Better Late Than Never

by Len Goodman

  'Do you mind if we join you?'

  'No, there's plenty of room,' I said. As I did, I looked up and who should sit down opposite me but my stepsister. It transpired that her husband, who had joined the Canadian Air Force, was based in Germany. One day, and I've no idea how she got my number, Adrienne called me in Los Angeles.

  'Hello, Len, we've been watching you on the television, we couldn't believe it! Suddenly there you are. I'd no idea that's what you did now.'

  We had a lovely chat and caught up with each other's lives. The next season I was back in Los Angeles and I called her. Gordon, her husband, answered the phone and he told me she'd died. It was an amazing coincidence that we had met in Germany and I'm so glad she was able to find out my number and we had that chat.

  Appearing on Dancing with the Stars quickly made me realise that what George Bernard Shaw said was absolutely right: 'We're two people divided by a common language.' I got into trouble from almost the first week when I said, 'The tango was full of fire, full of passion, your eyes met, I could feel the blood lifting in your breasts.' Well, they don't do breasts on American television; the mere mention of the word would bring people out in a rash. Mind you, a few weeks later when I said, 'You were a gnat's scrotum away from getting kicked off', this made it on to the East Coast networks because it's live in New York and they couldn't bleep it out. I think they managed to sort it out before it went out across the time zones. One week when I suggested they 'give it a bit more welly', their Brucie, a man named Tom Bergeron, wanted to know who welly was. Once Bruno found out they didn't know what bollocks meant we couldn't shut him up and he used it all the time.

  Rarely have we had anyone English on the show, but we did have Heather Mills McCartney. I'm not sure I could quite believe she was doing it – I was probably not alone. The buzz was, how would someone with one leg cope? Well she coped marvellously well on week one, but it was the foxtrot, not the hardest dance because your partner holds you. However, the Latin American was a different matter: everyone kept looking at her leg, wondering perhaps whether it might fly off and land on the balcony; would she manage without falling over? Again she danced very well and as the weeks went on she was equally at home with ballroom and Latin, and everyone just forgot about her leg; most of my critiques were about her arms and her upper body. The few times I talked to her she always cheery, despite it being the start of her divorce proceedings. When you are learning to dance these types of routines it becomes the whole focus of what you do and I imagine practising every day helped keep her mind off what was going on. One week she had to fly to London to do something regarding her divorce, so her partner, Jonathan Roberts, went with her, so they could keep practising. Because of our distance from the celebrities, words off camera between us were few and I can only say she was a pleasant enough person – who knows what goes on between husband and wife.

  One English star that turned out to be absolutely lovely was Melanie Brown, Mel B from the Spice Girls; she was the one they called 'Scary Spice' and she was anything but. Since she appeared on the show in the autumn of 2007 I've seen her in Hollywood a number of times and been to a party at her house. I thought she and her dance partner were brilliant throughout the series, in fact all the judges did. We marked them higher than any other competitors and in the final we gave them a perfect score, but the public yet again disagreed with us and they were the runners-up to the American Indy 500 racing driver, Hélio Castroneves.

  Heather's dance partner also partnered Marie Osmond in the fifth season of Dancing with the Stars in 2007. Marie was 48 years old and a mother of eight children – she was a revelation. Donny Osmond came along every week, but sometimes the whole Osmond family would be sitting in the front row opposite us judges, it was like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir had turned up, daring us to say anything negative about their sister. Marie danced well for the first four weeks but on week five it was the samba – her first poor dance. I was the first judge to speak and, to ease into what was to be a gobful from Goodman, I said, 'The samba is a very difficult dance, it's got lots of rhythm changes, steps that move across the floor.' I was just about to give her a blast when down she went; she'd fainted on the floor. The whole place gasped: it was as if the Lord was wanting to save her from the wrath of the judges. Tom Bergeron announced a commercial break and so while the viewers were watching a Gatorade commercial, the medics got Marie to her feet and by the time the commercials were over, and we were back live, she had staggered off backstage to where the Tess Daly of the American show, Samantha Harris, pushed a microphone under her nose. Marie said that when she was under stress she sometimes forgot to breathe and lack of oxygen had caused her to faint. All three of us gave her a seven, her lowest mark, so we got plenty of booing from the audience. She was in the bottom two with the judges, but the viewers' vote put her through.

  Two weeks later Marie's 90-year-old father died, so we thought she might pull out, but she decided to carry on and dedicate her performance to his memory. The lady with the most infectious smile, who certainly knew how to work an audience, made it to the final where she came third. She did a dance where she imitated a doll – about which Bruno said it was, 'The loopiest thing I have ever seen. It defies critiquing. It's like, Baby Jane.'

  I got the opportunity to meet, if not one of my heroes from my youth, at least his wife – Priscilla Presley. Everyone was excited to see the wife of the king of rock and roll. She started off well but was done for by the rumba; perhaps a 63-year-old attempting the dance of love in front of 25 million people wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Jane Seymour, the actress who was in one of the Bond films, must have done ballet as a child because she had beautiful musicality in her arms and, while her body struggled a bit in the Latin, she was a real ballroom queen. She and her husband live in LA, but evidently have a mansion just outside Bath. One evening in conversation I said that I had been to Bath often and what a beautiful city it was. This led to me being invited down next time she and her husband were there. I'm still waiting, but, you never know, she may one day call and say, 'Come on, Len, come down to Bath and stay with us.' Who knows?

  One person who did invite me out when he came to London was Jerry Springer. I've watched his show occasionally, mainly to see how long it is until somebody starts knocking the crap out of somebody else. When we were sent the background notes on each of the celebrities I was surprised to read that he had been Mayor of Cincinnati, but most of all I was surprised to see he was born in East Finchley Tube Station. I was also glad to see he's two months older than I am. He and his dance partner Kim Johnston realised he was not the best dancer, and so what he lacked in technique and flair he made up for by putting a different slant on each of the dances. It was over-the-top costumes, anything to make him popular with the viewers. He had a full matador's outfit when he danced the paso doble, to maracas and a frilly shirt when he danced the samba. As much as we lambasted him, the viewers kept having him back because he was great entertainment.

  He said he wanted to last until week five to learn the waltz, why was never clear until he made it through. He wanted to learn it because it was soon to be his daughter's wedding and he wanted to dance the waltz with her at the reception. As he danced on the television his daughter was sitting in the front row. On the last few bars of the waltz he released his partner, went over to his daughter and held her as the music finished. It was the most poignant moment: his daughter is blind, and everyone shed a few tears.

  After the show I was standing by my trailer at the studio having a cigar and a glass of wine. Despite his waltz Jerry was voted off and he came wandering by.

  'Ah, a Cuban.'

  'Yes, Jerry, would you like one?'

  'I haven't had a Cuban cigar since I was last in Europe.'

  Because he'd been voted out there was no bar to my talking to him. We sat in the evening air, chatting, puffing away and laughing.

  'Next time I am in London I'll give you a call,' said Jerry. 'We'll go out to lunch or something.'


  Months later I was sitting at home when the phone rang.

  'Hello, Len, it's Jerry Springer, I'm in town for three days. My evenings are tied up but do you fancy going for lunch?'

  'I'd love to.'

  He was staying at the Ritz so I suggested Scott's, just around the corner in Berkeley Square. We carried on from where we'd left off in Los Angeles, chatting away as though we'd known each other for many years: we reminisced about him being born in England, me working in East Finchley and him being born in the tube station. Jerry Springer – a proper gent!

  What was nice about the whole incident with Jerry was that I found out something about the real man behind the TV persona, which was not something that was very easy with the celebrities on the American show. From the outset we were told not to mix with them and to avoid even talking to them. There was a code of conduct laid down for us judges, which even ran to details such as, 'If a lift stops at your floor and a celebrity is already in it, you must refrain from entering the lift to avoid fraternising with him or her.' It's got much easier now but all this came about as a result of Paula Abdul, one of the judges on American Idol, being accused of having an affair with one of the contestants. As it turns out there was 'insufficient evidence' to support the claims but it got all the networks twitchy about the possibility of similar allegations on their shows.

  One day in the summer of 2007 I got a call from Michael Summerton, Arlene's agent, to say they were going to do a live tour of Strictly Come Dancing and would I be interested in going? I told him I wasn't very keen as it was scheduled for January and February for five weeks and I fancied some time at home. He asked me to reconsider because Bruno couldn't do it as he was going to the USA to do his own dance show on ABC and so that would just leave Arlene and Craig, which meant it wouldn't really work. I was also unsure how the show could be done in huge arenas like the NEC in Birmingham and retain the atmosphere of the TV show. After I mulled it over for a bit, and not wanting to let the show down, I agreed to do it.

  I couldn't have been more wrong about it working. Every night the atmosphere was brilliant, with 11,000 people in the bigger venues all going bonkers. It had all the elements of Strictly Come Dancing with people able to text and phone in from the venue, the set was brilliant and naturally the professionals and the celebrities danced their socks off. In the group Viennese waltz, chandeliers were lowered from the ceiling to a foot above the floor and they all danced around them and then they slowly went up – it was fabulous.

  The nice thing about the live show was that we had celebrities from almost every series: there was Matt Di Angelo, Letitia Dean, Martin Offiah, James Martin, Zoe Ball, Louisa Lytton, Denise Lewis and Christopher Parker. Kate Thornton was the compère and she did brilliantly well because she had to be Brucie and Tess Daly all rolled into one. We had Darren and Lilia, Vincent and Flavia, Camilla Dallerup and Ian Waite and Matthew and Nicole Cutler. I think overall Matt Di Angelo won the most times: he'd only just come off the TV series so he was hot; Chris Parker was last every time. Nicole danced with Chris and I was so amazed by what she did. It was not easy having to dance with someone who has so little talent for dance, yet Nicole stayed in character the whole time they did a tango or a paso doble. Every time she would give it her all, as though she was dancing with the greatest dancer; that's very hard to do and incredibly professional.

  Dancing, as I've tried to say throughout the book, has a lot to do with life. Learning the techniques of dancing, whether it's posture, hold, or whatever else, are like any skills you need to do a job. I know for many people it's not a job, but for me it's turned out to be my life's work, even if I did start a little later than most. When I first started work, my dad said to me, 'Len, work is only something you don't like doing.'

  For most of my life I've had a job that I would have done if I hadn't got paid, so I've been extremely lucky. However, for me, whose job it's been, and for those people who just dance for pleasure, dancing teaches you many other things. It's about struggling to overcome difficulties and problems, about being kicked down and standing up, and brushing yourself off and coming back and having another go. Christopher Parker's attitude on the Strictly Come Dancing live shows personified that spirit. He knew he was never going to win but still kept coming out and gave it his all and tried his hardest.

  You've all heard the expression 'I could have danced for joy' – well, I have and still do. When I watch the celebrities and the professionals on the television show I see their joy; like you, I get great joy from watching them. But I get just as much joy from watching kids and adults at my little dance school. If I could have my life over again what would I change? Nuffink! Of course, there's been lows, but without them there would be no highs. It's a bit like the waltz: we all need a bit of rise and fall. Well, I've been far luckier than most because there's been a lot more rise than fall. Not that I want any of you to think that I think, that's it, I've had me lot – there's still a lot of sizzle left in this ol' sausage.

  'Our little Lennie' – Me at 18 months, although my dad always said I looked Chinese.

  On my 11th birthday; each April my nan knitted me a new jumper.

  My first car, with Bubba Miller and his sister. The outside WC is behind us and the beetroot boiler on the right.

  Mummy's boy.

  Dad and Mum on their wedding day.

  Run, run as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man! I'm on the right in the front row.

  Dad (left) and Uncle Jim with my nan on her 100th birthday.

  Coronation day 1953, the day of our street party.

  My apprenticeship workmates and me in our football team (I'm 3rd from right at the back).

  Going with Dad and Rene to my first dance in my sharp Mod suit.

  This is what happens when you drink too much water!

  Pete Dawson and Speedo Man.

  Four pints and a hat – Brighton boys 1962.

  Tripping the light fantastic.

  Linda, the girl that started my dancing career.

  Henry Kingston, to whom I owe so much, Cherry and me at our first competition.

  My second competition, and first time dancing Latin.

  At last, a certificate for something.

  The happy couple, Cherry and me on our wedding day.

  Aphrodite and the man with the sideburns....

  The good news? We came third in the Kent Championships, the bad news was there were only three entries!

  Winning 'The Duel of the Giants' at the Royal Albert Hall in 1971.

  I was always being told I needed a kick up the bum.

  Steptoe and Cherry in 1973 – see what happens when you eat your spinach.

  Me with the German formation team winning the world championship.

  Cherry and I at dinner with some of the icons of the ballroom dancing world. On the left of me are Nancy Duggan and Len Scrivener, and behind Cherry you can see Billy and Bobbie Irvine.

  Lesley and me during my Peter Sellers phase.

  Christmas 1986 with my boy James.

  A wonderful life – a fag and a game of crib. My dad and I played and kept score the whole year.

  The answer to my prayers – two women who say nothing.

  With Craig, Arlene and Bruno – a picture speaks a thousand words.

  The very first publicity shot for Strictly Come Dancing, May 2004.

  Fiona Phillips with Brendan Cole – who said she couldn't dance?

  The 2007 champions, the very talented Alesha Dixon with Matthew Cutler.

  Carrie Ann Inaba with Bruno and me on Dancing with The Stars.

  'Hello Dolly' – Bruno and me with the legendary Dolly Parton, and (above) with Barry Manilow.

  Fame at last, I appear in the Beano in December 2007.

  My film star's trailer at ABC television in Los Angeles.

  Me with a poster of my younger self on my 60th birthday.

  Spot the Tiger – two golfing legends.

  I am never happier than with my
old golfing buddies. Brian, Mike, Richard and me at Carnoustie 2002.

  The Backword

  Most books have a foreword, but this isn't most books: it's my book and I never was one for doing things like everybody else. Seeing as just about everything has come to me late in life, I think a foreword might even be a little bit premature. So here it is, my backword.

  Many people would be flattered if they found a little bit of celebrity, no matter how small; through Strictly Come Dancing I'm having my '15 minutes of fame', as Andy Warhol called it. Having been lucky enough to have had this wonderful opportunity, I hope I've brought a few more people into dancing; helping to introduce them to the pleasure of holding a partner in their arms – it really is a beautiful thing.