when the sun was beaming down on you. It shined on you while you danced to your own tune; then, it would jump out, clouding the sun and all its rays, wrapping you up in its dark magic, spitting you out, wait for you to recover, dance in the sun again, and repeat. It was a never-ending cycle. Maybe I’m throwing a pity party, but I think I had the right to one.
Kane's hand landed on top of mine, the one that was on my stomach, and lovingly patted my hand. He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Kane knew that I was shattered over this. I mean, who wouldn't be, and I knew he was devastated too. Only one of us could lose it right now, and the other had to stay strong and carry us through life's thick muddy waters.
He was always carrying me. When would it be my turn to carry him?
I hadn't realized I had dozed off until Kane was shaking me awake. "Crazy, I want to show you something." I figured we would be at his place by now, but when I opened my eyes, I was looking out at the ocean over a cliff. Kane got out of the truck, and I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was so sexy as his hand rubbed over the hood of the truck, making his way around to open my door. Like usual, he helped me out of the passenger side, setting me down on the ground while the ocean's breeze whipped through the air and the seagulls sang overhead. The sea crashed against the cliff, wild and untamed like it was angry and wanted to spread violence; to destroy everything in its path.
The grass was tall with weeds and wild lavender that swayed with the breeze. The natural scent of the lavender carried through the air invaded my lungs, calming me in an instant. Kane’s arms wrapped around my midsection, and his head rested on top of mine since I was so much shorter.
“Do you like it?” His whispered words tickled my ear.
“Like it? I love it. It’s so beautiful and calming.” I sighed. His arms felt like home, but I felt like a stranger in my own body. He couldn’t fix that, could he?
“Come on, let’s walk around. Are you okay to do that?” Kane took my hand as we walked through the field. The piece of land was huge, and I could imagine us laying on a blanket in the bed of his truck, gazing up at the night sky filled with stars while the ocean sang us to sleep.
"Wow, this is breathtaking." My eyes traveled everywhere. To the ocean, the rocks, the cliffs, the grass, and the trees that were all the way in the back, lining the property.
“Yeah, it is.”
When I glanced at Kane, he was looking right at me. I battled the urge to roll my eyes at the predictable line, but all I did was flush. I adored it when he looked at me like that like I was the only thing that existed in his world.
His hoodie was huge on me and the sleeves went past my hands, making the gesture of putting my hair behind my ears a little more challenging.
“Stop it,” I giggled, pushing my hands against his firm chest.
“What? It's true." He grabbed me by the hand, yanking me into his embrace slowly dancing to the sound of the early morning crickets and ocean waves. It was beautiful. And from the outside looking in, it would have made an adorable polaroid.
“What if I told you it's ours?" Slowly, he spun me, and when I was able to look at him again, my jaw dropped, and the white of my eyes must have been as huge as the moon.
“What are you talking about?”
“This. What you are standing on. I was going to surprise you with it, after the wedding, but with what has happened, I think both of us needed a refresher. This piece of land could be it. It isn't far from the shops, and it could be our way of starting over. I know you love your home, but you hate it too. It breaks my heart to see you pass your room in so much fear. I won't let you live like that. I'll build you the biggest A-frame house with a wrap around porch. We could have a huge loft that overlooked the ocean, and a yard big enough for all of our dogs." Kane started walking around. "And here, here we would put a swing, so we could enjoy our morning coffee together and watch the sun rise or set." His long strides ate up ground in no time until he was on a different patch of grass. "Here, we could have your infinity tub and it could have an ocean view, or it could be a garden view. We could have vines of flowers and a weeping willow." He ran to the other side of the invisible house making me laugh. " This could be the kitchen, and it would be open to the living room that would have the biggest tv you ever saw." He held out his arms as he walked. "This would be the hallway that led to a few spare bedrooms, and Evan, of course, would have his room. I'm thinking four bedrooms and four baths because there is nothing worse than having a bedroom without a bathroom in my opinion. I never understand how houses have two bedrooms and one bath. Why? What if two people need the bathroom? It isn't logical."
“You've thought this through, huh?" I strolled towards him, and the long stems of lavender hit my thighs as I made my way through the brush.
He scratched his head. “Kind of, yeah. Do you like it? You don’t have to like it. We could change anything. And the apartment above the tattoo shop I’d rent to Riggs. His lease ends in six months, which would be how long it would take to build this house. I didn’t want to get started on it without your approval. Sometimes, I take things and ru
n with them.”
I didn’t realize how much Kane blabbed.
Wrapping my arms around him, I tilted my head back to look into his blue eyes that I got lost in so much. “I love it.”
I felt his chest move on an exhale. “Yeah? Really?”
"Really. Thank you for being you." I hugged him knowing he probably couldn't even feel it.
“Me?”
I smiled at our little inside joke. “Yeah, you.”
“I would do anything for you, Crazy.”
We stayed that way for a little bit, swaying to the beat of the breeze and sea. A chapter had closed in our lives, and now Kane flipped the page to start a new one. The journey might have been rough, but the destination would be worth it.
Chapter 10
Eight weeks later
It had been about two months since my miscarriage and while the memory was forever ingrained in me, every day got a little better. The doctor gave us the clear if we wanted to start trying again, not that we had tried before, and thinking about it made my nerves run wild. Kane had been patient, kind, and understanding through all of it. Never once did he complain about not having sex. He would wake up with his tenacious erections, and every time I tried to take care of him, he would roll me under him, and cup my face, kissing me with all the love he had. He would say, "If you can't get off, I can't get off."
I would huff and puff, but in the end, it was sweet and it made me realize how amazing he was. Now though, now we could have sex, and I couldn't be more nervous. Would it be just as good? Would he still want me the same way?
I was in the bathroom at his apartment with Flamingo looking at me like I was Crazy. “What are you staring at?” I mumbled, making him whine.
I sighed at myself in the mirror. Everything seemed normal on the outside, but the inside was damaged. At least, that was what I had been telling myself. My biggest fear was having sex hundreds of times and not getting pregnant again. I don't expect us to have sex now and then, boom! Pregnant. At the same time, I did expect it, which was stupid and unreasonable. A lot of women, maybe most women, didn't get pregnant on the first try, but I couldn't help but think, that we wouldn't get pregnant on the tenth or one-hundredth try either.
I wanted him though, and he was enough.
Taking one more deep breath and mentally high fiving myself, I made my way out of the bathroom—naked.
Kane was still sleeping. His arm was thrown over his eyes, and the sheet was wrapped around his waist showing his bulge. I loved that bulge. I was already dripping for him. I couldn't help it. He was beautiful. I wanted to map every inch and curve of his body, but first I wanted to suck his cock. I'd missed it. I'd missed the thick head, and the taste of his precum was bursting on my palate.
Tiptoeing towards him, I let Flamingo out in the living room first, keeping myself hidden behind the door, so Evan didn't see me. Flamingo turned his head, looking at me with narrowed eyes as he walked out of the bedroom.
"Don't you dare look at me like that, or you won't get your favorite treat later," I whispered before shutting the door in his face. He wouldn’t cuddle with me all day now, but it was something I had to sacrifice.
The carpet was firm under my toes, making sneaking easy since there were no creaks like there were on hardwood floors. With stealth, I crawled on the bed and threw my leg over him, until I was straddling his thighs. I could see the outline of the thick helmet of his cock lying against his thigh through the sheet. It was the most erotic sight I had ever seen, and it made my skin sweat from the rush it gave me.
Lowering the sheet, the deep ‘V' from his hips led down to the prize. His skin was smooth and tan. His hips were narrow, yet strong from the muscles that were chiseled on him. His cock was next. Oh, and what a beauty it was. The vein pulsed, pumping blood into the long thick appendage, and my head bent down on its own as my lips were just a whisper away from his heavy sack that was loaded with seed. Tracing the vein with my tongue, Kane moaned beneath me, jostling me from his movement. My hands traveled up the plains of his abs to his pecs before sucking the red crown into my mouth. It was only a few moments before he was hard, and before I knew it, I was deep throating nine-inches of pure steel.
Unbelievably, he was still asleep, just moaning loudly and thrusting his hips with every lick my tongue gave. Dripping wet, my pussy ached to be claimed and to feel him rub against my walls. I'd missed him inside me. It was like a piece of me was missing, and I needed to put the puzzle back together. Rising on my knees, I debated if this was weird, sliding him deep inside me without him being conscious. I thought about what he would say to me, and he would want me to take his cock.
Grabbing the base of his thickness in my hand, I positioned it at my entrance. My juices already dripped down him, like I was panting for his cock. I slid down on him, taking all of it until I could feel his balls against my rear.
“Mmmmm, fuck. Oh, Leslie!" Kane thrust his hips, making me whimper as he hit the particular spot inside me on the first shot. My eyes widened when I realized cum was dripping out of me. I sat there, speechless. Kane had just cum. I stifled a laugh when I saw him rub his eyes and look at me.
The crystal orbs were saucers when he saw me sitting on him. Kane’s hands went to my waist. “That was not a dream?” his sleep infused voice questioned.
I shook my head as my hips moved. He was still rock hard and I could feel his cum messy beneath me.
I rocked forward, placing my hands on his pecs, gaining leverage to thrust myself down on his rod. I bite my lip, arching my back, and grabbing my breasts as my hips rocked back and forth. My clit rubbed against his pelvis on every thrust making me whimper and get wetter every second that passed.
“Oh, Kane." I picked up the speed, impaling myself as hard as I could. Kane's hands were roaming all over my body like he didn't know where to start.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you. You feel so fucking perfect. What a perfect way to wake up, fuck. Yes, that's it. Take it, use me, fuck me, Crazy." His hands gripped the meat of my thighs, propelling me to ride him faster. My toes started to curl and heat pooled in my belly. The familiar warning told me I was about to burst.
“Kane. Kane, I’m going to cum.” I closed my eyes, whimpering his name every time I felt his cock thrust back inside me.
“Cum, baby. Cum for me.” He sat up, flipping us over, as he drove into me like a jackhammer.
"Oh, yes! Kane!" I screamed so loud my throat burned as I convulsed. My orgasm was long, brutal, and amazing. I breathed in the air laced with cum, sex, and lust, and it invaded my lungs like smoke and nicotine, giving me the most satisfying high.
“I feel you squeezing my cock, baby. You feel so good. So right. You were made for me, weren’t you?” He pounded into me, fucking me through my orgasm, making another one start to build. He wanted a chain reaction, and I wanted to give it to him.
I couldn't answer. The amount of pleasure was overwhelming, hindering my ability to speak. The headboard banged against the wall, as he pulled his nine-inches all the way out to shove it back in. It hurt so damn good.
“Fucking, tell me!” Without pulling out of me, he flipped me over on my stomach, his hands lifting my butt in the air. He gripped my rear with both of his hands, leaving bruises, as he used the meat as leverage to spear himself inside me. His pace was brutal, filled with need, and I was crying out as another orgasm bulldozed me.
"Yes, I was made for you. Only you. You." My head yanked back. The sting of my hair pulled made my mouth open on a moan, giving Kane the opportunity to dive his tongue between my lips. His lips were saturated with sweat, and my tongue licked the salty drops clean. I wanted Kane to invade every pore of my body.
His hands curled under my shoulders, and it made his cock fully seated inside me. He barely pulled out since he kept me impaled. The broad, sharp strokes had my eyes rolling to the back of my head, "Me. That's right. You better remember that."
“Yes, sir.”
His lips found me again, but he didn't kiss
me. Snapping my eyes open to look at him, his brows were drawn together. His lips parted feathering against mine, and salacious moans were pouring out of him.
“I love you,” he whispered, and the words slid down my throat, binding to every molecule that traveled in my blood.
“I love you too, Kane.”
“I’m going to cum. You better be ready to be filled up. Ah, fuck, fuck!” His hips thrust six times, pulsing stream after stream of his seed deep inside me.
The feeling of his warmth, soaking my channel, made another orgasm rip through me. The voice in the back of my head was hoping the muscles contracting would bring more of his seed deeper inside me, giving us what we had previously lost.
I ignored it though. This wasn’t what this moment was about. It was about feeling each other again, feeling the need we had for one another. The overwhelming lust that took over our bodies every time we were together. It was about our souls seeking each other, connecting, worshiping, and binding to become one.
It was about us.
And right now, us was all that mattered.
Chapter 11
Three weeks later
“Holy crap, you’re getting married today!” Molli shouted as she poured glasses of champagne.
I still hadn’t been able to drink the stuff. The taste always took me back to blood flowing out of me, and I didn’t want to think about that today. Today, I was going to become Mrs. Leslie Bridgeshaw.
Looking in the oval mirror, I couldn't believe who I was looking at. Molli had spent hours straightening my hair so she could put it in an updo. I had no idea how long my hair was until she showed me. It cascaded halfway down my back, which left me in awe. The curls played mind tricks on me.
She curled every piece to the point where it looked like beachy waves. She twisted half of the sides, bringing them together in the back for a classic look. I wasn’t going to wear a veil since we were getting married under the weeping willow. I didn’t want my sight to be hindered for one second as those long branches swayed around me in the breeze.
The Ink Romance Series Page 36
