Plowed

by Kristen Luciani

  Her scent wafted in the air around him. Something tropical, maybe coconut. It reminded him of his mother’s favorite lotion. The one she’d taken away forever, along with everything else. His stomach twisted.

  “Hey, I don’t know who was on the phone, but you don’t have to push me away. I want to help.” Her hand grazed his arm. Warmth flooded him, bringing comfort and protection from the ensuing pain. “Let me be there for you, Daxton. The weight of the world doesn’t need to rest on your shoulders alone.”

  He turned, meeting her questioning gaze. Her mere presence was so strong; his body couldn’t help gravitating toward it. There were so many conflicting emotions in her expression – confusion, worry, sadness, and hope. She trusted without evidence, had faith with no rationale. Why did she think he was worthy of her time and concern? His actions did nothing to convince her otherwise, but yet, here she was, offering herself, and looking for nothing in return. So unlike everyone else on this goddamned planet.

  “Okay,” he whispered. “But this isn’t for the press. This is just for you, understand?”

  Sara gripped the leather bucket seat, hoping the queasy sensation in her belly would finally settle. For the past twenty minutes, Daxton swerved his midnight blue Ferrari in and out of lanes on the freeway, en route to some unknown destination. He hadn’t divulged anything during the ride, and she’d spent the better part of that time biting off her nail polish, and the rest of the time praying for her life.

  She let out a shuddering breath when a large set of mirrored glass buildings came into view. The Houston Medical Center? Did this visit have something to do with his brother? What was so time-sensitive that it couldn’t wait until the following day?

  With one final maneuver, the car came to a screeching halt, right in front of the MD Anderson Cancer Center. The setting sun glowed over the pavilion glittering on the reflective windows. The buildings sat in the midst of a lush landscape of brightly colored flowers and shrubbery. But what would greet them beyond the entrance?

  “Sara.”

  “Yes?” Her voice was so soft, almost inaudible to herself.

  “I’m sorry for dragging you with me. I should have told you the circumstances, but I…” He let out a deep sigh. “…I guess I liked the idea of not being alone after all.”

  “Alone for what?” She fought the temptation to gnaw the loose cuticle on her thumb. “I’m here for you. You can tell me.”

  “There’s a little guy in there who’s in bad shape. My friend. His name is Luke. After Jase passed away, I kept coming to visit and help out with the kids. Luke and I became buddies. But he’s really sick, and they don’t know how much longer…” His eyes drifted to the building in front of them. “I need to be here for him.”

  She reached over and squeezed his hand, startled when he squeezed it back. Holy cow, did she not even realize what she’d done? “Let’s go see your friend.”

  They walked into the main building, passing the large, wood-paneled reception area. Daxton had a smile for everyone he passed. Gone was the brooding, tortured soul the tabloids spoke of; the guy the rest of the world thought they knew vanished. He stooped to give high-fives to the younger kids and cracked corny jokes for the older ones. And darn it, if he wasn’t just like the Pied Piper, collecting more and more kids as they made their way through mosaic-painted corridors toward Luke’s wing.

  A heavy-set nurse with kind eyes and a warm, welcoming smile greeted them when they entered. “It’s so good to see you, sweetie.” She pulled Daxton into her arms, gaze set on Sara. “Who’s this young lady? A fan?”

  He snickered. “Hardly. She’s my new publicist. Sara, say hi to Millie. She’s the backbone of this whole facility.”

  “Hi, it’s really nice to meet you.” It was hard not to smile. Millie was a ray of sunshine, exactly what these kids needed on a daily basis.

  “Likewise.” Millie grinned and nodded toward Daxton. “So, you’ve got your work cut out for you with this one, huh?”

  Sara giggled. “You know it.”

  “Dax, are you gonna sing for us tonight?” One of the little girls tugged his black leather jacket.

  He bent down and ruffled her long blonde ringlets. “Maybe a little later if it’s not too late. I need to go see Luke first, okay, Carly?”

  Carly beamed and she threw her arms around his neck. “Okay!”

  An excited squeal pierced the air as Daxton swung Carly around before setting her back on the floor. “Keep an eye on these guys for me in the meantime.”

  Carly gave him the thumbs-up and snuggled into Millie. “You’ve got it, Dax!” It was quite possibly one of the most adorable things Sara had ever seen.

  He laced his fingers with Sara’s. “Come on. We’ll be back later.”

  Sara’s sneakers squeaked on the polished tile floor, the only sound her body was capable of making since her brain and her mouth were suddenly at odds and simultaneously on strike. It was like all of the happiness in Daxton’s world resided here in this cluster of buildings, a place where every second, every smile, every encounter was treasured, because in a blink, it could all be gone. Forever. A cold and senseless reality lurked beyond the vibrant colors and cheerful décor.

  “Why do you give in to the grief, Daxton?” She tugged on his hand, unable to take another step until she’d spoken the words, the lump in her throat all but suffocating her. “Why do you let it consume you? The drinking, the women, the drugs…how can that provide you any comfort? This whole place…” She waved her arms around the empty corridor. “…the kids, the staff…they love you. You bring them happiness and comfort. How could you not focus on all of the good you can do for others? I’m sorry if that’s out of line, but—”

  He dropped her hand and collapsed against a wall that was full of brightly colored yellow sunflowers. “Sara, do you realize this is the one place where I can be myself? Where I’m actually happy, because I know, for even a little while, I can make the kids forget about the horrors that haunt them every day?”

  “But then why do you—”

  “I can’t be here all the time. Shit happens when I’m gone and it’s bad. Sometimes it’s easier to drown my thoughts instead of letting them eat me alive. For a little while, it doesn’t hurt as much when the phone calls come, and I hear I’ve lost another one of my friends. That I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes. God, watching him, hearing the pain in his voice…it felt like her heart was breaking in two. A slow, agonizing pain seeped into her chest. “Daxton, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t…I didn’t know.”

  He rested his head against the wall, a sad smile lifting his lips. “That’s why we’re here. Because my buddy, Luke, needs me.”

  Her heart thrummed with each step closer to Luke’s room. She was afraid it might burst by the time they made it inside. Prayers were on constant loop in her mind. Please let him be okay, please let him be pain-free, please let him be alive.

  “Dax!” A young boy with thinning blond hair was propped against a pile of pillows. An iPad sat on the table in front of him; some game with lots of characters shouting was open on the screen. A tired smile lit up his pale face. “You came.”

  “Of course I did. How could I not come to see my best pal?”

  “But what about the tour?” Luke’s voice was faint, tired, and breathless. Sara looked around the room. It was blue with soft yellow accents. No wires or machines lined the room. Just a bed, a laptop, lots of stuffed animals, and some super hero costumes. And Pez candy. Lots and lots of Pez.

  “I have a little time before we start up again.” Daxton pulled out an Iron Man Pez dispenser from the inside pocket of his jacket. “Here you go, bud.”

  When had he grabbed that? How had she missed it?

  Luke turned his head toward Sara. “Who’s that? She a groupie?”

  Daxton chuckled. “Dude, you’re nine. What do you know about groupies?”

  “That’s all you can say? Don
’t correct him or anything.” Sara rolled her eyes. “I’m Sara, his publicist. My job is to make sure everyone thinks he’s a good guy.”

  Luke’s brow furrowed. “But he’s already a good guy. So what do you get paid for?”

  “Smart kid.” Daxton pulled out a Nintendo DS game case and tossed it on the table. Santa Claus had nothing on this guy.

  “Wow, Super Mario 3D World! Thanks, Dax!”

  “Come on, let’s play. I’ll let you beat me.”

  Luke laughed. “You wish. I’m gonna wipe the floor with you.”

  Daxton poured some Gatorade into a cup and handed it to Luke. “You’re gonna need the energy to keep up with my lightning fast hand-eye coordination.”

  “If you play video games the way you type on your phone, I think I’ll be just fine.”

  “Ouch. That hurts, Luke.” Daxton clutched his heart. “I came all the way here so you could make fun of me?”

  “I’m your friend. And I’ve seen you take twenty minutes to type a password into my iPad. Don’t you want me to be honest with you? Or does the truth hurt?”

  “Dude! I’m insecure enough without you beating me into the ground.”

  Good God, this guy was making her melt faster than a box of chocolates sitting in the summer sun. Luke was animated, energized, and laughing, all because of Daxton. She pulled out her phone and snapped a couple of pictures to capture the pure joy on their faces. It was heartwarming…and heartbreaking at the same time.

  “Do you want a turn?” Daxton flashed his famous grin at Sara. “Are you feeling brave?”

  Sara laughed. “Nah, I’d prefer to watch you get your butt whipped by Luke.”

  “No faith. Ever think I’m letting him beat me?”

  “Nope. I think you’re in over your head.” She cocked an eyebrow. “Am I right or am I right, Luke?”

  Luke’s mouth was too full of Pez candies to answer, but the rapid head bob confirmed his agreement. “Mmm-hmm!”

  “I play to win. I don’t like to lose.” A flash of carnal hunger replaced the playfulness in Daxton’s gaze and it chipped away at her resolve. No, no, no… she couldn’t fall to pieces because of some semi-harmless suggestive language. Hold it together. Let him know you’re not giving away your hand.

  “Then start picking different opponents.” There. She maintained control. Good. She could crumble later – still wondering, still lusting, but also still whole. His words spoke volumes: play to win. Well, she wasn’t some damned trophy. Not for anyone. Not anymore.

  A few games later, Luke was crowned the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. His eyes grew heavier and heavier with each passing game, but man, the little guy was a trooper. After their last bout, he let out a loud yawn and settled into the pillows. “Thanks so much for the game, Dax. I’m really glad you came.”

  Daxton gave him a fist bump. “You’re the best, man. If you need anything, you call me, understand? I’ll be back. I promise.”

  Luke nodded. “Okay,” he whispered, his eyes fluttering closed.

  She backed out of the room, leaving Daxton alone to watch Luke for a few moments. Her presence had already been enough of an intrusion to their guys’ night activities. Would this be the last time Daxton saw Luke alive? It was a horrible question to acknowledge, but one that couldn’t be avoided under the circumstances.

  Moments later, Daxton walked out of the room. His face was tired, drawn, and concern etched his features. “Thanks for being here.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He let out a deep sigh and leaned against the wall. It was almost as if his body had resigned itself to the fact that it couldn’t rewrite the outcome of this chapter. “No. Definitely not okay.”

  “Daxton Cole. I heard you might be stopping by.” A low male voice from behind made Sara jump. An adult version of Luke joined them outside the room. Handsome man, blond hair, bright smile. But his eyes were troubled, exhausted, and sad…so very sad.

  “Keith, it’s good to see you. This is my friend, Sara.”

  “Hi.” A single pathetic word was all she could seem to utter, but what the heck else could she say? This man’s son was living out his final days. All she wanted to do was crawl into a ball and weep for Luke and his family, for the life Luke would never get to experience, for the sorrows his survivors would carry forever.

  “Thanks so much for coming. It means so much to him.”

  “Luke just fell asleep after a monster round of Super Mario. I also brought him some more Pez. You know they’re like his super hero vitamins.”

  Keith smiled. “You’ve been a great friend to him, Dax. We appreciate everything you’ve done.”

  Daxton clapped him on the back. “Call me if you need anything. Whenever, okay? I promise to get here as quickly as I can.”

  Keith nodded. “I will. Thank you both for being here.” He walked into the room with a final wave.

  They wandered back to the nurse’s area. It was quiet. None of the kids were in sight. “Bedtime.” Millie winked from behind the desk. “They need their rest so they can tear things up in the morning.”

  Sara smiled. Thank goodness these kids had someone like Millie watching over them. She was like their guardian angel on earth. “The kids are so lucky to have you.”

  “That’s very sweet. I hope we’ll see you again.” Millie gave her a quick hug, pausing to whisper, “Dax is a very special guy. Please take care of him, honey.”

  A sob rose in her chest, and it took everything she had to fight it from erupting. “I will.”

  Daxton hugged Millie. “Tell Carly I promise I’ll play for her next time.”

  “I will. Be safe, kids.”

  Silence descended as they walked to the parking lot. Sara pulled her denim jacket tight around her, shivering in the cool, crisp evening air.

  “Cold?” He slung an arm around her, pulling her close. His normal musky scent had been replaced by something different…more fresh and clean. Soapy. Delicious. Delectable enough to—oh, for Pete’s sake! It was amazing how just breathing him in could make her lose track of her sensibilities in a hot second.

  He opened the car door for her and she slid into the seat. There was so much that she wanted to say, but nothing that could bring him peace. Ironic that they had similar demons to battle – both so tortured by what they couldn’t change, both running from any degree of vulnerability because the risks were potentially too painful to accept. She nibbled on her thumbnail. The guy was unattainable, and she wasn’t in the market to be acquired anyway, so why was her pulse racing like a car doing laps in the Indy 500?

  “Hungry?”

  His gravelly voice sliced through her thoughts. “Not really.”

  “Feasting on your nails is better than a real meal?”

  “It’s a bad habit, I know.”

  “So why do it? Do you know how bad it is to swallow all that nail polish?”

  “It’s kind of a control thing.” She bit the inside of her lip and peered out the window at the cars whizzing past.

  “How so?”

  She let out a lingering breath. “Back in Grand Falls, I didn’t have the best relationship with my parents. They’re all about image. I always had to look a certain way, act a certain way, and wear my hair a certain way. It was maddening. My mom hated when I’d destroy a manicure before an event. So I kept doing it. It made me feel like I still had some control over myself.” She twisted her hands. “That probably sounds stupid, huh?”

  “No. I think we deal with our parents the best way we can. It’s not always ideal, but if it helps us keep our sanity, so be it.”

  “Did your parents visit the facility as much as you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about now?”

  “My dad is more concerned with resurrecting his career than anything else. And my mom took off after Jase died. I haven’t heard from her in a year.”

  “Daxton, I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugged. “It is what it is.”

  The remaining minut
es of the ride back to Daxton’s house were silent and thick with remorse. What kind of comforting words could she possibly offer when so many of her own unresolved issues shadowed her existence like a black cloud?

  He pulled up next to her car and turned off the engine. “Do you want to come inside?”

  Her chest tightened. “It’s late. I think I should go.”

  “Are you sure?” Even a lack of light couldn’t disguise the need in his eyes, but there was her screwed up life to consider, as well as the tour…and Eli. Besides, her new image didn’t change who she really was on the inside, and that girl wanted much more than what Daxton was capable of giving.

  She opened the door. “I’ll put my notes together and see you in a few days. We’ll talk then.” Within seconds, she was in her own car, chewing on her nails once again. His hold on her was too strong, and if left to succumb to her feelings, she might very well choke.

  SARA CLUTCHED HER FLIMSY BLACK shrug tightly around her as she watched the roadies piling equipment to load onto the tour buses. It was expensive as all hell and barely covered any exposed skin. She doubted a giant fleece pullover would have warmed her at that point, since it wasn’t the chill in the air frosting her insides. That moment in Daxton’s car, the moonlight casting a glow over his lust-filled expression when he’d asked her to stay, was on permanent loop in her mind, much like the fantasies bridging the gap until she’d see him again, which was imminent.

  Her jaw had dropped to the pavement when she saw the set of insanely huge buses they’d be boarding in a few short moments. Five-star luxury hotels on wheels, en route to Dallas, equipped with Lord only knew what to satisfy each band member’s wanton desires. And would she ever like to satisfy Daxton Cole.

  Oh crap. Was it really that impossible to conjure a single thought that didn’t involve her lapping him up like a dog at a water bowl on a hot summer day? Way too much tingling going on in areas that should be reserved for Eli. But watching Daxton croon into that microphone during their final show in Houston made her knees quiver. The way his hand squeezed it, imagining the warmth of his breath against it, the close proximity to his lips…oh hell, was she really fantasizing about being a microphone to get closer to him? Her emotionally troubled client?