by Stewart, Ann
I can’t be here while he reads it. I have to get out of here, but my body won’t retreat. All I want to do is run and jump into his arms. Be strong, Ely! “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Please stop me, Alex. Please…
He doesn’t say anything, letting our eyes meet one last time. He is a man of many faces, but at the moment, all I can see is grief. He can’t even look at me without feeling heartache. Have I really damaged him that much? I close my eyes and take a deep breath before turning towards my car. Alex, still standing at the door, continues to stare as I start my engine and make my way home.
Please God, let him still want me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.
CHAPTER 14
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
I’m on edge as I walk through the large double doors leading into the banquet hall. Arriving only thirty minutes ago, I didn’t leave much time to pull myself together before having to deal with Alex, and my impending doom. Thankfully, the valet attendant was extra helpful and offered to have my bags brought up to my room, leaving me just enough time to slip into the bathroom and give myself a once over before heading to the conference.
Even though I’m dressed confidently in my candy apple red pencil skirt and matching blazer, my insides are tied in knots. And without our normal day-to-day obstacles, I’m hoping the next three days will be the band aid we need to repair our bent, not broken, relationship. Eager to face my heart, and possible heartbreak, I enter the conference with purpose.
Ushered in by the helpful members of the hotel staff, I saunter towards three women sitting at the simple white check-in desk. A young blonde woman smiles as she hands me a copy of the itinerary. “Your name?” looking up at me, she brings her pen to rest on her bottom lip.
“Elyssa Hart.” As her eyes retreat to the list of names, mine follow hoping to catch a glimpse of Alex’s name to see if he’s already checked in.
Damn, she’s too fast. With a checkmark next to my name she offers a sharpie and a blank name tag. Wasting no time, I scribble my signature and place it on the lapel of my jacket before I say my thanks and head off towards the ocean of tables awaiting me. Although my tag reads, “Elyssa Hart, Salerno Health,” I feel nothing like myself at the moment. My confidence has waned and I hate feeling as if I’m headed into a firing squad. Will Alex persecute me or will he offer amnesty? I really hope it’s the latter. Might as well go find out. Just rip off the band aid and see what the damage is, Ely!
The banquet hall is radiating a light periwinkle color as tall exquisite pillars are lit, mimicking the feel of the ocean outside. The soft blue glow encompasses the room as the flow of business suits move from table to table. Making my way through the crowd, the sea of handshakes crash around me and anxiety washes over me. Breathe, Ely, Breathe. Walking through the circular tables, I notice on top of the crisp white linen cloths are square bowls filled with sand and sea shells. What a clever way to include the marine like theme of the hall. Small name placards taped to the back of each seat are my only clue as to where I belong.
Trying to shake the feeling of unease, I attempt to look nonchalant as I glance at the chairs, hoping to find my name. Soon after my search begins, the feeling of unease disappears, an eerie feeling replacing it; a feeling of being watched. Alex’s gaze is on me as he sits three tables away. I’m frozen in my tracks as I return his stare; the movement of the crowd still stirring around me. Something’s different; the way he’s looking at me reminds me of the first time we saw each other. There’s no rage, no indifference, just his smile and those dimples I love so much. Doubt cuts me; maybe he’s only being polite seeing as though we are business associates. I shake the need to run to him, to close the physical and emotional distance between us. Instead, all I can do is raise my hand and wave with a shy grin.
Waving me over, he taps the seat next him. The first time in days that we’ll be so close to one another, and without any discussion, we both must play our roles. Approaching him, his eyes run over my body, drinking me in with appreciation. His lips part as he exhales. Toying with his bottom lip, his eyes continue their aggressive descent over my curves. I knew this outfit would get his attention, but now that I’m here, I’m not so sure it was the best idea. Him looking at me, with those eyes…BREATHE.
“Hello, Mr. James,” I smile, not wanting to attract more attention than I already have. I see how the other people are reacting to my presence; wide eyed, mouths dropping as their conversations end. When I got dressed this morning I was shooting for provocative, yet professional. The plunging neckline of my midnight black lace body suit was more on the provocative side, the skirt and blazer being the professional component. I only wanted Alex to notice me, not the rest of the conference. But, if that’s what it takes, so be it.
Alex rises from his seat as I inch closer, pulling a chair out for me. Always the gentleman. I take advantage of the moment and remove my jacket and hang it on the back of my chair before sitting down. I smirk as I notice Alex eyeing my breasts as he pushes my chair in from behind; my breasts unintentionally bouncing with each movement forward. “Thank you, Mr. James,” I flutter my eyes before looking up at him through my long lashes. I know, I know. Sex isn’t a weapon, but hey, a girls got to do what a girls got to do, and right now…I’m desperate.
Running his hand across the back of his neck, Alex returns to his seat and immediately begins to introduce me to our breakfast companions.
“Gentlemen, this is my Sales Executive, Elyssa Hart,” Alex points to me as greetings from around the table seem to come all at once. Of course, everyone seated around me are men, brokers from different firms from across the country. I’m completely absorbed as he makes introductions but grow anxious as the men continue to gape at me, as if they are waiting for me to perform a trick.
Probably in an effort to pull the unwanted attention from me, Alex begins to ask the table for their thoughts about the future of health care. With the upcoming changes with the Health Care Reform., the responses from the table are plenty, and extremely dull, but I appreciate the diversion. Their chatter is background noise compared to the beat of my heart.
Even though he’s engaged in the discussion, Alex continues to steal glances through the corner of his eye. And every time I catch him, the drum in my chest thumps louder.
Soon, the banter is interrupted by an announcement from a woman standing at a podium to our far left. Looking like a giant plum in all purple, her voice booms from the speakers. “Breakfast is served. Please help yourselves. Afterwards, we’ll have a little meet and greet session and then a break will proceed. After the break, please head to the conference room for the first session on ‘Introduction to Sales Performance Management.’”
All at once, herds of people rise from their tables, heading towards the buffet area. More nervous than hungry, I stay back and unexpectedly, so does Alex. We’re finally alone and my hands start to shake. I wasn’t expecting it to be this soon. Don’t panic, Ely! He won’t give up on you…he can’t, you’re his Hart.
I flex my unsteady fingers, before toying with my ring, trying to calm myself. I don’t know where his head is and I don’t want to be pushy, so instead I just sit. Say something, please? Alex is mute as he glances around the tables, giving the buffet line a once over before granting me his undivided attention. It’s unnerving watching his sober face.
The awkward silence continues for a few minutes before he leans over to whisper in my ear. “I thought I was the one avoiding you?” I look at him, puzzled at his choice of words. “You didn’t have to drive just so you wouldn’t have to deal with me? I actually wanted to talk before we got here, but you didn’t get on the plane!” Irritation and astonishment flicker through his face. I have to catch myself as I almost laugh at his pretentious words.
“Is that what you thought? That I was avoiding you?” Why would he think that? Haven’t I told him about my parents? Thinking back through our previous conversations, I assumed he would have put two and two together; but, apparently
not. His insecurities have crept in, his longing eyes search my face for the assurance he needs, for a glimpse of an explanation. I shake my head, “I got the okay to drive because I’m afraid of flying.” With the tension in his shoulders instantaneously lifted, his body relaxes against the back of his seat.
“When you weren’t at the airport, I thought you didn’t want to see me. And then, when they called for last boarding and you weren’t there, I thought…” For someone who was supposed to be avoiding me, he was pretty eager to have me near. Do I dare hope?
“You were worried about me…,” I break eye contact, fixing my attention on my ring as I twirl it, around and around. Please help me, mom. I need you right now. Keep me upright; I can’t fall now. Trying to suppress the grin that’s threatening to spread across my lips, I continue. “Thank you for still caring.” I look at him sideways, waiting for a sign of what he’s thinking. There is so much I want to tell him, but don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance. Sitting here with him, it feels as though a wall is starting to come down. But, I can’t read him and as frustrating as it is, I know I can’t push. I want him to want me, not out of pity, but because he feels the same.
Alex’s confidence has waned as he sits silent. I know how hard it is, as I watch him try and formulate the right words. I’ve been searching for the right thing to say for far too long. Running his hand through his hair, he rests his palm on the back of his neck before meeting my gaze, returning my smile. “Can we start over?” He pauses, and because I want nothing more than to have a second chance with him, I nod. Not out of desperation, but out of hope.
Taking a deep breath, “Hi, Alexander James; and you are?” He extends his hand in a friendly gesture. A gesture showing a willingness to give us the beginning we never had. I notice his knuckles are bandaged, which pangs my heart to no end. But, because we are trying not to focus on the mistakes of our past, I push forward.
Taking his hand in mine, the sensation of his touch makes my body tremble. He’s being adorable and this game, well, I like this little game we’ve got going on right now. I wonder how far my mind, and my body, can take this. I like playful Alex, much, much more than I like angry or despondent, Alex. “Elyssa Hart. Nice to meet you.”
“So, Elyssa…I notice you aren’t wearing a wedding ring. No husband?” Clever segue, Alex.
“Nope…no husband,” I blush as my hand remains in his, our shake lasting a little longer than it should in a room littered with people.
“Boyfriend?” His left brow shoots up flirtatiously as he smiles, leaning into the table, resting his head on his hand. Copying his gesture I turn sideways, resting my head on my palm, placing my elbow on the table. A giggle bubbles from my chest as I hide my face in my hands. Not waiting for my answer, Alex whispers beside me, causing my breath to hitch as I look up from my hands. “You look...” his eyes search by body for the right word.
“So do you, Alex.” He always does, though. Dressed to the tens, Alex is wearing his three piece black suit. His blood red tie stands out against his stark white shirt. Deciding to push the limits, I unleash the beast. Crossing my legs, my skirt lifts, revealing my garter. Alex exhales as he eyes my stems from garter to stiletto.
“We match,” he observes, pointing towards his tie and my skirt. His fingers brush against my thigh, sending a flushed sensation between my legs. Staring into my eyes, not letting my gaze slip, he once again whispers, so that only I can hear. “I know there’s a lot that needs to be said. For now, please don’t worry about us so we can get through the day. We’ll talk later.” With that, he touches my knee, sending shivers all the way down my spine. My eyes flutter shut.
“Okay,” is all I can muster, exhaling the deep breathe I didn’t know I was holding.
Appearing as though our conversation has affected him, just as much as it has me, he points toward the buffet line that has now shortened. Clearing his throat, Alex shakes his head. “I think we may have a chance to get some food, without the risk of having our hands chewed off.”
With his hand on the small of my back, I let Alex lead me toward the buffet. The feel of his touch against the lace of my blouse makes me yearn for his hands all over my body. But, instead of giving into my desires, I say nothing, only allowing myself to bask in his closeness. If only I could lighten my heavy breathing. I know there’s so much that needs to be said, but for now, this is enough.
Reaching the line, I take in the tempting aromas of the sweet and savory dishes, but decide to go light and pick an egg white omelet with spinach, bell peppers, mushrooms, and a small sprinkle of cheese.
At my far right, I notice Alex making conversation with the pretty brunette making his pancakes. Throwing his head back, he laughs with such animation, that I’m afraid he may fall down. I haven’t seen him this carefree in days and I’m envious of her ability to bring it out of him. I can’t help my momentary glare as jealousy builds. With omelet in tow I head towards the table, refusing to stand and watch Ms. Pancakes laugh it up with him. He probably won’t even know I’m gone.
Returning to the table, I feel like an outsider. All of the men are in full discussion, seeming to have known each other for years. The gentlemen to my right are in deep discussion about their kids who are graduating from high school this year, the men to my left are discussing the candidates for Presidency. Not wanting to jump into either conversation, I decide to stick with my omelet and the empty seat next to me, and pout.
I’ve never been one to play with my food, but sourly my appetite has left after watching Alex enjoy himself, with someone other than me. Maybe he’s purposefully flirting to make me jealous; to allow me to experience an ounce of the turmoil he’s felt. Regardless of what he felt during the whole Cole debacle, I never once purposefully tried to piss him off or make him jealous. That’s not true, Ely. I’m pretty sure it was you who invited Cole to the fundraiser in the first place. Ok, fine; there was that one moment of insanity, but Alex had ignored me for four days and I thought I meant nothing to him. I’m beginning to wonder if I still mean nothing to him. I sigh as I push my food around on my plate, still waiting for answers. This is going to be a long day.
Interrupting my inner discussion, I feel a strong hand tapping me on my shoulder. Turning, I half expect to see Alex, but instead I’m met by captivating, emerald green eyes. The rest of him isn’t too shabby either. He’s quite attractive with short dark hair, tanned skin, prominent nose, and well groomed facial hair. I glance down at his name tag. Feeling bold, and not knowing where it came from, I inquire, “May I help you, Oliver?”
He smirks as he leans back in his chair. “Must be mindlessly boring sitting at a table full of fat, lazy, old men. You should come to the dark side, we’ll keep you company.” Isn’t he Mr. Forward? Oliver points towards his dining companions who seem to all be younger, except for one older gentleman devouring a stack of pancakes.
My eyes shoot towards two gentlemen with heavy Boston accents, attempting to attract a female’s attention two tables over. Laughing, they write something on a napkin before tossing it in her direction. Unfortunately for them, the wad of paper hits her on the side of her head. With a glare she snatches the battle weapon, aka the piece of paper, and throws it back at them. They duck to avoid her wrath. “Yah, you guys seem like a bunch of party animals.”
“What? You can’t tell me their approach isn’t original? When was the last time a guy gave you a “do you like me, yes or no,” note….fourth grade?”
“More like third.” Bringing me out of my foul mood, I giggle. Oliver’s charming smile and bright eyes lighten at the sound of my laughter.
“That’s what I was waiting for, your beautiful smile. So, how about you accept my invitation and switch sides?” Tilting his head towards his table, Oliver waves me over.
“I appreciate the…” Before I’m able to finish my sentence, Alex’s booming voice startles me.
“She doesn’t need your company, Prescott! My Sales Executive is fine exactly where she is.”
Returning from his laugh fest with Ms. Pancakes, Alex slams his plate against the table, halting all conversations around us. Prescott? I’m going to assume they know each other, and not in a good way.
Oliver eyes Alex’s bandaged fist. With a chuckle, he retorts, “So, what happened, James? Are you that lonely these days? Has your only companion rejected you? I told you before, there’s no need to beat yourself up over how much of a prick you are.”
“Fuck off, Prescott.” Oliver rolls his eyes at Alex. Smiling brightly at me, he straightens his chair, as he returns to the conversations at his own table.
Not knowing what to say, I turn back to my own food, and continue to toy with my omelet. He doesn’t explain, and I don’t ask. At least not right now. We sit and eat in silence. Occasionally, Alex is pulled into a conversation with one of the other six men sitting across from us. All of them studiously ignore me as they battle it out for the master of the banquet hall, some of the conversations getting boisterously loud. Thank God the torture is over, as they are interrupted by Ms. Plum, belting out an announcement from the podium.
“I want to thank everyone for attending our annual ‘Sales Performance and Management’ Seminar. Hopefully everyone’s had a chance to eat all of the scrumptious food prepared by our wonderful hosts.” The room breaks out in applause; joining in I clap my hands together several times, but feel uncoordinated as my hands seem to be beating to their own drum. Looking over at Oliver, he notices my uncoordinated effort and brings his hand up to his lips to mask his laughter. I glare at him. What is he up to?
“Next up is our ice breaker. Everyone will have a chance to meet and reacquaint themselves with all of the new and old faces in the crowd. Please notice that you’ve been assigned a number, which has been written on your name tag. This number signifies your table. In addition, you’ve also been assigned a color. You’re either a red or a blue.” I glance down and see a red mark next to my name.
