Don't Break This Kiss (Top Shelf Romance Book 5)

by Jessica Hawkins

  Soon, they were both covered in soapy water and dog kisses. Jasper stood still enough to be scrubbed down since all Arden had to do was ask. Apparently, the chasing was all part of the game the two loved, and Liam wasn’t going to complain. After all, he had his own quirks. Arden’s just seemed to revolve around her dog.

  By the time Jasper was partially dry and sunning himself on the patio, Liam was exhausted and drenched.

  “I can’t believe you do that on your own,” he said, still laughing.

  “Oh, my brothers usually help, or I call the groomer. Like I said, he loves that for some reason.” She shrugged, and Liam raised his brows. “I thought this would be a nice home date or something. I sort of suck at being romantic.”

  Something clenched in his belly at that, but he pushed it to the side. “Oh?”

  “Yeah, not the best idea, but your shirt is wet and stuck to your very sexy chest, so I think I’m winning.”

  Liam gave a pointed look to her pale peach shirt and her very thin bra with the outline of her nipples.

  “Yeah, pretty sure I’m the winner here.”

  Her nipples pebbled under his gaze, and he swallowed hard, adjusting himself under his wet jeans. That was probably going to leave a mark.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she whispered, her hands moving to cover her breasts.

  “I don’t know, kind of hard to stop with you looking all sexy and cute like that.”

  “Oh?” she asked, wiping a stray bubble from her cheek.

  “Yeah, oh.” He took a few steps toward her and cupped her face. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she breathed. “Thanks for your help.”

  “Any time, babe.” He leaned down, brushing his lips along hers. “Anytime.”

  And that was the truth. He’d actually had fun, and he couldn’t fight this pull towards her, this attraction. Arden made him smile, made him laugh.

  And considering everything that had been going on recently, she seemed to be precisely what he needed.

  He’d think about what that meant later. For now?

  For now, he had a wet and soapy Arden in his hands. What more did he need?

  Chapter 12

  “You know I have no idea what’s going on, right?” Arden asked, and Liam just snorted.

  He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and brought her closer to him, away from the other guys also seated at the bar.

  “I thought you knew basketball,” Liam said before kissing the top of her head.

  “Oh, I know basketball. As in I’ve been to a Denver Nuggets game or two. But I don’t actually know college ball.”

  The guys behind her sneered, laughing to themselves as they whispered. Liam glared. He was bigger than both of them, also older, but fuck them and the high horse they rode in on.

  “You probably shouldn’t scream that while we’re at a bar watching March Madness,” Liam said and then kissed her forehead. He kept kissing her. Couldn’t stop it. All he wanted to do was keep his mouth on her, but he knew that it was a compulsion, though one he could get used to. She was his distraction, his addiction. And that was fine. He had a feeling he was hers, as well. At least, he hoped he was. Her addiction anyway. Her distraction? He had to wonder if he was helping with that at all. But he wasn’t going to worry too much about it. Tonight was their sixth date—seventh if he counted the coffee date they had. And he would count it, mostly so he wouldn’t actually think that he had slept with Arden on their first date. Not that that was a bad thing, but he had a feeling she wasn’t too thrilled about that idea. So, their seventh date it was. However, now that they were sitting in a bar surrounded by a bunch of men and women who just wanted to watch college basketball, he had to wonder if he had made a mistake by coming here.

  “We could go,” Liam said quickly. “It’s not the end of the world.”

  She just rolled her eyes and kissed his chin. Then she leaned forward and took a sip of her Manhattan. Most people were drinking beers or martinis. They were having a sale or a special on vodka and whiskey that night, probably to get rid of some of the well. That was fine with Liam. He’d have his single beer, but with hard liquor on the table with a lot of the people, he knew they couldn’t stay for the whole night. March Madness got rowdy as it was. You didn’t need to add liquor to that fire.

  “I’m having fun. I just wanted to let you know that I don’t actually know the teams beyond like who Duke is.”

  “We don’t talk about Duke,” Liam said deadpan, and the guys at his side laughed.

  “Duke sucks,” one of the guys shouted.

  “Duke sucks!” The bar erupted, and Arden closed her eyes. “I see. Apparently, Duke sucks. Good to know. Cheers.” She held up her Manhattan and took another drink. Liam just smiled, taking a sip of his beer.

  “Well, I could help you with the whole idea of March Madness if that helps, but I don’t want to mansplain anything to you.”

  She chuffed, shaking her head. “You don’t mansplain. My brothers? They mansplain. Or rather they big-brother-splain. I don’t know if they actually do that to other women. Mostly just me.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure I do the same to Bristol, so it might be a brother thing.”

  “And a male thing. But that’s fine. I know about brackets, I just don’t know the back stories behind every single team to be able to pick who I want. Plus, it’s not like I know who’s supposed to be the Cinderella team or not.”

  “The Cinderella team isn’t just randomly picked and doesn’t always happen,” he said gently.

  “Well, it should. It’s always a nice story.”

  “It’s sort of why it’s the story. This year, though? It’s playing out like usual. The lower-seeded teams advancing.”

  And then he tapped his knuckles on the bar, aware that anyone listening was grinning at him.

  “Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”

  “Oh, I know all about jinxes and all that. I do watch football and hockey. I just watch more of the professional stuff, not the collegiate level. But I’m learning.” She held up her hands and looked around at the patrons of the bar that were somewhat paying attention to them now. “I promise. I’m learning. Just tell me who to root for, and I’ll do better research next time.”

  The guys lifted their glasses in cheers, and she grinned.

  Well, it seemed his Arden had a way with people. She’d already won them over. Just like she’d won him over. They sat at the bar for a bit longer, finishing up their shared wings and dip. Arden had one Manhattan and then switched to club soda with lime. He only had his one beer, and then joined her with the club soda. But when things got a little rowdy as the crowd favorite started to lose, Liam kept looking around, making sure Arden was safe.

  It shouldn’t have been this loud. But, apparently, one of the local fraternities had shown up, and it was getting a bit out of hand.

  They would have to leave soon, but from the way Arden kept wincing, he had a feeling it was going to be now.

  “You okay?”

  She nodded and then rubbed her arm. “I’m fine. Just people knocking into the back of us. I think I’m going to end up with some bruises.”

  He narrowed his eyes, fisting his hands on the bar. “What the fuck?”

  “I’m fine. It’s just…I think I’m about to flare, so I’m bruising a little easier than normal. I’m fine.”

  He swallowed hard, trying not to remember how in pain she had looked at the hospital when she’d had her last flare. He didn’t know enough about lupus. Didn’t know how to help. Didn’t know if he could help, and he was afraid that he couldn’t. But they could at least get out of there. “Let’s go.”

  She grimaced, rubbing her stomach. “Yeah. I’m not feeling too well. I’m sorry. I hate this.”

  He shook his head, nodded at the bartender as he left money for the rest of their bill on the counter, and then helped Arden off the barstool.

  “Come on, let’s go get you tucked into bed.”

  �
�I’m sorry,” she repeated. And then she said it again. And again. Even as they were driving towards her house, she just kept apologizing. But she was groaning, holding herself, and he was getting worried.

  “Arden. Don’t be sorry. Do I need to take you to the hospital?”

  He got off the highway and kept shooting glances at her, getting more worried by the minute.

  “It’s just life. It’s not too bad.” She grimaced then, and he cursed.

  “Not too bad? Look at you, Arden. You can barely sit up in the seat.”

  “I know. But this isn’t too bad. Really. It’s been worse. I probably shouldn’t have had the whiskey. Or the wings. And that just sucks. But don’t worry, I didn’t know I shouldn’t have had the liquor or the spicy food until I had it. It’s not like I can tell when something’s going to make my body freak out. If I did, I would avoid it all. Or at least try to. But, yeah, I think I’m about to flare, so I’m just going to go home. Okay? I’m so sorry we had to cut the night short.”

  “Don’t be sorry.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he pulled into her driveway. “It’s not your fucking fault.”

  “Yeah, but I mean…we’re still going home, aren’t we?”

  He sighed, turned off the engine, and then got out of the car. Before he could go and help her out, she was already wobbling out on her own and pushed him away as he tried to help.

  “For fuck’s sake, Arden, just let me help.” He knew he was acting irrationally, but he felt so helpless. He couldn’t help. And the way she kept pushing him away annoyed the fuck out of him.

  “I’ve got it, Liam. I always do.”

  “You don’t have to do everything on your own, Arden.”

  She opened the door as Jasper came out and rubbed his nose on her palm. She looked over her shoulder and gave Liam a sad smile. “I’ve gotten pretty good at it, Liam. Thanks for the date tonight. Sorry lupus struck again. I’ll see you later?”

  He gave her a tight nod, but he didn’t kiss her. He was afraid that even his touch would hurt her. He couldn’t let himself do that. Couldn’t allow himself to do anything except just walk away as she closed the door, taking herself and her dog away from him.

  She was hurting, and it was something that he couldn’t fix. He was afraid he’d never be able to figure out how to help her.

  And he didn’t know what to do about that. Didn’t know why his gut felt like he was making the wrong choice. That he was making another mistake.

  But he didn’t have the answers, so he got into his car and slowly rolled out of the driveway, wondering the entire time what exactly to do about Arden.

  Chapter 13

  Liam promised himself that he wasn’t going to murder his hero, but if Nash didn’t get back on outline and do what he was supposed to do, Liam would have to start a whole new series because he would kill every single person in the current one.

  Seriously, he might just burn his hero in effigy.

  Or maybe he would kill off Nash and just write Penny’s story. Penny was being silent, wasn’t doing anything, and that probably should have worried him. But since Nash was being such an idiot in his brain, Penny was a cool drink of water, a nice slice of relief in the hell that was Liam’s mind, even if she wasn’t being very active.

  Yeah, he had conversations with his characters in his head. So did every other writer he knew. Even the highly analytical ones who did everything by the book and adhered to outline and had character profiles where it was just pieces of data in a spreadsheet. They talked to their characters, even if they didn’t admit it.

  They couldn’t put the words to paper without them being filled in in their minds first.

  Or Liam was just losing his mind and procrastinating by worrying about the craft of writing rather than writing the book itself.

  His character was currently hiding behind a boulder as gunfire erupted, and a bomb went off, but instead of being concerned about what needed to happen next, Nash was worried about Penny. Not because Penny was in danger. No, Penny was just fine. She just wasn’t talking to Nash, just like she wasn’t talking to Liam.

  Instead, she had pushed Nash away and was walking away from everything, saying that she could do everything on her own and didn’t need anyone else.

  Yeah, Liam didn’t need a degree in psychology or even a therapy session to realize that he was literally putting his own life into this book.

  It had been four days since he had seen Arden in person, and he didn’t know what to think about that. Yeah, most of that was because he was on deadline and actually working, and it wasn’t like the two of them saw each other every day. But even their texts were few and far between, and she had said that she’d been sleepy more often than not.

  That concerned him. Hell, everything to do with Arden worried him these days.

  When he wasn’t working on his book, trying to throw himself into Nash and Penny’s world, he was looking up everything he could about lupus.

  Arden had given him the gist of it, but he had watched YouTube videos of firsthand accounts describing what they were going through. He had read article after article about misdiagnoses and exactly what killed people with lupus, and how the symptoms sometimes masked themselves as other things, and how most people ended up with more than one type of disease.

  How the hell had Arden survived this for her entire life? How did she skip around and smile and act like nothing was wrong? Most of the time, she looked like she was fine, that she wasn’t sick.

  But she was, and he didn’t know how to help her. The fact that he was putting this all on himself? Turning her disease around so it made him think about how he felt? That made him feel like a fucking asshole.

  But he hated that he couldn’t help her. Though maybe he could. Perhaps he could at least make things easier for her.

  She would just have to let him in so he could.

  That meant he needed to be willing to take the next step.

  Because Arden was only supposed to be a distraction.

  He had told himself that over and over again. And yet, even though it was true, and he was thinking about her and not the other shit in his life outside of his work, she wasn’t just a distraction anymore. And he didn’t know how he felt about that.

  Hence why Nash and Penny were giving him fits in his book.

  It was hard to jump into his own world of fiction and pretend that everything was fine and that he knew what he was doing when it wasn’t fine. Nothing was okay.

  He tried to write another hundred words, and then a page, and then he just quit. He had a feeling he was going to delete the last chapter he had written. None of it was salvageable.

  He didn’t know where Nash was going, and that worried him just as much as his own path worried him. Because he had plotted Nash’s story, he knew what needed to happen and what would come of it. He just didn’t know exactly what would happen at the end. Because he was at the precipice of something, a fork in the road regarding where Nash could go.

  Liam hadn’t made that decision yet.

  He’d have to soon.

  But not today.

  Instead, he sat back from his computer and pulled out his phone.

  He didn’t know if Arden was working today, though he knew she pretty much worked every day, just maybe not for a full eight hours if she wasn’t up to it.

  But he wanted to video chat with her. He hadn’t seen her face, and he wanted to see her. It just worried him that maybe she didn’t want to see him.

  “Get your head out of your ass and just call her.” He said the words to himself, but he knew he was losing his mind. At least when it came to Arden. And his family. And his work.

  Oh, good, it seemed he had everything settled in front of him. Or nothing. Whatever.

  He pressed Arden’s name on his call list, and waited for the phone to connect, looking at his own face in the screen as he waited for her to answer. He squinted, figuring that he probably should have shaved or at least washed his face so he didn�
�t look like someone on deadline or a person having a really shitty day. But…too late.

  Arden answered, and he could tell that she was in her bedroom, her head nestled on her pillow. The dark circles under her eyes were more vivid than he’d ever seen them.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked, his voice low.

  Arden tried to smile, but he noticed that it didn’t reach her eyes. Damn it. “No, I’m just lying down. Me and Jasper.” She moved the phone so it showed the front of her body under the blanket and Jasper nestled against her side, his big head nuzzled right under her breasts. The dog looked at the phone, and Liam swore he could see a pleading look in Jasper’s eyes. Begging for help? Or to go back to bed?

  Liam couldn’t even read Arden’s face, how was he supposed to read her dog’s?

  “So, you’re awake? Looks like you’re playing hooky and sleeping,” he said, trying to tease. Just attempting to make her smile. When had his life’s mission become making Arden smile? He didn’t know, but he was damn well going to find out. And he sure as shit was going to make her smile.

  “I’ve been working all day. My stuff’s actually on the other side of me in bed. Today was a work-in-bed day. Not the best for my body, but not the worst, either. I just got back from letting Jasper out into the back yard, and now he’s just hanging out with me in bed. Because he’s a good doggo, isn’t he?” She sing-songed the last part, and Liam watched her arm move. He figured she was petting Jasper’s head.

  “Has he gone out for a W-A-L-K?” he asked, holding back a smile at the fact that he spelled it out just like she did.

  Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No, not yet. But we can’t spell out the word either. He’s learned what it means.”

  Liam snorted but nodded.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “I’m okay. Feeling better. I know it doesn’t look it, but I am. We’re just hanging out here. How’s the book going? Or is that something I shouldn’t ask?”

  Liam leaned back in the chair and groaned. “Let’s not talk about the book. Ever.”