by Stewart, Ann
“Night,” I whisper with a wave. Standing in utter amazement, I’m left alone. I wanted to know more about him and if only for one night, my wish has been granted. Meeting his grandmother is huge. Not only has he given me a glimpse into who he is but I also had the chance to observe him in one of the sweetest moments ever.
My earlier assumptions have completely come full circle and now I’m even more fixated on him. He’s arrogant, impatient, and completely confusing, but he’s also protective, sweet, and caring. One moment he’s ready to throw down in a bar and then the next he’s caring for his ailing grandmother. Not to mention the fact he called me beautiful. He thinks I’m beautiful…
Anxiously waiting for him to return, I suddenly hear a guitar strumming and a muted voice on the other side of the door. The serenity I felt a moment ago has been washed away, making me feel uncomfortable, like I’m witnessing something not meant for me. Having nowhere else to go, I listen in on his powerful voice bellowing from the adjacent room, but can’t make out the song. My knees begin to shake and I’m thankful there’s a half step I can sit on, because I can almost feel myself shatter. He is better than my fantasy.
Sitting on the half step, rocking to and fro with my chin resting on my knees, he shuts the door quietly behind him after ten minutes, startling me into a readied stance. He must know I heard him singing. But, I would never bring up such an intimate moment, not unless he spoke of it first.
With his index finger to his mouth he whispers, “Shhhh…she’s finally asleep.” Releasing his tension he looks to the ceiling, exhaling as he brings his hands up to rest on the back of his neck. “Sorry for subjecting you to this,” he whispers, as he lowers his hands.
“This is yours?” He nods warily, trying to gauge my reaction. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never been privy to this much luxury before, because what I’ve observed tonight, a loving home with a loving family, it’s more than money can buy. And, if this exorbitant home is his idea of comfort, and it helps in his reality, I can’t fault him.
Trying not to give anything away, I look at him with sincere empathy. “And, your grandmother lives here with you?”
He hesitates before answering. “I know what you must be thinking and…”
Raising my hand, I stop him. “You should be proud of yourself. Not many people would do what you’re doing.”
He sighs and his face softens. “Shall we go?”
“Is she gonna be okay?” I never knew my grandparents and I wouldn’t know where to begin to care for someone, especially someone who’s so dependent. I know I don’t know this woman, but I want nothing more than to make sure she is safe.
“She took her medication and will be sleeping for the rest of the night. Plus, Delores is here to watch her.”
“Delores?”
“The woman who was in here earlier is her live in nurse. That reminds me, I need to speak with her before we leave.” She must have been the one who called him. “Wait here and then I’ll take you to your car.” I nod, but as he turns to walk towards the adjoining room, I finally hear his words. I guess we aren’t finishing our little trip to Red Rock. Disappointment brings a frown to my face, as I reach for my ring, twirling to make the ache subside.
He briefly talks to Delores before making his way back to me. Before holding out his hand, he searches my face, just as he did his grandmother’s. My ego is wounded, but I refuse to show my disappointment as I reach out for his hand and plaster a smile on my face. I shouldn’t be acting this way.
Not in a rush on our way out, I get a better opportunity to admire his artwork. “Everything is so beautiful. Are they all from the same artist?” His hand tenses as we stop in front of a hand blown glass bowl. It’s a stunning flower, with blue and mauve textures running through the frame. The intricacy of the piece, with the colors and the shape, must have taken quite some time to create.
Pausing, his crystal blue eyes deepen with sadness. “My mother created most of the work.” I wasn’t expecting that answer, and based on the pained look on his face, I know not to push any further. He doesn’t say anymore, and I don’t ask. Squeezing his hand for reassurance, I motion towards the door.
Remembering his words, the walk out to the car is somber. As he holds my door open, I gently climb in and look up to find him staring into my resigned face. Before retreating to his side, he continues to stare, looking longingly into my eyes. I’d die a thousand deaths for him to continue to look at me this way. Five seconds, ten seconds, not long enough. Not able to say what he’s thinking, he closes my door and moves around the car to join me.
“I know I said I was going to take you to your car, but I’m not ready to...” Not able to finish his sentence, he shakes his head. “Are you still up for Red Rock?”
“Yes,” is all I can muster as I bite my lip and slink into the passenger seat.
~~~~~
Las Vegas at night is absolutely spectacular. I know it’s only lights, but to actually see the vastness and to know how many people really live in the city is overwhelming.
“I come here to think,” he marvels, breaking our silence as we both stare at the deserted beauty in front of us. There’s sadness in his voice as he continues. “Sometimes it’s hard to make sense of things with so much happening around me, so I come here to find solace.”
It’s beautiful up here and the comfort of this perfect place does something to you. It calms you, but more than that, it consoles you. Staring ahead in amazement, there is something I have to disagree with. “You seem so…put together. I would have never pictured you as someone who needed to find peace out in the middle of the desert.”
“Constantly playing a role is exhausting,” he admits, looking over at me with a smile. Breaking my concentration, I return the look, but not before my breath hitches. Why does he have to be so perfect? Besides, what role is he talking about? The only role I can see him playing is the sexy, achingly beautiful V.P.; oh, and that of a sweet, attentive grandson.
Realizing my confusion, he helps me out with an answer. Pointing to himself, “Mr. Cool, Calm, and Collected V.P., remember?” Prying his eyes away from mine, he continues to stare out into the vast sky. It’s hard to tell with him, but it appears he’s let his guard down, giving me a small glimpse into who he truly is.
“I can’t imagine. It’s hard enough just living, let alone putting up a façade.”
“I’m sure you don’t have to put up any type of guise. You’re kind and smart. I’m sure you’ll have no problems moving your way up in all aspects of your life, career included.”
Looking out the side window, I blush at his compliment. He has faith in me, which is sweet and intoxicating. But, he doesn’t know me well enough to know what I’m really capable of. All I’ve ever wanted is to earn a living that will allow me to give Rachel back what she gave up. Hopefully, there will be a time, and a place, for that discussion. But, it’s not tonight.
“Let’s hope I can live up to that.”
Silence is upon us once again as we both stare out at the glistening lights of the strip. Peeking over at him, I notice he’s no longer looking out at the infinite skyline; instead he’s looking down at his hands. A man of few words, he has a habit of losing himself in thought quite frequently. I silently wonder if it has anything to do with his grandmother. For someone who has to take care of another person, he seems to be handling it well, but I can see the heartbreak on his face.
“You know you have your grandmother’s eyes?” He looks at me with a slight glimmer of happiness. “You’re very sweet to her.” His grimacing face alerts me that this discussion may be headed down a road that he is not ready for. Sometimes it’s best to leave well alone. But, I guess I’m still learning that lesson.
“It’s the least I can do…” His voice trails off as his brows furrow while he remains deep in thought.
“How long has she been…?” I pause searching for the words to describe her condition. Still staring at the neon lights in front of me, I catch mysel
f playing with my ring and have to stop myself. I’m not nervous, anxious, or otherwise. This feeling is new. Content? Happy? Alive, maybe?
“She has her good moments and some bad. Tonight was obviously not one of her best. She responds to me still, but the doctors say her memories are slowly fading and soon she won’t respond to me either.” His voice lightens, trying to remove the depression from the conversation. “But what do they know right? It’s just me and her against the world. They’re fucking kidding themselves if they think I’ll ever let them get close enough to restrain her.”
His last comment stings and I imagine this is a part of what’s been bothering him tonight. His conviction is unwavering and in that moment I realize that he’s fighting for not only his sanity, but also his grandmothers. Refusing to allow anyone to treat her any less than the woman she is, even with her deteriorating health. It’s no longer his perfect face and toned body that has my breath quickening. I’m realizing my attraction to him has grown more than I could ever imagine.
Breaking our moment, my phone chimes as I receive a text. Thank God for distractions.
*Ely, I know you’re angry. But please know I’m only looking out for you. Please talk to me.*
Ugh! Cole is so…so...persistent sometimes. I glare at my phone. I thought I was pretty clear on wanting to have some space. I refuse to deal with him right now, not when I’m less than a foot away from my fantasy. Tonight has been unexpected, and I won’t let Cole ruin anything.
“Let me guess, your ex?” Agitated, he turns his head facing the driver’s side window.
“He’s apologizing for an argument we had,” I explain, hesitantly. I wouldn’t dare tell him what we were arguing about.
“What were you arguing about? Let me guess, he wants to work things out…get back together?”
“What…no…we haven’t been together in forever. He’s my friend. Well, not at the moment, but…he’s been my friend for years. As far as the argument, he was just upset I stayed late the other night at work.” Shit…didn’t I just say I wasn’t going to tell him?
“Upset that you stayed late?” he asks, confused. But, it doesn’t take long for him to figure it out. “Wait, the night you were with me?”
I don’t want to talk about my argument with Cole, but I’m finding it difficult not to be honest with him. “Yes, but it’s a long complicated story.”
“I have time.” He shifts in his seat to face me, waiting for an explanation. Looking down on me, he makes me feel like I’m in trouble and have to fess up to a crime I may or may not have committed.
Resigned to my fate, I sigh, knowing he won’t give up until he hears what he thinks he wants to hear. He’s very determined. The only problem is that any discussion about Cole seems to spoil his mood. Shit! Here it goes… “He didn’t like it when I told him I stayed to help you. He told me I should be careful.”
Looking through squinted eyes, he suddenly breaks into laughter, gently rocking the car. Not the reaction I was expecting, but I’ll take it. He is sexy when the laughter ripples off his body. “What’s so funny?”
“So, he feels threatened by me? Come on Elyssa, I know you’re smarter than this. He’s not just your friend if he’s concerned with who you’re spending time with. Are you leading him on? Keeping him around for…you know…” Adding a suggestive wink at the end.
I’m taken back by his insinuation. How dare he?! He doesn’t know anything about me, nor does he know Cole. “No, I am not leading him on! He’s just very protective. I’m sure he found a picture of you somewhere and saw how young and attractive you are and came to conclusions for himself,” I raise my voice slightly, voice cracking at the end.
A wicked grin develops on his lips, another reaction I wasn’t expecting. Unable to control my nerves I continue my explanation. Not that he deserves it. “He was my first real relationship and things happened, people move on. I moved on. It wasn’t his fault we broke up, it was mine, and it’s not fair to completely disregard the friendship we had while we dated.” Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself, catching myself rambling. Ugh! Why am I talking so much?
“So, you think I’m attractive?” I blush at the slip of my tongue. Out of all of that, he had to pick the one thing I didn’t mean to say out loud.
“Just like you think I’m beautiful?” I retort.
Ignoring my comment entirely, Alex goes down a completely different road than what I was expecting. “Do you still have feelings for him?” His eyes burn into mine, waiting for my answer.
“I care for him, but not in the way you’re asking,” I admit.
“Are you still sexually involved?”
My eyes widen, not only in embarrassment but in astonishment at his audacity. “What kind of question is that?”
“I’m just trying to understand. You say you aren’t involved, yet he texts you every waking minute of the day. You say you’re just friends, but you can’t really just be friends with someone you’ve had sex with,” he rants, but ends with a smile that would shatter your soul.
“Are you not friends with any of your exes?”
“God, no!” But as he says it, I wonder idly how many girlfriends he’s had.
“Well, I think it’s sad that you’re okay with breaking hearts and not making an effort to at least mend what’s broken with the friendship.”
“If it didn’t work out, then there’s nothing to mend. It’s as simple as that,” he suppresses a laugh. I don’t think this conversation warrants a laugh, but maybe he sees my blood boiling. Calm down, Ely!
“He’s my friend and for my own reasons, I’m making an effort to keep him in my life. Why do we keep having this conversation? Does my friendship with him bother you that much?”
“It doesn’t,” he shrugs. “I’m just making small talk.”
“I guess it’s good for both of us that my relationship status doesn’t have any bearing on how well you sleep at night, Mr. James.” With a pout I cross my arms and face the window.
Letting me have a moment, I suddenly feel a finger guiding my chin, as my stare is turned towards his crystal blue eyes. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I just don’t understand you. You’re very confusing.” His touch is disarming and if it wasn’t for the fact that I am already sitting, my knees would probably buckle.
“It’s better this way. Trust me.” Shaking his head, Alex sighs. I can’t put my finger on what is keeping him from giving into me. Not that I was on a man hunt or anything, but I know the moment I met him I was instantly attracted to him. Even before the elevator, at the gas station, all I wanted was to feel his touch.
A sudden thought sparks, “Are you in a relationship?” That would be a reasonable explanation as to why he hasn’t taken every opportunity I’ve given him. It troubles me to think about how many women have been up to Red Rock with him before.
Sitting back in his seat, a sexy grin spreads across his lips. “Who wants to know?”
Blushing head to toe, I scrounge every ounce of courage I have. “Well…me. You know about my relationship status. It’s only fair that I know yours.”
“I’m not with anyone, Elyssa.” I turn my head to face the window, covering my mouth to hide my colossal smile. “I don’t have much time for relationships between my job and my grandmother. Speaking of her, I would appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anyone at the office about her situation.”
I gasp. “Of course not! I would never.” What he shared with me was very personal. I would never reveal anything that would hurt him, or anyone for that matter. I know my place.
“I’m curious. If you are such good friends, why did you guys break up?”
Why, or should I say, how did I know that he wouldn’t drop the subject of Cole so easily? I would love to spend all night talking with him, but there are some things I’m not ready for him to know. Cole doesn’t even know the full, real reason I broke up with him. Alex would judge me and then this fantasy would end. I would like this to soak this
in for a little while longer; it’s too exhilarating to give it up now. “That’s a story for another time.”
“Sure, but one day you will tell me.”
Starting the car, we head back into town, and I wonder idly if I should take that as a threat or a promise. Either way, I’ll take it, because it means he wants to spend more time with me.
CHAPTER 5
Monday, September 24, 2012
I choke as my heart literally catapults into my throat. Drinking in the sight of him, as he stands there looking all sorts of edible with his cleanly shaven face and bright blue eyes, my mind has gone into a thousand different directions. What do I say? “Hello Mr. James, I hope you had a great weekend,” or the more direct approach, “Hello Alex, I’ve thought about you every minute since you left me Friday night.” Yeah right, I wish I was that bold.
More than just thoughts about how to approach him are saturating my brain. Does he see me as more than just another subordinate? Will he ask me out again? If he did ask me out, how would our relationship be? Can we even go down this path knowing we are both held to ethical standards, which is currently treading a very fine line right now? All of these questions and no answers; the only thing I know to be true is that he is absurdly perfect and standing less than twenty feet away from me.
His solid figure blocking my path sends feelings of ecstasy throughout my body. Similar to that of a child on Christmas morning and the unknown that awaits you, he’s a perfectly wrapped gift. Wearing a charcoal suit and matching tie, he’s a shiny new toy that I want to play with. Over and over. But of course, my desire to unwrap and touch is on a whole other level; definitely not one of prepubescent times.
“Good Morning, Ms. Hart.” Ugh…that smile; suggestive, without even uttering many words. I simper as I watch him shove his hands into his pockets, returning his gaze to the numbers above the elevator, humming to himself. I know he’s acutely aware of how attractive he is. You can tell in his posture, the way he leaves his jacket partially unbuttoned revealing just enough of his slim waist and tight ass, his smug smirk. He has to know what he does to me.
