by Stewart, Ann
“I can’t ask you to stay, but I don’t think I can say goodbye yet.”
Setting his luggage in the trunk, we both settle in our seats before I start the engine. Staring out the front window, I can’t hide my sadness. Reaching over, I bring his hand to rest on my heart, to feel his closeness. Searching his eyes for forgiveness, a single tear has escaped my heavy eyes. I need him to know he still has me. I need him to know I’m not lost. I need him.
“I want to take you somewhere before you leave.”
~~~~~
After a twenty minute drive we finally arrive at Alex’s place of solace. Sitting in the silent car, the pressure is too heavy. I have to get out, to release some of the heaviness that is in my heart. Leaving him in the car, I walk towards the never ending skyline of lights and darkness. The wind has picked up and a chill runs through me as I look out at the vast city. The view from here is daunting when you think of the millions of people sitting just out of your reach. Just like Alex. Just out of my reach. I can hear his footsteps behind me, sending another chill down my body. Wrapping my arms around myself, I feel alone.
“You know this place will always remind me of you. Beautiful, limitless…”
“Deserted?” Coming up from behind, Alex wraps his arms around me. His arms thaw the chill that was spreading across my body.
Turning in his arms, I look up the length of his body into his cheerless eyes. “I’m not abandoning you. You’re the one leaving.”
“You won’t ask me to stay.” He reaches down, caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers. “I’m so confused right now. You said you want a break, but you don’t want to be with anyone else.”
“Just get through this month. Focus on work and when you get back we’ll see what happens. Besides, you might meet some hot sophisticated blonde while you’re thousands of miles away.” I bow my head, unable to look him in the eyes. The last thing I want is for Alex to be with someone else, but the reality of the situation is that Alex is extremely attractive. He’s successful and intelligent and any woman would be lucky to have him at her side.
“I wish you would stop saying that. I don’t want anyone else. I only want you.” Leaning down, he grazes his lips along my neckline as his hand moves down my body. “I know you want me. I can feel how your body reacts to my touch.” And on cue, my body trembles as his fingers reach the hem of my shirt, lifting the edge so his hand can explore my bare skin. “I know you love me.” Taking my mouth into his, he kisses me with such fervor that I can feel my loins ache with need. Resting his forehead against mine, he tightens his embrace, “Elyssa, please…”
Reaching up I wrap my arms around his neck. “I do want you. I’ll always want you, Alex.”
Looking me directly in the eyes I can see his desire looming. “I don’t give a fuck about the break you want right now. All I want is to be with you…inside you…loving you.” Once again his hand lightly feathers up the length of my body, caressing every curve. “I want to make love to you…right now. I want my last memory to be of us…together.”
I want the connection, too. Boy, do I want the connection. It’s been days since we made love, and my body craves him, it needs him. Seeing the ambivalence in my eyes, Alex lifts me, laying my body on top of the hood of my car. Swiftly, he blankets me, kissing, sucking, grinding. His hands push up the hem of my shirt moving my bra aside. Revealing my bare breasts, my nipples harden against the cold breeze. His tongue laps against my quivering breasts sending shocks of pleasure through my body. He always knows where to touch me.
“God Alex,” I pant, digging my fingers in his back as his grinding becomes more forceful.
His hips come to a halt as he looks me in the eyes. “Promise me you’ll wait for me.”
“Alex...” I urge him to continue, placing my hands on his ass, not wanting to speak.
“Promise me,” he whispers, breathing ragged.
“I promise, Alex. Please…” I yearn for this, for his touch, for his need. I can’t imagine sharing myself with anyone else. Why does this feel so right, when I know it’s so wrong? I shouldn’t be giving in to my want, but do I have any other choice? He’s here, and soon he’ll be gone. I need him to trust me, that what I’m doing is for him. Maybe this is my only way of showing him I’ll be here when he gets back. I have to give him something.
Looking into my eyes, he continues his movement. “I love you. All I’ve ever wanted was you.”
“I love you.”
Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Our moment is interrupted as the light of an approaching car breaks our connection, revealing the tears streaming down my face. This is too much. Knowing we’ve been caught, we straighten up and slide down the hood of my car. As much as I want more, I am slightly thankful we were interrupted. This is just too much for not only one, but two hearts to bear.
Letting the car pass, Alex approaches and lifts my chin with his forefinger, searching my face for answers. I don’t want him to go. I want him to stay with me, figure things out, fight. But, what I want and what needs to be done are two different paths. And unfortunately, I’ve already made the decision on which path we will take. The results, of which, I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. My decision to keep him safe.
“We should go,” my voice is solemn as I frown up at my heart.
“We’ll figure this out, Hart.”
His relentless kissing has made my knees weak. Again, I don’t know if I am strong enough to get through this night. Both of us take a deep breath, leaning our heads against each other, not knowing what we’re doing. Knowing we have to get out of here, he takes my hand and opens the door for me. I start the engine as Alex walks around the car to get into the passenger side. My own perfect tragedy; so amazing with everything he does. Positioning himself in the passenger seat, Alex smiles at me. The first panty dropping smile I’ve seen in days.
“Ready to go?” He reluctantly nods, holding my hand as we drive away.
~~~~~
“You have everything you need?” I blink, trying to stop the threatening tears.
“Almost.” Alex looks at me, trying to open me up with his stare. “Only thing I’m missing is knowing we will be okay.”
Can I give him the assurance he needs? Do I even have a choice? If it will get him through the next month, if that’s what he needs, I’ll give him as much as I can.
“Alex I told you, I’m not going to be with anyone else. I want you to focus on getting what you need done. I want you to be free to do whatever you want…even if that means meeting someone out there.” The thought of him touching anyone else causes my body to tense with anger. Grrrr…
“You keep saying that. Is that what this is about? You’re worried I’ll meet someone else?”
“I’m just saying if you do, you’re not tied down. I want you to be able to go out and have fun, without the thought of hurting me.” Maybe this time away will help dull his pain. Give him some time for closure. For me it won’t, but I can only worry about him. Even though I’ll be here and everything I do will remind me of him, I only have enough strength to worry about one of us right now. And I chose him. I’ll always choose him.
“I told you, I made my choice, and that choice is you. If you need this month to get your head wrapped about my past, then I understand and I don’t blame you. But it isn’t going to change how I feel about you. I want you…forever.”
Reaching up, I wrap my arms around his neck and bring his mouth to mine. Sucking on his bottom lip, I tighten my grip. Alex lifts me and places my legs around his waist. Suddenly déjà vu sets in and a feeling of terror comes over me.
“I’m trying not to be selfish.”
“You can be selfish with me all you want.” Placing his forehead against mine we stay still in our embrace, soaking each other in. “You have the IPod I gave you?” I nod as I close my eyes, relishing in the moment. Giving me one last surprise, Alex begins to softly sing in my ear while we remain tangled up in one another. “So kiss me and smile for me
…tell me that you’ll wait for me…hold me like you’ll never let me go…”
A brief smile is all he gets before I break out in sobs, clinging to him as I cry uncontrollably. “I love you…so much Alex. Remember that every day. I’ll miss you.” I place my head against his shoulder. The feel of his hand gently running up and down my spine is the only comfort I feel.
“Now boarding American Airlines Flight 1738.” Thank God, he’s not even on United. That would have been too much to bear.
“I have to go,” he whispers in my ear, but doesn’t release me.
“I know.” Tightening my arms around him, I close my eyes. Picturing a perfect world where Alex and I have endless hours to enjoy each other and infinite hours to indulge in our love. Lowering my legs, my feet hit the ground. I reach up and smudge away the remnants of my tears on Alex’s neck.
Bending down, he places one last kiss against my lips, holding my body closer. “I love you, my Hart.” Picking up his luggage Alex walks away pausing momentarily and turns, “It’s just a month, don’t forget me.” I smile and place a hand over my heart before blowing a kiss. Turning, he walks towards his terminal.
But unlike my dream, I don’t run towards him and beg him to stay. Instead, I solemnly walk back to my car. As I approach my door, I don’t feel the ground beneath me shake and there is no billow of smoke and fire. Everything is right in the world because I know Alex is safe and on his way to New York; thousands of miles away from Arianna and her malevolent intentions. Mom, Dad…please keep my heart safe.
Driving down Sunset Boulevard, I turn into the parking lot by the airport. Lying on the hood of the car, I watch the flights take off knowing one of them has my heart safely in tow. Please be safe. I pray silently to myself as I continue to watch each departure. It’s only a month. A month so Alex can forget what we were; what we could’ve been. Or, a month for me to figure out a way to be with him. Only a month.
As tears silently stream down my face, I reach for my vibrating phone.
*Hey…it’s Oliver. Couldn’t sleep and was hoping you couldn’t either. Call me…*
EPILOGUE
“Fuck, that was amazing!” Through the vanity mirror I glance over at him, excited, naked, and running his fingers over his shaved head. “Possibly the best sex I’ve ever had.” Suddenly his eyes soften and a hint of sadness reaches his pathetic face as realization sweeps over him.
If this is going to work, I need to show my soft side; well at least pretend to have a soft side. Standing, I walk towards him. His skin is glistened with sweat and his muscles are flexed, pumped from the hour of exertion. Running my finger from his bare toes, down the top of his shins and thighs, I stop and eye his partially erect manhood. I may need to take him for another test drive, but that will have to wait until later. No, right now we have business to discuss. Sitting up, he wraps his arms around my thighs and nuzzles against my navel.
Reaching down, I run two fingers over his stubbly head and coo at him. “What’s wrong? You were wonderful. I really can’t fathom why she would have left you in the first place.” He was light-years ahead of my current prospect in bed, but I have enough left in me and know I’m able to rise to the challenge and teach him a thing or two.
“You’ve shown me a new side to you; one that I never knew existed. I’m pleased with how tonight has gone. Aren’t you?” Lying was never hard for me to do, especially when it came to sex. Sex is a bargaining tool and if used right it can get you what you need in life. He knew this and he used that fact to his benefit. He was smart, not like this pathetic scrap of a man kneeling before me.
I roll my eyes as his whiney voice echoes through the bedroom. “I’m fine. I’m just worried about her. If you care about her and you have her best interests at heart, how can live with yourself after sleeping with me? The only reason I’m here is that you said you knew something that could bring us back together. You know I would do anything to have her back.” Oh, I do. Those words alone seal the deal. This is almost too easy. And, when this is all through, both of my boys will know exactly where their place is….right under my Jimmy Choo.
I run my finger across his jaw line and tilt his head up to look at me. “I didn’t lie. There is something that Elyssa and I both need your help with. However, I asked you over here with the full intention of fucking you into submission first.”
Silence.
Pushing him down, I climb onto the bed. Standing, straddling him, I grip one of the posters. I always wanted a four poster bed in an outrageously expensive fuck pad. My wish was granted. Below me is a pathetic little boy, one that may need a little nurturing, but I’m up for this. I’ve already done so much for him and he doesn’t even know it yet. It’s nice having a new project; one that has so little knowledge on just how much I’ve already infiltrated his life. As soon as I tell him, he’ll have nowhere to go. He’ll have to stay with me.
I can no longer resist the urge to show him who owns his broken little heart. I smirk as he grips my calves, watching as hunger replaces the once pathetic sympathy in his eyes. Running his hands up and down my legs he asks, “You need my help? For what?”
Oh, if he only knew what I’m about to give him.
“You know how much Elyssa means to me, don’t you?” He nods, but I’m not sure if he believes me. I see I might need to lay it on a little thicker. Wouldn’t want him to think any less of me. Ha. “Well, she’s been a part of my world since the day she was born. I would do anything for her, which includes making sure man whores like Alexander James don’t get their claws into her.” And there it was…Cole’s priceless face.
Slumping his shoulders, he lets the breath slowly disengage from his body as his arms drop to his sides. “What does this have to do with me?”
Good. He’s listening. Lowering myself, I straddle his hips. “I know Elyssa means well, but I don’t think she knows what she’s gotten herself into. I do. I also know how much you are struggling. I know how much you want to graduate and your financial situation is making it hard for you to finish that dream. What I’m going to offer you will ease that struggle. I will show you that if you play your cards right you will never be alone, never wanting for anything.” That’s right dear sweet naïve Cole; you will either end up with Elyssa or stay in my bed. Either way, I’ve got you.
“Arianna, I see your lips moving and hear words coming out of your mouth, but you aren’t saying anything. You are talking in circles and I’d appreciate it if you just move it along. Tell me what the fuck I’m doing here or I’m going to leave,” he breathes, unsympathetically.
I can feel my blood boiling. You don’t get to tell me what to do, you horrible excuse for a man! You are mine now. The moment you walked into this room and fucked me. You. Are. Mine. I don’t think he realizes who he’s talking to…but, fuck. I need him.
Calm down, Arianna. You do need him.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Please let me explain and excuse me if I am being too forward. As I’ve already said, I want nothing more than to protect Elyssa. With that protection, I mean for her not to get hurt and if you do this right, she won’t. I’m going to ask a lot of you, but know I will compensate you, in more ways than one.” I grind against his partially erect member to fully explain my intentions and notice his heavy eyes perk up, and decide he’s in this.
“I need you to follow her.”
“What?! No. Absolutely not. I will not follow her. She has made it perfectly clear she wants nothing to do with me.” Pushing me off his lap, he turns to stare at me. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Is that what this is about? Do you think you can use me?”
Great. I have to deal with a vagina now. I thought he had balls. “No, no; no one is using anyone. I am looking out for Elyssa’s best interests. It’s what her parents, what her mom, would want of me. And trust me; Alex is not in her best interests. Besides, I could give you the world. You would want for nothing. I give, you give and take. We both win.”
Shaking his head, Cole slumps bac
k down on the bed. “You realize this isn’t going to work, right? She’s too smart for her own fucking good, and she’s going to hate me for this. She’s going to hate you. How are we going to live with that?”
“Don’t worry about me. She already hates me. I’m okay with playing the bad guy with her, because she’s too sweet and innocent to end up with him. She needs protection from herself. She needs us, Cole. Don’t you see?”
I can tell he’s pondering what I’ve offered and with his financial debt, I know it won’t take long. He doesn’t need to know the details yet, but I’m going to assume he’ll ask and when he does…he’ll know I’m not playing around. Alex thought he got lucky when he met me, but Cole will think I’m his four leaf clover.
Sitting beside him, I watch closely as his facial features turn from one of disgust, eyes crinkled, to one of resolve as I watch all the air leave his body. Crawling behind him, I gently start to massage his back.
“What do you mean, I have to follow her? Like everywhere, follow her? I have a life you know. I have school and work, not to mention friends,” he fumbles.
“First of all, I know this is a lot to ask of you. I know she’s your best friend, someone you love. She is someone I love, too. So, for me to ask this of you, I know I have to give you the balance you need,” I reiterate with a smug look on my face. Now facing me, he can see that I mean business, with a little pleasure on the side, of course.
“I’ve already taken the liberty of calling Jacobi’s and letting them know you won’t be returning to their fine establishment,” I mock. I’ve never been to this hole in the wall bar, nor will I ever based on my conversation with the manager. He was rude and belligerent and he had the audacity to ask me to pay him to make sure Cole never worked there again. “I told them you appreciated them allowing you to work there, but that you had ‘things’ you needed to tend to. And those ‘things’ didn’t involve wasting your time with menial bartending chores.”
Eyes wild, “You did what? Those were my friends. Seriously, who do you think you are?”
