by Amare, Mercy
“Hello,” she answers.
“Hi, Candi.”
“Oh,” she says. “It’s you.”
Ugh. I hate when she uses that tone of voice with me. But I deserve it.
Just suck it up and apologize, I tell myself.
“I just wanted to call you and tell you that I’m sorry for calling you a whore. While I might not agree with all of the things that you do, it was not my place to judge you. And I feel bad that I did. I understand if you don’t want to forgive me, but I want you to know that I truly am sorry.”
There. That wasn’t SO BAD.
“Thank you, Charlotte. Your apology means a lot to me,” she says.
Wow. Is she actually going to forgive me?
“There is actually something I want to talk to you about. But not on the phone. I was thinking about flying to New York for a couple days. The filming of this seasons Shores of Malibu is coming to an end soon. Maybe I could come up for your birthday?”
“I would like that,” I tell her, surprised. Candi has never really liked hanging out with me. Even when we were kids. She’s always liked being the center of attention, and she was scared if she was nice to me she wouldn’t get the spotlight. It’s weird that I’m closer to my sister that is seven years older than me then I am to Candice, who is barely a year older than me. She just turned nineteen on June twenty-ninth.
“Awesome. So I guess I will see you on September twenty-second,” she says.
“Yeah. I’ll see ya.” I end the call just as the game Aaron and Tristan are playing comes to an end. “Movie time!” I yell before they can start another game.
“Fine,” Aaron says. “But no girly movies.”
I pick out a movie, and we spend the rest of the night chilling. Tristan has a huge room with two couches, so we crash with him. It’s sort of like old times, except better because Tristan and Aaron are both here. I could get used to this.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 31
8am
Surfing is good exercise.
Aaron and I get up early to surf. Tristan comes out in the water with us, but mostly just watches. He says he doesn’t want to take away from our surfing time, and that I can teach him next summer. After surfing, we go back to my house. When we get back there, I am surprised to see my dad. He’s sitting by the pool in a pair of swimming shorts and no shirt. It’s weird. I’ve never seen him wear anything but a suit and tie.
“‘Sup, Dad?” I sit on the chair beside him. Tristan and Aaron both jump into the pool.
“You invited Aaron,” he says.
“I did. But don’t worry. He’s going back Sunday night.”
Dad’s voice drops to a whisper. “Do you think it’s wise to have both of your boyfriends here at the same time?”
“Aaron is so not my boyfriend,” I tell him for the thousandth time.
He smiles big. “So Tristan is?”
“No. Tristan and I are just friends. But you should relax. I actually like it here, and despite what mom says, I’m not going to move back to California when I turn eighteen. I’m also considering Columbia for next fall,” I tell him. “Also, you should realize that I am not staying in New York for a guy. Mom may have raised us different than you would have, but she didn’t raise me to depend on a man.”
“I’m glad that you don’t depend on guys, but there is nothing wrong with having a boyfriend,” Dad says. “And I just want you to know that I fully support you and Tristan.”
“Right. So if I decided to get married on my eighteenth birthday, you wouldn’t say anything?” I ask.
“That would be your decision. Now I think it would be for the best if you waited until you graduated high school, but I won’t stop you.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he says. “Your mom and I got married when she was still in high school.”
“I didn’t know that…” Mom told me she got married a year after she graduated high school and that she was way too young to realize the huge mistake she was making. She thought she was in love.
“I was a junior in college, and she was a senior in high school. We probably were too young, but we didn’t think so at the time. We were so in love.”
It’s hard to imagine my mom ever being in love. She’s always so cold. “What happened when you got married?”
“It was hard. I almost dropped out of college, but your mom encouraged me to continue. So I did, and she got her first acting job. I went to law school, and for three years we only saw each other on the weekends. It sucked, but we made it work. Once I graduated, I got a job and along came Chloe.”
“Why did you and Mom get divorced?” I ask. I’ve never asked before, but I’ve always been curious.
He smiles sadly at me. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”
“It just seems silly that your marriage fails after all you’ve been through. With you being at law school, and her acting. Finally when your life gets less chaotic, and you’re happy with three kids, you just give up.”
“Maybe we needed the chaos to make our marriage work.”
And that makes me think it’s my mom who wanted to leave him. It sounds like she got bored. “Was she the one who left you?”
“I didn’t want to get divorced,” he admits. “But I also wasn’t going to force her to stay with me. I couldn’t. She was determined, so I left.”
“Why wasn’t you around more?”
“At first, it was hard. I had moved to New York, mostly to get away from your mother, and I was still heartbroken. I loved her. But then we sort of fell into a routine. Dinner every few months. You girls visiting in the summer. And I just never did anything to fix it. I should have. I regret it. I doubt Chloe will ever forgive me for abandoning her. It was the hardest on her.”
“I bet she would forgive you,” I tell him. “Maybe you should try visiting her some.”
“Maybe.”
“Candi is going to be coming for a few days. She’s coming for my birthday.”
Dad sighs. “Candice. I still can’t believe all that she’s done. And all that Caroline has encouraged her to do… Your mom has changed so much.”
“It’s hard to imagine her any other way. I don’t think she’ll be happy unless Chloe and I are doing the same thing. But at least Chloe is an actress. I’m the one she’s disappointed in. She doesn’t want me to go to college.”
“When we had the three of you, we set up a college fund for all of you. Since Chloe and Candice decided not to go to college, their funds are still there. It’s untouched, and I’m saving it in case they decide they want to go. Your mother wanted you three to go to college.”
Wow. “I didn’t know that. So how much is in there?”
Dad laughs. “Enough. I planned big. I was hoping the three of you would want to go to an Ivy League college.”
“One out of three really isn’t so bad.”
“You always were the smart one.”
“That’s what everybody says. How do you know I am smart? For all you know I made bad grades…”
“I got your report cards,” he says. “Plus, even as a baby you were smart. You were always well advanced. Before you were two you could already carry on conversations with adults. Your mom always thought it was because you had two older sisters, but you were ahead of Candice and she is a year older.”
“Well Candi is kind of an airhead,” I joke.
“Have you thought about what you want to go to college for?” he asks.
“Not really. I guess I should figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“You’ve got time,” Dad says. “When I first started college, I was going for accounting. And then after my first accounting class, I changed my major to pre-law. As it turns out, I’m not as good at math as I thought I was. My dad was furious at me for changing my major. He wanted me to take over the family business.”
I haven’t seen my grandparents in a few years now, but it’s hard to imagine Grandpa being mad at my dad for changing majo
rs. Of course maybe he got over it because my Uncle Bobby took over the business. “That sounds familiar.”
“Your mother will get over it.”
“Doubtful,” I say.
“So what are the three of you doing today?” he asks. I’m glad he changed the subject.
“Well we’ve already been surfing, so we’ll probably get some breakfast and then chill out here or something. We hung out at Tristan’s house yesterday, but all they did was play video games and I was bored.”
“I can’t believe you still surf,” he says. “Do you remember when you learned?”
I have to think about it for a minute. “I was eleven. Candice, and Chloe were going shopping and I thought they were so boring, so I decided to learn to surf. You came out into the water with me and watched me for hours. I couldn’t get it. So you called an instructor, and with one lesson I could stand up. By the end of that week I was pretty much a pro.”
Okay, maybe pro is a bit of a stretch, but I definitely got the hang of it.
“I figured hiring a private instructor was cheaper than having you shop with Chloe and Candice. I honestly thought it was just a passing phase.”
“I like surfing. I went back to California and taught Aaron what I learned. We’ve been surfing together ever since,” I say. “It’s nice to just get away from everything for a while. No cellphone. No mom yelling at me… It’s just me and the waves.”
“Is your mom really that bad?”
“Yes, she really is,” I tell him. “Surfing was the one thing she didn’t stop me from doing. Mainly because she knew she couldn’t, but also because she’s obsessed with Candice, Chloe and I having perfect figures. I guess she figured surfing was good exercise.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t bring you with me when I moved here. I know that I should have done it long before now.”
“It’s okay. I’m happy to be here now.”
“Good. Now let’s go eat breakfast.”
7pm
I’m such a girl.
Christian ends up coming to the Hamptons that afternoon, so Tristan goes to hang out with him and give Aaron and me some time together. We decided to go to a seafood restaurant on the beach.
“I’m so sad that you’re leaving tomorrow,” I tell him after we order our food.
“I’ve actually decided to leave tonight,” he says. “I’m already packed. After we eat I’m going to catch a flight home.”
“Why?” I ask. “Are you tired of me already?”
“Never. You will always be my best friend. But I don’t belong here. I’m going back home, and I will see you when you visit California.”
My chest tightens at his words, and I have a sudden urge to cry. Ugh, I’m such a girl. “Why does it feel like you’re breaking up with me?”
“I guess it’s because things are different now,” he answers. “You have a life here in New York. And you have Tristan. And I have my life in California. I think this all just means we are growing up. It sucks, but I guess we couldn’t spend our whole life on the beach smoking weed, and surfing.”
“If only… This kind of sucks.”
“You shouldn’t be sad,” Aaron says. “This is a new chapter of our life. And no matter how bad I want to throw you over my shoulder and take you back to California with me, I can’t.”
This definitely feels like a breakup. Worse than a breakup. This is fourteen years of friendship. This is somebody I basically saw everyday, and it feels like I will never see him again. “I know. But it doesn’t stop it from hurting. I never thought the day would come when you weren’t there for me.”
“I’m still here for you. Whenever you need me. But you won’t need me,” he says. “And this isn’t goodbye forever. It’s goodbye for now. Who knows whats the future holds?”
“You do,” I answer. “You have your whole life planned. You’re going to get your degree and become an architect. You’ll work with your uncle at his architect firm, and eventually you’ll find your dream girl. You will live happily on the beach in Malibu. But me… I have no clue what I want. All I know if that this is where I’m supposed to be right now.”
“Well just focus on the right now. You can worry about life after graduation later. I know you, Char. You’re smart. You will figure it out.” Aaron smiles. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that Tristan has plans for you.”
“Even Tristan has his life figured out. He’s going to graduate college, and then he’s convinced that I’m going to marry him. He’ll work out of New York until I graduate, and then he’s going to expand his dad’s company.”
“Maybe he can expand it to Malibu,” Aaron says. “That way I can still see you. And then our kids can grow up together.”
I laugh. “Oh my God, Aaron. Let me graduate high school before you start talking about my future children. And I did not say that I was going to marry Tristan. He’s not even my boyfriend yet.”
“But he will be. And the two of you will live happily ever after.”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes. I’m so over this conversation. “Did I tell you that Candi is coming to New York for my birthday?”
“You called her and apologized?”
“Yes. I did. And she actually forgave me.”
“Good. I’m glad you two worked it out. I can’t believe she’s coming to visit you here on your birthday. The two of you have never really been that close.”
“We’ve just never got along…”
“It’s because you’re so much alike,” he says. “Well, she’s obviously a bit more arrogant since she has become famous.”
“No way. We are polar opposites. We have chosen two completely different paths in life, and those two paths couldn’t be any further from each other than they are right now.”
“Just because you both want different things in life doesn’t mean you’re not alike. Besides, I meant your personalities are alike. You’re both very stubborn. You’re both very driven and motivated. You go after what you want, and you give it your everything. It doesn’t mean that everything about you is like her.”
I want to argue, but he’s right. We are alike in those ways. I had just never thought about it before. “I think I would definitely like to work on mending my relationship with her. Maybe I have been kind of a bitch to my sisters lately.”
“You were mean to Chloe too?”
“Yeah, sort of. She came to have dinner with me on Tuesday, and I was sort of a brat to her. I got mad at her for stupid reasons, and then I walked out on our dinner. I feel bad. Ugh, what is wrong with me?”
“Do you really want me to answer that, Char?”
“No,” I answer quickly. I’m sure Aaron could come up with a huge list for me if I wanted. He knows me better than anybody else — including myself.
“I think it’s good that you’re wanting to work on your relationship with your family. While you’re at it, you should probably work on your relationship with your mom. I think that if you didn’t jump her every time she suggests that you follow in her footsteps, it would be a good start,” he says. “If you do that, maybe it’ll be easier to decide what you want to do with your own future.”
“When did you get so smart?” I ask.
“Since my best friend left, and I had to reevaluate my life. That, or maybe it’s the weed. It sure makes me feel smarter.”
I laugh.
We both joke around through the rest of dinner. And I’m sad when he leaves to go back to California, but I know that he’s right. It just sucks, because I can feel us growing apart. Seeing him a few times a year is going to suck. But after talking to him, I feel excited about my future. He’s right. Sometimes change has to happen before you can move forward. This change will be for the best. Or at least, I hope it will.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1
8am
My future ex-wife
The next morning, Dad, Christian, Tristan, and I all go out for breakfast. I didn’t sleep a lot the night before, so I order a large coffee… I spent the whole
night wondering if I lost my best friend. It didn’t seem so from the conversation we had at dinner, but when I was telling Aaron goodbye there was definitely something different about him. Something in his eyes. He looked heartbroken and sad. And it made me think that maybe I did break his heart. Maybe Tristan is right. Maybe he is in love with me, and part of me is sad that I can’t return his feelings. I have no doubts that he and I would have been good together. But I need heat. I need passion. And I just don’t feel that with Aaron — no matter how badly I want to.
“Why did your friend leave early?” Christian asks me as I drink my coffee. “I was looking forward to meeting this guy.”
I shrug. “I think he just had stuff to do in California. His dads have a big Labor Day party every year, so he probably had to help with that, or something.”
“Oh that reminds me,” Tristan turns to my dad. “My mom wanted to know if you were coming to her annual charity auction tomorrow.”
“Of course,” Dad says.
“Are you coming?” Christian asks me.
“Um… I don’t know…”
“Actually, Char and I have plans,” Tristan says.
“We do?” I ask.
“Yep. My dad said we could take his boat.”
“Cool. Can I come?” Christian asks.
“Definitely not.”
“So unfair. You’ll be on a boat, having sex with a hot girl, and I’ll be at one of mom’s boring charity events, listening to old rich people whine about the stock market.” Christian turns to my dad. “No offense, Mr. York.”
I feel my face grow warm at his sex comment. Partly because I’m embarrassed he said it, and partly because I am remembering the very intense kiss that Tristan and I shared on Thursday night. I’m really hoping I get a repeat very soon.
“No offense taken. I hate those parties too. But I always meet potential clients, so I go,” Dad replies to Christian. He is either ignoring the sex comment, or he didn’t hear it. I hope he didn’t, but I seriously doubt it. No matter how much he likes Tristan, I know he doesn’t want to hear about his teenage daughter having sex.
