OtherSide Of Fear (Outside The Ropes #3)

by Ashley Claudy

  “…Stay. I’ll be quick.” His hands dropped away, and he jogged back to where Anthony and the other man lay dead, leaving me at the club entrance.

  I took a breath and followed, not caring what his instructions were. I needed to see what he was doing. I needed to figure out what he had done. He had his gun out as he went around the perimeter of the place, checking the office and back rooms. I stopped following and stood in the middle of the room, waiting, watching.

  He ended his search at the people he killed. He crouched beside the other man and checked his pockets, pulling the dead man’s phone out with a gloved hand.

  Did he always have those gloves on? That image hit me harder than the bodies on the ground, he had been prepared, and I knew nothing. He had truly betrayed me, but how far did it go?

  “Stay back.” Gage pointed to the blood soaked ground. “Watch where you step, you don’t want to leave prints.” He only flicked his eyes to me for a moment before refocusing on the screen. “He already told someone about Viktor, but I don’t see any messages mentioning us by name. Fuck, they probably already told who they were meeting though.”

  I couldn’t look at Gage. My eyes were stuck on Anthony. He had walked in here for me, but I led him to his death.

  “I hope they did.” I crossed my arms to keep still but then gave up trying, not seeing the point, and I went to Anthony’s side. I laid my hand on his chest but pulled back immediately. He was already stiff, chest inflated unnaturally. It didn’t feel like him. My vision blurred, tears filling my eyes beyond my control.

  Gage was pulling on my arm, but I resisted.

  “Get up. What are you doing?” He used both hands to lift me to my feet and turned me away from the scene.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I pushed at him, but he pulled me into him, restraining me in an embrace that use to give comfort but now only made me sick with anger.

  “Trying to keep us alive.” His arms held mine down as he pulled back and met my burning eyes with a look that gave me pause. Concern filled them, but it was the urgent, almost panic, spark in his gaze that froze me. “Calm down for one minute so I can put these phones back.”

  I didn’t move, and he dropped my arms.

  “Don’t touch anything. Stay here.” He stepped back slow, testing that I would listen.

  I twisted to watch him but kept my feet still. He slipped to the backroom for a quick moment and then returned, crouching beside Anthony. He hesitated with Anthony’s phone in his hand, and his eyes slid up to meet mine, his gaze icy as he looked at me.

  “He’s the one that set you up, not me. He was recording everything you said.” He held up the phone, but I couldn’t make out what was on the dark screen. He pressed some buttons and then wiped the screen on Anthony’s pants. “I cleared it. I hope that’s enough,” he spoke low as he slid the phone into Anthony’s pocket. “I would take it, but we don’t want anything connecting us to this.” He rose to his feet and his blue eyes pierced mine, determination making them sharp. “Let’s go.”

  I walked on my own so he wouldn’t pull me this time. I had to stand on my own, that’s the only thing I kept thinking. Nothing else made sense. I quickened my pace as he came next to me, not letting him touch me.

  We both pulled our hoods up as we stepped out of the doorway of the club into the chilling wind blowing dark clouds in.

  “Did you park on Connecticut?” He ducked his head against a gust and I nodded, mute.

  We walked in silence; cutting through warehouse parking lots and side alleys to get to the car.

  “I’ll drive.” He reached his hand out for the keys, his gloves no longer on.

  I handed them over, not wanting to drive. My world was spinning, and nothing seemed real.

  The moment I sat in the passenger seat, I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temple, trying to block out all my senses, needing all my energy to process and make sense of everything. But I couldn’t. Not on my own.

  “Why did you do it?” I asked Gage with a cracked voice. My throat like sandpaper.

  He flashed his eyes to me, pulling off the curb we were parked on. “Because I had to.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I pressed when it was clear he wasn’t saying anymore.

  “Tell you what?” He was close to shouting, voice sharp. “You honestly think I knew that was going to fucking happen?” He stopped in the middle of the empty street, throwing the shift into park and twisting in his seat to face me in one forceful movement. “That I sent you in there alone to tell him shit just so I could kill him?”

  Yes. I did. And the fire in his eyes didn’t look like he was sorry about any of it. He looked wild. Dangerous. Someone who would take whatever they wanted no matter who they hurt, including me.

  I leaned away as he came at me, but I couldn’t move quick enough. He gripped my shoulders, leaning into my space.

  “Think. Think for a moment. Why would I do that?” His eyes bounced over me, and his grip relaxed on my arms. He softened and deflated as he exhaled, and his hands slid over my shoulders and arms. “Babe, you’ve got to trust me.”

  I pushed off his touch. “No, I don’t. Not when you do things like this. You killed him.”

  His hands had hung in the air between us, but he curled them into fists now and pulled them back to his body. His muscles went rigid and jaw flexed under his skin. “Was I supposed to let him shoot me first? You saw that. He was going for his gun, his partner already had his gun out and on me.”

  The truth in his words cracked my anger a little, I wanted to reach through and believe in him.

  “But you came in there with your gun up.”

  “I saw that other guy sneak into the back, so I came through the front. But he had you cornered, and his hand kept fucking going to his pocket. I wasn’t taking any chances.” He ran his hand over his head, knocking off his hood and tugging at the ends of his hair. “It was them or us. And they might have fucking screwed us already.” He looked around the car, chest rising and falling as something built in him. A storm, the flash in his eyes was a warning. He directed it at me, his energy blowing down my defenses. “Why can’t you see it? I did this for you. For us. All of this. Everything I’ve done since I’ve got you back has been for you. And now this fucking plan has blown up, and I need you to—I just need you.”

  He broke first. His head dropped, and his hands reached for me, one grabbing my hand, the other my leg. “I need to know you’re here with me and not going to run.” His breathing strained, the tension in the air making it hard. The dark despair in his eyes stole my heart. “But I can see it in you. You’re going to jump the second I turn my back.”

  I shook my head, but I couldn’t deny what he said. “I just don’t understand what happened. Make me understand,” it was more of a demand than a request.

  “How can I, when I’m not sure either?” But he was speaking calmer now, and that helped to calm me. He watched his hand move absently on my leg. “I was walking up on the club like we discussed, but you weren’t out there.” The lines on his hand strained slightly, and I knew that had been my first mistake, even if he didn’t say it out loud. “I saw that guy slip into the back though, so I went to the front. I still have the keys for the place and was able to let myself in. I could hear you two talking, and he sounded angry, but when I saw he had you cornered, plus knowing he had some other asshole in the place, I had to put an end to it.”

  There was a strong thread of anger to his words, but he was trying to keep calm. His muscles strained, but his touch stayed soft on me. “Even then, I wasn’t planning on killing him. I wanted to question him and find out what the hell he was doing. I pulled my gun because he reached for something in his pocket. It was his phone so I took it. But it’s like I said before, we have to be prepared for anything, and when I pulled him to the other room and that guy put a gun to my head, I reacted.” He paused a moment before continuing, trying to read my reaction, but I ha
d none. Not yet. “It worked for our benefit that they both pulled their guns. I used Anthony’s to shoot his partner and pulled him in the line of that guy’s bullet before it could hit me. Only thing is, now we can’t ask them questions.”

  I let his story sink in and shaped my thoughts around it, wishing I hadn’t been so quick to accuse him. But I couldn’t stop being skeptical.

  “What about Viktor, did you know he was with the FBI?”

  “What?” He flinched back a little. “Viktor’s FBI? That’s not right. He’s some political lawyer or something, not FBI.”

  I shook my head. “Anthony said he was head council of the task force.”

  He sat back in the drivers seat and pulled out his phone, frowning at the screen. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out. There’s a lot we need to figure out right now. Let’s get home, okay?” He set his phone on the console and shifted the car to drive.

  Text messages popped up on the screen from different numbers. He kept glancing to it, and so did I.

  Tonight.

  10

  Subs

  I grabbed his hand before he could pick up the phone. “What does it mean?”

  Another text vibrated his phone, and I removed my hand to read it.

  Only You

  We both looked at each other then.

  “It means, we need to come up with a new plan fucking quick.” He stepped on the gas, forcing the car back to our condo as fast as possible.

  38: Against Everything

  I SAT ON THE EDGE OF OUR bed, my thoughts weighing me down, unsure if I was feeling everything too much or nothing at all. Every inch of skin tingled with nerves running through me like a current, but my heart wasn’t present, knocked out and empty.

  Gage pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to our bedroom floor.

  “We need to shower before we do anything. Come on.” His light eyes looked dark as he stretched his arm out to me. He was so close, I only had to lift my hand to place mine in his, but I didn’t move.

  His chest rose and fell a few times as he waited on me, and he looked like the same dangerously sexy man I fell in love with. It made me breathless to think about the truth of that danger, and that I had wanted it. I had wanted him. We may be able to wash off the blood, but it would still be there.

  “Regan,” his voice was low as he stepped towards me.

  I pulled back, not from him but from any contact. Even the idea of water from a shower touching me was too much. I was struggling to hold it together, and the slightest touch would shatter that.

  He jerked back, soft voice turned sharp. “You’re still mad at me? About him?”

  I dropped my eyes to the floor. Him, Anthony. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him now. I wanted to be angry. It was easier than being sad. But I wasn’t sure who to be angry with. Probably Anthony himself.

  “No,” I spoke without emotion and closed my eyes. “I’m just trying to think. Go get your shower.”

  His sigh was heavy, but I didn’t dare look up and meet his gaze. I knew the weight of the look that went with that sound.

  “I’m sorry.” His hands slipped to my waist, large but soft.

  I opened my eyes, and the sight of him on his knees in front of me pulled my sadness forward. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, hold him to me, breathe him in, take comfort in just being with him, but that felt like a weakness, like avoiding. I needed to be strong and face whatever was coming next. I tried to stand and step away, but he tightened his grip. My heart slammed back to life and the force of the beating destroyed me, breaking me. All my strength drained as tears escaped me, flowing down my cheek.

  “Stop.” He wrapped his arms around me, holding me in place. “Stop. I’m sorry about him. I’m sorry things are all fucked up, but now’s not the time to be angry with me or to pull away. Babe, we’re in this together.”

  I wiped the tears on my cheek, trying to get a hold of myself, but he pulled my hands away and rose to sit next to me. His arms kept me pressed to him. “It’ll work out if we stick together. We’ll get through this.”

  I sucked in a shaky breath, fighting down the tears he didn’t let me wipe away. “Do you think they know? Is that why they want to meet with you tonight?”

  He had told me it was Viktor who wanted to meet with him. That Viktor always set up meetings last minute and in code. But usually he had an idea of why.

  His grip relaxed since I had stopped struggling against him, but he kept me wrapped in his arms and dropped his head to rest on mine. “I don’t know.”

  I couldn’t see his face, but the strain in his voice strangled me, and I pressed into his warm, bare chest.

  “But damn, I don’t want you there tonight—”

  “No.” I pulled back. I would have stood, but his hands still gripped me. “You can’t do that. You just said we would do this together. I can handle this.” I swiped at my cheeks, wiping away the tears that showed my weakness. “I don’t mean to cry right now, I’m getting it together. I can handle this. I—”

  “Stop. Let me finish.” He pulled my hands down onto his lap, drawing me close at the same time. “Babe, there’s nothing wrong with your tears right now. It’s just us. This is when you can let it all out. It’s honest. That’s what I’m trying to be. Honest.” He dipped his head to capture my eyes, forcing me to look at him. Hear him.

  But I didn’t want to hear that I couldn’t go tonight. I didn’t want him going there alone, facing the danger I put him in. This was all my plan, all my fault.

  He lifted my chin so I’d look at him, and his thumb dragged over my slick cheek. “I don’t want you there tonight because I don’t know what to expect, and I want to keep you safe. But I don’t want to leave you behind either. Fuck, I always want to have a plan, and right now, I don’t have a fucking clue what to expect or what to plan for.” His other hand slid to the side of my face, fingers light on my skin, on my neck, my lips, in my hair. “Go ahead and cry, babe. I’ll be here for you. But I need you to be here for me. You’ve got me more scared than anything else.” His fingers slid into my hair, gripping me tighter as his words deepened. “I’m even fucking scared to step into that bathroom without you, scared that you’ll be gone when I get out.”

  I stilled, his words shredded me, stunning me. “I’m not going anywhere.” I slid my hands over his arms, getting close while still keeping eye contact. “But I am coming with you tonight. There’s no way I’m letting you go by yourself.”

  He nodded. “I’m trying to be honest with you, but it goes against everything in me to take you there tonight. If things go wrong…”

  “It’s better that we’re together if things go wrong.”

  He nodded and then leaned forward, placing a kiss on my lips. Too quick for me to respond to, but the warmth lingered there.

  “You’ll come tonight. Now let’s get ready and shower.” He pulled me with him as he stood up.

  On my feet, I tugged him back to face me. “I wouldn’t leave while you’re in the shower. I won’t run again.”

  He dropped his eyes, making me unsure if he believed me. Then he stepped forward and kissed me again, arms circling my waist and pulling me to his chest. His lips were light as they moved to open mine, and his fingers lifted the bottom of my shirt. He broke away to slide my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor.

  “I know,” his voice was deep, sultry. “But I still want you in the there with me. You hold me together. I need you. I need this.” He stepped towards me again, taking what he wanted. His lips covered mine. His hands pulled me to him and traveled over my hips and waist.

  I gave in and let him lift me off the ground, wrapping my arms and legs around him. Because I needed him too, especially on the edge of danger. We both needed the reassurance of each other. Of us.

  We undressed each other, hands claiming every inch of skin, making the most of the time we had left. The only thing we were guaranteed, the only thing th
at was certain— this moment. In his arms, with his moans, his touch brought madness and sanity.

  He turned on the shower but took me on the counter before we made it in. We were afire in the dark, and he burned away every doubt when he buried himself in me, sparking life into every cell. I struggled to meet each of his hard thrusts, but he kept me lifted to him, taking away my leverage to move myself. He owned me, my pleasure, my cries, they were all his. But he didn’t take, he gave. Each slam brought me higher and pulled me under until I was lost to myself. His lips clamped around my nipples, sucking till I couldn’t see, delirious with feeling.

  He lifted me from the counter, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me to his skin slick with sweat and steam. The quick shift and new angle pushed me over, and I held myself to him, clenching, wrapping my arms around his back, lips attached to his shoulder, biting as I screamed my pleasure. My body exploded, a million little pieces that were all his. And he kept going as I crashed over and over. He leaned me back on the counter, the cold stone a shock to my skin but only adding to the sensations that had me tingling from head to toe and beyond. His lips joined mine as he bent over me, shaking with his own release. His hands pulled my shoulders to keep me tight on him as the waves of our pleasure calmed and receded, leaving us in a haze of heartbeats and gasps that swirled in the steam around us.

  And this is what we were fighting for. Us. Because even in hell, we could find paradise with each other.

  ***

  The umbrella over our heads couldn’t keep us dry. The air was chilled and wet, the rain an icy mist. But I still preferred to stand in the cold than get into the limo that pulled up to the curb.

  Gage ushered me in before closing the umbrella behind us.

  I paused as I slid in. Cherry was the first thing I saw. She was sitting on the seat opposite me, against the divider separating us from the driver, and she smiled like a snake. I welcomed the burn of anger that rose in my chest, it gave me strength.

  I assumed the suit clad man next to her was Viktor. He was older, dark hair streaked with silver at the temple, but something about the way he held himself showed strength or maybe that was power.