Holding On To You

by Anne-Marie Hart

  'He kidnapped me, put a gun to my head and took me without my consent', Maddy says enraged by the forcefulness of his questioning, with tears blotting her eyes. 'Afterwards, he treated me politely and with care, but he's not my friend, and I never want to see him again. I hate him for what he did to me. I want my life back and I want you to catch him. Why would I want anything else? Please, put him in jail for what he has done to me.'

  Later, when Maddy has settled down and Frank has backed away, Garland asks her about why River left her with the money, confused by his seemingly contradictory motives.

  'Because he said he felt guilty for taking it from me. Wouldn't you?', Maddy says, looking him right in the eyes.

  Frank's far from happy, but he knows there's little point in grilling her like he would love to, because even if there is more to her story than she's letting on, it's likely enough that she doesn't know where he's gone, and he doesn't want to get another hard time from the press, for treating a former hostage as a current suspect.

  As far as he's concerned, and as much as he hates to admit it, the case is now closed for them, handed over to a different police force in an entirely different country, and completely out of his hands. It's not the outcome he wanted, but at least he has the hostage back, although no thanks to his own inept police force. There's nothing else they can do now. The little funding there was will come to an end, as the focus moves to other, more important cases. Garland will write it up, he'll drink a quart of scotch and everyone will move on and forget about it.

  Frank calls an end to the interview, some two hours after it starts, thanks Maddy for her time, tells her they'll be in touch if they need to and sends her for a routine medical check, firstly making sure she's alright in the nicest possible way he can ask, and she's sure she has said everything she wants to say to them. When she's gone, Frank's card in her pocket in case she remembers any relevant details, he turns to Garland and says bitterly,

  'What a complete fucking waste of time that all was.'

  'She's back', Garland says, genuinely tired from the work he's put in over the last two days to search for her.

  'And you believe what she said?'

  'I believe she doesn't know where he's gone', Garland says. 'The rest, I guess we don't have a choice on.'

  'Fucking bank robbers', Frank says, and drinks the dregs of coffee left in his enamel chipped mug, that have long since gone cold.

  After being given the all clear by the police medic, and an appointment for a more thorough check up two weeks from now, Maddy finds herself back at home in her empty flat, having been driven there by a friendly police office who introduced himself as Leighton Blake.

  She stands for a while in the living room, not doing anything but staring into the nothingness that surrounds her, and then makes her way into the kitchen, driven there by a gnawing hunger that catches her by surprise, and brings an immediate desire to eat.

  There, at the kitchen window, she's delighted to see the neighbourhood cat, pawing desperately at the glass. She immediately goes to the fridge, takes out the milk and opens up the back door, where she finds the meowing cat, snaking around her legs. She pours milk into the empty bowl that's already there, strokes the fluffy down of its neck and leaves the door open for when it's finished, so it can come inside.

  After that, Maddy eats whatever she can find in the fridge, and sits down. It's been a long and emotional two days, and with her belly full, Maddy can't help but fall asleep almost immediately, the cat on her lap for the first time, and the back door still open.

  Claudia puts the children to bed herself, explaining her husband's absence to them, while holding back tears, as something secret and important only he can do, which makes Connor and Miguel ask excitedly if he's a spy, and ends up with the two boys trying to shoot each other covertly from their positions in bed. She then sits down in the living room and waits, flicking from channel to channel all evening, watching as much of the news coverage as she can, desperate to hear something about her husband, until it finally peters out, along with almost all of her hope. She's been unable to get hold of him at all, he hasn't phoned her, and she fears the worst. She hasn't been able to bring herself to phone the police, and still can't, despite her promise to him that she would if he went through with his plan, but despite holding the phone for much of the evening in her hands, she can't let herself be responsible for breaking up her family, thinking that if it's going to happen at all, Javier needs to do it himself.

  It's 11pm when she hears the front door go. Javier makes his way into the living room, where Claudia is now standing up, half expecting to see a police officer ready to greet her. When she sees that it's him, her husband, the man that she loves, she rushes to him, and they embrace.

  'I'm sorry', Javier says, crying. 'I love you, I'm sorry.'

  'Don't worry', Claudia says, tears rolling out all over his shoulder. 'You're home now.'

  In the living room of the home they can barely afford, with their three beautiful children all sleeping soundly upstairs, Javier knows he's made the right decision.

  Two days later, when officer Garland gives up all hope of finding the man responsible for the bogus ransom demand, he retrieves the sports holdalls, hefts them back onto a waiting trolley, and wheels them to his car. Back at the station, he puts them both, still filled with phony paper cash, into the evidence room, in the unlikely event that they'll either be needed one day in court, or for a similar operation.

  After that, he pours himself a large coffee, because he still hasn't properly woken up, and files away the little information they've collected so far on River Woods, to be stored with the hundreds of other documents already gathering dust in the police archive rooms, of cases that have never been closed.

  With his desk cleaned, and the white board stripped down and put back where it belongs, he's ready to begin on whatever comes his way next. But before that, he's going to need a long nights sleep, and hopefully, if Frank will allow it, a decent, all morning lie-in.

  Epilogue

  The first week is the hardest. Maddy spends a long time staring into the distance, either at home or in her office at work, both of which take on a strange distant sensation for her. She often catches herself losing ten or fifteen minutes while she begins to think about what happened to her, and what she is planning to do next. Her home becomes somewhere to wait and to sleep, her office somewhere to avoid her home. Time drags so much it feels like it's not moving at all. There are journalists everywhere she goes, each one looking for a story and a picture. She does an exclusive interview with one channel, during which she tells them exactly what she told the police, denying all rumours that there was anything more to their brief interaction than that expected between a robber and a hostage. She holds firm, despite the questioning, resorting to tears if the interviewer ever goes too far.

  Other people connected to the story are found and interviewed and given their five minutes of fame, all of whom claim something other than that detailed by the police or Maddy. Sally Cannon presents herself to the police as the woman who could have caught the robber, a confession which brings her several minutes of TV time across several channels and newspapers, and ends up with her brother Hank's suspension from the police force, due to gross negligence.

  River's silver Lexus is found by the side of the road, three miles into Mexico, the day after he left it there. Maddy hears nothing from River, and the police have no idea where he is.

  Frank Giamatti moves onto a murder case, and Garland supports him, collecting details and interviewing witnesses.

  At work, Maddy is treated with something approaching reverence by her staff members. The first day back is the hardest, where the company make minimal effort, and put up a banner with 'Welcome Home Maddy', scrawled across it in barely legible handwriting. There are cakes and champagne, and Maddy thanks everyone for what they've done, before disappearing into her office, claiming the urgency of needing to catch up on what she's missed out on as an excuse fo
r her departure. Javier keeps as low a profile as he can.

  She speaks to her father briefly, calling him to have what will be the last conversation they'll ever have together. It is civil and formal, and when it's over, Maddy feels like she's done what he would have expected of her as his daughter. She is ready to move forward into the future, and away from the cold, lovelessness of her past.

  Finally the newspapers and the TV channels run out of story. Maddy becomes yesterday's news, and the city moves on, despite blood stains still marking the entrance to the bank, where Jack Peters and Carlos Mendez received their fatal gun shot wounds, and memories of that day stick fast in Fergal Murphy's head, where he still hasn't quite recovered well enough to return to work.

  Maddy takes another police medical check up, is visited by Leighton Blake as a formality, and after that is left to her own devices. The newspapers, having run the story with Maddy for almost two weeks, including their own profile on the quiet accountant who turned into a bank robber, digging up as much of River's past as they could, and a profile of her family, putting them all into a negative light, finally move onto other things.

  At the end of week two, Maddy, although still recognised in the street from time to time, is as anonymous as she was before it all happened. Sixteen days after seeing him for the last time, and feeling more desperately lonely than she ever has done in her life, she receives a call.

  'That you Princess?' comes River's voice from what sounds like the other side of the world.

  Maddy is ecstatic.

  'River?' she says, not quite believing it, tears already welling in her eyes.

  'Well who else is it going to be?' River says.

  Maddy laughs. It doesn't stop the tears falling, which she rubs away with the back of her hand.

  'Listen Madeleine, I can't talk for long. I just wanted to tell you I'm here and everything is going to plan. You didn't think I'd left you, did you?'

  'No', Maddy says, lying. 'I wasn't sure.'

  'Come on Maddy, I told you to be positive. Are you ok? I've been watching the news. You did good.'

  'Thank you', Maddy says. 'I'm ok. I miss you.'

  'Hell I miss you too, like you wouldn't believe. It's all blowing over now', River says. 'I reckon you'll be good to come in a couple more weeks like we already said. They'll check you still at the airport, big name like you flying south out of the country. You aint going to meet me in Mexico City, just in case. You'll fly there and then I'll get someone to pick you up.'

  'They know who you are', Maddy says.

  'Don't you worry about that. I got that all sorted. Just you make sure you get here. I've got to go. Two weeks from now Maddy, there's a flight on that Wednesday to Mexico City. Someone will be there to meet you. Ok?'

  'Ok', Maddy says.

  'Tell them you need a holiday. Book something at a resort by the sea, it doesn't matter if you end up there. As soon as you get to Mexico we'll make you disappear. You still want this Maddy?' River asks.

  'More than ever', Maddy says. 'It's so good to hear your voice. I need you. I've missed you so much.'

  'You know you've got me Madeleine Parker. You had me all along, you just didn't know it. I gotta go.'

  'Don't', Maddy says. 'Stay for a bit longer.'

  'You know if I stay, they might catch me,' River says.

  'They haven't caught you yet', Maddy says.

  'I can't argue with that', River says.

  There is a silence on the phone while they listen to each other breathing. Maddy lies down on the bed with the cell phone next to her ear.

  'Ok', Maddy says after she's had long enough. 'You can go now.'

  'I'll be here for you', River says. 'Two weeks today, I won't call again. Be safe Maddy.'

  'I'll be there', Maddy says, but he's already clicked off.

  Maddy becomes even more distant at work than usual. She begins to arrive late, leave early and take full days off. Eventually, at the end of week three, she calls a meeting with the heads of department that report directly into her. She tells them that this week will be her last, and she'll be leaving the interviewing of a replacement to her father.

  There are rumours of a nervous breakdown amongst the staff members. Everyone thinks Maddy is finally cracking up, and there are worries there may be another suicide attempt. Outwardly, Maddy is distant and pensive, inside, she is as calm as a river after a storm. As calm as her River.

  She sends a memo to her father about her immediate intention to leave the company, and her desire that he find a replacement. The reply is cordial and surprising. It says:

  A replacement will be found. Do something you enjoy. D.

  Maddy visits a number of travel agents. She expresses to them her wish to relax somewhere by the sea, preferably close by and out of this country. Options are offered, and she goes away to think. Later, she books herself onto the flight River told her to take, choosing a return ticket to America three weeks later, with no intention of ever using it, and through one of the travel agencies she visits, she books herself into a luxury hotel in a tourist resort by the beach, that she will never, ever see.

  Finally, she withdraws a large amount of her considerable fortune from the bank, intending to transfer the rest over when she has means to do it, taking just enough to not look suspicious for the amount of time she'll be in the country. The rest, close to two million dollars she has squirrelled away through inheritance, salary and stock options, she will arrange to be transferred as soon as she has been in the country long enough to give the intention she wants to stay, just in case the authorities are monitoring her as closely as she and River expect they might be.

  The Bulldog Frank Giamatti is reluctant to close the Madeleine Parker/River Woods case, but has no other viable option. He would love to put a bug on Maddy's phone, have someone follow her and detail her every move, but he just doesn't have the time, nor the funding, nor the permission from his superiors. His department has taken flack from the press after letting River escape, especially after it comes to light that information pertaining to the name and model of car River was driving, was available to them, several hours before River eventually crossed the border. For that Garland escapes punishment, but Midland Jenkins is given a two week suspension, followed by a demotion to junior officer, ending up working in partnership with Mark Edwards pounding the streets of Albuquerque on foot, and cleaning police cars at the station when they are done.

  It is because of this, and the petered out press attention, that both Maddy's resignation and her purchase of plane tickets goes unnoticed.

  She leaves her job, to a small leaving party held mostly in her absence, that rivals her welcome back party in terms of sheer lameness. She attends, gives a small speech, thanks everyone for their hard work at her company, endears herself to most of her staff members, cuts a figure much more humble that the one they remember before the incident happened, and disappears into the night before the party has even started, her bag filled with the small amount of personal belongings she wishes to take with her, the door to her office left unlocked, and the broken pencils, some two hundred and thirty two halves, deposited in the trash can.

  That night - Maddy's last night at work - everyone gets drunk on the booze the accounting team sneak through expenses. There is a strange mood amongst them all, of a kind of happiness tinged with sadness, and in the coming weeks, every single one of them notices an absence around the place, as though some important and well loved member of staff is no longer with them. How much they each miss her, surprises them all.

  Javier soldiers on. With Maddy's departure, he hopes for a promotion and a pay rise which doesn't come. He sees his boy getting sicker and sicker, without the help he needs, and every day he thinks about the moment he was on the way to the locker, when the news of Maddy's appearance came through, on the big TV screen in the sports bar on the station platform. That moment saved his life. His son may still be sick, and the rest of the family barely surviving on what little money he brings in,
but at least they are still together. He couldn't see it at the time, because he was blinded by the need to help his son, but had he taken those bags from the locker, there was no way he'd have gotten out of the station without getting caught. He knows that now, and as much as he hates it, he owes Maddy, the woman he was using as bait for blackmail, his life.

  Maddy opens her wardrobe drawers and puts everything she owns into big black plastic bags and takes them to the thrift store. She buys new outfits, new styles and new colours. These she packs into a suitcase with the very few personal possessions she owns, and with her home as sparse as it has always ever been, and all of her loose ends now tied up, there is nothing left for her to do, but wait.

  At the check-in desk, the airline representative recognises her name. She upgrades her to business class without question, and wishes her a pleasant journey, a little star struck at meeting someone she has seen on TV, albeit in a news story. A request by Frank Giamatti to have all of Maddy's travel monitored has gone unapproved by the Albuquerque police department, which means that when her passport is scanned and the information is added to the system, it goes no further than that. No one knows where she is going apart from River. Her father has kept himself out of her life, and he's just happy that she's back to lead it, in whichever way she wants to do so. Frank and Garland are busy on a new case, and everyone else at her job have said goodbye and never plan to see her again. The only thing Maddy feels bad about leaving behind is the only friend she ever really had in her life before River came along, and she doesn't even know his name. Unable to bring the cat with her, she has said goodbye in the only way she knows how, with a cuddle and a saucer filled to the brim with milk.

  She feels anxious on the flight. A month has passed since they saw each other last, and she hopes that what she is doing now won't turn into a mistake. She's left what little of a life she had behind her, with no intention ever to return. That's a big deal, and it begins to dawn on her on the way over. She has a small suitcase with her, much smaller than a lot of the other suitcases she sees people checking in, and she can hardly believe that her suitcase, and the future, whatever it may be, is all she has left in her life.