Managing Expectations

by Erin R Flynn

  Best plan ever for me.

  And the food we ate was some of the tastiest hole-in-the-wall local food we’d sampled. We were stoked to be able to genuinely promote and rave about the places.

  But then it was time to take that walk with Craftsman and we had a gorgeous sunset to enjoy as we did.

  “My mum didn’t want to make it a big deal, and I didn’t even know she knew about us until we were apart,” he started as he took my hand in his. “But now we’ve been back for a bit, in her view, as she clearly doesn’t know all the details and—I don’t tell her much.”

  I nodded, understanding he meant she didn’t know we weren’t back to solid footing or… Yeah, if he’d told his mom whether we were sleeping together or not, I would kill him super dead.

  “She thought over break would be nice since we’re spending break together again and you’re friends with Mrs. Vogel—”

  I stopped and turned towards him. “You told her what we learned?”

  He sighed and moved in front of me. “No, I didn’t tell her you did the fairy way of confirming we’re mates. I think she suspected we were with how torn up I was when we were apart, more than I simply loved you. She caught something or—my mum is talented with auras as well and she’s my mum. She has that uncanny mum sense of knowing things.”

  I couldn’t comment on that. I’d only had crappy foster parents. My only remotely close relationship like that was with White and after thinking how often she seemed to know what I was thinking before I even hinted at anything, I could totally see what Craftsman was saying.

  “But she likes me, right?”

  “Yes, very much, but—”

  “No. No, there shouldn’t be a but there then,” I grumbled, going to step around him.

  He chuckled as he tugged on my arm so I turned and slid on the sand to fall against him. He caught me around the waist and brushed his lips over mine. “You’re right. No but. She likes you.”

  “But?” I sighed.

  “She’s concerned about what she now knows about your future given we’re mates.” He shook his head when I tried to pull away. “She simply wants to get to know you better, love. She’s scared for you, for us. You don’t have parents, and all these people will try to pressure you, control you, and that will hurt us. She’s glad you like and trust Queen Sasha but…”

  I managed not to sigh again. “But?”

  “She’s a queen and will not blink at you accepting your role. Mum is from the real world. Even Lucca’s mum is mated to an Alpha. Mum is a regular witch who was from an upper-middle-class family. My parents fell in love and were allowed to mate because they could meld magic, and she’s shockingly powerful for not being elite born, according to the main family.”

  I bit back a smile. “And according to your mother?”

  “She could give a bloody fuck what those gits wanted and they could sod off after my father caught her fancy. He knew how to play the game and get what he wanted but then…”

  I could feel his pain as if it was my own when we were so close and laying things out. “They had you, a savant, and the light was back on you guys.”

  “Yeah.” He swallowed loudly and looked out at the ocean. “They lost their peace having me.”

  “Oh, I’m sure that was going to happen no matter what sort of kid they had,” I drawled. “I’ve heard from lots of parents that peace always goes out the window once kids get involved. I’m sure they were thrilled to have a savant instead of the village idiot they had to hide and not allow around glue.”

  He blinked at me before throwing his head back and laughing. “That was so offensive on so many levels.”

  “I know, but it made you snap out of your totally stupid guilt, and you know I would never really judge a munchkin who had issues.”

  “No, you always go right for…” He frowned, clearly forgetting the name but I nodded, knowing who he meant.

  One of the hobgoblins who worked at the bakery had a little boy that was a bit intellectually challenged. I didn’t know if hobgoblins tested kids or how that worked with magic, but I was shocked to find the kiddo was seven and not three. It was clear everyone knew, and the child was still accepted and loved, so that was all that mattered to me.

  And Craftsman was right that I always went to give him hugs first. The groups and crowds seemed to fluster him, but he could focus on me as a fairy and my happy, so I always made sure to do that and help.

  Plus, he was totes adorbs and I wanted to gobble him up.

  I pulled him to keep going, wanting to enjoy the night as we walked. “So just dinner here?”

  “Yes.”

  I wasn’t ready for that given how we were. I wasn’t… There was too much already going on and pressure on me. I agreed to take the week to chill because I truly needed it and knew my stress was crazy high.

  And what had happened tonight wasn’t going to go away. Adding to it right then was stupid.

  “Could we include her in our sampling fun and maybe have solo dessert by the pool for like the terrifying hang with my lover’s mom thing? I’m kinda not sure I can handle more right now, Julian, and for my first time.”

  He didn’t reply right away. “Do you not like her where you can’t have dinner with just us?”

  “No, I like her. I just can’t risk something else blowing up right now. She’s your mother. I was friends with Mrs. Vogel before I was Hudson’s mate to her. She’s even been pushy with me about our relationship and what I’m going to do about being heir and all of that. I don’t do well being cornered or—I want to err on the side of it going well. I’m trying to do things better. I’m trying.”

  “You mean you’re trying when you want to run,” he muttered. “I’m trying not to get upset you want to run at the idea of having dinner with my mum, Tamsin.”

  I yanked my hand away before I even realized it, making him frown even more. I ignored it and walked faster, hugging myself. I opened my mouth to apologize but then closed it.

  He was being stupid. He’d been nervous to bring this up for a valid reason so why was he acting like this when I’d been chill and meeting him more than halfway? This was new and scary for me, mostly because we weren’t on firm footing. I’d barely taken him back. Fine, at the start of the semester, but it wasn’t like with all the crazy or being so busy at school we’d had a chance to spend tons of time together.

  “We don’t have to do it,” he muttered when we were a good ways away from the cottage. “You don’t want to. You shouldn’t push yourself if it scares you.”

  “It’s always going to scare me no matter whose mom it is,” I argued. “I’ve never done it. And I didn’t say I wanted to. I just—why can’t we do my idea? Why does it have to be—your mom seemed cool enough for something chill like that. You seem to be the one with some idea of how this should go and—”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m sorry,” he whispered, grabbing my arm and stopped me. “I’m sorry, love. It’s—a chill time is great. We can do it however you want.”

  I swallowed the need to scream in frustration. Ever since we’d gotten back together he’d been doing this, caving on anything I’d said or suggested as if terrified I would dump him. It was what I wanted all day, every day, and it was annoying me.

  I know, poor me getting my way but… It was over the top.

  For one, I wasn’t a demanding person. Right then was a perfect example. I was meeting him halfway, more than. Why couldn’t she also see how things were with the other men I was involved with? One would think she would want to given the situation her son was in?

  Two, the guilt I kept feeling that I was abusing Julian was eating at me like an ulcer.

  Three, I didn’t want a relationship like that. I didn’t want to date a drone bee who did whatever I said or wanted. That wasn’t a relationship. Sure, I didn’t want to be with someone who bossed me all around or was too much either but… Wasn’t a relationship supposed to be a partnership?

  What I had with Craftsman wasn’t
anymore, and I was having trouble letting him back in because of it. Hell, I was having trouble—I still missed him. I had him and he was still gone. It hurt as much as when he was drifting. He was around as much as he could be, always focused on me, and completely attentive.

  But he wasn’t my Craftsman about ninety percent of the time; instead this careful, walking on glass man who agreed to anything I said or wanted. How was that healthy for him? For either of us?

  I opened my mouth to ask him if he was even happy being with me but chickened out. “No, let’s have a dinner with the three of us. Izzy can handle the sampling thing with—”

  “No, it’s fine. Really. We had plans for this whole break. I didn’t think of that. I’ll tell mum that and we’ll do a fun dessert at the pool. It will be great.” He glanced around and moved his arm over my shoulders. “Let’s head back. We went further than I thought with only a couple of guards and who knows who might be checking out the resort for you.”

  I nodded. I didn’t bother trying to argue.

  He would simply cave the other way.

  We got a few worried glances when we arrived back, but everyone leaving it alone otherwise which I appreciated. Especially since Izzy was so excited to start the binging we had planned for break. I would have agreed to anything she wanted, she’d been so excited, but when she mentioned Buffy the Vampire Slayer, all of us were up for watching at least the first season.

  Until we were four episodes in that night.

  “Um, does anyone else find this sexist?” Hudson asked, his tone uncomfortable.

  “Yes,” Izzy chuckled, and not the good kind. “I shouldn’t be so shocked, but my mom complained so often about this show and how it was all women’s lib propaganda and…” She tried to smother a laugh and instead snorted in a way that seemed painful, fanning her face. “This is what my mom thought was so fucking crazy?”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Wow, she must really hate me. A girl—a sixteen-year-old is ordered around by a middle aged man and a whole council of old guys to do whatever they want and that’s just—I was a whole nineteen when I told the school board and all the councils to go fuck themselves. And why is she always apologizing? She apologizes for everything.”

  “It’s disturbing,” Lucca muttered rubbing his hand over his head. “All the stereotypes are. The smart girl is super geeky and so innocent that it’s a joke. Every popular person is mean and—”

  “That’s an overall stereotype,” I countered to be fair but then smirked at him. “One Artemis proves pretty well.” I winked at him and Hudson when they shot me dry looks but Darby snorted.

  “That is fair, and ignoring how they portray witches, werewolves, and vampire, if one more guy tells her she’s gotta be protected because she’s a girl, I’m gonna be sick,” Izzy grumbled. “And yeah, the apologizing constantly for being stronger or better is grating my nerves.”

  “The guys just need to get better,” I drawled. “And I’m sorry, there are lots of human women that kick ass and don’t have super slayer powers or are a fairies.” I gestured to Izzy. “She has no extra physical powers as a witch and after a year and a half of training, she’s kicking ass and taking names no matter how compact she is. This is just—”

  “How things were,” Zack muttered from the corner, finding the view out the window interesting. “I remember when these came out originally and lots of women loved it. It was Must See TV and all of that. It did push things forward and in the LGBTQ community as well.”

  “It’s true. In some ways, the world has gone backwards but in others, there’s been a lot of progress in the last twenty years,” Ray added. He rubbed his neck, snorting. “I remember hearing a human woman I knew bitch about the fight to have women on active duty or that bullshit that too much physical activity could make a woman infertile.”

  “I’d forgotten about that,” Zack sighed. “Yeah, that was a thing in the 80s and 90s. Some big push about how women doing too much working out or playing sports would mess up their ability to have kids.” He gave me a soft look. “But there were a lot of women who fought. They pushed harder and harder against the bullshit just like you do. And they made the progress you enjoy to be able to look at this show like it’s outdated.”

  Ray gave me a wink. “So you can’t see it now but one day, a whole generation of supes your age will sit around and think it’s crazy that you had to go through what you did, that anyone ever accepted it. I know you fight for everyone you help today, but the picture is so much bigger than that, kiddo. You’re changing the future for those not even born yet.”

  “And we’re crazy proud of you because of that and to be a part of it.”

  I flushed so hot, I could have boiled water on my cheeks, but it made me ridiculously humble that they felt that way about me. It was nice to be that appreciated instead of picked on and torn apart from people on the outside.

  We still decided to change the plan for the binging marathon, but it was fun to try new things and agreed to check out other older shows on breaks.

  6

  “So what role will Julian have after you name him a consort?” Mrs. Craftsman asked me once all the pleasantries were over and we sat down with everyone for dinner. “There’s never been a fairy queen with a named mate that wasn’t a fairy, so he’ll be a consort at most and—”

  “Mum, please,” Julian cut in, blinking at her in shock.

  But I’d been ready for it, her thoughts racing since she’d walked in to the point I’d had to shut off my telepathy or risk any chance of liking the woman after getting to know her better. I glanced between them, willing to let him handle this.

  Hoping he would actually.

  I did have one thing to interject before he did, glancing at one of the Light Guardians. “Is that true?”

  The guy looked like he didn’t want to answer but then slowly nodded. “From what I know, Your Highness. It’s not a rule or our ways, but I’ve never heard of a queen of either realm naming a non-fairy mate.” He shot Mrs. Craftsman an unfriendly look. “The last several queens have found their fated mates who were fairies. That’s also worth noting, and fairies aren’t known for being—”

  “Yes, of course, you’re right,” she agreed before he could finish. “They’re very accepting. I apologize.”

  Which she said to him.

  To me she said, “You didn’t know that?”

  Lovely.

  “There’s lots I don’t know,” I answered with the best smile I could muster.

  “Mum, please, just—” Julian tried again.

  “It won’t be acceptable for him to work and he loves his job,” she said to me, glancing at him and doing a double take when Julian couldn’t hide his shock. “Do you think they’ll let you continue being a professor at Artemis when you’re a mate to the queen of the light realm? Don’t be daft, Julian. Your children also won’t take your name. They won’t be Craftsmans.”

  “I would think you of all people wouldn’t have a problem with that given how much trouble that name has caused you,” I muttered, not hiding my disappointment at where the night was headed.

  “Fair,” she conceded. “But it was also his father’s name and a part of who my son is.”

  “It’s just a name, and I’d rather name a child after Julian’s father than worry over a damn surname when there’s more important things in life,” I said, wishing once again that I was old enough to drink.

  “You would do that?” She pushed, frowning at me when I shrugged. Julian and I were so far from the kids talk that it was stupid to even discuss this. “Do you even know what name you’re agreeing to?”

  “I would consider doing that as we’re not even close to mating. I didn’t realize I was signing deals tonight.” But then what else she had asked me sank in and I glanced at Julian who was trying to hide his hurt. “I don’t know you’ve ever told me, and you get this pained tone when you talk about your dad. Our family situations aren’t the easiest topics.”

  “Ruper
t,” Mrs. Craftsman bit out. “My mate’s name was Rupert.”

  I glanced at my fork and wondered if I stabbed myself in the hand with it, I could get out of the dinner… A thought I actually projected, Lucca picking it up from the way he smothered a laugh.

  And so did Julian from the way he crumbled into himself.

  Fuck.

  I took in a slow breath and let it out. “It’s a great name, and I’d have no problem with naming a kid that, but we’re far from having a discussion if we even want kids.” I ignored it when every fairy guard around us either gasped or made some other startled noise. “I know I know your name, but I’m currently blanking on it, I’m so damn nervous and freaking out about this dinner, my first with a boyfriend’s mom—”

  “Plus, it’s going so well,” Zack grumbled as he dropped off more, the cart he pushed loaded with containers we were supposed to start with.

  “I thought you were staying out of the relationship stuff?” I asked, my amusement at what he’d said cutting through my need to freak out.

  “You agree to be involved with these twits and we stay out of it. But we protect you, kid. I jump in when adults are all over you all the damn time. That doesn’t change because she’s a woman or Craftsman’s mom.”

  Fair enough.

  Which she seemed to realize.

  “What would you have said to your mate if he had sat there and let his mother grill you like this?” I asked her, pointing to where Julian sat. I felt better when she winced. I really did.

  “I told him to handle her and all the shite or I would beat him bloody and walk out on him.”

  “Okay then.” I glanced at Izzy. “Start at the top?”

  “Yeah, I’ll take lead with Lucca and Hudson,” she agreed, grabbing the first off a cart by her. She cut off a portion and passed it on, shaking her head as she glanced around like she couldn’t believe the situation.

  Me either.

  It was awkwardly quiet as we got through the first several containers, only giving quick feedback and opinions. I wanted to give up on my whole vacation when Iolas, Taeral, and several of the higher up Light and Dark Guardians walked up the path. I was shocked the tension wasn’t shooting up all around, but then I realized only I could see them since they couldn’t cloak from me.