Goddess in the Middle

by Stephanie Julian

  Rom’s shock must have been written all over his face. “Remy? Alone?”

  His cousin turned to him, eyebrows lifted. “What? Don’t think I can handle it?”

  Rom stifled a sigh. “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I—”

  “If you go together,” Sal broke in, “it might appear to be a show of strength and, while Cole is by no means insecure, there are… other considerations.”

  “Vaffanculo, could you just spill already?” Remy’s tone held a whole lot of pissed off, perfectly echoing Rom’s thoughts. “I’m so fucking sick of everyone talking like we’re in a fucking episode of Lost.”

  Sal grinned then started to laugh. “Get used to it, son. Like it or not, your life just veered into another lane. Better get up to speed as fast as you can.”

  ***

  Perrin Winston knew she was dreaming.

  For one thing, the pain she lived with constantly was a faint, dull throb.

  And while that was nice, it was also somewhat scary. That pain helped her get through the day, no matter how twisted that seemed.

  Still, here… wherever this dream had taken her, it was nice.

  The twilight in this stand of trees didn’t hurt her now-sensitive eyes. The cool, misty air felt wonderful against her ravaged skin.

  Even the man watching her from the shadows beside a thick tree trunk made her only somewhat uncomfortable. Not fearful. Just… hyperaware.

  “Who are you?”

  Her voice sounded husky, like she had a bad cold and a five-pack-a-day habit. Another gift from Ralph’s attempted murder.

  “No one you need to worry about.”

  Wow, the guy had a rasp much deeper than hers but he probably hadn’t gone through hell to get it. In fact, his made her shiver. And not in fear.

  “Considering you’re in my dream and I have no idea how you got here, I think I’m allowed to worry, don’t you?”

  The man didn’t answer right away, and her eyes strained to see into the shadows. She wanted to see what he looked like. She needed to see. It was almost a compulsion.

  But the shadows clung to him, as if they were an extension of him.

  “I understand your concern, but that doesn’t change the facts. I’m not going to hurt you.”

  She snorted, moved to cross her arms over her chest in a motion she’d taken for granted before but stilled before she finished. Her body would hurt, her skin would burn, and her muscles ache if she completed the action.

  Amity told her she needed to keep using those muscles and eventually the pain would lessen.

  “Forgive me if I’ve learned the hard way that some men lie and then try to kill you.”

  A slight shift of the shadows and a face came into view for a few tantalizing seconds before being obscured again. What she’d seen made her take another step closer before her feet simply wouldn’t go any farther.

  But why should she stop? This was a dream. Nothing here could hurt her. And this dream was a hell of a lot better than the nightmares she’d been having.

  Nightmares that consisted only of pain and fire and the scent of burning flesh.

  So she took another step forward, and another, careful not to trip over the tree roots that had erupted from the ground. Tree roots that hadn’t been there a second ago. As if he’d conjured them to stop her.

  She didn’t recognize this place. She’d been born and raised in the city of Reading, spent many summers studying in New York City. She’d been to nearby Nolde Forest on class trips in elementary school, but those trips were faded memories now. She preferred living in the city, in her nineteenth-century townhome in Centre Park, where there were always people to talk to, always something to do, something to see.

  She stopped when she stood only inches from the man, though even now, she still couldn’t see his face clearly. It almost seemed as if he was a shadow. “Who are you?”

  “No one you know.”

  “Then what are you doing in my dream?”

  “I’m not really sure.”

  Okay, how weird was this? A strange man had invaded her dream and even he didn’t know what he was doing there. Of course, this was all in her subconscious, so obviously she had some reason for him being here. “What’s your name?”

  He paused again. “Karn.”

  “Karn. Really.” Resting her hands on her hips, she bit back a gasp at the pain that sliced at her as her skin stretched. Still, she didn’t put her arms back down. She refused to let Ralph win.

  Amity would be proud of her. The hospital’s medical aesthetician had been saying for weeks how strong Perrin was. In her dream, she actually felt a little stronger.

  In the hospital… let’s just say, the hospital tended to sap all her strength.

  “What kind of a name is Karn?”

  “It’s the one I’ve given you to call me.”

  So how weird was this dream going to be? Considering how fucked up her life was right now, probably pretty damn weird. Might as well just go with it. She’d wake up soon enough. And in her real life, she didn’t talk to many people.

  “Fine. So why are you here, Karn? In my dream?”

  The shadows swirled again and his face began to materialize. A hard face. Not at all what she’d consider handsome. At least, not before she’d been burned.

  Her perceptions had changed recently. Go figure.

  His square jaw looked almost cruel. His nose too sharp, his dark eyes sunken, and his cheekbones too pronounced. He looked Greek. Or Italian. Maybe in his thirties or forties. His personality felt sharp, hard, like he’d done some time in jail. She thought maybe he should still be there.

  But his hair… those black curls looked so soft. She wanted to touch them. And that was truly scary.

  No way in hell should she ever want to touch a man ever again.

  Blinking, she took a step back, putting more space between them. He didn’t move, but she swore she could see him more clearly now.

  “Are you leaving already?”

  He almost sounded disappointed but she knew that was ridiculous.

  “None of this is real. Why should I stay? I don’t know why you’re here, why I’m talking to you. Is this dream supposed to mean something?”

  He smiled and stole her breath. Not that his smile changed her previous thoughts. If anything, it almost made him appear more dangerous. Like a rattlesnake poised to strike.

  Still, it made her heart skip a beat. And fear began to eat at her.

  She took another step back and watched his smile disappear and his eyes narrow down.

  “You’re afraid of me. Why? This is your dream, after all. Why would I hurt you?”

  Why would he hurt her? Why had the man who’d said he loved her tried to kill her?

  Because Ralph was a sick bastard.

  Wasn’t that what Amity had been telling her for weeks? That what Ralph had done to her had been no fault of her own?

  Maybe all that shrink-speak was finally starting to get to her.

  Or maybe this was her subconscious way of asking the questions she refused to consider when she was awake.

  More likely, she was just losing her mind.

  “Why would you hurt me?” she repeated aloud. “Good question, isn’t it? Why would my lover plot to burn me alive in my studio? I don’t have much money. And what I had, I would have given him. I loved him.”

  “A man did this to you?”

  It took everything in her to keep her head up, to not turn away when she knew he was looking at the scarring on her face and body.

  “Yes.”

  “Is he paying for his crimes?”

  “He’s in jail. For now. At least until the trial.”

  Where the bastard was going to tell the jury the explosion and fire had been an accident. That he’d had nothing to do with it.

  He hadn’t rigged the explosion. Why would he? He loved her. He didn’t know how she, the woman he loved more than life, could accuse him of this crime.

  Or maybe he thou
ght she’d be too embarrassed, too mortified to show her face in public… the way she looked now.

  Maybe he was right.

  “That man should burn for what he did to you.”

  That’s exactly what she thought. Her gaze refocused on Karn, whose eyes met hers without a shred of pity in them.

  Amity looked at her the same way, though Amity’s gaze was empathetic. This man’s promised retribution.

  She liked that. Her lips curved in a smile, though it pulled at the skin of her neck that was so badly burned in the fire and made her eyes water with the pain.

  “Thank you.”

  He looked startled, as if he’d never heard the words before. “For what?”

  “For saying what I’m too afraid to say.”

  “You’re not a coward.”

  “Yes, I am. And I hate it.”

  ***

  “So you’re okay with what you’re going to say if anyone asks who you are and what you’re doing with me?”

  Rom sighed, rolling his shoulders under the gorgeous Hugo Boss suit Sal had delivered that morning before he’d left to take Remy to see Cole. She and Rom had left her home at the same time, driving separate cars in case anyone happened to notice them when they arrived.

  Rom had parked right next to her in the garage and had dogged every step she took to the main building.

  But she couldn’t help but notice how carefully separate he kept himself. He didn’t touch her once.

  “I’m a product rep shadowing you for the day.”

  “Yes, that’s correct.” She smiled over her shoulder at Rom as they began the trek through the main building of the Reading Hospital. Various renovations and additions had made the hospital a maze, and they had to walk through several different areas before she got to her office.

  She was careful to make her smile pleasant rather than let-me-rip-your-clothes-off hot. She knew many of the people who worked in the hospital, and someone was bound to notice she couldn’t take her eyes off the man.

  Of course, no one was looking at her.

  “So what am I supposed to talk about?” Rom had lowered his voice though he didn’t attempt to smile. It would have looked forced, and he was drawing enough attention as it was.

  Last night, the man had made tight, faded jeans and clingy T-shirts look good. Damn good. Now, wearing a suit that retailed for a couple thousand dollars… oh my.

  This morning when he’d pulled on the coat, shot the cuffs, then adjusted the tie, she thought she might have moaned just a little.

  She’d always had a soft spot for a man in a suit and tie. And a hat. The 1940s, ’50s, and ’60s had been good decades. Today’s men didn’t realize the effect a nice fedora had on a woman. Which was why she loved watching White Collar and Mad Men. Matthew Bomer and John Hamm could wear hats like nobody’s business.

  Honestly, if more men wore hats, she swore they’d have better sex lives.

  Rom hadn’t been too keen on the suit when he’d first walked out of the bedroom. Remy’s good-natured ribbing probably hadn’t helped.

  She’d nearly swallowed her tongue. Sal deserved a box of Selvans’s special cigars for choosing this suit.

  Forcing herself to focus, she answered his last question. “We can talk about anything, really. Since no one’s seen you here before, they’ll assume you’re new and will steer clear. Usually the new reps tend to be more aggressive, which is why the department usually ships them off with me first.”

  “Why’s that?”

  She snuck a quick glance at him then decided that’d been a bad idea because she couldn’t look away.

  And Rom had made it so very obvious that the only reason he had agreed to stay was because Remy wouldn’t leave.

  The longer she stared, the more his gaze narrowed until finally she looked away.

  Damn him. Damn both of them.

  She’d slept alone last night, tossing and turning as the men took turns grabbing cat naps on the couch and standing watch. She should’ve slept like a baby. Instead she’d been horny as all hell.

  “Because I’m good with them. They like that I listen to them.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “I bet that’s not the only thing they like about you.”

  They stopped at the elevator where she stabbed the up button with a little more force than normal. Her lips parted to set Rom straight and noticed he was shaking his head and grimacing.

  “Sorry. That… didn’t come out right. Shit.” He sighed. “I meant no disrespect.”

  “Then what did you mean, Rom?”

  “It means I’ve got a lot on my mind and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you. I’m sorry.”

  Damn. Didn’t that just take the wind out of her sails. Yes, she had an underworld god on her ass, but Rom had more than a few things on his mind as well.

  She wanted to reach for him, to touch him, reassure him, but she knew he wouldn’t appreciate it.

  And that was good. That was fine. She had no business fooling around with these two men right now. No matter that she wanted them so badly, just the remembered taste of him made her wet.

  “No, you don’t have anything to feel sorry for. Let’s just get through the day. I don’t want to add to your stress.”

  “Lady, the only thing you’re adding stress to is my zipper.”

  Her mouth dropped open at his blatant statement just as the doors to the elevator opened. Luckily no one was in the elevator or waiting for it.

  With another sigh, he put his hand on her back to get her moving. “Sorry. Again. Guess my sense of humor leaves a lot to be desired.”

  Was he serious? Had he been trying to make a joke?

  She stared up at him as he stared straight ahead into the elevator doors.

  “I… I didn’t…”

  “Know that I had a sense of humor?” His mouth twisted in a wry grimace. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

  “I’m sorry.” She gave him an apologetic smile and felt some of the weight lift off her shoulders when his expression lightened the tiniest bit. Maybe he wasn’t as immune to her as she thought. Maybe… “You just seem to be a little…”

  “Scary?”

  Was that how he saw himself? “How about intense? You don’t scare me, Rom.”

  “Good to know.” He nodded. “So tell me a little more about what you’re doing today.”

  Conversation closed, according to Rom. Fine. Really.

  The cousins were getting too far under her defenses.

  “Well,” she forced a bright smile, “I’m going to use all this wonderful energy and give my patients’ healing a bit of a boost.”

  Actually, she’d have to be careful not to heal too much, too fast. There’d be too many questions for her patients. Too many questions she couldn’t answer.

  The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Two nurses she recognized from labor and delivery hurried on just before the doors closed, effectively cutting off their conversation. The women gave Rom a quick once-over then glanced at Amity with sly smiles, which she returned.

  Yes, he certainly was handsome.

  But not yours. Never yours.

  She felt her lips twist in a grimace and quickly wiped it away. He was watching her in the mirrored doors.

  The elevator dinged again and she realized they’d reached her floor. “Oh fudge.”

  Sticking her hand out, she caught the doors before they closed again then gave Rom an apologetic glance. “Why don’t you come down to my office, Mr. Cangelosi. We can talk there for a few minutes before I give you the tour.”

  With a nod, Rom followed her, his impressive bulk a comforting presence behind her.

  Not that she was afraid. Not really. The hospital felt safe to her. Like all the others she’d worked in over the centuries. Though procedures and equipment changed, sometimes weekly, she still had that sense of belonging in a hospital that she’d never had anywhere else.

  Pulling her keys from her pocket, she opened the door to her office a
nd ushered Rom through. Even before she’d closed the door behind her, Rom was shrugging out of his coat and hanging it on the back of the visitor’s chair in front of her desk.

  “So you’ve done this before?”

  She thought about simply ignoring his question, but in the short time she’d known Rom, she knew he wouldn’t let her get away with it. Goddess or not.

  Thinking about her answer as she stowed her purse in her desk, she went through her daily routine, including turning on her computer, a necessary evil these days. She much preferred paper and direct contact to virtual anything. Then again, she’d been born more than two millennia ago.

  As she shuffled through the files on her desk, she watched Rom lean against the door frame, a solid wall of muscle carefully hidden behind fine silk and cotton.

  You’d have to be blind not to notice the air of danger surrounding the man.

  “Amity.”

  Stubborn, stubborn man.

  With a sigh, she let the folder she’d been pretending to study drop on the desk, then met his intense gaze. “No, I haven’t.” She put on her best goddess face and stared into his eyes. “Is that what you wanted to hear, Rom? I’ve never had to resort to these measures to gain power before.”

  And quite frankly, she’d never had it happen before. But there was no way she was going to tell him that.

  Even while they were having sex, she felt the wall Rom tried to keep between them. And that was fine too. She even understood. Apparently he had more self-preservation than she did.

  Besides, Remy’s blatant affection made up for Rom’s lack.

  Which just added another layer of tension to the soap opera she seemed to have stepped into. Although hers resembled Dark Shadows much more than The Young and the Restless.

  “Amity—”

  “No. Just… no. So, are you worried about Remy’s meeting with Cole?”

  Surprisingly, Rom let her get away with the subject change with little more than a sharply released breath. “No. Remy will do what he does best. He’ll charm him.”

  The slightly disgusted look on his face made her struggle to hide a smile. But when he raised his eyebrows at her in that way, she couldn’t help herself.

  She wanted a kiss from those firm lips, wanted him to wrap his arms around her and hold him against her while he opened his mouth over hers and consumed her. Wanted to heal that deep, hidden well of sorrow. Knew he’d never allow her to. He guarded those feelings so closely.