Chosen Heart (The Hart Series)

by Stewart, Ann

  A delicate hand travels up and down my spine, willing me to wake up. I moan in appreciation as I turn onto my back to gaze at my heart. All dimples and lips, his bliss is completely obvious.

  “Good morning,” I mumble. His five o’clock shadow has now turned into a nine o’clock shadow, causing another moan to escape my lips. Running my fingers along his stubble, I blush at the memory of the sensation along the inside of my thighs. Oozing sex appeal with his messy, post-coital hair and bare chest, he smells of citrus, sex and me.

  Teasingly, Alex hovers over me, rubbing his jaw line against my bare midriff. I try pushing him away, but I erupt in laughter instead. “Allleeexxx!” I squeal as I try to push against him. He doesn’t budge an inch; my strength is no match against his hard body.

  With his fingers flexing against my sides, he tickles me into submission. “No…!” I laugh uncontrollably. “Please…stop…!” I beg as I tighten my legs around his waist. “Alex please…you’re going to make me pee myself.”

  Halting his amused assault, he whispers, “Well, aren’t you a freak. I’m not really into golden showers.”

  Mortified, I slap his chest before hiding my face out of embarrassment. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Pulling my hands away from my face, Alex exhales as he bends down, placing a sweet kiss against my swollen lips. “I love waking up with you, Elyssa.” I melt. No words align with how I’m feeling; all I can do is smile into his smoldering blue eyes.

  With the brush of his fingers across my shoulder, I feel the remnants of last night’s sexual adventure lingering on my skin. “I have sand in places I never imagined,” I jest.

  “Shower, food, and then our last session,” he responds with one last kiss on my inner thigh. Damn, I forgot we had another one. It’s a good thing I take exceptional notes because I don’t remember anything from yesterday.

  “I was thinking…can we make a pit stop before we head home?”

  I look at his now somber blue eyes. “Sure. Where are we going?”

  “To visit my mother’s grave.”

  ~~~~~

  The weather is lovely. The warm California sun is nothing compared to the blazing heat of Las Vegas; the ocean breeze feels amazing against my skin. I’m glad we both changed out of our work clothes into something more casual for the ride home. Even dressed down in jeans and a t-shirt, he looks disgustingly attractive. It probably helps that he looks amazing naked, so clothes just accentuate his amazing physique. Playfully grazing his fingers against my thigh, he seems to appreciate the lack of material on my apricot, open-knit dress.

  With the ocean breeze blowing through my hair, I can’t help but reminisce over fond childhood memories. Bringing a smile to my face, I remember me and Rachel going to the beach with our parents and the solo flying trips with my dad. Days before planes made me shake in fear. Although I’m thankful he feels comfortable enough to take me with him, the venue of Alex’s pit stop resurfaces the horrible memories I thought I’d left behind. I miss you, Mom…Dad.

  The cemetery is beautiful with the large oak trees and wildflowers growing sporadically throughout the grounds. His mother’s gravestone is simple; two ornate tulips decorate both sides of the mantle, where it states; Beloved Daughter and Mother, Katherine Dunn. Dunn? But, if it’s Dunn, why does he go by James? Just another piece to the ever growing puzzle.

  Alex bends down and pours the bottle of water we bought at the gift shop into the once empty stone vase. Carefully, he places the long white tulips into the welcoming water. “Tulips were her favorite,” he whispers, as he stands staring at her gravestone.

  Reaching across to grab his hand, I give a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “Do you want me to leave you alone with her for a moment?”

  “You can stay.” He glances at me sideways before returning his stare to the marble slab below. We stand in silence.

  I wonder what Alex’s life would have been if his mother wouldn’t have left him at such a young age, if she wouldn’t have let his father abuse her for all of those years. He has so many qualities that are both loving and gentle. But, I’ve seen his dark side, too; one of torment, anger, and resentment. It’s that dark side that made him act so offensive throughout our relationship; the one that ignored me for four days and the same one that attacked Cole. I’m hoping with time, and love, that Alex can tame his inner demons and let me in completely.

  “Your mom would be proud of you,” I give him a genuine smile, hoping that it seeps in.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” he argues, seemingly upset.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean t….” Looking down, I stay connected with him only through our fingers. Whatever anger is inside him, he doesn’t need me to push him any further.

  “Elyssa, she would want me to be an honorable man; someone who lives by morals. I’m not sure she would agree with all of my decisions.” Exhaling deeply, his voice softens, “There is one decision I know she would agree with…and that’s you.” Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pull his body close to mine as I attempt to erase his anger. “You would have been the only girl I brought home. She would’ve known how special you are.”

  “She sees you, Alex. She knows who you are, even if she isn’t with you.” Repeating the same words that Rachel has said to me time and time again; I have to believe that they are still with me. “I’m going to let you say goodbye, okay?” He nods in silence, as I walk away on the verge of tears.

  Watching him, I see the little boy who couldn’t help his mother. I see him, how he’s arched, kneeling before his mother’s headstone, trying to forgive himself and forgive her. In my absence, he’s left to say what he’s needed to for far too long.

  His lips are moving and I see him reaching up, wiping away a tear with the back of his hand. Talking to his mother, my strong man shows his vulnerability with his moment of weakness. Lifting his middle and fore finger to his lips, he places a soft kiss against the pads of his fingers before lowering his hand to her headstone. With his head hung low with grief, he slowly rises, placing his hands in his pockets as he makes his way towards the car. I know what it feels like, to wish your past was different, to pray that a mistake was made, and wish for a second chance with your parents. I know what it’s like to let grief control you. I won’t let that happen to him.

  As he enters the car, I lean over and place a sweet kiss on his full lips. “Ready to go home?” He responds with another silent nod, grabbing my hand for comfort.

  CHAPTER 18

  My body aches from our seven hour ride home. Yes, I said seven hours. Evidently, when one takes a road trip with their boyfriend for the first time, a pit stop is an essential part of the journey. Stopping just outside of Colton extended our trip a bit longer than expected. Although car sex never appealed to me, Alex and his sexual abilities never ceases to amaze me. I always imagined it would be awkward in such a closed confined space, but trust me, it was anything but. It was incredible; hot and sweaty, slamming against his aroused body was pure unadulterated pleasure. Just the thought of our uninhibited need for one another makes me giggle.

  Alex comes up from behind as I scrub my face, slapping my ass as he takes his place by my side. “What are you thinking about?” My mouth drops open a little at the sight of him; sexy as hell, half-naked in his boxer briefs.

  “Ouch, what is it with you and your obsession with my ass?” I joke as I rub my cheek.

  “What can I say, I’m an ass man.” Grabbing my hand, he twirls me into his arms. Feeling lightheaded, another giggle escapes.

  “You’re my man,” I whisper against his lips as he runs his hands over the silky material of my camisole and boy shorts.

  “Yes, I am and you’re mine.” Alex nuzzles my neck, but only for a moment, before releasing me to continue my nightly grooming ritual.

  Reaching over, Alex grabs both of our toothbrushes from the counter and liberally applies paste to both of our bristles. With a wide grin, I watch our reflection in the mirror as he begins
to hum mindlessly. I pause, grinning at him as he sways with the tune of his own melody. He’s so freaking adorable.

  Becoming evident that I’m staring, he playfully bumps my shoulder, causing me to brush a streak of paste across my cheek. We both erupt in laughter as I slap his chest before wiping the minty remnants from my face. Once we finish, Alex takes my toothbrush and places it in the holder next to his, my pink Colgate next to his blue Oral-B. Who would have thought we would get there? Not saying a word, Alex takes my hand in his and leads me into his bedroom.

  Looking oddly comfortable and at ease as we fold down the bed, Alex’s muscles flex as he readies the bed for slumber. My sexual appetite increases as my eyes savor every inch of him. Images of him pleasuring me over, and over again, run rampant in my mind each second he messes with the dark comforter. But unfortunately, I don’t think I have the stamina to go another round.

  Thankfully, he seems to feel the same as we settle into bed. Reaching over to place his arm around my waist, he pulls me tight against him, nuzzling into my neck. His lips curl into a smile against my skin, “Tired?” Completely content in his embrace, my only response is a nod before closing my eyes and breathing him in. At times, he’s too good to be true. Sometimes I want to pinch myself to make sure my fairytale is actually happening. Well, better him than me.

  “Hey! What was that for?” he mumbles, still not moving.

  “Just wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming,” I jest, closing my eyes as I bask in his embrace. I never thought I would find such comfort in falling asleep in a man’s arms. Even when I was with Cole, we never stayed the night together. Don’t get me wrong, I trusted him. Just the thought of waking up next to him never appealed to me. Oh, and occasionally I would have awful dreams, dreams I never wanted Cole to know about for fear he might treat me differently. Luckily, Alex appears to be my dream catcher, keeping away the dreadful images that haunt me.

  “Thank you for driving with me today. The trip home was…fun.”

  “What part was the best? Sex at the rest stop, or was it the pound of alien jerky you consumed before we got home?” The vibration of his laugh, combined with his hand slowly creeping up my stomach…oh lord, a girl can only take so much before she sexually combusts. Knowing we have to get up early, I slap his hand playfully, but reach for it to hold me tighter.

  “It was being with you, Alex.” His embrace tightens allowing me to fall asleep to the rise and fall of his chest against my back.

  ~~~~~

  I wake with a jolt, eyes adjusting to the darkness surrounding me. I feel a sudden chill in the room; Alex’s arms no longer wrapped around me. Reaching for him, I meet his clammy and tense forearm. As I inch closer to him, I notice his eyes are wired shut, similar to that of a child frightened of the monster in the closet. But unlike a child, I’m sure Alex’s boogie man is real, lingering from his past. Lying on his back with his hands balled into fists at his sides, he’s frozen like a statue. The only movement on his half naked body is his lips, which I now realize is what woke me up. Alex is mumbling in his sleep.

  My eyes move from his lips to the rest of his face, stricken with a look of absolute fear. Shadows fall against his chiseled jaw and kiss worthy lips. I lean in and try to listen to his silent ramblings and immediately realize that he’s praying. What has my heart so frightened? Whatever it is, he’s scared enough to pray for salvation, for safekeeping, and pray that he doesn’t hurt him anymore.

  Tenderly, almost without sound, I whisper his name hoping my voice will bring him out of his nightmare. With no response, and literally not knowing what else to do, I softly nudge his ice-cold bicep and brace for the outcome. With cat like reflexes, Alex jumps up into an attack position – fists in front of his face, feet spread apart.

  Kneeling on the bed, I’m in complete shock. What happened to him? What would make him not only fear sleeping, but be ready in two seconds flat to attack if necessary. Tears stream down my face, not out of fear, but out of pity. Someone hurt him horribly in his past, not allowing him to escape the monsters that haunt him. Blinking several times, he looks around the room; finally comprehending where he is. Resting his eyes on my body, he tenses, becoming conscious that I’m in his room, kneeling on his bed with tear filled eyes. Without hesitation, he quickly comes to my aid, wiping the tears away from my eyes.

  “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Alex quickly looks over my face and body. When I don’t answer, he demands, “Elyssa…answer me.”

  “You didn’t hurt me,” soft whimpers escape my lips as I shake my head. “You were so scared, Alex. What happened to you?” My fingers reach up and caress his cheeks, trying to wipe the anxiety off his face. Flinching at my touch, he momentarily slinks away, but then leans in allowing me to console him.

  “It’s late and I don’t want to talk about it. Just go back to bed.” Alex lies back down, placing his left arm over his head. Hesitantly, but not out of fear, I lay next to him placing my head on his chest. Soon, I’m the one being comforted as he begins to stroke my hair. Although I should be the one consoling him, it feels too good to make him stop. Through his chest, I can hear the rapid beat of his heart, as if he’d run a marathon. I wish he would trust me.

  “I really wish you would talk to me.” His hesitation at trust must be a result of his past, and I can understand. But, in time I hope he confides in me and realizes that no matter what he tells me, I’m here.

  “Elyssa, you don’t want my shit in your head. It would scare you. Just drop it.” He’s frustrated. Alex has demons, demons that he refuses to talk about. And whatever it is just might be the source of his anger and resentment. Now more than ever, I need to help him.

  “For now.” I cuddle next to him and close my eyes, trying desperately to forget the horrific look on his panicked, but beautiful, face.

  Friday, October 12, 2012

  I wake to the annoying buzz of my alarm. Slapping the screen of my phone, I quickly silence the dreadful sound. I had hoped that I would wake in his arms, but instead I’m met with cold empty sheets as I reach out in search of him. Quickly discarding my pajamas, I quietly make my way towards the adjoining bathroom, where I can hear the sound of running water. Through the steam, I see Alex’s naked form looking utterly powerless. His hands hold him up, as the water beats down over his head. He looks troubled and I need to help erase the pain.

  Opening the shower door, I gaze at Alex from head to toe, naked as the day he was born; skin glistening with moisture. Slowly he raises his head, his eyes meeting my stare. And I do stare, because I can’t seem to get enough of his toned, hard body. I can feel the wetness between my legs building and nothing could keep me away from him. Not now. Not ever.

  “How am I supposed to love waking up with you, if you’re never in bed when I wake up,” I muse, playfully. A half smile spreads across his lips as he reaches out, pulling me into the stream of scalding water. The iciness from the night before still lingers as I reach up, bringing his mouth down to mine. I hate seeing him this way, and am glad that it only takes a second for him to thaw; soon the frigidness of his body eases, giving way to my overpowering need for him.

  His mouth begins to suck along my neck as his hands reach down cupping my breasts. Gently teasing and tugging, with his attention focused on the peaks of my breasts, a soft moan escapes my lips. “You’re going to make me late, Mr. James.”

  “Then we need to make this quick.” Resting his forehead against mine, he sighs deeply. “We should have made love last night. It always makes it easier for me to sleep.”

  “Whatever it takes, Alex. I want to make it easier for you, day and night.” With that, Alex’s mood changes as he takes me against his shower wall.

  ~~~~~

  Arriving at work, my loins are tender with every movement of my body. Alex was very aggressive during our morning shower. It almost seemed as if he was pounding his aggression away, using me as his very own sexual punching bag. Not that I minded.

  To ease the pang of having to
take separate cars, Alex gave me the deepest, most sensual kiss goodbye. He said it was to remind me of him all day long. If that was the case, mission accomplished. I can still feel his lips against mine.

  I wasn’t too surprised when I checked my e-mail and saw a meeting request from Arianna. I figured she would want to catch up and see how the conference went. But, even as I read her request for the second time, I have an eerie feeling that it might be more. Stop being so paranoid.

  I’d be lying if Arianna’s mood swings didn’t terrify me a little. There’s been too many little outbursts, even when I wasn’t involved, to make me cringe when I have to deal with her directly. It’s even gotten to the point that unless she approaches me first, I try and avoid talking to her. I hate feeling this way because I’ve never felt like I couldn’t go to her. Of course, when she approaches me, it’s usually okay. But, unless I know how her day is going, I don’t even try anymore. Already feeling on edge as I arrive at her office, it doesn’t help matters when her secretary lets me right in.

  I slow my pace as I walk into her office, carefully closing the door. Turning around, I’m frozen in time, and space. I can’t believe my eyes. Her always done hair is disheveled pulled into a messy ponytail. The dark circles under her eyes and the non-existent makeup give away the lack of sleep. Her clothes…I’m not even going to mention the lack of professionalism in her wrinkled pant suit. What is going on, and where is Arianna Salerno, CEO of Salerno Health?

  Sitting behind her large desk, she frantically signals for me to sit, and right now, I do as I’m told. With irritation written throughout her face she doesn’t hesitate, “Elyssa I’m going to cut right to the chase and I expect an honest answer. Do you understand?” Her brows raise and her eyes widen as she waits for my response. I nod, looking at her with confusion.

  Arianna walks towards me and leans against her desk, hands folded across her chest. “I was told Mr. James canceled his flight. Do you know how he got home?” SHIT!