Don't Break This Kiss (Top Shelf Romance Book 5)

by Jessica Hawkins

  Lola read it one more time before the screen went black. Bitch? Deserves? Her throat closed. Her hand had begun to shake. It was possible the text wasn’t about her at all, yet it was even more possible that it was—unless Beau was giving someone else what they deserved this morning, and Lola doubted that would be much better. Just moments ago she’d told herself to trust Beau, but that was already crumbling. She stood up in one jerky movement.

  Beau emerged from the closet. “Ready?” he asked, patting his pockets. “Oh, I left my phone—” He glanced up at Lola, who’d raised the phone in front of her with the screen toward him.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  Beau’s expression cleared as if he knew instantly. “Lola.” He held out his hands, either to placate or reach for her. “What did you see? What does it say?”

  “A text message from Brigitte.”

  He looked up at the ceiling, swallowed and exhaled. “No. You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

  She couldn’t breathe. Any doubt she’d had that the text wasn’t about her was gone. Lola gripped the phone until her knuckles were white. “What do I deserve? What plan?”

  He looked at her again. “Listen to me. If I tell you the truth like this, you won’t understand.” He put his hands palm to palm in front of him. “Trust me on this. Go home. Talk to Johnny. When you come back, I’ll explain everything.”

  That was the reverse of how she wanted to do things. She had everything on the line as she was about to throw nine years down the drain. “Do you honestly think I’m that stupid? Don’t tell me you’ll explain this after I uproot my life for you.”

  “You don’t want to hear the truth,” Beau said with warning. “You have to trust me here, Lola.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can’t?” he asked. “You put yourself in front of that gun for me tonight, and now you can’t trust me?”

  Her eyes darted over the floor. She’d done it without hesitation, and he’d protected her too. At least, she’d thought he had.

  But there was a plan.

  And it involved her.

  “There’s always a plan, Lola.”

  The text message was casual, as if it were nothing for Brigitte to call Lola a bitch to Beau—the man who was asking her to trust him. Her decision maker. The man who’d demanded her surrender and who’d received it. She was in his hands, and she trusted him, but in that text, Brigitte had a reason to believe Beau wasn’t on Lola’s side.

  “No,” she said. “Before I walk into my home with the intention to walk right back out, I need you to tell me exactly what Brigitte meant by that.”

  He took a threatening step toward her. “You aren’t the only one uprooting your life. You think this has been easy for me? Letting someone in who’s in love with another man?”

  “You shouldn’t have,” she said, her voice rising. “I didn’t ask you for that. I didn’t want any of this.”

  “And I wasn’t the one who was supposed to—” He stopped.

  “Supposed to what?” she asked after a silence, but he only stared at her. “Come on, Beau. Tell me what the plan was. Tell me what I was supposed to do that I didn’t.” She grit her teeth. “I did everything you asked. I fought you tooth and nail but I gave you what you wanted.”

  “Yes,” he said. “You did everything right.”

  “So what is it then?” She cocked her head. The longer he clung to the truth, the more Lola had to know. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to give it up easily, which meant she needed to go deeper. “Maybe it’s not what I didn’t do, but what I did.”

  His jaw set. “What do you mean?”

  “Power is a funny thing, isn’t it? Sometimes the one who thinks he holds it…doesn’t hold it at all.”

  He shook his head in warning, narrowing his darkened eyes on her. “Don’t.”

  “That’s it, isn’t it? You want to love me more than you want to control me, and it scares you. You’d let me have that power to keep me.”

  “Nobody has that over me,” he clipped.

  “Someone did tonight,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “That man could’ve taken everything from you with one bullet.”

  He stepped closer to her. “He didn’t, because we protected each other. We were in control. I’m still in control.”

  “That’s fine, Beau. Control isn’t what I want. I want truth. You can keep your ridiculous obsession with having it all.”

  “Ridiculous?” he asked, his nostrils flaring. “You think power comes over night? You think I decide? No. I fucking earned it. I’ve worked my ass off so people would respect me. So I could buy you expensive dresses and drive you around in a car people would literally kill to have. That man tonight—he could’ve killed you if he’d taken you out there, all for what I have.”

  “Who says I want any of that?” she countered, pushing back against his anger. “I could give a crap about your car or your empty lifestyle. Without it, you’re just you, and that scares you. I make you powerless.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” He charged forward, and she retreated until her legs hit the bed. He snatched the phone away, launching it against a wall as she flinched. His large shoulders moved up and down as he breathed hard. “I can’t believe I let you get to me like this again.”

  “Again—?”

  “You’re so righteous, aren’t you, Lola?” He towered over her. “You don’t need or want anything like the rest of us. You can’t be bought. Your pussy’s not for sale.”

  She flushed. He made her sound high and mighty for that, as if any other woman would’ve rolled over and given him what he wanted. She had nowhere to put her hands, so she covered her stomach.

  He laughed, and it was as hollow as his eyes. That emptiness was even more frightening than his indifference had been. “You were wrong. You said it couldn’t be done, but I did it. Me.”

  “What did you do?” she asked, dread softening her voice. Suddenly she didn’t want to challenge or push him—she just wanted him to be himself again.

  “Imagine this, Lola. Ten years ago, it’s the biggest moment of my life—what everything else has led up to. I’ve just signed a contract to sell one of the companies I practically killed myself to build. For years, I’ve denied myself everything for work—women, fun, sleep, life. It doesn’t matter, though, because it’s finally paid off. I’m going to be a multi-millionaire.

  “I want to celebrate,” he continued. “But I have no one. I’m alone. So I walk into a strip club looking for anybody, but I see this girl on stage with long, black hair and kitten ears on her head—furry black triangles. She looks over her shoulder and directly at me with the bluest eyes. She’s got this body men kill for and is wearing a fucking—are you still with me?” He gestured up and down at her. “It looks like a bikini made of goddamn diamonds. It’s so bright, it almost blinds me when the spotlight is on her. She’s the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen. I have to have her. Her.” He pointed into the distance. “That one. I pay for Cat Shoppe’s most expensive room. I pay to see her dance, for her attention. She gets so close to me that our legs touch, even though that isn’t allowed. She’s flirting. I tell her I need her—I’ll do anything, pay anything for her. I offer her a grand, but she shakes her head. Five grand. She just smiles. Ten thousand dollars. She looks me right in my eyes, bats her lashes like a little cunt and says—”

  “I’m not for sale,” Lola whispered.

  “That’s right,” he said. “But you were wrong, weren’t you?”

  Lola wavered on her legs, reaching back to steady herself on the mattress. She narrowed her eyes on him, recalling the young, handsome man from that night. “That was you at Cat Shoppe.” Her entire body shook. “You knew who I was on the sidewalk at Hey Joe?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why? Why are you doing this?”

  “You thought you were too good for money I broke my back to earn. Because you couldn’t give me that one fucking thing on the most important night of my lif
e. Because—” He faltered, leveling his eyes on her.

  For a brief second, he looked as pained as she felt. The whole thing was made even more shocking by the fact that there were depths to him she hadn’t even scratched.

  He’d earned that money so he would be enough. So nobody could turn him down or walk away from him, because in his eyes, everybody had a price. Perhaps he was right. She’d once thought she could never be bought, no matter the amount.

  “I hurt you,” she said, hating the break in her voice.

  The pained look vanished. “I promised myself nobody would ever make me feel that way again. There would be nothing my money couldn’t buy. And then there you were again out front of Hey Joe, just as beautiful as that night ten years ago. It was like no time had passed. And when you returned my tip and insisted there was no connection between us, I was just as weak.” He splayed his hands over his chest. “You’re the only person who does this to me, Lola. You’re a threat to everything I’ve worked for.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not a threat. I didn’t hurt you on purpose. You...you can’t do this.”

  “It’s done. I’ve proven anything can be bought. Today, I get back the power you took from me.”

  “I am not a thing to be overcome. I’m a person.” She clutched her throat. Her skin was burning. “If this were true, you would’ve told me after the first night.”

  “I tried, believe me.” He crossed his arms. “But you, so stubborn, had to go and say that buying someone’s body didn’t count. It had to be their heart.” He hesitated only a moment, but he’d gone too far down whatever path he was on. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, even as Lola’s heart broke right in front of him. “I was going to end it there, but you wanted to play. And as you know, I’m not one to turn down a challenge. She thinks her heart isn’t for sale? I’ll buy that too, I thought. You only have yourself to blame for loving me.”

  A challenge. That’s what this had been about. Conquering her, teaching her a lesson, winning a game. He’d been dropping hints along the way, most likely for his own amusement. “Fuck you,” she uttered. “You think my life is a game?”

  He uncrossed his arms and ran both hands along the bridge of his nose. “It was until it wasn’t. I realized tonight, with you in my arms, telling me you love me, how wrong I’ve been. But I promise you, from the first minute, I meant everything I said, Lola. I never lied about how I felt. I want you—”

  She scrambled back so fast when he reached for her that she landed on the bed. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me.”

  He grabbed the comforter on both sides of her and pulled it, sliding her back toward him. He jerked her to her feet by her biceps. “You want to test me? You’ll lose. Want to fucking run away from me? You can’t. Fight me all you want.” He kissed her hard. “Hurt me. I can take it. But you can’t outrun me. You’re strong, but you’re not strong enough to take me on. You might as well give in.”

  Her knees threatened to buckle. There was undiluted pain and frustration in his voice. He loved her, even if he couldn’t say it. She loved him. And she’d never wanted to hurt anyone worse in her life. She looked him in the eye and said, “I want my money.”

  It took a moment for anything to register on his face. His mouth parted. “Your money?”

  She had to fight not to look away from him. He’d hurt her, and words were all she had. She struggled to push him off. “That’s all you’re good for. All I am is my pussy and all you are is your money. So give it to me so I can go.”

  He tightened his grip. “That’s not true, and you know it. That isn’t what we are.”

  She dug deeper. Sank her claws into her pain. What he’d done deserved her worst. “Go buy some more people, and get the fuck out of my life. Build your empire and run it all by yourself. Alone. No matter how much money you spend, you will never have me, and you and I will never have what Johnny and I do.”

  He tilted his head with a jerk as if his lid were about to fly off. “Liar. Earlier you said—”

  “Earlier I was hysterical,” she spat. “I thought I was going to die. I don’t even know what I was saying. I love Johnny, and I just want to go home to him.”

  He raised his chin, looking down at her. His jaw worked back and forth as he breathed through his nose. He pushed her backward hard and stormed to the closet. Her chest stuttered viciously as if collapsing in on itself. She wanted to run away from him and to him in equal parts. She needed to believe in his arms around her, but every time he’d touched her, it was a lie. It was to get something from her—not just something, but the most valuable thing she had to give. Her heart.

  He reappeared with a brown package like the one he’d brought to her apartment the night before. “Here’s the other five hundred grand,” he said, tossing it. It landed with a heavy thump at her feet. “Now get the fuck out.”

  She only needed to be strong long enough to leave that presidential suite in one piece. The money was heavier than she expected, and she had to heave it from the floor into her arms. She walked right up to him, standing under his nose. “Coward. There’s a reason you had to have me that night and a reason you’re still thinking about me ten years later, and it wasn’t to win some stupid game.”

  “You’re probably right. And it’s the same reason you’re still standing here when I told you to leave.”

  She gripped the package until her fingers hurt. “You could’ve had me without the money,” she said. “You could’ve come back for me, but you were too scared to even try. Now you’ve lost me. I took your power, and that means you’ve lost your game.”

  He didn’t shy away from her anger. His green eyes fixed on her, the thick of the forest, the dark, inconceivable pit. He was a monster, but a beautiful one with his sharp, dimpled chin and mussed coffee-bean hair. If only, with his confession, he’d also been forced to shed the mask he’d used to lure her in.

  “You’re wrong. I haven’t lost anything,” he said. “Because I’m not the one who fell in love.”

  “Yes, you did. I want to hear you say it. You made me say it, you fucking coward. Now you say it.”

  “You will never hear me say it,” he said. “Get out.”

  He might as well have slapped her. She almost wished he had, because at least then she’d be able to feel her pain in a physical way, instead of as a gaping hole in her chest. “You can thank Brigitte for me. She saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life.”

  Lola left the suite. She had somewhere to be and not long now to get there.

  But she wasn’t finished with Beau. He’d committed the greatest crime there was—he’d played with love. And nobody should ever be able to get away with that.

  He’d made mistakes, thinking she hadn’t been paying attention, but she had. He’d exposed his weakness to her and handed her the weapon she needed.

  He survived on power—she would take it from him.

  He was in love with her—she would use that to do it.

  As she rode the elevator down to the ground floor, she made a decision. Somehow, some way, Beau would get what he deserved. She would break him too, and she’d do it without the mercy he’d tried to afford her. He’d hidden behind his money so long, he’d never let anyone close enough to hurt him. Except for her. She was there. She was certain that he loved her—and that he’d come to regret it.

  She wasn’t sure how.

  She wasn’t sure when.

  She only knew one thing.

  Beau Olivier would be sorry he’d ever laid eyes on her.

  Provocation

  Explicitly Yours 3

  Chapter 28

  Present day

  Lola’s heels clicked against the hallway’s hardwood floors like the countdown of a ticking time bomb. Windows lined one side, and the rising sun striped the opposite wall with sharp-cornered shadows. The house, square between the curves of the Hollywood Hills, was renowned for its modern design. But Lola didn’t see the appeal in a home that echoed her every move. To her, i
t was a shell—beautiful on the outside, hollow on the inside. Just like its owner.

  She crossed the foyer on her way to the kitchen. At the entryway table, under the garish Montgolfier chandelier, she stopped to center a vase of Calla lilies—amongst such perfection, the slightest flaw glared. She slid a flower out of the arrangement and dragged her fingertip up its stem, bending it nearly to the point of snapping. Even the house’s feminine touches were stiff. Lola had once loved Calla lilies, especially the purple-hearted ones like this that were edged in white. But she’d learned to be wary of anything that thrived in such barren surroundings.

  “You’re up early,” she heard from behind her.

  Lola replaced the flower, slipping it back into its spot, and turned around. Beau leaned in the doorway, his suit straight and sharp, a newspaper folded under his arm.

  She went to him. “I wanted to say good morning before you left.”

  He checked his watch. “By the skin of your teeth.”

  She smiled thinly. Beau was punctual. That was no surprise. But when she’d fantasized about spending a morning with him, it hadn’t been anything like this—scrounging for extra minutes. Not that it really mattered.

  She put slinky arms around his neck, drew his head down to hers. “Are you hungry? I can make you something quick.”

  “What do you think?” His voice deepened as he rested a hand on her lower back, at the base of her zipper. “I’m a man who hasn’t eaten in almost three weeks.”

  Lola lingered a moment, their mouths close, prolonging a kiss that wasn’t just a kiss. It was a sneak preview. A tease. A warning. She pressed her lips to his like a woman who didn’t want her boyfriend to walk out the door. Like a woman in love.

  When she pulled away, one corner of Beau’s mouth curved into a smile. “Wow. Careful, or I won’t be held responsible for breaking your rules.”