Chosen Heart (The Hart Series)

by Stewart, Ann

  “Why won’t you let me hold you?” Alex’s voice is calm, but his brows are pulled together, his mouth in a frown.

  “Because if your hands were on another woman…so help me God, Alex!” My body begins to shake with sobs as my knees weaken, causing me to drop to the tiled floor. Rushing over, Alex tries to bring me into another embrace, but I snap back at him. “Don’t touch me! Just answer the fucking question.”

  “No, I didn’t touch her. I told you I would never!” The urgency in his voice is heartbreaking. But at this moment I can see nothing but the anger I feel for being placed in this situation.

  “So, she was at your house turning you on and then what? You decide to come and fuck me? Is that your idea of not cheating? Getting your kicks off with someone else as long as you don’t touch?”

  Alex grabs my shoulders, “Stop it! I told you I didn’t touch her. I would never hurt you like that.”

  “Then why were you drinking?” I yell back at him.

  “Damn it, Elyssa. She threatened me. She knows things about my past. She can ruin me. She threatened to reveal all my secrets, unless I gave her what she wanted.” What she wanted?

  His hands are still gripping my shoulders as I glare at him through squinted eyes. “Which was?”

  “What do you think? She wanted me to make her come. She stood in my fucking kitchen naked, touching herself while she continued to threaten me.” His words knock the wind out of me. I squirm out of his grip and wrap my arms around my midsection. The tears have dried up as I stare at the ground, unconsciously counting the tiles, trying to think of what to say next. What can I say?

  “I told you that you didn’t want to know.” Alex is kneeling in front of me, his hands resting on his knees, waiting for a sign of my next move.

  “How…where do you find these girls, Alex? Is this something I have to contend with on a regular basis?” Just as I utter those words, I’m reminded of the hostess at the restaurant. She knew him; was it her who showed up? Or, could it have been Autumn? She’s always talking like they know each other better than they should. How many girls are there?

  “Elyssa, I told you I had things in my past you didn’t want to know. I also told you I wasn’t ready to talk about them, and I’m still not. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but please know she won’t be back.”

  I’m defeated. Is he really still asking me to trust him, to not push the matter without any sort of justification? “I don’t get it, Alex. If she was naked, playing with herself in your home, and she wanted you, how did you…she what…grew a conscious and decided to get out?” I shake my head, trying to push back the rage building again. “I want to believe you didn’t touch her, but if you didn’t give her what she wanted, why would she just go?”

  “I told her about you…I told her I ended it with her because of you,” he says sincerely reaching out to caress my cheek.

  “That was it? You told her about me and she just left? That seems too easy.”

  “She was ashamed…I promise you, she won’t be back,” Alex’s eyes are back to his serene crystal blue, making it hard not to believe he’s telling the truth. I want to believe him, but he kept details from me; lying and omitting are the same when the heart is concerned.

  “Did you love her?” I whisper, barely audible over the beating of my heart.

  “No!” Alex shakes his head, his hand resting on the nape of my neck bringing me forward as he rests his forehead against mine. “I would never cheat on you. You have to know that.”

  “I believe you.” I wrap my arms around him. “So what are you going to do? She threatened you, and now she’s just gone? Do you really think she’ll just leave you alone?” Women can be vengeful and vindictive, especially when she obviously still feels for him.

  “I have to accept she’s telling me the truth. She looked humiliated when she left. I think I know her well enough, that when she says she’s sorry, she is.” Alex pulls back, looking to me with shameful eyes. “Besides, there’s something I need to tell you. I know I don’t have perfect timing, but you can trust she won’t be bothering me anymore because I’m being sent to New York for business.”

  “New York? What?” This night just keeps getting better and better. I push away from him. “How long have you known and when did you plan on telling me?” I can’t believe he didn’t say anything earlier. Does he think so little of me that I’m only being told now because his slutty ex has come back in the picture?

  “I’m sorry. I just found out yesterday and didn’t get a chance to tell you. Arianna’s sending me to assess the production of the sales office there. I shouldn’t be there more than a few weeks.” I haven’t had enough time with him and now he’s going to New York?! I knew we were too good to be true.

  My despair turns to rage. Fire is coursing through my veins, and my brain is at its fullest capacity trying to deal with all of this emotional drama. I don’t know how much more I can take. At this point, all I can hope for is to come out of this relationship with my heart still intact. “What about us?”

  “We are still us, Hart. At least I would hope we’re still together. I know a month won’t change how I feel about you. We can fly back and forth on the weekends and Skype every night. We will make it work.”

  “Alex….I don’t know. Why does it seem like we’re trying to avoid the inevitable? You have a crazy ex threatening to ruin you, I have a crazy ex lurking in the bushes, and now you’re going away for a month. Maybe…I don’t know.” I shake my head, not knowing how I’m feeling. The thought of being away from Alex for even a month is difficult, yet here I am talking about avoiding the inevitable…what in the hell am I doing? I push myself farther from him, hoping the distance will stop the water works from starting again.

  “You don’t know what?” Alex balls his hands into fists. I can feel the tension between us. “You don’t know what Elyssa? Just say it!”

  “I don’t know what to think about this whole situation, Alex! I feel fooled. You told me you don’t do this. So stupid me, I thought I was something special. All the while you’ve had other girlfriends. I thought I was a once in a lifetime thing for you. And now, I have to deal with knowing you had a naked woman in your fucking kitchen, trying to get you horny enough to fuck her. Now she’s blackmailing you and what? You’re going to pick some girl you’ve known for a few weeks over your entire reputation and career? Is that what you expect me to believe?”

  “First of all, I was telling you the truth when I said I don’t do this. I don’t do relationships! She was never a girlfriend. We did exactly what she wanted….we fucked. That’s it! There was never any emotion, never joy. You are a once in a lifetime for me, which is why I pick you. Just as you told me before, I would pick you in any scenario and I’m picking you now. I’m picking us over this entire fucked up situation. I’m doing this because I fucking love you.” Alex yells, crouching on the floor with his fingers knotted behind his neck. “You may not want to hear it or believe it, but I love you with everything I have left inside me; everything that hasn’t already been tainted or taken from me. I don’t know how much of a heart I have left, but what’s left…it belongs to you.”

  My breathe hitches and I clutch my chest at his admission. Looking into his eyes, I whisper, “You love me?”

  “Yes…I absolutely adore you. I want nothing more than to wake up with you every morning and to fall asleep with you in my arms. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thought before I go to sleep. Even in my dreams you’re there, you have completely taken over every aspect of my being. Please say you can get past this…I never wanted to hurt you. Please Elyssa…” Alex begs as he crawls towards me.

  No longer wanting to talk, I scramble to wrap my arms around him. Bringing our lips together with such force, passion erupts with each movement of our lips. Hastily, I reach for the button on his shirt and pry each one open and brush his shirt off of his shoulders and down his arms. Alex’s hands are completely focused on the hem of m
y shirt as he tears it off.

  “Bed please,” I breathe into his mouth as he continues to suck on my lower lip. Hurriedly, Alex rises from the floor, still holding onto my thighs as I wrap my legs around him. Making our way down the hall, we brush against each wall as we make our way to his bedroom.

  Stumbling onto his bed, Alex positions me on top and slowly removes my bra, revealing my bare, aching breasts. “God…I need you,” he breathes. Pushing against his bare chest, I step down from the bed and stand between his legs.

  Unbuttoning my jeans and slipping them past my knees along with my panties, I step out of my clothes. Alex takes a deep breath as he takes in the sight of my naked body. “What are you doing?”

  “Do you want me?” I ask seductively.

  “More than I’ve wanted anything else,” he shares, completely in awe.

  “Do you think of her when you’re with me?”

  “Her who?” I grin at his correct response.

  Standing in front of him, I begin slowly dragging my hand across my belly, up my torso to my breasts. Gently tugging on my nipples, I caress myself as I stare into Alex’s eyes. “What are you doing?” Alex inhales.

  “I refuse to have your thoughts filled with another woman touching herself in your presence. So…I’m replacing those thoughts with visions of me…touching myself…thinking of you.”

  My hand slowly reaches down towards the apex of my thigh, my index finger slowly massages my clit as I continue to pinch and tease my nipples. “God Alex…” I moan and continue the slow torture. My eyes close as I feel my knees weaken slightly. Suddenly, I’m being lifted. Alex places me on top of him, straddling his now bare shaft. “Make love to me.”

  He exhales, thrusting upward so that he’s deep inside. Rolling my hips, I continue to grind against him as my climax builds.

  “Say it, Elyssa,” he begs.

  “I want you, Alex.”

  “No…say what I want to hear.”

  “Fuck, you feel so good. Please don’t stop...” My body is peaking at the sound of our bodies moving together, as we lose ourselves.

  “Then say it!” he growls.

  “What do you want me to say? I’ll do anything.”

  “Tell me you love me.” My eyes shoot open, meeting his gaze as our bodies still. “Say it because you mean it, not because I’m asking you to.”

  “I love you,” I whisper against his lips as I begin to move against his body again. Rolling my hips back and forth; Alex’s breath ragged as he clutches my body close to his. “I love you, Alex. I’ve never…” A loud moan escapes my lips as I climax. Gripping my hips, Alex continues to grind my pelvis against his until he finds his own release.

  Resting against his chest, our breathing continues raggedly. I don’t know what I would do without this complicated man below me. Emotionally, he has given me so much in such a short amount of time that I need him to breathe, to feel whole. This is what scares me the most. What if this is all taken away, leaving me with nothing? I need him just as much as he needs me.

  Bringing me into an embrace, both of our naked bodies tangle as he gently runs his fingers through my hair while humming a sweet lullaby. With the sweet melodic sounds rumbling through his chest, I fall asleep in the arms of my heart, the man who moments ago professed that he loves me.

  CHAPTER 20

  Sunday, October 14, 2012

  My mouth is dry and I’m uncomfortably warm as I stir from my restless sleep. Fully awake, I find the reason why, I’m wrapped in Alex. His leg and arm are draped over my body, his nose nestled in my hair. Peeling his arm and leg off, I feel sweat glistening my skin as I hear him mumble. Not quite making out what he says, I resolve to let him fall back into a deep slumber.

  Tip-toeing around the room I try not to wake him as I search for remnants of my clothing from just hours ago. Making too much noise as I trip over his pants, I decide it might be easier to grab a t-shirt from his dresser. Doing just that, I head to the kitchen to a grab some water.

  The tile is cool against my bare feet, which is a nice relief to the inferno I was just wrapped in moments ago. Making it to the kitchen, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge. Closing the refrigerator door, I’m startled by movement out of the corner of my eye. Catching myself, I turn to see Nana in her nightgown, rubbing her sleep-drawn eyes. I gather my bearings before explaining my jumpiness, so as not to startle her. “Sorry Nana, I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?”

  “I’m sorry, dear. I couldn’t sleep and thought Alex might be awake. He doesn’t sleep well most nights, and I can usually find him here.” Oh, my poor heart. I know he has demons, but I wasn’t aware that he lost sleep over them. I don’t know why I would think any differently, though, seeing as I used to lose sleep over mine.

  “Oh, don’t worry about me. I wasn’t expecting to see anyone. Sit…do you want me to get you some water?”

  Nana shuffles towards the bar stool, taking a seat. “No, I’m not thirsty. Sit with me for a moment will you,” she requests.

  Sitting on the stool next to her, she lovingly takes my hand and places it in her lap. “I’m feeling restless, dear. I’ve been so worried about Alex,” she sighs.

  I know they say when you get older you sleep less, but her tone is so disheartening. I glance at the clock and notice its three o’clock. “What has you up so late worrying?”

  “I’m getting tired…so tired. With each day that passes, I’m getting closer to the end of my time here on Earth. And with each day, I grow more restless because my Alex…well, I’m all that he has.” I remain silent, not knowing what to say. Her confession is so sweetly sad, it breaks my heart.

  “Alex is always so serious, and he’s always worrying about me. Lately, I’ve been more of a burden than a help to him and I don’t like this feeling of helplessness. I know he feels like he owes me, but I wouldn’t trade my life with him for anything in this world.

  “I have a lot of guilt in my heart because I didn’t intervene in the proper way when he was growing up. His father was an absolute monster and robbed him of his childhood. He went from being a punching bag for his father, to a hospice worker, taking care of his mother. And now he takes care of me, who in all honesty is literally losing her mind,” she smiles, knowing how all this must sound.

  I always wondered if she was aware of her deteriorating medical condition. How scary it must be to know one moment exactly where you are and what’s taking place to suddenly experiencing confusion and only having memories of the past. I never realized how little I know about Alex’s childhood and the depths of his despair. My heart aches for my love sleeping peacefully down the hall.

  “I meant what I said at dinner…he’s been different since he met you. He’s been leaving the house more frequently, singing, and he’s constantly smiling. That was until a few days ago. I’m assuming you two had a fight recently.” How does she know? “Just cause I’m old and losing my mind doesn’t mean I’m not perceptive when I’m coherent.” I smile at her, admitting our transgressions. Alex and I had a few days of emotional distress before San Diego, but everything has been made right. “He was so upset during those few days. Alex doesn’t let people get close to him. In fact, you’re the first girl he’s ever brought home.”

  I can feel moisture building in my eyes. I look away from Nana, trying to stop the water works from trickling down my face. “I feel the same way for Alex. I don’t have too many people in my life either, and Alex has become my source of happiness as well.” It’s nice to know we belong in each other’s lives. We both need each other to fill the void we’ve had for so long.

  “I’m happy to hear that because I need you to promise me something. Hopefully this will give me peace of mind as I go on.”

  “What is it?” I don’t know what she could ever ask of me, but whatever it is I could never deprive her of her request. Anything to give her the solace and happiness she seeks.

  “Promise me you’ll take care of my Alex if anything happens to me. Promise me
you won’t break his heart.” I’m frozen in place. “He’s experienced enough pain to last twelve lifetimes, and he deserves all of the happiness in the world.”

  I pause for a moment, not knowing how to respond. Can I make this promise? Almost instantaneously I realize a promise isn’t needed. I want to take care of Alex. I want to make him happy. I want us to take care of each other. In such a short amount of time, he means more to me than any other person has. “I promise Nana, I love him.”

  Nana’s eyes look glossy as she sits in silence for a few moments glancing around the kitchen. Panic quickly sets in as her eyes widen, looking at me and then at the counter. She doesn’t look well, like she may pass out. I look around the room, trying to decide if I should run and get Alex. But, she decides for me as she starts to speak softly, trying to get down from the stool.

  “Nana, are you okay?” Reaching down to help her, she suddenly grabs my arms looking at me with terror and concern.

  “Katherine, you need to leave Gary! He’s bad for you and definitely bad for Alexander. I can’t sit back and allow him to hurt either of you any longer.” Sobs escape Nana’s mouth as she continues. “How can you let him continue to hurt Alexander? He’s so small and defenseless. He’s brave and has such a strong spirit, but one day Gary will destroy that. Alexander tries to fight him and every time he loses, getting hurt more each time.” Shaking in distress, she can no longer contain the sobs, placing her face in her hands she falls into my arms.

  “Anything for Alex. I love him.” I avoid feeding into her delusions, instead providing some words for solace in hopes to calm her. Lucid or not, she needs to know my promise is true. I will do anything for him, because I love him, and he loves me. “Come now, let’s get you to bed.”

  After a wonderful moment of clarity, the fog has set in. She’s incoherent again, talking to her departed daughter. Stepping down from the stool I reach out to hold her steady, leading her towards her bedroom. With all the care in the world, I help her get settled and tuck her into bed.