Best Australian Yarns

by Haynes, Jim

  Some of the old Triple R buildings have been taken over by historical societies. Others have just become part of the station offices and buildings. Several retained their liquor licences and became pubs.

  The ladies in grey live only in memories and old photographs, but for fifty years they were an essential part of the great adventure of rail travel. Ahh, nostalgia is the child of progress—

  When I was a boy, my greatest joy

  Was going away on a train.

  In a corridor carriage my parents’ marriage

  Was lucky to stand the strain.

  My brother and I would demand a meat pie,

  Mum would wish on a star,

  And Dad would say that he blessed the day

  When they opened the Great Triple R.

  TRIPLE R LADY

  JIM HAYNES

  I’m a Triple R lady—you’ll get no change from me,

  Just pies and salad sandwiches and boiling cups of tea.

  Don’t think that you can jump the queue and if you push or shout,

  I’ll serve everyone but you—and you can just miss out.

  ’Cos you’ve only got ten minutes—then the engine gives a toot,

  And if you end up hungry—I couldn’t give a hoot,

  You can’t buy food back on the train and there’s no dining car,

  And you’ve got all night to travel to the next Triple R.

  And the ladies there are just like me, tough and dressed in grey,

  So if you want refreshments you’d best do things my way.

  You can push and yell at me but I really wouldn’t try it

  ’Cos if you do I’m warning you, you’re going on a diet!

  Be rude and I’ll ignore you, be polite and I’ll be cheerier,

  ’Cos I’m a Triple R lady—boss of the cafeteria,

  If you dare annoy me, that’s an easy thing to fix,

  I’ve a hundred ways to sort you out, lots of little tricks.

  Last time a bloke was rude to me, know what I did to him?

  Gave him the hottest pie I had, filled his teacup to the brim,

  And counted his change out slowly so he’d run to make the train,

  Gee, that hot tea must have burned his hand, he won’t try that again.

  For if the train begins to move it’s you that has to worry

  You want to catch the train, or wait for your change? I’m not in a hurry.

  I know which pies are cold and stale—it’s easy to arrange it,

  And once the train pulls out of here you can’t come back to change it.

  But when I’m in a good mood, I’m an angel dressed in grey,

  I’ll make your journey pleasant and brighten up your day,

  ‘A nice hot pie? Of course, love, and a nice hot cup of tea.’

  But I’m a Triple R lady—so don’t try to mess with me!

  But just remember, I’m the boss, this is my domain,

  Your happiness depends on me when travelling by train.

  With my sandwiches and drinks and cakes, my pie rack and my urn,

  I’m a Triple R lady, so stand and wait your turn.

  PERHAPS I’M SENTIMENTAL

  JIM HAYNES

  Perhaps I’m sentimental, but, in my mind, I seem

  To remember childhood journeys through a veil of smoke and steam.

  And, down the tunnel of time, I see a past for which I yearn,

  When a train trip was an adventure, a chance to live and learn.

  The world passed by those windows, backyards and country scenes,

  Just like those on the carriage walls and, in my childhood dreams,

  I was an adventurer, like those fettlers on trikes outback,

  A battler waiting to jump a freight, a traveller down life’s track.

  How lucky we were to be alive when a train trip meant a ride

  Behind an engine like a living thing, with its insides all outside.

  And a platform ticket for a penny was little price to pay

  For the joy of those reunions, or the sorrow of going away.

  You don’t meet many people in a car or bus or plane,

  But there was many a friendship made to the rhythm of a train.

  If you dream of steam and carriages, card games and conversation,

  Well, perhaps you’re sentimental too, and I’ll see you at the station.

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Many friends have helped with contributions and suggestions for this collection, notably: Russell Hannah, Frank Daniel, Paul B. Kidd, Dennis O’Keeffe, Grahame Watt, Peter Mace, Meryl Davis, John Elliott, Melinda Schneider, Paddy Ryan, Chris Holley, Ellen Montgomery, Max Ellis and Alex Hood. I also acknowledge using information from Allen Peters’ website on Police History.

  Thanks to Jamie McKew and the Port Fairy Folk Festival for giving me the chance to be involved in spoken word and Aussie folklore at that wonderful event for some twenty years.

  Thanks also to George Moore and Paul B. Kidd and Radio 2UE for giving me a reason to collect so many great Aussie yarns and broadcast them every Sunday for over ten years.

  My thanks also to Stuart Neal for suggesting the collection and Foong Ling Kong, Laura Mitchell and all at Allen & Unwin for helping to make it a reality.

  Many of these yarns have been used as part of radio segments on 2UE’s weekend program, George and Paul on the Weekend, and I acknowledge research done using the Australian Dictionary of Biography and the National Library of Australia’s Trove resources.