Found

by Melissa Pouliot

  Annabelle smiled. ‘Sounds like she was your best friend.’

  Christine turned her head away and faced the wall.

  ‘Then Mum got some loser dickhead boyfriend and he kicked her so hard into the corner after she shit on the carpet that she died. Just like that. One minute alive and beautiful and faithful and innocent. Next minute, dead.’

  Annabelle took a few minutes to work out how the light hearted teasing had turned into something so tragic. She took a deep breath and reached for Christine’s hand. ‘That is the saddest story I’ve ever heard. I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘Nothing to say. It happened. Shit happens. You know how it is.’

  Annabelle felt herself fall into despair. She adored animals, so did her Mum Lee. They always had the most interesting menagerie of animals at home. Pets of every shape and size. Every stray within a twenty kilometre radius seemed to land on their doorstep. Lee was always babysitting someone’s cat, dog, bird, horse…you name it, she took it in. She couldn’t imagine how someone could be so cruel.

  ‘What was her name?’

  ‘Clover.’

  ‘As in your lucky charm?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Christine said dryly. ‘Something like that. Didn’t work out so well for her though, did it?’

  Annabelle chortled through tears. ‘No, it didn’t.’

  ‘And the moral to the story is, there is no such thing as a four leaf clover. It’s a myth.’

  ‘You’re probably right,’ Annabelle said, squeezing Christine’s hand one more time. ‘But back to the main point of today’s story, Ant adores you. He is so sorry for what happened. The bloke who gave him the crook batch has disappeared from The Cross. Dunno where he’s gone but he won’t be back I wouldn’t think…’

  ‘Still doesn’t excuse him from nearly fucking killing me.’

  ‘I know, I know. If Bessie had her way he’d be burnt at the stake by now.’

  ‘Or strung up on the cross. Now that’s something I’d like to see,’ Christine’s wickedness was returning, a sure sign she was on the mend. ‘Ant on the cross in The Cross.’

  Annabelle smiled. ‘Ironic. But seriously Chrissie, I think you need to see him. Talk to him. Put him out of his misery. Doesn’t look like he’s slept for weeks. Maybe you could talk to Bessie, see if she’ll let him in, just for a moment. He doesn’t have to stay long. But I think it would be really good for you to see him, let him apologise in person. ‘Cause Bessie isn’t really passing on the message.’

  ‘He wants to apologise?’

  ‘Fuck, yeah! You should hear him. He thinks up a new apology every day, I’ve never heard someone say sorry in so many different ways!’

  Christine felt a warm glow inside. She didn’t know where it was coming from. Maybe her heart?

  ‘Whatever.’

  ‘Ha, don’t whatever me girl, I know what you’re thinking. You’re sweet on him, aren’t you?’

  ‘How could I possibly be sweet on him?’ Sarcasm dripped from Christine’s tongue. ‘He nearly killed me!’

  ‘Yeah yeah, but he didn’t mean to. And like I’m trying to tell you, he’s really, really sorry. I dunno, I’ve seen so many dealers who don’t give a shit what happens but Ant is different. He’s not just about the money and dealing the stuff. And when it comes to you, he’s just one soft, squishy marshmallow.’

  ‘Sure, sure, but wait ‘til he hears I’m clean. Then he’s not going to be so keen is he? Doesn’t get anything out of it anymore. Gets no more cash in his pocket from me.’

  ‘He doesn’t care about that! I already told him you’re clean. Told him you’re not touching the stuff ever again. He reckons he’s going clean too. Reckons this scared him out of his wits, made him realise he might be in the wrong game.’

  ‘Right, I’ll believe that when I see it, Annabelle. What’s he gunna do for a crust if he doesn’t sell drugs?’

  ‘I asked him that too, I’ve got it all covered honey. He’s going to be a motorbike mechanic.’

  ‘And I’m going to be a fucking checkout chick.’

  ‘You’d make a good checkout chick,’ Annabelle laughed. ‘But I hear the money’s shit.’

  ‘And there we are, back to the root of the problem. Money. I’m a pro and I’m earning more money than you can poke a stick at..’

  ‘…You mean a dick at?’

  Giggle. ‘Yeah, that too.’

  ‘Anyway, as I was saying. I’m a pro and he’s a dealer. He ain’t gunna make near enough money as a motorbike mechanic, now that he knows how much he can make on the streets, he’d be an idiot to try and live a clean life. For one, it’s boring. For two, it’s not who he is. Me neither. We belong here. Living in this dark, dirty world. Here for a good time, not a long time.’

  ‘You got that right! That’s my motto too. Fuck this serious stuff, you need to get your arse out of that bed and we need to party!’

  Christine felt a glimmer of her old self shine through.’ You know, I think you are absolutely correct. I need to stop moping about feeling sorry for myself because I nearly walked through those pearly gates, and just get back to living.’ She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed and onto the floor. The room spun and she lost her bearings. All of a sudden, she didn’t feel so sparkly and shiny. Annabelle grabbed her swaying body and gently lay her back on the bed. She kissed her gently on the forehead. A tear squeezed out of the corner of Christine’s closed eyes.

  ‘Maybe we’ll save that party for tomorrow,’ Annabelle said softly, pulling up the blanket and smoothing it with her hands.

  ‘Yeah, sounds good.’ Christine started to drift off and a minute later she was asleep.

  Annabelle tiptoed out and closed the door. In the kitchen Bessie was at the table with a cup of strong black coffee, her face a mess of worry lines and streaky makeup.

  ‘You look like shit,’ Annabelle snapped. ‘You need to get some sleep.’

  ‘Very funny. I’ve got my whole life to sleep,’ Bessie snapped back. ‘Right now I’ve got to make sure I don’t lose my best earner.’

  Annabelle sighed, not wanting the stresses of the past couple of weeks to result in yet another argument. She knew Bessie loved her, knew she held a soft spot for her in her heart, but Christine had always been central to their bond. When Christine was around, they fitted together like three perfectly formed peas in a pod. Now, Bessie had become harder to please, more difficult to navigate. Annabelle felt like the new girl, bouncing her way around the politics of Bessie’s extended family.

  ‘She’s starting to brighten up a bit,’ Annabelle said. ‘I think she’s a lot better today.’

  ‘Taking her sweet time to get herself together, not sure how much longer I can look after her.’ Bessie had an edge to her voice Annabelle didn’t recognise.

  ‘You don’t mean that Bessie, you really don’t mean that. I know how you feel about her, no way you’re going to put her out on her ear.’

  ‘What makes you such an expert? You’ve only been here five minutes. What do you know?’

  Annabelle took a deep breath. Bell was at her elbow, giving her the courage she needed to speak strong words. ‘Stop being such an old bitch Bessie and get yourself together. I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to, I’ve helped you as much as I could, I’ve worked hard to make up for lost income and all you can do is sit here and whinge and moan? We look up to you Bessie, we trust you. So don’t sit there and take the rug out from underneath us just because your heart is breaking.’

  Bessie started to chuckle hard. Before long her chuckling became tear-stained. ‘Well, my girl, you take it all. Hit the nail on the head. Right on the knocker. No flies on you, you’ll go a long way in life by being able to call it for exactly what it is. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I need to go shower and have a big long sleep myself.’ Bessie tipped her now cold coffee down the sink and ruffled Annabelle’s soft blonde curls. ‘You hold the fort for a few hours? Make sure no bugger gets in who shouldn’t be in?’

  Annabell
e smiled sweetly, Bell still at her elbow. ‘No problem Bessie,’ she said, having every intention of letting someone in who Bessie wouldn’t want. Although Bell was often Annabelle’s worst enemy, she was also the one who gave Annabelle the spine she didn’t have on her own. Now was one of the rare occasions when Annabelle’s evil alter-ego was going to do good and force Annabelle’s weak hand in the right direction. As soon as Bessie’s head hit the pillow, Annabelle crept quietly out onto the streets in search of Ant, to put him out of his misery once and for all, let him apologise in person, and make amends with Christine.

  CHAPTER 10

  Missing

  2015

  ‘Honey, I’m home!’ Christine walked in the door late, very late. She’d been sitting with Ant in the corner booth of her favourite suburban pub for less than ten minutes before she changed her order from a soda water to a Chardonnay. Several Chardonnays later she’d finally mustered the willpower to go home. My, oh my, how quickly she had shed the layers she’d built up around herself.

  The house was dark and silent. She teetered down the hallway, side to side, as she tried to find a light switch. Were the walls closing in on her, or was she just imagining things?

  She couldn’t find a light in the hallway and the house was still in darkness by the time she reached the kitchen. She was desperate for a drink of water, she felt like she’d eaten half a kilo of salted peanuts and licked the bowl. She stumbled to the sink, reaching for the coffee mug she’d rinsed out that morning and left on the side to dry. So intent on slaking her thirst, she didn’t hear Danny, so when he flicked on the light she jumped and spilt water all down her front.

  ‘Jesus Danny, you scared the life out of me.’ She turned around to glare at him. The look on his face stopped her glare midstream, and she quickly rearranged her expression to one far less aggressive.

  ‘Where have you been? I’ve been texting and messaging and calling you for hours, worried about where you were. You told me you were catching up with an old friend after work for one drink, but you didn’t check in anywhere and I had absolutely no idea where you were. It’s fucking four o’clock in the morning. I was worried sick. I nearly called the police!’

  ‘Whoa, settle down Danny,’ Christine tried to calm her voice, even though on the inside she wanted to scream back at him that she was an adult and could do as she damn well pleased. ‘We just got caught up, you know, catching up on old times. I didn’t even look at my phone. Sorry, I should have sent you a message at least, that was very inconsiderate of me.’

  Danny hadn’t finished. ‘Don’t you watch the news? Do you know how many times someone’s gone out for a night then walked the few short blocks home, only not to make it because they just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up dead! Right here in Melbourne!’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.’ Christine felt the shame wash over her. Then it came upon her from inside, down deep in her stomach, and started rising. She ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to vomit her shame into the toilet bowl, not even caring that Danny hadn’t bothered to flush. It served her right to have her head in a toilet bowl and vomiting on stale, smelly wee.

  Danny left her to it. No point having an argument now – Christine was a drunken mess and he was exhausted from the panic he’d been trying to control since early evening. From midnight to now he’d been in such a state he thought he was having a heart attack. He and Christine had such a stable, sensible relationship where they rarely rocked the boat. They never fought, they never stressed. They navigated around each other like graceful black swans floating on a glassy lake.

  He was not equipped to deal with her disappearing act, especially on top of the other strange things she’d been doing lately. Going away for a weekend to catch up with her old pimp. Long silences. Not on her usual channel. Certainly not on his channel.

  He lay awake listening to her being sick in the bathroom before drifting into a restless angry dream. Christine was dressed in a tiny black leather mini skirt and thigh high fuck me boots, stopping for strange men in fancy cars before disappearing into a Silver 1989.5 Esprit SE with Richard Gere. Danny was running down the street trying to stop them, knowing in his heart as soon as she got into that car with Richard, she was lost to him forever.

  CHAPTER 11

  Yowies

  1988

  ‘Let’s get out of this smog-filled city,’ Annabelle was feeling restless, hemmed in. Having Bell and Anna twist and turn her life in all directions wasn’t helping. Seeing Nick had also rattled her. People said it was a small world, but it wasn’t until she ran into the love of her life from far North Queensland in Fitzroy Gardens, near the fountain, that she truly understood why they said that. She loved him so much, and had done for so long. She’d wasted the moment, the opportunity, to tell him once and for all. She was at the fork in the road. Left? Right? Neither. She’d gone straight ahead and sealed her own fate. She had no choice now but to accept she couldn’t go back to her old life; she had to keep running. Her time here was limited now. Nick would tell his Mum, who would tell her Mum, who would probably tell the police and it would only be a matter of time before someone hauled her sorry arse back to where it came from. Fuck that, Bell whispered hatefully in her ear.

  ‘And go where?’ Christine had always been a city girl. She wouldn’t know what country air would smell or feel like if her life depended on it.

  ‘I dunno, into the bush.’

  ‘The bush? You bloody country hick. If you want to go bush, you’re on your own, Babe. I’m not going out where there’s yowies that wrap you in their giant hairy arms and take you back to their lair deep in the forest. No way.’

  ‘Yowies? You’ve been reading too many fairytales. There’s no such thing as a yowie.’

  ‘Yes, there is,’ Christine said adamantly. ‘I remember my aunty telling Mum she’d seen a yowie in the Blue Mountains while she was on a camping trip. Said it scared the life out of her, and she’d never go back.’

  ‘I think your aunty was smoking too much pot. I’m telling you, there’s no such thing as a yowie.’ What Annabelle didn’t say was that her aunt used to warn her of yowies in the bush, and she felt a shiver, like someone walking over her grave.

  ‘Whatever,’ Christine said grumpily.

  ‘I’m serious, let’s go bush! It’s so fresh and clean in the bush. Lots of birds. Kangaroos. Lizards. Butterflies. It’s just beautiful. You’ll never get the putrid whiff of stinking garbage, or step in a dirty dog shit that some posh dog owner from Potts Point hasn’t bothered to pick up. Or have to inhale the greasy fried food smell from the back alleyways, or the stale piss that you can’t get away from in Kings Cross station. Plus it’s quiet. I’m sick of all the noise everywhere. You can’t escape it. Police sirens, garbage trucks, rev heads doing laps up Darlinghurst Road, thumping pumping music from the clubs. Out in the bush all you can hear are the birds, and sometimes nothing at all.’

  ‘Bah, sounds boring.’

  Annabelle tried a different tack. ‘I heard there was a party in the mountains this weekend. Thought we might go. About twenty going. I’m gunna drive. Can’t wait to get out on an open road again. C’mon, it’ll be fun.’ She paused for effect. ‘Ant’s going.’

  Christine blushed. Ant. She couldn’t shake him. The name suited. He was like an ant, crawling all over her. Tickling, teasing then sinking in its sting when she least expected. He’d been working extra hard to win her affection. He knew he could have her any time, that was her job after all, but he wasn’t interested in paying her for sex. He wasn’t interested in sex at all. Well, maybe he was, but he was trying to strip things back to something different. To a new relationship, a real relationship. Annabelle was in his corner, and, with her push and shove, Christine was warming to the idea. Maybe she could keep working and have a real boyfriend on the side. She wasn’t going to give up her day job, or night job, but she did feel a strong pull when she was with Ant.

  When she fin
ally did start speaking to him he was so sweet. So caring. So gentle. So normal. He supported her decision to go clean, but took it even further by going clean himself. He was still a dealer, but he swore off the stuff. Reckoned it scared the life out of him, and he’d never touch it again after seeing what it did to her. They became a tight unit amongst their circle of drug-taking friends. Christine knew she wasn’t strong enough to kick it completely if she didn’t have someone kicking it with her.

  ‘Well, when you put it that way,’ Christine’s voice changed pitch. Became softer.

  ‘Ha, I knew it! You are in deep, aren’t you?’

  ‘Nah, not too deep. Gotta keep a little bit of myself for myself, eh? That’s how us girls survive ‘ain’t it?’

  Annabelle felt sad. Nick. But Anna pulled her out of it. The sweet Anna. The supportive Anna. Conniving, but still sweet. Anna wanted Annabelle to go to the party. Do something wild and out of the ordinary. Keep experiencing. Keep living. Keep going full tilt into the new adventure of life.

  Between the strong voices of Bell and Anna, Annabelle didn’t stand a chance of making her own choices when she reached that fork in the road. Between them they pushed her in a straight line, straight into trouble.

  ‘Rightio,’ Christine said. ‘I’ll come with you out into the bush for this big party. But on one condition.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘You scare the yowies away.’

  CHAPTER 12

  I choose you

  2015

  The following morning Danny woke late. He rolled over to snuggle into Christine, his penis hard. His brain wasn’t awake enough to know their automatic start to the day wasn’t appropriate this morning. He reached for her but the bed was empty. Suddenly he was wide awake, looking around frantically for any signs that she’d been in the bed at all. There were none.

  ‘Christine?’ He called out as he awkwardly pulled on his boxer shorts over his penis which was reluctantly trying to settle itself.