Pontypridd 07 - Spoils of War

by Catrin Collier

  ‘Lie like this for hours, just talking, which is why I thought it was a good idea to come down here. And please note we’re on different levels. I’m not in your bed but on it.’

  Feeling distinctly uneasy she had to make a conscious effort to keep her voice steady. ‘What sort of things did we talk about?’

  ‘Billy, what his future would be, and later, when you were pregnant, what Catrina would be like. You wanted another boy but I think only because you’d decided I did. I wanted a girl and I was so angry when I was conscripted a couple of weeks before she was born. But,’ he smiled wryly, ‘nowhere near as angry as you.’ He stroked her hair as he smiled at the memory. ‘And after we finished planning the children’s lives we’d start on our own. We never envisaged anything spectacular happening, just talked about what it would be like when the war was finally over and everything was back to normal so we could get on with family life – doing family things together – being happy.’

  ‘Like now.’

  ‘Our lives are hardly normal now, Di.’

  ‘No, I suppose they aren’t.’ Reassured, because he hadn’t tried to kiss her or make love to her, she dared to rest her hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating beneath her palm. ‘I do remember a few things that we haven’t talked about.’

  ‘Such as.’

  ‘Billy’s real father. That fight you had with Tony before my accident, it was because of me, wasn’t it?’

  ‘No, I was furious with him for being in our house and refusing to go when you asked him to. I wish to God I’d never laid a hand on him,’ he murmured fervently. ‘If I hadn’t you wouldn’t have gone through that window …’

  ‘He must feel awful about it.’

  ‘He! Tony! Are you insane? He could have killed you, Diana, and damned near did. The fact that you’re alive is solely down to Andrew and Bethan’s skill and their quick thinking. Have you any idea how close you came to dying?’ He snapped his fingers. ‘That close, and can you imagine what that was like for me, your mother and Billy? Catrina’s too young to know what went on but Billy isn’t. No matter how careful Megan and I were, he heard snatches of conversation no boy his age should, and he was petrified of losing you – so don’t come to me with any cock-eyed ideas of feeling sorry for my damned brother.’ He sat up furiously. Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, he reached for his cigarettes.

  ‘He’s still your brother, Ronnie.’

  ‘Not any more he isn’t.’

  ‘Ronnie, I could have died but I didn’t. Whatever happened that night, and I’m beginning to face up to the fact that I may never remember, can’t be worth bearing that kind of grudge.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  ‘I do, because I can’t understand why you married me knowing Billy was Tony’s son. Or did you know?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘I knew.’

  ‘I told you?’

  ‘Diana, we fell in love. You adored me.’ His tone was flippant but there was an underlying seriousness that sent her heart racing and the blood coursing headily through her veins.

  ‘And you,’ she tried to adopt his teasing tone, ‘did you adore me?’

  ‘Absolutely and completely, which is why I nearly went mad when you went through that window and probably would have if it hadn’t been for Billy and Catrina.’

  ‘Did I tell you about Billy before we got married?’

  ‘Long before.’

  ‘I remember Wyn saying it didn’t matter to him.’

  ‘And it didn’t – doesn’t – to me. No matter how many other children we have, and I hope there’ll be some, none of them could possibly be any more my son than Billy is.’

  ‘Some?’

  ‘One or two. I have no intention of following my parents’ example and having eleven. But all of that is in the future. For now,’ he rose from the bed, ‘you need to get your beauty sleep.’

  ‘Don’t leave just yet, Ronnie.’

  ‘And don’t do that to me.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Put temptation my way. I’ve lived like a monk for two and a half years. I can’t trust myself to stay here, alone in a bedroom with you, without things happening that the doctors have warned me to leave well alone for the time being.’ He kissed her lightly on the lips.

  ‘That’s another thing …’

  ‘You married Wyn because you were terrified of making love and you knew he’d never touch you. I changed your mind about lovemaking, Di, and I’m not ashamed to say, before we were married.’

  ‘I wish –’

  ‘Look at Catrina. If ever a child was conceived in love, it was that one, once I let you have your wicked way with me.’

  ‘You joke a lot.’

  ‘Only about serious things. You’ll get used to it again. And just so you know, it was you who came to my bed, not the other way round and, before I went away, you told me you’d never regretted it.’

  ‘I’m beginning to believe you.’

  ‘It wasn’t easy to find the patience to court you slowly, Di, but last time I did it the rewards went way beyond my expectations. I’ll find that same patience again if it kills me.’

  ‘Bethan told me I had quite a husband.’ She gripped his hand. ‘Thank you for wanting to pick up the pieces.’

  ‘We’ll put a few more in place tomorrow, but now,’ he smiled at her as he moved to the door, ‘I’d better go downstairs before your mother chases me out of here with a broom handle.’ He looked back at her. ‘We have a whole lot of tomorrows to be happy in, Diana, that I thought we weren’t going to have.’

  ‘And Tony?’

  ‘I’ll think about what you said. I can’t promise to do any more. But trust me, Di, we were happy and we will be again.’

  Leaving the breakfast dishes to Mrs Lane, Masha took one of the cinnamon sticks she’d found in a jar in the store cupboard and grated it over the biscuit dough she had rolled out on the kitchen table. Sorting through the cutters she’d discovered in a drawer, she studied them carefully. It had been so long since she had made biscuits. She had vague memories of the points of the star shape browning before the body of the biscuit and burning. Similarly the points of the half-moon. Eventually she settled on a round moon shape. Picking up the circular cutter she began punching biscuits, brushing them with a sugar glaze before lifting them carefully with a palette knife on to a greased baking tray.

  Charlie walked in, rolling down the sleeves of his shirt. ‘Easter biscuits? It’s not Easter yet, Masha,’ he smiled, kissing her withered cheek.

  ‘It will be soon, and you used to say they were the best things I made.’

  ‘They were.’

  ‘I hope your other son thinks so, and that policeman who went with Pasha to the park. He might like a biscuit and a cup of tea when they return.’

  ‘I’m sure he will. I won’t be long. I’m just going down to get Theo, I’ll be straight back.’ Shrugging his arms into his jacket, he suddenly realised it didn’t feel quite so loose on him. He was beginning to put on weight.

  ‘How many potatoes would you like me to do, Mr Raschenko?’

  ‘Enough for three adults and one child please, Mrs Lane.’ He bent and kissed the top of Masha’s head. ‘I love you, Masha,’ he murmured in Russian.

  ‘And this evening we’ll talk about going back home?’

  ‘Pasha and I promised, but not until after I take Theo back. ’Bye, Mrs Lane.’

  ‘Bye, Mr Raschenko. Oh, before you go, would you ask your wife if she’d like me to put those biscuits into the oven for her?’

  ‘Mrs Lane wants to know if the biscuits are ready for the oven, Masha,’ he asked in Russian.

  ‘Please, tell her they have to cook slowly. Very slowly indeed.’

  Charlie translated.

  ‘I’ll see to it, Mr Raschenko, don’t mind me asking but what’s in that sugar glaze? It smells wonderful and your wife seems to have made it from next to nothing.’

  ‘Ordinary sugar and water, Mrs Lane, with a
sprinkling of cinnamon.’

  ‘It looks good.’

  ‘You’ll see how good when you taste it.’ It had been over sixteen years since he had eaten Masha’s Easter biscuits and he could hardly wait.

  ‘God has been good to you, Tony. You have a very beautiful bride. You must be feeling proud.’

  ‘Yes, Father,’ Tony mumbled, not daring to look at Gabrielle.

  ‘I’ll see you both for instruction on Tuesday evening at seven, and we will start calling the banns next week.’

  ‘Thank you, Father.’

  Tony reflected that it was just as well his mother had stepped in to thank the priest, as Gabrielle appeared to be as dumbstruck as he was. Moving aside, he made room for the rest of the congregation to congratulate the father on the sermon he’d tactfully based on the theme of ‘reconciliation’ while his mother took Gabrielle back inside the church to light candles. He wondered whether he could reasonably plead pressing duty in the café to opt out of escorting his mother and Gabrielle home. He wouldn’t have even considered going to church that morning if Angelo hadn’t arrived at the café before six to roust him out of bed with strict orders from their mother that he attend eight o’clock Mass. The first person he’d seen as he’d approached the church at ten to eight was his mother, busily introducing Gabrielle to the priest and as many of the congregation as would acknowledge them.

  ‘Tony!’

  ‘Mama.’ He tried to look as though he’d been listening to every word she’d been saying.

  ‘I am going to Mrs Servini’s for coffee, her son will drive me home. You will walk Gabrielle back to the house?’

  ‘Yes, Mama.’

  ‘Tell Gina not to overcook the meat. It should come out of the oven at a quarter past twelve. I will be home to make the gravy.’

  ‘I’ll tell her.’ He held back from reminding her that Gina had cooked perfect Sunday dinners throughout the war in Danycoedcae Road without help from anyone. After Gabrielle had finished shaking hands again with every single person Father McNamara and his mother had introduced her to, Tony offered her his arm and led her away from the church down Broadway.

  ‘Do you want the banns called next week?’ he asked as soon as the crowd was safely behind them.

  ‘Do you?’ She glanced timorously up at him from beneath the brim of her hat. ‘After what I told you –’

  ‘I think I should be the one putting that question to you after all the appalling things I told you about myself,’ he interrupted.

  ‘Nothing you told me has stopped me from loving you, Tony. But I would understand it if you wanted me to go back to Germany.’

  ‘I don’t deserve you.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘Look, Gabrielle, I have some money. Not a lot, just my army gratuity and a few pounds I saved before the war. I was keeping it back to help us set up home. If you want to return to Germany you can have it.’

  ‘So you do want me to go back?’

  ‘No. I want you to stay here.’ To his amazement he realised he’d never meant anything quite so much in his life before.

  ‘To help your brother in the restaurant?’

  ‘To be my wife.’

  ‘In that case, perhaps we should call in and take another look at the rooms above the café on the way back to your mother’s house. Who knows, maybe I could make them even more comfortable than they already are.’

  He gripped the hand she’d tucked in the crook of his elbow. ‘Angelo said you must be mad to even consider marrying me.’

  ‘Perhaps I am mad – just a little bit.’ Her face fell serious. ‘We will be happy, Tony?’ It was a plea more than a question.

  ‘We will be happy,’ he replied, hoping that after everything she’d been through and everything he had put her through, she’d take his words as he had meant them – an absolute promise.

  The short walk between Tyfica Road and the Taff Street end of Penuel Lane was becoming familiar to Charlie. If it hadn’t been for thoughts of Alma and what she was suffering behind the brave face she’d adopted to conceal her feelings he might have almost enjoyed it. A single knock at the side door brought Mary down with Theo. The boy was holding a ball almost as big as himself.

  As Charlie lifted Theo on to his shoulders he glanced up. Alma was standing at the window, she moved back when she saw him looking at her but there had been time for him to read the expression in her eyes.

  ‘Mam says I’m going to meet your new wife and my big brother, Daddy. And that my big brother might teach me to play football if I ask nicely.’

  ‘You brought your ball in case.’

  ‘Mam bought it for me. She said I can leave it at your house so I’ll always have something to play with there.’

  ‘Won’t you miss it?’

  ‘No, Mam bought two and my brother can look after this one for me.’

  So like Alma, Charlie thought. She had promised him she would do all she could to bring Theo up to respect him and his new wife and had even included Peter.

  ‘Right after we’ve eaten some very special biscuits you and I and your brother Peter will go down the park to see who can teach who how to play football. But after all those games with Uncle Evan and Uncle Andrew I have a feeling that it is going to be you who teaches us.’

  ‘Please, come up to the house with me,’ Bethan begged as Alma drew away from the window. ‘We can get out that box of knitting patterns and –’

  ‘Thanks, Beth, I know you mean well but I really would prefer to stay here.’ Alma picked up a basketful of darning and carried it closer to her chair.

  ‘Theo won’t be back until seven. Mary’s coming with me to visit her sisters. I hate to think of you sitting here all alone.’

  ‘Alone sounds good after the madhouse of the shops all week.’

  ‘So you can think about Charlie.’

  ‘I can’t stop thinking about him, Beth. And I’m better off alone with my thoughts here than I would be making you, Andrew and the children miserable on my account. I know you want me to be angry with Charlie …’

  ‘Only because of what he’s putting you through. I can’t believe how insensitive he’s being. Asking you to allow him to take Theo to meet Masha.’

  ‘And Peter – don’t forget he’s Theo’s brother and probably the only one he’ll ever have. I saw him, Beth. You were right when you said he looks just like Charlie and Theo.’

  ‘He doesn’t behave like either of them.’

  ‘William was in here yesterday. He not only said Peter’s a genius with car engines but he has the making of a good bloke. And you know Will. Coming from him, that’s high praise.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what I think of Peter. I’m being overruled at every turn. Liza is convinced she’s in love with him.’

  ‘Surely she hardly knows him?’

  ‘I tried telling her that, she wouldn’t listen. She insists something happened between them the moment they looked into one another’s eyes. Along with love at first sight, there was even mention of the ballroom scene in Cinderella.’

  ‘It can happen that way, Beth.’

  ‘Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean Peter is right for her. He’s only sixteen – a child – and he’s different …’

  ‘If he is different from other sixteen-year-olds it’s because of the camps. You know what Charlie was like when he came back. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get close to him. It says something for Liza that she’s been able to reach Peter.’

  ‘It’s more likely he’s been able to reach her,’ Bethan retorted drily. ‘She’s already decided to tell Angelo that she can’t see him any more.’

  ‘I know I’m biased, but Peter is Charlie’s son and if he has half Charlie’s sense of duty and honour and a tenth of his capacity for love, Liza will be fine.’

  ‘How can you say that when Charlie has left you?’

  ‘Because he gave me the happiest years of my life, because he loved me and because he never lied to me. I have my memories and the knowledge that he st
ill loves Theo and me, and will care for us until the day he dies. I wouldn’t exchange those few years we shared for a lifetime with any other man.’

  ‘Don’t you ever think of him now, sitting night after night with Masha, living with her, sleeping in her bed – making love to her? If I cared for a man as much as you care for Charlie the thought would drive me crazy.’

  ‘She is his rightful wife.’

  ‘And old and weak before her time,’ Bethan murmured, unthinkingly.

  ‘Beth!’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. It’s just that you and Charlie belong together.’

  ‘And if Masha died tomorrow or thirty years from now he wouldn’t come back to me.’

  ‘You just said he loves you.’

  ‘He does and he has always been totally honest with me. When we met the guilt he felt over losing Masha had almost destroyed him. Even after searching all over Russia for her for four years he remained convinced that he had abandoned her. I tried to persuade him it wasn’t true but I never succeeded. When we married I knew that all he offered – all he could ever offer me – was the small part of him that wasn’t Masha’s. I realised that, yet I grasped it because I loved him and I didn’t want to live without him. But when Huw broke the news that Masha was alive I had no choice but to accept that it was over between us. Charlie belongs to Masha, has always belonged to her. All I was able to do was borrow him for a while. And for that I’m grateful. So, please,’ she turned to Bethan, ‘don’t feel sorry for me, or wish Masha anywhere but well and in Charlie’s house because he gave me more happiness than any woman has a right to expect.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘I have Theo, the business, my memories.’

  ‘And the future?’

  ‘That is my future, Beth. Please, accept it, because I have.’

  ‘Liza!’ Angelo beamed at her as she walked into the café. ‘I thought you weren’t off again until Thursday.’

  ‘I changed with one of the other girls.’ She didn’t tell him that the short notice coupled with it being a Sunday had cost her two extra shifts. ‘I was hoping you’d be here.’

  ‘Unfortunately, for the day, but I can get the cook to take over for an hour.’