Managing Expectations

by Erin R Flynn

  “Most of us don’t know Faerie either, Your Highness,” one of the lower ranked Light Guardians near me muttered. “Some of the younger nobles might, or you would probably have been taught it as a royal, but it’s like Latin to humans. The older generations know it, or mostly.” He frowned. “Or that’s how it was twenty years ago. I’m saying it was phased out of the basic schooling.”

  “Why?” I asked. “We pick English over our own language?”

  He shrugged. “We were barely using it. It’s too obvious as not a human language and with technology… It’s too easy to slip and revert to simply speaking in a language others around you don’t know when you’re trying not to be heard. It would be a disaster if recordings picked up Faerie. Now with the way phones are—I’m honestly terrified to go out on my own.”

  “You get used to it,” I comforted.

  He smiled at me. “So will you, Your Highness.”

  That was nice of him to say and made me feel a bit better. Really, it did. My struggles were different, but we were all having a rough go so in that, I really wasn’t alone. Sad, but true.

  “What are they so upset about?” he asked me, a few of his buddies moving in closer. “What happens if we do intro potions?” He glanced at a different guy. “What’s considered an intro potion?”

  “I have no idea,” the fairy muttered, focused on me. “Are you okay, GP?”

  I shrugged. “Apparently, they explode. All my potions in class have been exploding since I got back from spring break. It’s been super fun.”

  The second guy snorted, clearing his throat and shaking his head, but then a chuckle slipped out. “It’s not funny, really, but it is. I mean, you’re so powerful that you’re exploding shit in class? That’s just…”

  A few of the other guys had trouble not laughing then, but kept it light. It cut through some of my upset as well. I still didn’t find it funny, but we could use the easier mood for sure.

  “Your Highness, why would you not come to us with this?” one of the higher up Light Guardians asked me… Well, demanded really.

  “When you speak to her like this?” Katrina blasted. “Just because you use her proper title doesn’t mean you’re being respectful. Plus, only an idiot would bring up any possible irregularities with her magic after you all lost your heads about her making tier ten crystals already. She’s the daughter of a demigod and one of the most powerful queens Faerie’s ever had. Of course she can. You’re all idiots.”

  They all seemed properly chastised from what she said and I liked her plan again. Hell, I was happy to let her be the boss of all this kind of stuff since I sucked at it, and even trying to handle it was… I still couldn’t believe I was a princess and I was having to deal with stuff like this. I mean, come on.

  “And I would like to know why there is such the testosterone fest here?” Katrina demanded before anyone could move on to the solution. “Fairies are about the most balanced and equal with gender roles, and all I see are men, men, and more men.”

  “We have yet to find the detachments of female Light Guardians and the higher officers,” Iolas answered, Taeral echoing the same about the Dark Guardians.

  I blinked between them, and it set Katrina off again that I clearly hadn’t even known there were detachments of female fairy warriors. So we had them but we separated them? Was that better for combat or did they prefer it? Interesting.

  And yeah, something I should fucking know.

  “We have tried to teach her things. She is uninterested in learning our ways,” someone snapped.

  I reacted like I’d been slapped across the face, folding into myself and wanting to leave. Quickly. Immediately.

  “Out of line,” Taeral snarled. “She has prioritized freeing us over her education. She has made it clear the now is most important. That is far from being uninterested.”

  “And the one who had tried to ‘teach’ her was Prince Neldor,” Katrina added. “I was around for many of the meetings where he treated her like the village idiot and expected doll to stand at his side. I wouldn’t have trusted him on the weather.”

  They went around a few more times with insults and who’d failed at what before I’d hit my limit.

  “Taeral, can you come with us to try and figure out what sort of solution we can make feasible?” I whispered. “Please?”

  “You would ask Taeral over me, Your Highness?” Iolas asked, not hiding his hurt.

  I shrugged. “I’m not in the mood to hear how Queen Meira would have figured this out already or would have blown up the potions sooner or she wouldn’t have approved of me at Artemis. That’s pretty much all you have to say to me about anything involving me, and I’m too tired. This is another mess to clean up and something else I can’t learn because of my magic.” I shrugged again.

  What else was there to really say?

  “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

  I didn’t reply. If I accepted, I felt like that was forgiving that he would keep doing it. Or giving him permission to keep doing it and I was tired of it.

  I was tired of a lot of stuff.

  Taeral agreed, and next came arranging a meeting with the school and trying to figure out what to do… With a teacher who didn’t know what I was.

  Good times. Really.

  To get everyone together who needed to be there, we had to wait until office hours were over, so I ended up offering to make it a dinner meeting at the admin building conference room. I ordered a spread from Portal Chow to have something to do with my nerves since I didn’t see it being figured out easily.

  And I tended to be right on these things.

  “I’m not understanding how you missed this, Professor Kramer?” Dean White started when everyone was filled in.

  “Probably because he’s so busy trying to bed one of his students instead of teach them,” Craftsman bitched.

  I bit back a sigh.

  Taeral was not happy to learn about it though, glamoured as a dragon like he worked at Geiger’s firm as one of my estate managers there to help the situation.

  Professor Kramer took the hit in stride, even when several others flinched. “Pot, kettle, mate. Nelson’s not lying when he talks about meeting your shifter lover, but even I’ve heard the whispers that many thought you were involved with Vale since you were staring after her all last semester with longing. That’s a bit more than on the outs after your role as her advisor fell apart.”

  “That’s not—” Craftsman tried to defend.

  “And why are you even here?”

  “I’m one of her magical teachers,” he replied like Kramer was daft.

  Kramer simply raised an eyebrow. “Yet Richardson isn’t here. I’m sure Dean White is more than capable of handling this as Vale’s actual advisor.”

  “We’re off topic, and I was going to ask Richardson,” White cut in. “I thought he might be helpful because he has made considerations for Ms. Vale as her power level has jumped ahead in his class as well. There are ways he makes sure she learns the material while still protecting her from others finding that out.”

  Kramer ground his jaw. “That would have been useful information, Dean White. With all due respect, you knew this had happened before, and then are calling me in that I didn’t see this. I’ve never dreamed this as possible from a sophomore. In all my years, I’ve only witnessed one master’s student recreating a basic potion when TA-ing.”

  White simply raised an eyebrow at him. “With all due respect, we barely know you, Kramer, and the last teacher in your position was a plant from the council to get at Vale, and psychotic. Giving you crucial, personal information about her off the bat would make us morons.”

  “You’re right,” he sighed. “I apologize. She’s not a normal student, of course. I’m at fault, as well as I listened to the whispers of it being linked to her being an unknown.”

  “She was cleared of all of that and given a full—” Craftsman defended but White cut him off.

  “And I’m thrilled you we
re allowing that in your class as well.”

  Again Kramer didn’t flinch. “If she were anyone else, you wouldn’t think a second on my intervening on rumors and petty whispers. They fly all over here constantly. I walked into that as the status quo here, not instigated them to bully any student in my class.”

  “He’s not wrong,” I agreed, shrugging when I got several shocked looks. “He doesn’t stop when they mock others. If it wasn’t me, it would honestly be normal razzing and given how often I say shit to others about getting good in training, not to bitch at me about being better, having the teacher jump in to stop the mean people is hypocritical.”

  “This school truly is a pit of vipers,” Taeral bitched.

  “Uh-huh, because we don’t know anyone judgmental,” I drawled, giving him a look to stuff it.

  He did.

  “I still don’t think we should loop him in on anything,” Craftsman interjected.

  “I protect my students just as you would,” Kramer replied, anger flaring in his eyes.

  Craftsman was ready for that, pulling up his sleeve and showing his magical tat to lock his mind. “Oh really?”

  Except he hadn’t gotten that as my teacher, but as my lover. Well, White had one too, and Richardson had a fairy rune now.

  And Collins was in hiding so, yeah, knowing about me was good fun for teachers.

  “He is not the only one, before you throw out any accusations,” White warned Kramer. She nodded when the professor gave her a shocked look. “It has come to that. We’ve all been ordered by the council to stand before them and give them reports on her or testify to her species so they can legally own her.”

  “Disgusting,” he spat.

  And he genuinely believed that, which almost made up for how often he had fantasies about us having sex. Almost.

  “We’re putting him in danger by looping him in that this is because I’m powerful,” I grumbled.

  White shrugged. “It really doesn’t. The councils know you’re powerful. Kramer assumes you’re a fairy born witch, as most do now. That’s nothing new. We’re monitoring him, so we’ll know if he’s in contact with them.”

  I hadn’t known that and neither had Kramer from the look of disbelief on his face.

  “That’s why I’m here,” Craftsman gloated. “We’re backing Vale on the war she’s fighting here, mate. This is about more than her being a student here. She saves lives and helps our world. We support her on that.”

  Kramer and I had the same thought at the same time in response, making me need to swallow a wince.

  Not always.

  I had to stop thinking like that if I was ever truly going to forgive Craftsman. Honestly, it was mostly a knee-jerk reaction.

  The adults started discussing how to handle the situation since I couldn’t be passed out of a class that I didn’t complete or test out of simply because I was too powerful for it. I needed all the parts to make the final—which I would probably blow up—and all of it was a requirement to graduate.

  The more they went over options to handle how different I was, the darker my mood went. The allowances that would have to be made again for me because I wasn’t like anyone else were just compounding and after over half an hour of listening to it… I just couldn’t anymore.

  I didn’t have it in me.

  I was done. I didn’t want to live my life like this anymore.

  I pushed to my feet and went for the door, not hearing what anyone said as blood rushed in my ears. I wanted to be anywhere but there, somewhere peaceful and to give me a moment to simply be.

  And suddenly I was. I froze, blinking around when I wasn’t in the admin building anymore. It took my brain several moments to catch up, but then I realized I was standing on top of the Sphinx.

  Without having opened a portal.

  What. The. Fuck?

  The only reason I knew it was the Sphinx was after I learned I could open portals on the fly, I had done several to all the places I’d always wanted to see. Who wouldn’t have?

  “Fuck my life,” I sighed, realizing I’d teleported there. Apparently, spending time with Lageos had unlocked other aspects of my magic.

  Or maybe I’d finally cracked and lost my mind.

  The other option was this would be the thing that pushed me over because there was no way I could tell anyone I had done that. Which left me feeling so desperately alone. Always alone.

  I plopped down and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and staring out at the gorgeous landscape and night sky. A portal opened but I didn’t react to it, almost not caring in that moment if danger got me.

  “Please don’t be so despondent, Your Highness,” Taeral whispered.

  I was so lost in my misery that I didn’t register what he’d said for a moment, slowly looking at him with wide eyes when I did.

  He moved closer and knelt down next to me. “Yes, I wish you to be my queen one day. I pray you can be the queen of all fairies. That we can make it past what we have suffered and unite the realms, finally have peace, and be happy as a people. One people, not this divide anymore.”

  I licked my suddenly dry lips. “That’s quite the one-eighty, Taeral.”

  He chuckled. “You didn’t know me as a young man. It was all I fought for in my youth.” He frowned. “But my mother died, killed by a light fairy in our warring and…” He shrugged.

  “I’ve heard that a lot.”

  “It’s happened a lot,” he said sadly.

  I sighed as I stared back out at the night. “It’s hard to accept so fast from you Taeral. You were fighting to defeat the light fairies, my mother, not months ago in your mind. It’s different with Cluym who defected to try and stop the war, but you weren’t my fan when we met. A distrusting woman would think this is a ploy to get a chance to take my head.”

  “And you are distrusting. You’ve undoubtedly listened to my thoughts and—”

  “Which all of you were prepared for,” I countered. I shot him a quick glance. “This is probably out of line, but I’ve been worried about Iolas having issues of transference, but maybe—”

  “Neldor was being a prick,” he grumbled as he sat next to me. “It’s hard not to crack him sometimes. No matter what jabs he took at me—and will again—I was not in love with his mother. I loved her. There are many of us who did. Gobs of us who thought her the most beautiful woman. All the queens have that trait from what I have seen, light and dark, your bloodlines have good genes.

  “But my love for her was not of that manner. It was… Brotherly. It was close to what I feel for my sisters. Family for sure, which is why I want to kick Neldor around so often like a nephew. His father and I were good friends.” He cleared his throat. “And hearing your mother tried to save his life was—I never believed she murdered him, but I was angry with her that he died on the way to meet her.”

  “I get it. I tried so hard to understand what Neldor’s mother could have gone through to put her in that place until Lageos explained she was the reason I went through all the hell I did. Then I just…” I shook my head, not wanting to go back there and get darker on top of what I was already feeling.

  “There is so much—she was an extremely complicated person and you honestly remind me a lot of her. She suffered much, too much and too young, but she pulled herself out of it and found love, found happiness. They aren’t my stories to tell, but maybe one day. Maybe they could help you, but part of me worries they could scare you.”

  Because I could become like her. That was what he wasn’t saying. Something in his tone made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and I listened to my gut. Jumping to my feet, I thought of the rune for electricity and formed it into whips, facing off with Taeral. “So you’re of Neldor’s mindset now?”

  His eyes went so wide I thought they might honestly pop off his face. “No. No, never, Your Highness. That is never an option. Not ever. And I fully believe that’s not truly an option to Neldor, but he’s terrified of what his mother did.
It… He’s traumatized. I—I would never think to do that to you.”

  But I didn’t know if I could believe him. Having magic bound was one of the scariest threats now against me. Neldor had been sure it could be done. They could do it.

  It wasn’t even about losing my magic. I’d lived without it before. Yes, it would be hard, but I could do it. No, it was… There weren’t words for how violating that would be. To change me at my core, lock away who I was, was like putting my soul in a padded room.

  I actually feared being locked away in a padded room for the rest of my life less than being bound. At least I would still be me, simply locked up. This would lock part of me away. The idea alone traumatized me given all I’d faced so far. There weren’t supposed to be worse options of what I could suffer and give me nightmares than what I’d already been through and knew of the world.

  My lip quivered no matter how much I tried to stop it, lowering the whips and releasing my magic. “This wasn’t supposed to be how things went. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Do you know how often I wake up and wish I’d never learned I was a fairy and come into this world? And I hate myself for being so selfish and thinking that. I can’t keep going on like this.”

  “Your Highness, please,” he rasped.

  I shook my head and backed away from him. Too scared to think rationally.

  “Tamsin, I will find a way so they can never bind you,” Lageos said gently from behind me. “I won’t let them do it to you, my daughter. I swear it. I don’t know they even can given how powerful you are.”

  “I don’t think it possible either,” Taeral agreed. “That’s what I was going to try to explain but I don’t know… It’s never been done that I know of.”

  I shook my head. “Neldor was so sure.”

  Lageos snorted. “That idiot is sure of lots he should not be. He is…”

  “Changed,” Taeral said sadly. “He’s changed and not for the better. What his mother did scarred him and I don’t know he can recover.”

  I thought about what Lageos promised and it helped me fight past the panic and to focus. I cleared my throat and hugged myself. “Trigger Rothchild has a theory about the magic Neldor’s mother used affecting him as the magic my mother used did me. I was the only one who could unlock you guys from it. Maybe it rippled into him because it was blood magic and he has the same blood. It’s a viable idea.”