Crimson Psyche

by Lynda Hilburn

  He slid the pants down his legs and kicked them aside, then covered the short distance between us. His tall, muscular body was beautiful, even dirty and blood-covered. I let my gaze meander down his chest and over his flat stomach, finally reaching the erection jutting from between his legs. It was blissfully unconcerned about any vampire or human melodramas. It knew exactly what it wanted, and my hand moved on its own to grant its wish.

  Devereux groaned as I stroked him and wrapped his arms around me. The fingers of one hand effortlessly unfastened my bra in the back and I closed my eyes—

  —and a sharp pain radiated from between my brows. I gasped, my body trembling.

  Devereux jerked back from me, staring, his face a mask of concern. “Kismet? What has happened?”

  I smiled — at least, I think it was me, it was my body — but the drivers had switched seats. Or, more accurately, they still shared the seat, but the positions had been rearranged. The psychologist couldn’t reach the brake pedal or the steering wheel any more. The part I thought of as my usual self was still present, but she’d been pushed aside and now she could only observe. But I was clearly both.

  “Love Buns!” I threw my bra on the floor and stepped out of the panties. “It’s so good to see you. I thought my old ball and chain would never get things rolling. Come to Mama.” I sank to my knees, sucked Devereux’s erection into my mouth, and was reminded of the joy of licking a Popsicle as a kid. I used to like to shove the whole frozen treat into my mouth, creating a vacuum with my lips and tongue. He grunted in surprise. If I’d only known what those lazy summer days were preparing me for.

  I’d barely gotten a good suction going when Devereux yelled, “Stop!” and wove his hand into my hair. He grabbed on and held me immobile.

  I mumbled, “Wha—?” through a mouthful of penis and relaxed my jaw muscles just enough for him to slide his erection through my lips as he backed away.

  He released my hair and loomed over me, scowling, the family jewels still at eye-level but, annoyingly, slightly out of reach.

  “What did you do that for? I was just getting warmed up!”

  Devereux spoke slowly, his voice almost a growl. “Return her. Now.”

  I shook my head, plopped my ass onto the cold floor and sprawled, opening my legs to make sure he understood the offer. “No way. I’m out and I’m staying out. You can’t stand there with a hard-on the size of a giant redwood and tell me you don’t want to have some fun.”

  He smiled and bent down, his blood-soaked hair falling forward in clumps.

  Well, damn. That was easier than I expected. He wants me bad. “All right! Let’s do this!”

  Too fast to see, he hefted me up into his arms. “I said return her. Now.”

  “So, Rhett Butler, playing hard to get, eh? Well, have it your way.” I wiggled free of his grip, looped my arms around his neck and planted a wet kiss on his luscious mouth. Before he could dislodge me, I managed to chomp down on his lower lip, sucking hard on the small puncture I made.

  He swung me onto my feet and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the line of blood dripping from his lower lip. He glowered. “No. I will not help him strengthen his control. You will not taste my blood again.”

  I folded my arms across my breasts and pouted. “What’s a girl gotta do to have a good time around here? What kind of bad-ass vampire are you, anyway, afraid to share a little blood. It isn’t like you can’t just go out and get more. What’s the problem?”

  He leaned in, locking eyes with me. “Return. Her.” His voice vibrated dark and low. “Now.”

  I gasped as a wave of heat flowed through my body. Closing my eyes, I had a vision of Lust, walking naked, hips exaggeratedly swaying, through my inner landscape. She spoke over her shoulder. “Don’t even think this is over. I’m not finished with him. Ciao for now.” She laughed as she skulked off into the shadows.

  Forcing my lids open, I stared up into Devereux’s eyes.

  “Is it you?” he asked.

  For the first time in my life I didn’t know how to answer that question.

  I blinked, licking my dry lips. “That was awful — like being locked behind a glass wall in a soundproof room. Is this what it’s like to go insane?” I grasped the hand he offered.

  He held me close. “Are you all right?”

  “I don’t know how I am.” My arms circled his waist. “I’m pissed off that some ancient monster was able to splinter my brain and cause me to lose control. I’m terrified that I’ll never be myself again, and that things are only going to get worse, that I’ll lose everything about myself I value. I’m powerless, like a frightened five-year-old. I want to run and hide, but there’s nowhere he can’t find me.”

  Devereux tightened his embrace. “I will not let him have you. I swear it. Do you remember any of what happened?”

  I mumbled against his chest, “Every moment of it — but only as an observer. I didn’t get to experience anything directly.” I let go of him and stepped back, giving a weak smile. “I appreciate you saying no. It was strange watching her trying to seduce you. I know she’s me, but that aspect is usually mediated by the rest of the team. She’s raw. Primal. It really was like having my id run wild. I don’t even want to think about the kinds of professional and personal trouble she can cause.”

  “Is there anything you can explore as a therapist that might help you remain in control?”

  I shook my head absently. “I’m not aware of anything like this in the psych literature. This situation is so totally outside the realm of — well, wait a minute.” I paused, holding my index finger in the air. “I do remember reading a popular novel — what was the name of that book? Oh, yes, Sybil — about a multiple personality patient with one alter who was aware of everything. She was present, watching, remembering everything for all of them, while other aspects blacked out when they weren’t on center stage. Hypnosis was helpful in that case.” I walked in tight circles in the large bathroom, ideas sparking, speaking more to myself than to Devereux. “Maybe Ham could hypnotize me — oh no, wait, he’s out of town. Or Tom — he’s pretty good at it when he’s not being a pompous ass. What if the wild part is suggestible enough to be modified?”

  Devereux gently grasped my upper arm, freezing me in my tracks. His expression was both incredulous and concerned. “You want to entrust your mind to someone who wants to become a vampire so he can be a pornography star?”

  I raised my hand and patted his cheek. “I know you don’t have much use for Tom, but underneath all his narcissistic idiocy he is a talented clinician, and I’m willing to try anything that might keep Hallow from dragging me further into his psychotic hell.” Thinking about Hallow caused my body to contract in fear and tingle with excitement all at the same time. Frowning, I gazed up at my avenging knight. “What did he do to me? How could he possibly have caused this mind split?”

  Devereux shrugged in frustration. “He is incredibly powerful, and completely mad.” He touched my protective pentagram necklace. “As I mentioned earlier, I believe he was unable to take you over completely due to the power of the spells in this talisman, so instead of replacing your normal personality with a more uninhibited version as he did before, this time he could only give the primitive equal footing.”

  I didn’t think the footing was equal. I thought her feet were huge, and getting bigger.

  Chapter 18

  Devereux adjusted the water temperature in the luxurious dual shower while I tried to intuit whether my inner troublemaker was revving up for an encore. My body — our body? — was exhausted, and the last thing I wanted was to be pushed aside again while the Fellatio Queen forced herself on my man — er, vampire. Not to mention that thinking of myself in the third person was becoming too weird for my brain to deal with.

  He slid one panel all the way open in the expanse of etched glass. “Shall we?”

  When I hesitated, he raised an eyebrow in silent question.

  I pressed my palm against h
is chest, simply needing to touch. “Are you sure we should shower together? I don’t want to do anything to tempt her into reappearing. She lacks boundaries around men, and I’ve had enough surprises for one day.”

  “You are safe with me.” He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “I will give her no cause to overwhelm you. I have complete control over my body and its reactions.” I glanced down at his flaccid organ to find out if it believed what Devereux said about control and he smiled in reassurance. “Tonight is about comfort and safety. We have plenty of time for lovemaking after our current problems are dealt with. There are many other ways for me to express my love. Allow me to soothe you.”

  Even though he wasn’t supposed to be able to read my thoughts any more, I worried that my emotional upheaval had opened the door to my mind again, because everything he’d said was exactly what I needed to hear. If he truly was unable to read my thoughts, then he was much more perceptive and intuitive than I’d imagined.

  I stuck a hand in to test the warmth before stepping into the large enclosure and sighed with pleasure as the just-hot-enough water flowed down my body.

  Devereux joined me, closed the shower door and stood under the second stream.

  Wonderful aromas filled the air as he lathered his hair with shampoo, then smoothed the rich liquid soap over his body. The smells were earthy, spicy — his signature fragrance — and just inhaling the scents relaxed me. I enjoyed watching him run his hands over his hard-muscled, lean frame.

  I was fascinated by his lack of erection. Even as he washed his genitals, his penis didn’t so much as twitch. In all the time I’d known him, I couldn’t remember one instance where we’d been naked together and he’d remained unaroused. He smiled as he caught me checking.

  “I told you, I have complete control over every aspect of my body. Just as I am able to remain erect for long periods of time if I so desire, I am also able to choose not to rise to the occasion, so to speak. And now, if you will indulge me, I would very much like to wash your hair.”

  Oh, yeah. I love this part.

  He stepped behind me, reached for the bottle of my favorite shampoo and poured the thick gel into his hands. I moaned before he even touched me, remembering the last time he’d used his magic fingers to massage my scalp. Muscles I hadn’t even realized were tight started to relax and my jaw sagged. My head tipped back against his chest and he chuckled as he tilted it upright again.

  “Good. The tension is leaving your body.” He spread the lather through my hair before piling it into a soapy clump. His amazing thumbs pressed little circles toward the base of my skull and along the back of my neck, and when he focused on the area between my shoulder blades, I thought my bones would liquefy and spiral down the drain.

  “I’ll give you an hour to stop that,” I mumbled. Whatever he’d been doing with his fingers ceased and I groaned, thinking he’d misunderstood my comment. Sometimes modern humor sailed over his head. Then I smelled the scent of my own bath gel and realized he’d simply switched from my hair to my body. He smoothed the aromatic soap down my arms and onto my hands, massaging each finger. Ordinarily, that would have made me very happy, but I was still concerned about my uninvited visitor’s reaction.

  “You are tense again, and it does not take a mind reader to understand why.” Devereux twirled me and I automatically gazed up into his beautiful eyes. “While I cannot keep him out of your mind, I can use my magic skills to keep you in a state of pleasant relaxation. You will be completely aware, and totally in control of yourself, merely too comfortable to allow worries or memories to upset you. Would you like me to do that?”

  The idea was appealing, but I’d spent enough time under someone else’s control recently, and it made me doubt even Devereux’s intentions. “Just relaxation? And it would keep my wild companion at arm’s length? I could become a basket case again anytime I want to?”

  “I swear it. And, because I wish to ask you questions about the radio show host, the more calm and relaxed you can remain, the better.”

  My stomach tightened even thinking about my time at the amusement park. I stared harder into Devereux’s eyes, trying to discover any hidden agendas or ulterior motives, and when I found none, I said, “Okay, since even the thought of talking about that subject makes me nervous, and I don’t want to invite my alter ego to the discussion, go ahead: zap me.”

  He laughed. “That sounds like a word some of my young friends use to describe their victories or defeats with one computer game or another. No zapping. Perhaps I will simply ease you with an incantation. Much more appealing, yes?”

  I had to smile at that. “Yes. Much more appealing.”

  He muttered some odd-sounding words and before I could even wonder what his spell would do to me, my muscles surrendered and a delicious warmth spread along my skin. “Oh, you’re good. Very, very good.”

  His lips spread in a dazzling smile. “I have heard that before.”

  I intended to lift my hand to swat him for his cockiness, but that was way too much work. Instead, I moaned as he smoothed bath gel around my breasts and started heading lower. The touch of his hands on my breasts was wonderful, but for the first time I didn’t have the urge to jump him. He was right about my still being aware yet unconcerned. If he could bottle that spell, he’d make millions. Oh, wait. He already had millions.

  He rubbed the skin around my nipples with such tender dedication that I had to take a quick peek to see if any of his relaxed muscles had regained their tension. Nope, still soft and dangly.

  I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensation of his fingers sliding the gel on my body, and made whimpering noises as he briefly stroked a certain spot. Too bad I was so relaxed, because otherwise I’d have encouraged that finger to stay right where it was for just a few more seconds.

  “So, as I spread the soap over your skin, and you are safe and calm, you may tell me about the death of the radio host.” His mesmerizing voice sent warmth radiating down my spine.

  I opened my eyes and smiled at him. “That’s some pretty smooth hypnosis there, my night-walking guardian angel. Maybe I could just have you hypnotize me instead of Tom — your methods are certainly much more fun.”

  “I have had years of experience using my abilities and skills to create desired outcomes. I discovered early that using certain words and phrases in conjunction with the power of my vampiric voice was an elegant and effective tool. But while I would not choose Tom as my clinician of choice for any purpose I can conceive of, he might actually be better suited to your needs this time. After all, I have no psychological training and I am not willing to take chances with your well-being.” He spoke more nonsensical words and another wave of heat rushed through my body. “As you become even more relaxed, you may now share your recollections.”

  “Slick, Fabio, real slick.”

  The words poured out of me as he massaged my body with his talented hands, almost singing melodious phrases at sporadic intervals to enhance my relaxation. I told him everything I could remember about what happened after he left my townhouse: my discovery that I could move through thought, Maxie’s visit, my decision to go with her to the vampire staking, the creepy amusement park, the events inside the funhouse — including Carson’s murder, Tom’s unexpected arrival and pitiful tale, and waking up naked in my living room chair.

  It felt like I’d been talking for hours, but my skin hadn’t pruned, so we couldn’t have been in the shower for as long as I imagined. When I finally finished my tale and took a deep breath, I noticed Devereux had switched from smoothing on the soap to using a washcloth to wipe away the lathery remnants. I’d been so distracted and relaxed I hadn’t even noticed the difference.

  He discarded the cloth and held my face in his hands, his expression solemn. Love filled his beautiful eyes. “I am very sorry I did not comprehend the gravity of the situation. Even had you wanted to tell me about any of those experiences as they were happening, I was not available to you. I allowed myself to be distr
acted. I deeply and humbly apologize.”

  “Uh...” Well, damn. Losing the ability to speak while staring up at Devereux’s sublime face hadn’t happened for months. Before I got used to his outrageous good looks and powerful vampire vibe, and before the elders’ involvement, I frequently found myself reduced to monosyllables in his company. Maybe it was the mystical relaxation or the cumulative effect of all the metaphysical and preternatural madness, but the neurons in my brain refused to fire.

  He gave one of his slow blinks and the corners of his lips curled up. A mischievous angel. “Does that mean you accept my apology?”

  I mentally threw cold water on myself and quickly shook my head to clear the cobwebs. “Yes, of course — I just spaced out there for a moment. I must be more tired than I thought. I apologize, too.”

  “You have nothing to apologize for. Being under Hallow’s influence meant you had no choice about your actions. It is he who will be sorry.” He paused, staring out through the shower glass, as if he were listening to something. “We must dress and prepare for the rest of the evening. Our guests have arrived.”

  Guests? Immediately more alert, I pivoted to stare through the glass, expecting vampires to pop into the bathroom, but there was nothing but empty silence. I quickly washed the shampoo from my hair and added conditioner to tame the tangles.

  As soon as my hair was rinsed, Devereux slid the door open, stepped out and extended a hand. I frowned up at him. “Guests? You didn’t mention anything about guests. What’s going on — is this another ritual?” As adorable as Devereux was, his idea of acceptable activities often bordered on the absurd, and I didn’t think I was ready for another trip down the nightmare yellow brick road just yet.

  “I have invited some powerful vampires to assist me to raise power, both to protect this penthouse and your office, and to surround you. I also instructed Zoë to bring Dr. Radcliffe so that he can hypnotize you, if you still wish it. Perhaps it would be good for you to have an old friend near you.” He smiled. “A human friend, such as he is.”