Found

by Melissa Pouliot

  Bessie saw the news report first. Not long after that Christine saw it, and around the same time, Louise. She turned on her computer and her emails downloaded. The subject line screamed at her.

  Is this your guy?

  She scanned the email. The link to the news report. Ant’s young, twenty year old face with its piercing blue eyes staring intensely at her. Then much less pleasant photos; she’d seen ones like these a thousand times. Post-accident. Post-mortem. A lifeless body by the side of the road, covered in debris, glass and dark smudges of blood. Then close-ups. Eyes closed. Face puffy and messed up. Distorted features.

  She read through the report, and the details were like lead bullets to her heart.

  After she reading and re-reading, she started to piece it all together. The motorcyclist was heading east. Louise felt tortured. Was Ant was coming back? Was he going to finally confess all that he knew, whatever that was?

  Eventually she got up and walked with shuffling feet into Rafe’s office. A soft tap tap tap on his door. Today there would be no bounding into his office bursting with something new, interesting and exciting to share. Rafe looked up over his glasses, he was reading the Daily Telegraph.

  ‘What’s wrong with you, Louise?’ His voice was gruff. ‘You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Get up on the wrong side of the bed, hey?’

  ‘No, in actual fact, I got up on the right side of the bed. I woke up this morning thinking what a fabulous day it was, so bright and sunny, I was ready for a great day at work. I woke up on the deliriously happy side of the bed.’

  She was prattling.

  ‘Alright then, if it was such a lovely day, why are you walking with a black cloud over your head?’

  ‘I just sent you an email,’ she said shortly.

  ‘This had better be important,’ he said as he reluctantly closed the paper. He always started his day with the paper and a coffee, refusing to turn his computer on until he’d read the news from cover to cover. Back to front. Never front to back.

  It took a few minutes for Rafe’s computer to get going. Louise waited impatiently with her shoulders slumped. He was so slow! His eyes scanned the emails and he humphed as he read through them methodically.

  ‘This is our guy?’ he asked, after what was an excruciatingly long time for Louise.

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed. ‘This is our guy.’

  ‘The case is fucked.’

  ‘Exactly,’ she replied.

  ‘He was our only chance, wasn’t he?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘There’s nobody else who’s going to tell us who killed Annabelle Brown, is there?’

  He stated the facts flatly.

  ‘Nope.’

  He slapped his forehead.

  ‘Doesn’t really help, does it sir? Perhaps you could try banging it on the desk. That’s a lot more effective.’

  A wry smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

  ‘I thought we had it, I thought we had this case. All we had to do was find Ant, and I was sure we would! Then once we did, it would all be tied up in a nice neat bow,’ Louise lamented.

  ‘Life’s not like that Louise.’

  ‘Obviously,’ she replied sarcastically.

  ‘We’ll start pushing for that inquest date now. Get everything together, prepare the brief, then submit it to the coroner. I don’t think we can go any further; this is the end of the road.’

  Louise felt sick to the stomach.

  ‘Who’s going to tell Lee?’

  ‘We’ll both go,’ he said. ‘It will be tough for her to keep having to ride this rollercoaster. Tough for us all.’

  Neither of them moved for a very long time. They sat immersed in their own thoughts, in their own dead ends. Lost in the world’s biggest maze, where there was no way out.

  CHAPTER 56

  Write About Me

  Lee stood on a small stool Gordon had placed in the middle of the vegetable patch. After many tense arguments and soul searching, she decided this was the place she would say her final goodbye to Annabelle. In the vegetable patch, where they spent so many happy times. This place was free of drama, and of the final parting cruel words they threw at each other before Annabelle walked out of the door so dramatically, forever. The vegetable patch was where Lee felt most at peace. Where she felt Annabelle the strongest.

  She looked around the sea of faces. Her friends, family, Annabelle’s friends and extended family. People she’d gone to school with; Lee hadn’t seen them for years. They looked the same, but different. Big John was there with Lins. Rhiannon had come, she appeared lost without Andy by her side. Louise and Rafe.

  Bessie and Christine, too. It had taken all of Lee’s strength and courage to invite them. The fact they’d made the effort to come so far showed her how much they cared about her girl. As Lee looked around she felt stunned. She looked over at Steph, her best friend since they were young mums, finding their way in a grown-up world when they were still so young themselves. Steph nodded at her the way she always did, with her nod that spoke a thousand words.

  It was a beautiful sunny day. The air was crisp, not muggy. It was winter. Warm, but not uncomfortable. It would be hot later, that’s what happened in the far north of Queensland in winter. Always hot, no matter what the season. The sky was a mass of bold blue, broken up by bright-white, fluffy clouds.

  You could hear the birds twittering among the other sounds of Lee’s garden. Leaves and underbrush rustling as tiny creatures went about their business. Wind swishing through the branches of tall trees. Water trickling at the fountain and the occasional splash as one of her giant koy broke the surface. The hum of the pump in the distance, as it kicked in and out.

  ‘Thank you all for coming,’ Lee said quietly, still not confident on the podium. Another nod from Steph and she spoke louder.

  ‘It’s a day we never thought would come. A day we can finally put our Annabelle to rest.’ She paused, not sure if she could continue, although determined that she would.

  ‘It has taken a long time to find answers, and although we knew in our hearts Annabelle was gone a long, long time ago, there’s a lot to be said to know for certain. To know what happened to her, gives us all some sense of peace and understanding.’

  Everyone nodded. They knew exactly what Lee was saying. You wouldn’t wish ambiguous loss on your worst enemy. Loss without losing. Limbo land. That space in between. Having answers gave them all an opportunity for finality.

  ‘We all need to live with the unanswered questions,’ Lee continued, having practised what she wanted to say, to make sure she expressed everything that was in her heart. ‘We know she is dead, and we know how she died. We still don’t know who is responsible, and we may never know. Although we yearn for black and white, we have to keep living with many shades of grey.’

  Silence stared back at her.

  ‘We have to deal with the situation, decide on our own individual thoughts and feelings. It’s not something we can control, or say it has to be a certain way. It will be different for every one of you standing here today.’

  Lee smiled a bright, warm smile as her eyes panned the faces of the people who’d gathered for Annabelle.

  ‘I don’t want today to be about how difficult it has been since Annabelle disappeared. How much heartache we have all been through…’ She looked over and saw Bessie wipe a large tear away. ‘I want today to be about what a wonderful person Annabelle was, even though she could be a bloody bugger of a kid.’

  A ripple of laughter broke the seriousness. Yes, she had been a bugger at times. A handful from the moment she was born. A memory flashed like lightning into Sara’s brain – she had forgotten all about it until now. Annabelle and her were playing outside, hot and bothered, then ran into the kitchen for a drink. Annabelle spotted a plastic container of bright green liquid.

  ‘Cordial!’ She just about turned herself inside out to get to it. Sara was much slower off the mark, and had no hope of getting her words
out before Annabelle had the bottle to her lips, and was gulping the liquid down, like it was both her first and last drink.

  ‘Detergent…’ Sara said helplessly, as the thick liquid went down and then straight back up. Annabelle vomited for hours. It wasn’t unusual for her to rush in like this, getting into trouble well before realising she was there, smack, bang, in the midst of it.

  Sara smiled at the memory as she tuned back into Lee’s words.

  ‘We’re here to remember the really good, funny and wonderful things,’ Lee continued. ‘And to hold those memories close in our hearts. I’ve asked a few people to write down for me what they remember most about Annabelle. The legacy she left behind in her seventeen years.’

  Lee paused. ‘Here I go…’

  …

  ‘My best friend, who was like a second Mum to Annabelle, is Aunty Steph.’

  ‘When Annabelle was a baby, she was the happiest baby I had ever held in my arms. Every time you looked at her, her face would light up and she would smile. I don’t remember her crying, ever…’

  Lee looked up from the sheet of paper which shook in her hands. She always got disbelief when she told this story, so she confirmed it with a heartfelt, ‘It’s true! Annabelle definitely broke the mould. She didn’t cry in hospital and this continued after she got home. Unlike with my friends, whose perfect babies didn’t cry once in hospital, but turned into crying babies who wouldn’t stop from the minute they got home. What Steph said is right. Annabelle was such a happy, happy baby. We felt so fortunate.’

  Lee’s hands had stopped shaking, and she continued reading. ‘Sara, Annabelle’s best friend, who Annabelle called Sairs.’

  ‘What I remember most about Annabelle is that she wasn’t afraid of anything. Not the dark, not of snakes in the bush. She wasn’t afraid to climb the highest tree to the top of its branches. She wasn’t afraid of riding horses bareback or taking the motorbike down the steepest slope. She was the bravest person I have ever known.’

  Lee looked back down at the paper, and continued. ‘Gordon, my life partner, and a father figure in Annabelle’s life for many years.

  ‘I remember Annabelle’s love of animals, she wanted to take in every stray in the world who didn’t have a home. Dog, cat, lamb, goat, sheep, pig. She’d scour the streets when we went to town and always begged us to take her to the pet shop to claim unwanted animals. She’d bring in birds from the garden who had no hope of living through the night. We’d try and explain, gently, that they would probably die but that didn’t stop her from making them a beautiful bed and putting the box on her pillow, as though the comfort of her warm breath through the night would keep them alive.’

  ‘Big John,’ Lee smiled at the large man who’d been a good friend to her since she was a teenager, but who she had also hated for a time. ‘One of the best truckies who’s ever driven these Australian roads, with a heart of gold. I’ve known him since I was in my teens and he taught me a thing or two back then.’

  ‘She was a bugger that one, the spitting image of her mother at that age. She’d perch up in the truck beside me, oh the stories she would tell. She’d have me laughing so hard I’d nearly drive off the road. I thought one day she’d end up driving her own truck, she loved the open road.’

  Lee pushed on quickly, feeling herself start to crumble. ‘And now, Lins.’

  ‘I remember the day I first met Annabelle. She was so timid, quiet and scared. It didn’t last long though, and before long I got to know the funny girl she was. But what I remember most is that she had a way with babies like I hadn’t seen before – she was the most nurturing loving caring teenager I’d ever met in my life. I remember thinking she was going to make a beautiful Mum one day.’

  Lee had to stop here. The sound of sniffing and noses being blown interrupted the peaceful chatter of the birds. These words broke her heart, and got to the core of something which was the hardest part of losing Annabelle, when she was only seventeen. Thinking of all the hopes and dreams she held for her as she was growing up, believing she would live a long, happy life filled with the love and joy of her own children. Having to face the reality that her life was cut short so tragically – before she could live out any of those hopes and dreams.

  Lee composed herself and kept reading. ‘Bessie,’ Lee looked up and smiled at Bessie. ‘Welcome, and thank you for coming all this way. I know you loved my girl and I thank you for the time you cared for her and put a roof over her head.’

  Lee had prepared these words carefully, and they weren’t easy to say, especially while Bessie sobbed loudly. Christine had her arm around Bessie’s big soft shoulders, trying to console and take comfort from her, at the same time.

  ‘Here are Bessie’s words.’

  ‘Annabelle was wise beyond her years. She could handle herself in just about any situation. The thing I remember most was the laughter. Whenever she was around I laughed and laughed and laughed. I can’t remember the specific jokes we shared or the exact conversations we had. All I can remember is that we would laugh and laugh and laugh. Around Annabelle, the laughter never stopped.’

  Lee couldn’t look up and took deep breaths. She had to get through this. ‘Christine, one of Annabelle’s friends from Sydney.’

  ‘We became best friends instantly. We just clicked. The one thing I remember is that she always talked about cars. She loved cars!’

  Everyone laughed, nodding their heads. Some had forgotten about Annabelle’s obsession with cars, and it was good to be reminded. Lee kept reading.

  ‘Every car that would drive past she’d recite the make and model, the year, which famous person had a car like it, she knew everything about that car’s history. She knew more about cars than any mechanic or boy I know.’

  Lee smiled at Christine, so grateful she’d reminded them of Annabelle’s love of cars. She read more words from Annabelle’s family, school friends and extended family. Also from Rhiannon, who had never met Annabelle in person but knew and cared so much for her. Louise and Rafe, again, never meeting Annabelle in person, but dedicating many waking and sleeping hours to her, so they felt like they’d known her all their lives.

  ‘And now it’s my turn,’ Lee took a deep, deep breath. ‘Please bear with me.’

  A hush fell over the group. At that moment a flock of noisy, white cockatoos appeared, squawking loudly above them. A cloud shifted over the sun, plunging them all into shade. The temperature dropped instantly, and a slight breeze sent shivers down everyone’s spines. Lee looked up to the sky, and watched the cockatoos until only the echo of their squawks remained.

  ‘I have so many memories of Annabelle and it is hard to pick just one. But, what I remember most, is her zest for life and adventure. From the moment she could crawl, which was very young, she was seeking adventure. She was also a climber. The places I had to retrieve her from, when she was so tiny, would turn your hair grey. And definitely sent me early to the hairdressers for a colour! She had no fear of danger, and it stayed this way right until I last saw her.

  ‘To me, this explains why she was always seeking new adventures, new thrills, new experiences. She was confident she could get herself out of any situation. And honestly, I believed that as well. I believed for a long time that even if Annabelle placed herself in danger, she would get out of it safely, and would then come home to us when she was ready.

  ‘Knowing now what I didn’t know back then, that she was put in a position where she couldn’t come home, I can see I was holding onto false hope. But when you don’t know what has happened, hope is all that you have. I still believe that if Annabelle’s life hadn’t been cut short at the hands of someone else, she would have come home to us. It may have taken her a little while, but I know she would have. Because, no matter how she was feeling at the time she left, she knew deep in her heart that she had family and friends, who would welcome her home with open arms. No matter what.’

  Gordon passed Lee a hanky to wipe the tears from her drenched cheeks. She blew her
nose and contemplated not continuing. Her heart felt like it was broken into a million pieces; even now, when she didn’t think it could break any more.

  ‘Finally, our Annabelle is home. With us, where she belongs. Finally we can have a closing chapter for her story, and say our goodbyes. We will love, miss and remember her for the special person that she was, until the end of our days.’

  Then it seemed as though the world stopped. Everything went silent. The birds, the wind in the trees.

  Seconds later the clouds moved and the sun shone bright and warm. Everyone felt the instant rise in temperature, and it comforted them. Gradually, they started talking quietly amongst themselves, the birds continued their twittering, and life started moving again.

  Lee stepped down off her little stool and leant down to pick a few strawberries. Everyone else followed suit. With strawberry stained fingers and lips, they wandered to the side verandah where Lee and Steph had laid out a feast like none other. Stuffed eggs, raspberry and coconut slice, ham and pickle and egg and lettuce sandwiches – cut into quarters and sitting in neat triangular rows. Home-made sponge cakes with a raspberry jam and cream filling, topped generously with more cream and fresh strawberries from the garden. Jam and cream covered scones, banana cake with lemon icing. Plates of warm, home-made sausage rolls with home-made tomato sauce.

  All of Annabelle’s favourite people were gathered, eating all of her favourite foods. As she surveyed the scene before her, she beamed. Finally, peace. ‘Write about me,’ Annabelle said. ‘Write about me, because I am dead.’

  CHAPTER 57

  Murder night

  November 21, 1988

  Carl encountered Ant in the back alley behind Macleay Street. It was grungy, dirty, smelly and used as a short cut, if you dared, from Darlinghurst Road to Potts Point. Ant had ducked out for some hot food to take back to his place, where Christine was waiting for him. Their relationship had moved to a new level since they’d driven home after the party in the early hours of yesterday morning. She was clinging to him tighter than a koala cub. It was intense, exciting and mind blowing.