The Making of Us

by Debbie McGowan

  And I still hadn’t finished that introduction!

  I gave up on the pretence of work and went for a shower, trying to figure out what to wear while I was in there…and wondering what Leigh would be wearing…and then trying really hard not to wonder what Leigh would be wearing, because there was no lock, and my mum was in the room next door, and I wasn’t a teenager anymore, and should I really be thinking these things about Leigh right now? Alas, resisting temptation had never been my strong point, and the pictures in my head got the better of me.

  I stepped out of the shower slightly giddy and lightheaded, and had to use the bathroom mirror so I could see what I was doing with the clippers, or I’d have taken my ear off.

  Ugh. Damn chipmunk cheeks. I blew them out and then slapped them to expel the air. It escaped my lips with a loud farting noise. This was exactly why I avoided mirrors, although…

  “What the hell?” I smoothed my right eyebrow, released. Ping! A stray hair stuck out like a cat’s whisker. I licked my finger and tried again. My brain provided a cartoon sound effect—doy-oy-oy-oing—and the hair sprang free of the spit glue. Whether we were going to be sitting in the dark for two hours or not, that really wouldn’t do.

  “Mum? Can I borrow your tweezers, please?”

  “Yes,” she agreed warily, because I wasn’t good at returning things to their rightful homes. “Dressing-table drawer.”

  I went to fetch them, briefly catching my reflection again in the large dressing-table mirror before I shut my eyes. I refused to torture myself today and returned to the much smaller mirror in the bathroom, where I plucked out the errant hair, stifling the accompanying yelp, and blindly darted into my mum’s room to put the tweezers back.

  “Did you have a splinter?” she called.

  “No. Weird eyebrow hair.”

  “Goodness!” She was outside the door as I emerged from her room. “It must be serious.” She looked very amused.

  I didn’t respond, or not beyond blushing, and dodged around her to reach my own room, mulling over what she’d said while I got dressed. It wasn’t as if I’d never engaged in personal grooming before, just…not to the same extent.

  I’d also thought a lot about the whole diet and weight thing since Leigh told me they liked me as I was. They probably wouldn’t have cared about my eyebrow tentacle, either, but I did. I wanted to look the best I could so Leigh wouldn’t feel ashamed of being seen out with me. OK, I knew, conceptually, they wouldn’t feel that way, but did that mean I shouldn’t make an effort in all the ways that were possible?

  “I’m off, Mum. See you later.”

  “All right, love. Don’t forget to ask Leigh about tomorrow.”

  “I won’t.”

  “You look very handsome.”

  I paused in the doorway. “Thanks, Mum.” I wasn’t feeling it this evening, but I thought, overall, I was maybe winning the fight.

  * * * * *

  Chapter Twenty

  Waiting outside the cinema, I got caught up in kid-like wonder every time the doors swished open, letting out the warm draughts of popcorn-scented air, the noise and bustle—it could be completely packed out, yet we were all faceless, anonymous, single-minded creatures here, celluloid zombies intent only on finding our way to the tickets, the snacks and the screen where our movie was showing.

  It turned me a bit poetic, going to the cinema, but it was pretty much my perfect place to be, kind of invisible but not alone. Definitely not alone today. I saw Leigh in the distance, striding with purpose. They’d seen me, too, and smiled and waved. My stomach lurched in excitement, happiness and a fair bit of amazement that this was really happening—I got it every time I saw them—and my blood went rushing in all directions, like it was trying to run away from my brain. It would certainly explain my inarticulate rambling once they were within hearing distance.

  “Hey, I wasn’t sure you’d find me. See me.” I sighed, Leigh arrived and we exchanged a kiss; I tried again. “I thought I’d better wait outside, seeing as we hadn’t agreed where we’d meet.”

  “I saw you from all the way over there.” They pointed back the way they’d come. “I’ve got a built in Jesse sensor.”

  “OK.” I laughed and shook my head and almost said ‘too big to miss’ but stopped myself. “Where’re Noah and Matty?”

  “They decided not to come.”

  “Oh? Noah’s doing, I’m guessing?”

  “Yeah. He said to tell you he’s been up all night hurling.”

  “Has he?”

  “Not that I heard.”

  “Ah, man.” If I’d known he was thinking of crying off, I’d have talked him out of it. According to Matty, I was the only person who could get Noah to change his mind. Guiltily, I was glad I hadn’t known before now, seeing as it was too late to do anything about it. “I’ll have a talk to him later, see if I can do anything to help. Are you ready to go in?”

  “Yep.”

  We were early, so we took our time, holding hands as we strolled through the foyer to the escalators up to the VIP area, past the kids with enormous boxes of popcorn and bags of sweets, bypassing the queues for the ticket desk. All those wonderful smells and sounds, and being here to share it with Leigh…there was so much rightness about everything.

  “What are you thinking about?” Leigh asked.

  “Just taking it all in. Coming to the cinema always makes me think of my dad. We used to do it on our Saturdays together—movie, then pizza.” The movie could’ve been crappy as anything, but it never mattered. I’d lived for those Saturdays.

  “You miss him.”

  “Yeah, sometimes.”

  We stepped onto the escalator, and Leigh jumped up a step, giggling as they kissed me without having to stretch on tiptoes.

  “I should stand on a box,” they said.

  I’d have answered if they hadn’t captured me with their gaze, almost level with mine. They were wearing eye make-up that made their eyes seem wide open yet sleepy all at once. That really didn’t make any sense, but that was how it looked to me. Kind of sultry and…oh…my word. They widened further as Leigh gradually got shorter, or not. We’d reached the top of the escalator, and they tugged on my hand, making me stagger, and then stopped so I stumbled into them.

  “You’re so crazy,” I said.

  Leigh grinned. “I always wondered what it would be like to do this.”

  I wasn’t sure which part of ‘this’ they were talking about. “The VIP tickets?”

  “Being on a proper date.”

  “Oh. Yeah, me, too.” I just came right out and admitted it. “I’ve never had a…um, been out with anyone before.”

  I saw Leigh’s frown as we got onto the next escalator. They jumped one step up again, but this time, their eyes remained lowered, no blinking, lost in thought. If it was about my admission, I needed to…I wasn’t sure what. Lie so I didn’t come across as such a noob?

  We arrived at the top floor and went to stock up on popcorn and fizzy drinks before finding somewhere to sit. All the while, Leigh remained quiet—much quieter than usual—and I was too worried to let it pass. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah.” They smiled, but it faded quickly. “Did you mean you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

  I shook my head, then nodded, unsure if the correct answer was yes or no. “Yes, that’s what I meant.”

  “Why? Are you super fussy?”

  “Um…not really.” I laughed. Leigh’s questions—they shouldn’t still have surprised me, and whilst this one made me a little uncomfortable, it was only fair they got to ask after I’d more or less interrogated them last time. We hadn’t had a chance to talk properly since our trip to the tea rooms and the magical thunderstorm. “I’d never go out with someone just for the sake of it, but…I’ve never been asked.”

  Leigh made a sad face, which had the opposite effect on me. I laughed and put my arm around them.

  “I did ask someone out once,” I said lightly, because it wasn’t awful. True,
my thirteen-year-old heart was broken, but it had healed quickly enough. “She accepted, then made up an excuse for why she stood me up.”

  “That’s mean.”

  “Yeah, well. Rejection’s part of being a teenager. It’s character-building.”

  “Hmm. I’m not so sure about that. There must’ve been other girls who liked you.”

  “If there were, I didn’t know about them. Have you ever had a…” I couldn’t say ‘date’ because that was where our conversation had started.

  “Boyfriend? Yes.”

  “Oh.” I nodded and tried to act like I wasn’t bothered. I had no right to be.

  “Yeah,” Leigh said. “We didn’t go on dates or kiss or anything. We might’ve held hands once or twice.”

  “Right.” I drank some of my drink so I could get over myself. Holding hands once or twice was nothing for me to be jealous of, or so said my common sense.

  “We were six,” Leigh added.

  I shifted my eyes sideways. That smirk…

  “So…when we kissed under the tree…”

  Leigh nodded. “First time.”

  I stopped fooling around with my drink and put it on the table. People were going in to our screen, but it would only be the ads showing. “That picture you drew is so awesome.”

  “You really like it?”

  “Yeah. Didn’t I tell you?”

  “Once or ten times.”

  I laughed, unashamed of my gushiness. I couldn’t tell them enough.

  “I’m not very artistic, but I do OK with design.”

  “The designs are all brilliant, I’ve no idea which one to pick. You’re so talented.”

  “Thank you,” Leigh accepted bashfully.

  “Just one question, though.”

  “Yeah?” Leigh screwed one eye shut, like they were expecting a criticism.

  I took my phone out and held it in my left hand—still with my left arm around Leigh—so I could operate it with my right, and brought the sketch up onscreen. “Will you describe the colours to me?”

  “Oh!” Leigh laughed. “OK, well…the tree trunk is kind of royal blue and black, and the leaves are yellow with dark-yellow outlines, and the river is a sort of mid—”

  “Blue?” I suggested.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “So it is, actually, blue and yellow.”

  “Uh-huh.” Leigh looked up at me. “What would be the point of green leaves and a brown tree trunk and purple hair when you…can’t…why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because I…” Whoa! Two weeks was way too soon for that nonsense, and now I was stuck, and Leigh was waiting, and…I needed to say something. “Because I’m…” stoked you did that for me. It wasn’t a lie. I quit trying to cover up. “I really hope this doesn’t freak you out, but…I’m falling for you big time. As in…probably, I think I might, um…love you.” I closed my eyes and braced for whatever was coming my way. Nothing did for a few seconds, but then…

  “Jesse?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Jesse?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you hiding?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Scared.”

  I heard Leigh’s breath catch. “Don’t be scared.”

  “I’m sorry. I knew it was too soon to say it, but it’s true, and I’ve messed up…”

  “Shhh…”

  I felt Leigh move away from me, and I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. I heard paper rustling and then a clanging like a key on a ring.

  “Hold out your hand,” Leigh instructed. I did so; Leigh’s fingers unfurled mine, and something cool was placed on my palm. “Open your eyes.”

  Slowly, I opened them, searching Leigh’s face for clues. All I saw was the shine of tears and their beautiful smile.

  “You want to be the anchor or the wheel?” they asked.

  I finally braved a look at what was in my hand: two dog tags on silver chains. One was engraved with a ship’s anchor, the other a ship’s wheel. Leigh laughed at my confusion and instructed, “Turn them over.”

  I flipped them, one at a time, and read the word—the same on the back of both tags: shipmate.

  “Someone posted it online,” Leigh explained. “It’s like boyfriend or girlfriend but gender-neutral. I know you wear wristbands, but some people are funny about having stuff around their necks, so…”

  “Shipmates…” I scooped the liquid chains in my other hand and held up the tags, hypnotised, even though they were too heavy to swing without assistance and I was too astonished to offer them any.

  “If you don’t want to, that’s OK,” Leigh assured me doubtfully. “We could leave it for a bit, until we’re—”

  “I do.” I looked up and held Leigh’s gaze—until they broke it with an eye roll.

  “I wasn’t proposing!” they said. What could I do but kiss that cheeky grin?

  “I think you should have the wheel,” I murmured, refusing to move away. “This’ll sound so corny…”

  “Yeah, I’m the one who bought us dog tags, remember?”

  “Fair point.”

  Leigh’s mouth fell open and they breathed a ‘ha!’ onto my lips. “Come on, then, Shakespeare, why should I have the wheel?”

  “Shakespeare?”

  “Fine. Don’t tell me.” Leigh sat back and folded their arms.

  “All I was going to say was, since that first time we went walking to The Broads, you’ve helped me make good decisions—steered me in positive directions. I don’t worry as much anymore about crashing into the rocks, or running adrift…” I started to laugh, because Leigh was already laughing. “Yeah, OK. I won’t complain ever again about you calling me Shakespeare, but I still say you should have the wheel.”

  “I agree.” Leigh got up and took the tag with the anchor from me. The chain was long enough for them to just slip it over my head. Leigh kept their eyes on the tag as they straightened it against my chest. “I would’ve chosen the anchor for you, because of what I told you already. I feel safe with you. Whatever happens, I know I can trust you to look after me.” Leigh looked up and smiled. “My shipmate.”

  I smiled back and tried very hard not to cry as I lifted the other chain and carefully lowered it over Leigh’s head until the tag came to a rest on their top. I sniffed and wiped my nose.

  “Oh, hey. Don’t be sad.”

  I laugh-cried. “I’m not. It’s just…” So overwhelming, in the best way ever.

  “We’d best go watch our film,” Leigh advised.

  I hadn’t noticed, but the VIP lounge was empty. We picked up our drinks and popcorn and headed for the auditorium.

  “You know what this means, don’t you?” Leigh said as we stepped through the doorway into the dark beyond.

  “What?” I asked.

  “We’re gonna have to learn to speak Pirate.”

  Arrr!

  * * * * *

  Chapter Twenty-One

  We saw, at most, fifteen minutes of the movie, and not because we were getting up to what people famously got up to in the back seat of the movies. Given half a chance, we might have managed a snog, but judging by the opening scenes, the fire alarm was, on the whole, a blessing.

  Out in the car park, we huddled together against the wind and watched the cinema staff who, in turn, were watching the building. Apart from people complaining and asking ridiculously if they could go back inside, there didn’t seem to be a lot happening.

  “How are you getting home?” I asked Leigh.

  “Adam said he’d pick me up.”

  “That’s good.” It hadn’t occurred to me before that Leigh would’ve had to take the bus home alone. I was never happy about getting the last bus home myself.

  “Just as well, really,” Leigh said. “If they do let us back in, the film will overrun.”

  “Yeah, that’s a point.”

  Leigh chewed on their lip stud.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “D�
�you reckon they’ll give us our money back?”

  “If we can’t go back in, you mean?”

  “I mean if we tell them I’ll miss my bus if we stay?”

  I shrugged. “We can ask.” Even if it was a bit cheeky, the cinema was already up on the deal, seeing as Noah and Matty weren’t here and we’d paid in advance, and it seemed we were both in agreement that the movie was rubbish. We couldn’t do anything until we knew if we’d be allowed back inside, so I broached the subject of Sunday dinner at my grandma’s. Leigh’s sigh immediately answered my question.

  “I’m at my aunty’s tomorrow, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s OK.” I smiled, although I was gutted. I was excited about my mum and grandma meeting Leigh, and yes, I wanted to show Leigh off. They were the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  “God, it’s so unfair.” Leigh huffed and scowled and then laughed. “Listen to me, acting like a big kid. I’d much rather spend tomorrow with you than with my cousins.”

  “You haven’t met my mum yet.”

  “No, but Noah and Matty told me she’s awesome.”

  I couldn’t argue with that.

  “Plus, she brought you into this world.”

  Or that. I made a spur-of-the-moment decision. “Would you like to meet her tonight?” I’d have to check with my mum first, of course, but I was pretty sure she’d say yes.

  Leigh nodded enthusiastically. “I’d love to.”

  “I’ll give her a call. Oh…” There was movement up ahead. The cinema staff were walking along the lines of people, who were all moving back towards the building.

  “You call your mum,” Leigh suggested, “I’ll go see if I can get our ticket money back.”

  “OK. I’ll wait here.” I took my phone out and called home, watching Leigh dodge through the dawdling crowd. Leigh disappeared through the doors as my mum picked up.