Magicless

by K. Ferrin

  Magicless felt disappointment settle in his chest, but he shrugged it off as his stomach gave a loud grumble. Noz would be back in a few days, and they would talk then. For now they had a big cabin, comfortable beds, and all the food they wanted at their fingertips.

  “Yeah, I’m starving. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few,” he said.

  Alekka looked down, picking at the comforter, and didn’t move. Her hair had fallen forward, covering her face. The sunlight slanting through the window fell on it, making the strands almost glow. He wanted to reach out and tuck it back behind her ear. He watched her in silence instead.

  “I need to tell you something, Micah.” Alekka’s voice dropped to nearly a whisper. His heart jumped in his chest, but he said nothing and waited.

  “You thought, yesterday, that I’d been put under a spell,” she continued. “You thought that was why I almost...”

  “…Why you almost attacked me, yes,” Magicless ventured. “I saw that same green glow in your eyes that was in that monster’s eyes. It was obvious he had—”

  “It’s not obvious,” she blurted out, her tone so sharp it startled him to silence. “It’s not obvious,” she continued in a gentler tone. “It…wasn’t what you think. I was not under a spell, Micah. I tried to communicate with it, I tried to touch its mind with my own, to stop the fighting and bloodshed. I sensed intelligence there and I wanted to understand. To reason with it. I didn’t want to fight, didn’t want to kill them. But it was a mistake.”

  He didn’t understand what she meant, but he kept his lips clamped firmly together. Alekka rarely said this many words strung together, and he wasn’t about to interrupt her.

  “There was intelligence there, yes, but there was also another presence inside him. I think the Dark Wizard had cursed him, but I don’t know for sure. Noz hinted at the same yesterday, do you remember?”

  Magicless nodded.

  “He was so angry. And I...I...got lost.”

  She stopped, waiting, expectation and fear playing across her features.

  “What do you mean you got lost? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.”

  She turned to look out the window. “I’m a Sensitive, Micah. You know that, right?”

  “Yes, of course. Everyone knows that.”

  “Well, being a Sensitive means that I can feel others’ emotions—how they feel about things.”

  “Yes, but you’ve always had that. What does that have to do with—”

  “I wasn’t strong enough. He didn’t put a spell on me—I wasn’t strong enough to resist the force of his anger. I got caught up in his feelings and was unable to resist. Unable to remain myself. Don’t you see what I’m saying? I’m a hazard, Micah. I’ll never be able to stand up to him and he’ll use me as a weapon against all of you. I should not be on this journey with you.”

  Magicless watched her profile. Her forehead was wrinkled up in concern and her hands were clasped tightly in her lap. Suddenly, he could feel a tentative smile breaking out across his face before he could school his features. She looked up at him, and her expression darkened.

  “You think this is funny?”

  “No, not funny, but just…look, do you think I don’t worry about putting the others at risk? You think Jobin doesn’t worry about that? I feel like we all worry about Tredon getting us killed just by being the ass that he is almost daily. We all have weaknesses, Alekka. And all of them could be turned against us or used as leverage against one another. But we also have strengths, and that is what you need to focus on.” In a moment of bravery, he reached out and took her hand. She let him.

  “Sure, if Amentis figured out your weakness he could use it, but imagine what a benefit it could be to us, too. You could reach out to him and gain insight into what makes him tick, what he wants, what the chinks in his armor are. This weakness, as you put it, could actually be your greatest strength, and ours.”

  “There is no way I could do that. He’d sense my presence immediately, and he’d use me to kill you.”

  “Alekka, it’s your choice, as it’s your power. Just don’t get caught up thinking you’re the only one with weaknesses—that’s not fair. And don’t start thinking your weaknesses are all you are, either. We need you, Alekka. We won’t succeed without you. Just like we can’t succeed without the others. We are all in this together, and that’s the only way we’ll get through it.”

  He could see her thinking this over in the silence that followed his little speech, and he was relieved when he saw some of the concern fall away from her expression. “You are right, of course. We all do have a part to play in this game, and we need all the pieces in order to play. But I want you to promise me something.”

  “Of course,” he said. Anything, he thought.

  “If you see that happen to me again…if I get lost and it’s clear that I’m not coming back…I want you to kill me.”

  What?

  It took a moment for Magicless to realize he hadn’t said that out loud. He swallowed down his shock, cleared his throat, and tried again.

  “What?”

  “Don’t let me hurt any of our companions, Micah. Or you. Promise me.”

  He stared at her, wishing fervently he hadn’t agreed so easily. He could never kill her. No matter what she did, he could never do that.

  “Promise. Or I leave now.”

  He took in her stern, beautiful face. Her steady, brown-eyed gaze. He couldn’t speak over the lump in his throat, so he nodded instead, and hoped with every fiber of his being that he’d never have to make good on that commitment.

  “Alright. Are we good, then?”

  He didn’t know how to answer that question. He cared for her deeply. Had always cared for her deeply. All his life, she’d been the only person he could call a friend, and he thought that both of them wanted to be more to each other, if they ever got the chance to be honest about it. But there was one thing that still pestered him, pecking at the back of his mind like a bird pecking relentlessly at seed.

  “Yeah, we’re good,” he replied after a moment. “I just have one question, Alekka. Why didn’t you back me up at the cave? When I volunteered to come the others ignored me, and you did, too. I thought…well, I just thought that you would have backed me up is all.”

  There. Wound lanced. Now, am I gonna heal or bleed out?

  Her fingers went back to plucking at the comforter on the bed. Magicless waited.

  “I—I’m sorry, Micah. It didn’t occur to me too. That sounds awful, I know, but it’s the truth. Aclay was in ruins. So many of the people we knew and loved had died. I wasn’t thinking about backing you up, or backing anyone up. My thoughts were on our losses and on what it would mean to me if I came on this journey. It was selfish of me, and—” Her expression changed, brows lowering in a sudden flash of anger.

  “You know what, yes. It was selfish of me, and I don’t care. I’m so tired of being the selfless one. You’ve been pretty selfish too, you know. I realize how hard it is for you, but not everything is about you, Micah. We all have problems, weaknesses, like you said. We all have hang-ups. Stop whining about yours. Get over it and live your life already! Don’t wrap yourself up in self-pity thinking you’re the only one with weaknesses.” She stopped speaking, mouth open in a slightly stunned-looking O shape. She looked like she’d surprised herself.

  He was momentarily speechless at her tone and at having his own words thrown back in his face like that. He had never, in all his life, heard her speak to anyone in such a way. Her tone shocked any remaining resentment right out of him, and with a pang of sympathy, he realized just how deeply what had happened with that creature had affected her. He forgot about licking his wounded ego about the incident in the cave in an instant. It didn’t matter anymore, if it had ever mattered in the first place.

  He reached out both hands and curled them around her restless ones. “You’re right. I’m sorry, truly I am. Now, will you tell me more about what happened, back in the swamp? I want to under
stand better.”

  She let her hands rest in his, and he noted the softness of her palms against the tips of his fingers. He moved his fingers slowly, caressing her palms. She didn’t look at him, but eventually she spoke quietly.

  “It was like…like someone forcing themself on you, Micah. But of the mind, not of the body. When I reach out to someone like that, it’s as if our minds are linked by a cord. It travels both ways. I can sense them, and they can sense me. But this creature shoved through that connection into my mind and I was helpless to stop it. He would have made me kill every one of you. He had full control of all of my powers and could see everything I saw, feel everything I felt. Know everything I knew.”

  Know everything you know...

  Dread unfurled in his chest.

  “Alekka…” he ventured as gently as he could. “You said you thought he had a demon in him. Placed there by Amentis. Was he connected to Amentis when he took you over? Do you think Amentis knows about us?”

  “I don’t know. I’m not sure it was a demon at all, I think...” She paused and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She returned her hand to his and kept her eyes lowered to where they were clasped. “It was all I could do to separate myself enough not to kill you. I did not try to determine if the Dark Wizard was watching from inside of that thing. But he might have been there, Micah. We need to consider that possibility.”

  Magicless tightened his hold on her hands and let both the anger at what had happened to her and the fear of the possibility that Amentis was now aware of their quest wash over him. There was nothing to be done about either. The cards would fall as they may, and they would face the consequences together. There had to be an upside hidden somewhere.

  “You were able to do it, though. To separate from him. How did you do it? If you did it once, maybe you could do it again. If you understand how, maybe you can practice, become stronger, so you can resist better next time.”

  She took a deep breath and held it. He got the feeling she didn’t want to answer that question.

  “You don’t have to answer—”

  “No. No, it’s fine.” She looked up at him then, squaring her shoulders as if she’d just decided something. “It was you. When he took hold of me I fled into a small place in my mind—a sort of secret box I had hidden away there —trying to protect myself from him. Somehow, through that, I saw him grab you and I knew you were going to die. I could even see the life draining from your eyes. That’s what did it. That’s what gave me the strength to break his hold long enough to kill him. It took all of me, though, Micah, you need to understand that.”

  It was me, Magicless thought. She was able to resist because of me. He felt a flutter of hope in his chest. “So, concern for your companions is your strength. You have that aplenty. We can practice, maybe one of the others has enough...”

  “Not friendship, Micah. If it had been Jobin or Leali I’m not sure if it would have worked. I think it worked because it was you. Not just friendship, but love,” Alekka said, the last few words coming out in a rush.

  Magicless blinked.

  “Love…” he said stupidly. It sank in slowly, and his heart began thudding. He felt like leaping to his feet and jumping on the bed like a five-year-old. He tried to keep a giant grin from breaking out on his face, but failed utterly. She smiled back, looking relieved. That makes two of us, he thought, but couldn’t quite say it aloud. He always seemed to be losing his voice around her.

  “Then, you are perfectly safe,” he said when he’d found his voice again, squeezing her hands. “I’ll always be there with you. We’ll destroy Amentis together or not at all.” He put all his feelings into those words, hoping she heard what he was too hesitant to say.

  After several long breaths, she pulled her gaze from his. “I need to learn to block it. I can’t risk it. It worked on that creature, but Amentis will be far stronger. I cannot put you or the group at any more risk than we already face. What we are doing is far too important.”

  “How can I help?” He asked.

  “I don’t know,” she said simply. “I don’t know how to block it, or if blocking is even possible. I need to think about it.”

  Just then Magicless’ stomach gave a loud gurgle, reminding them both that they’d all had too few good meals of late. Alekka smiled. “Time for some breakfast, I think. Noz has a lot of books here. Maybe we can find something on my…gift in one of them.”

  “I’ll meet you downstairs in a few minutes,” Magicless replied, and she squeezed his hands one more time before releasing them and rising to her feet. He briefly considered pulling her into a kiss, but it didn’t feel right. Not yet, he thought as she reached the door, tossing him one more small smile before she left.

  Outside, the birds were singing and the scent of warm earth and blooming flowers wafted in through the window. Magicless felt ten feet tall knowing now that Alekka cared for him, but the joy was dimmed by what she’d shared with him. She was a powerful mage. If Amentis was somehow able to force his way into her mind like that creature had, things could go very, very badly very quickly. If they could find a way to control it, though, it could be a major boon—and could possibly save all their lives in the process. It could be the difference in the success or failure in what they’d set out to do. But at what cost to Alekka?

  For the first time since they’d begun this journey, real fear settled into the base of his spine and set up camp. He’d not rest easy again until this quest was over and they were all back home.

  He pushed the covers back and pulled his clothes from the foot of the bed. Fresh and clean, just as Noz had said. He dressed slowly, chewing his lower lip in thought. He pulled all the rest of his clothes out of his pack and laid them at the foot of the bed, then he joined Alekka for breakfast.

  [ 14 ]

  After breakfast Magicless excused himself and made his way toward the lake he’d seen outside Noz’s back window. The sun was high in the sky and the gardens were warm and alive around him. He plucked vegetables and fruit as he walked with a mind toward a snack later. For every berry he put into the bag bouncing at his side he plopped three others into his mouth. He’d missed fresh fruit, too.

  He was sweating when he got to the lake. A long wooden dock stretched well out into the water, and much further from the end of the dock a large, flat rock beckoned to him. He took off his clothes, folded them, stacked them neatly on the dock, and dove in. The water was fresh and cool. He dove underneath and swam until his lungs threatened to burst. He pushed off from the bottom and burst out from the surface of the water, shaking his head and flinging water droplets into the air. He floated on his back, enjoying the easy buoyancy, and watched the clouds skitter across the sky.

  Eventually he swam back to the dock, grabbed the bag he’d stuffed with fruit and vegetables from the garden, and headed for the flat rock. He sprawled out, enjoying the warmth of the sun-warmed stone on his water-cooled skin, and munched on a plump red tomato. He stared out at Noz’s garden, the flowers vibrant in the sun. A thick forest surrounded the rest of the lake. The trees were unlike any they had in Aclay, the leaves a shimmery green as if a thin layer of silver or gold covered each one. The bark was white and shone brightly in the afternoon sunlight. The ground beneath was speckled with light and green with thick grass. Here and there he could see a splash of color from a patch of wildflowers. It was quiet and so peaceful that for a time he forgot the worries of their quest and the dangers they faced, losing himself in the warmth of a glorious summer day and smiling at the thought of the weighted glances he’d shared with Alekka over the breakfast table that morning.

  He hadn’t realized he’d fallen asleep until he was woken up by the sound of a splash, and the feeling of water sloshing up over the rock. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and saw a head bobbing in the water. He watched as Jobin drew closer, pushing at the water with strong, even strokes.

  “Nice place you have here,” Jobin said. “Mind if I join you?”

  Magi
cless laughed. “It is amazing, isn’t it?” He tossed the bag toward Jobin. “Help yourself. From the garden.”

  The two sat quietly, looking at the scenery around them as Jobin crunched on a carrot. “Look,” Jobin pointed to the east. “A beach. Race you.”

  “You’re on!”

  They leapt into the water and swam hard toward the beach. They were closely matched—Jobin having developed his physical strength due to his complicated relationship with his magical abilities—but Magicless pulled ahead and won, if only just. As Jobin hauled himself onto the beach, breathing hard, Magicless danced a little celebratory jig, taunting Jobin with his win good-naturedly. The two collapsed onto the sand, laughing until Magicless felt a stitch in his side and his cheeks hurt from smiling.

  “What did you see yesterday, before all the fog and smoke blew away?” Jobin asked, suddenly serious. Water droplets hung off his eyelashes and the tips of his hair.

  The abruptness of the question threw Magicless off for a moment, but he answered honestly. “The cabin. Noz’s cabin. But it looked really tiny, as if it were really far away. I saw it when we first walked into the clearing. You didn’t see it?”

  “None of us saw it. Only you.” Jobin dug his feet into the sand as he continued. “What about your footprints as we walked through?”

  Magicless nodded. “I saw the Viper Vines and the trees, but felt none of it. You all were slogging through mud but I was walking on dry land. How could that be?”

  “I don’t know,” Jobin said. “But...”

  Jobin stopped, and Magicless prompted him. “What?”

  “Tredon should have killed you when he touched you, you know.”

  “I didn’t think anyone else had noticed that,” Magicless replied.

  “Well, I’m bound, Magicless. And I don’t know how to use a sword the way you do. I have little to do except notice things.” His tone was bitter, and Magicless felt a sharp twinge of sympathy.