Surrender My Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens): Cole Braden

by Melissa Foster

  “That’s who I am,” Cole said. “I don’t know why it bothers you two so much. Tempe does the right thing all the time and you don’t give her shit.”

  “No, because we want her to be that way. She’s a chick. You’re a dude. You need to cut loose, kick some ass.” Sam laughed.

  “I’m a doctor.” He held up his hands. “These hands are made for healing, not fighting—although if you pull that shit again, I’ll happily pound your ass into the pavement.” He was breathing a little easier now, knowing that Sam was giving him shit because he cared and not because he suddenly decided to be a dick.

  “Come back in and have a drink with us,” Sam urged. “Don’t pull the ‘sit all night at the office’ shit you do to avoid having a life.”

  “I’m not avoiding having a life,” Cole muttered. “Sam, you’re into the pickup scenes at night. I get it. You and Ty are made for that shit, but I’m not. I’m—”

  “Ready for your real life to begin. I get it.” Sam draped an arm over Cole’s shoulder, turning him back toward the restaurant. “But your real life is in Towson, and we’re here, so suck it up, tell me you’ll think about what I said, and come back inside for a few beers. I promise I won’t give you shit anymore. I just needed you to hear me for once, and you’ve got the thickest head around.”

  “That’s not the only thickest thing I have in this family,” Cole joked despite the frustration still simmering in his gut.

  Sam gave him a shove as the three men headed back inside, and for the first time since college, Cole considered doing something other than the right thing.

  ***

  LEESA LAY IN bed going over the things Darlene had said to her about the job in Baltimore and about Andy, but the only place her mind wanted to wander was back to Peaceful Harbor. To the man who’d never once flinched when she’d revealed the ugliness of what had happened here in Towson. The man who’d looked like he wanted to have more than a word with Chris over how and why he’d ended their relationship. The man who, when he held her, made her feel safe and happy and more complete than she ever had before. She picked up her cell phone and listened to his message again. She pictured his warm brown eyes, his cheeks, shadowed with manliness even when clean-shaven. After listening to the message, she reread the text he’d sent earlier.

  Miss you so much. Are you sure you don’t want me to come there?

  It had taken all of her resolve to give him the same answer she’d given him last night and again this morning, that she had to do this alone. Now, as she closed her eyes and tried to will herself to sleep, she wondered why in the hell she’d wanted to do this alone. She’d expected to come back to Towson, have a talk with her boss, and then go talk with Andy. And then…she had no fricking idea what would happen.

  She hadn’t thought beyond hoping she’d feel better. Of course, she was assuming Andy would come clean about lying, so he could feel better, too. She hated that her feeling better relied on someone else’s judgment. She wasn’t someone who needed others in order to feel good about herself, and yet she felt like she was drowning and Andy held the only life raft in sight. She knew that was not the case. She was a professional, wrongly accused and found innocent.

  Knowing that didn’t negate the fact that the house where she grew up felt strange and empty, or that apparently she had changed so much that she’d felt uncomfortable in her own skin when she was in her old school despite how welcoming the staff was.

  Was this how she was destined to feel forever, like she didn’t know where she belonged or who she was supposed to be, untrusting of the professional relationships with students she’d once placed in such high regard? Or like everywhere she went she’d worry about all this shit cropping up and ruining whatever foundation she’d built?

  She bolted upright in bed, her heart pounding hard, and stared out the window. Her mind spun, thinking about everything and nothing at once. Had she made a mistake by leaving Towson in the first place? Should she have stayed and dealt with the sideways glances, taken the job in Baltimore, and tried to move on despite the silent hell that followed her around?

  Where would that have gotten her?

  Would it have heightened her lingering worry that every time she was alone with a student, she could be accused of something unsavory? Or would it have had the opposite effect and strengthened her confidence?

  Or…would it have landed her exactly where she was now?

  She glanced down at her phone. If she’d stayed, she wouldn’t have met Cole. She wouldn’t have known what it was like to be loved so completely, or to be embraced by his family so wholly and without judgment. Being with Cole was like living in a fairy tale, only her fairy tale had hidden monsters lurking in the shadows.

  She threw her body back down to the mattress with a loud groan, thinking about tomorrow. She was having lunch with Lena and then she was going to return the library books she’d found last night that she’d forgotten to return before leaving town. Her mind had been so scattered when she’d fled to Peaceful Harbor, it was a wonder she’d made it there in one piece.

  But she had. And she hadn’t felt scattered when she was there. She’d been nervous about all she’d gone through rearing its ugly head, but she hadn’t felt scattered.

  But hadn’t she always landed on her feet? When she lost her father, when she was under investigation, when Chris broke up with her. She hadn’t been weak. She didn’t need anyone to save her or to make her whole. Why, now, did she need Andy to say those words to her? Why had he suddenly become the key to her confidence, and in turn, her future?

  What the hell was wrong with her?

  She didn’t have the answers, but she knew that no matter what it took, she could handle it.

  Now, if she could only sleep, she’d be in better shape to face the day tomorrow. She closed her eyes, knowing that even if she could resolve all the rest, there was one thought rattling around in her head that she knew she’d never quiet—and that was the thought that stayed with her as she drifted off to sleep.

  Cole.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  THE NEXT MORNING Leesa awoke with a sense of purpose rather than worry accompanying her every breath. She couldn’t explain why she felt more confident or determined to set things right with Andy, but by the time she met Lena, she was sure she was doing the right thing. Lena, however, had other thoughts.

  “You’re insane. Crazy. You’ve left your good sense back in Peaceful Harbor or something.” Lena’s shoulder-length dark hair shielded one eye as she stared down Leesa. They were sitting in a booth at Panera Bread, and Lena was speaking loud enough that other customers were looking over.

  “Shh.” Leesa smiled at the onlookers. Nothing to see here. Move on. “Since when did you get so loud?”

  “Since two minutes ago when you said you were going to do, oh, I don’t know. Only the dumbest thing ever.” She stabbed a forkful of lettuce from her salad and pointed it at her. “Annalise, you have a chance to get your career back. Dar is offering you a good job with a great team in Baltimore.”

  Maybe Dar and Lena were right. Why risk everything for a kid who already stole her life once? She’d thought about that for half the night, and by the time Cole had called her at seven this morning, she’d known the answer.

  “I’m not sure if you’ll understand this, because before all this happened, I don’t think I would have if someone else were in the same predicament. But what happened changed me. I mean, really changed me, Lena. It made me unsure and untrusting. Knowing how easy it was for Andy to accuse me made me realize that any student, at any time, had the power to destroy my career. Or yours. Or any other teacher’s.”

  Lena shook her head. “Already proven, and exactly why I’m telling you not to start the whole thing up again. Why open the door to trouble?”

  “Don’t you see? We’re sitting ducks. I can’t change that. We can’t change that. But what happened to me is done. It’s over, and I’m still paying the price. Emotionally, I mean. I know it’
s all me, in my head, whatever. I’m not pretending that it’s something else. But I’m not going to sit back while Andy’s life goes down the drain, too, when all it’ll take is clearing his conscience to allow him to move forward. And I’m not going to lie; it’ll do something for me, too. Getting him to admit he lied will do something to me inside.”

  “You’ll feel vindicated,” Lena said with a warm gaze. “It’s the victim mentality. I totally understand where you’re coming from, but if the kid didn’t crack then, why would he crack now? And his father will tear you apart if he finds out.”

  Leesa sat back and sighed. “I’m already torn apart. I’m not afraid of his father, Lena. What else can he do? He can’t accuse me of anything more than his son already has.”

  “I don’t know, but aren’t you worried that something will go wrong? And that whatever does go wrong will have an impact on the job they’re offering you in Baltimore?”

  “Yes. I’m afraid everything will go wrong.” She tried to quell the fear filling her chest and stealing her confidence. “But I’m more scared of not doing it and of having to live the rest of my life wondering when someone’s going to recognize me and out me to—” She stopped short of saying Cole’s name, because she felt like he didn’t belong here, in this conversation, around this ugliness. “Everyone in my new life.”

  New life. Did she have a new life? Had she made a decision to move? No, she surely hadn’t. At least she didn’t think she had, but she had definitely changed, and staying in Towson came with a slew of new realities she wasn’t sure she cared for.

  They talked until Leesa was so sick of debating the topic that she almost began to question her own motives. She knew Lena was just watching out for her, and she was probably right to be worried, but Leesa held on to the thread of hope that this wasn’t going to be a mistake.

  By the time she left Lena with promises to think it over and let her know if she decided to go through with it so Lena could be there to pick up the pieces afterward, she was trembling.

  Instead of driving the three blocks to the library, she grabbed her books from the car and walked, hoping to work off the nervous energy that was making her stomach twist into knots. The street was busy with midday traffic, the sun was shining brightly, and Leesa’s mind was reeling. She was so focused on talking with Andy, she tripped over the steps leading up to the library.

  “Annalise?” Chris crouched beside her and helped her pick up her books. “Are you okay?”

  No. “Yeah.” She gazed into his kind eyes, and suddenly her throat tightened and she fought the urge to cry. What the hell? She sat on the steps with her books piled in her lap. “What are you doing here?”

  “I have a meeting with Mrs. Long, the librarian. We’re discussing an after-school program.” He sat beside her on the steps. “The real question is, what are you doing here? In Towson, not at the library. I thought if you were going to take the job in Baltimore, you would have already done it. I thought you were gone for good.”

  “Thought, or hoped?” She closed her eyes against her bitchiness. “I’m sorry. It’s been a stressful day.”

  “I thought, not hoped, and it’s been a stressful couple of months. I’ve worried about you.” He held her gaze, his brown eyes full of empathy, without a hint of the lie she wanted to believe he was telling.

  Chris was an honest man, and as she sat beside him feeling like the world was pressing down on her shoulders, she realized that his honesty was what had led him to break up with her, too.

  “Yes, a stressful couple of months,” she agreed. “But I’m on the upside now, trying to rebuild my life.”

  He shifted his eyes away, staring out at the street, his jaw clenching and unclenching. She knew he was thinking something over. Probably what he’d say next. She blew out a breath, readying herself for whatever it was. Sometimes honesty hurt. Damn, did it ever.

  When he finally spoke, his tone was tender. “I’m truly sorry for everything. I should have stuck by you, but I was so worried about losing my job that I couldn’t see straight. And you were so wrapped up in it all, not leaving the house much, closing yourself off from everyone who was trying to support you…”

  “I…I was…” She looked away, the truth in his words cutting like a fresh wound. She didn’t want to believe she’d pushed people away. Pushed him away? “I understand why you broke up with me.”

  “Do you?” He reached for her hand, and she let him take it, knowing that this was part of the cleansing of her past she needed to endure. “Annalise, I loved you. I still love you. But I think we both know that when all that happened, we were already over.”

  “Already over?” Where had she been in that decision?

  His shoulders dropped and a look of disbelief filled his eyes. “Please don’t pretend that you don’t know what I’m talking about. I saw it in your eyes every time we were together.”

  “Saw what, Chris? That I was beaten down by the accusation? That I didn’t know how to handle it? That being put on leave had torn my heart out?”

  “After the accusation, yes, I saw all those things, but before it even happened, the way you looked at me…You weren’t fulfilled when we were together. You weren’t happy. You were content. I could never love you the way you wanted to be loved or the way you deserved to be loved.” He squeezed her hand.

  “How can you say that? I was—”

  “You were gracious and loving and the most incredible woman I’ll probably ever have the luck of being with. You accepted me for what I had to give. Two years is a long time. If all this hadn’t happened, you might have even married me, and I’d have been the luckiest guy on earth. But when all that stuff went down, I knew I had to let you go. I wasn’t strong enough to weather the storm, and trying to drag it out putting my career in jeopardy would have just led to resentment from both of us.”

  He released her hand, and an uneasy smile curved his thin lips. “You’re the strongest woman I know, and it was a dick move to leave you when I did. I know that. But I knew you’d be fine.” His lips pressed into a thin line. “I also knew that if my career had suffered because of my affiliation with you, I wouldn’t have been fine. The truth is, you’re much stronger than I am. More resilient in everything you do, and I’m sorry for the pain I caused you.”

  She wiped a tear from her cheek, trying to process what he’d said and realizing he was right. She was stronger than him. She always had been. In her heart, she must have known he wasn’t the right man for her all along.

  “Your father would be so proud of you.” He pulled her into a hug, and her tears sprang free. “And he’d be ashamed of me.”

  Her heart ached for her father, and hearing Chris say that about him pulled more sobs from her chest. She opened her mouth to dispute the last of his words, but nothing came out. Her father had known Chris as Leesa’s friend, but he’d never known him as her boyfriend. She didn’t know if her father would have been ashamed of Chris or not. She only knew that he was right; her father would be proud of her.

  She finally pushed from his arms and wiped her tears, swallowing past the lump that clogged her throat. “I’m making you late.”

  He smiled. “You always did.”

  A soft laugh escaped her lips, and salty tears slipped into her mouth. She wiped her face, shaking her head. She did have a habit of making him late, and he’d never complained.

  “I think my father would have been angry at your timing, but I think he would have been proud of you for having the strength to walk away, because I might never have.” Her heart sank with the admission. Now that she knew what real love felt like, how it consumed her thoughts, her body, mind, and soul, she realized that, if not for Chris’s ability to walk away, she might have lost out on true love forever.

  Chris nodded at the books in her lap. “Want me to return those for you?”

  She handed them to him and pulled out her wallet, her tears finally subsiding.

  “They’re late.” She handed him money to pay for
the late fees and he pushed the money back toward her.

  “I think I can handle a few bucks.” He picked up his bag and said, “Are you taking over the Girl Power group again now that you’re back? Louise would be thrilled if you did.” Chris’s younger cousin Louise was part of the group.

  “Not right now. I’m still not sure if I’m back for good or not.”

  He arched a brow. “So you are thinking of moving away from Towson for good? You’d sell your dad’s house?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe. I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

  “Damn. Peaceful Harbor must be an incredible place to steal you away from your father’s house and the neighborhood where you grew up.”

  It wasn’t the harbor that was pulling her in that direction. It was one amazing man, one incredible family, a host of new friends, and a chance at a very full heart.

  ***

  COLE WALKED INTO Jon’s office carrying a stack of patient files.

  “I’m surprised you waited a whole day,” Jon said with a laugh.

  “To do what?” Cole set the files on Jon’s desk, knowing his friend was already clued in to his plan.

  Jon arched a brow. “When are you leaving and how long will you be gone?”

  Cole shrugged. “After work, and I have no idea. I don’t even know if she plans to stay there or come back, but I tried to give her space to handle it on her own and I nearly drove to Towson last night instead of going to Nate’s. Boy, was that a mistake. I should have gone to Towson.”

  “I saw Sam at Jazzy Joe’s this morning. Sounds like it wasn’t a mistake at all, but exactly the kick in the ass you needed.” He reached for the files.

  “I had all but decided to leave tonight before I even went into the restaurant. I didn’t need Sam to—”

  “I’m only giving you shit. But I do wish I’d have been there to see Sammy giving you hell.” He chuckled and sifted through the files. “Elsie Hood? You said her father agreed to the treatment.”

  “He did. I want you to just eyeball her parents when they come in, quietly reassure her father. He had a hard time with the decision, and I want him to know, without a single doubt, that he did the right thing.”