God Ain't Blind

by Mary Monroe

  He responded with a resonating snore.

  CHAPTER 6

  I didn’t treat my battered body to the long, hot bath that I had planned to take during my ride home from the motel. I settled for another brief shower instead, like the one I’d taken in the motel with Louis.

  After I had dried myself off, I stood in front of the full-length mirror behind the bathroom door and admired my naked body. Even as agitated as I was because of my conversation with Pee Wee, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I liked what I saw in that mirror. I never thought that I would live to see the day that I’d have a waistline that was where it was supposed to be. I was nowhere near Janet Jackson territory in the body department—even when she was going through one of her plump periods—but I no longer had to turn sideways to tell where my back ended and my butt began. I still had some cellulite on my thighs, but according to the tabloids I read every week, so did Goldie Hawn, and she was still one of the most glamorous human beings on the planet. Most of the dimples, lumps, fleshy flaps, and bumps that had once decorated more than 50 percent of my body had disappeared. I could even see my navel now, because all the flab that used to encircle my middle like a tutu was completely gone. I was going to do whatever it took to make sure it never returned.

  Pee Wee didn’t know what a good thing he was losing, but his loss was another man’s gain. That belief was probably the only thing that kept me going.

  Louis was a man who was good not only with his dick and his hands; he had a way with words, too. He always seemed to know just what to say to make me feel good. “I can’t keep my hands off you,” he had told me just before I left the motel. “I just don’t know what I’m gwine to do with myself for the rest of the night.”

  “You can spend the rest of the night thinking about me,” I’d told him. “And I will be thinking about you.” I was thinking about Louis right now. I was thinking about him so hard that I knew I couldn’t get to sleep until I heard his voice again.

  I could hear Pee Wee snoring in the living room all the way from our upstairs bedroom at the end of the hall. When he fell asleep in that damn chair, I usually left him there for the night. I had stopped trying to drag his deadweight black ass upstairs ever since that night a few months ago when I pulled a muscle trying to do so. It didn’t matter to me where he slept anymore. Because when he was in bed with me, I was just as alone as when he was not there at all. But tonight was different.

  I didn’t go straight to bed after my shower. I slid into one of my sleaziest Frederick’s of Hollywood negligees. A sad smile crossed my face when I recalled how Pee Wee had referred to this short, see-through red night wear as a “naked-la-gee” when it arrived in the mail on the morning of his last birthday. I picked up the telephone on the nightstand next to my side of the bed and had the operator connect me to the Do Drop Inn motel, room 108.

  “Hello,” Louis answered on the first ring. I could hear loud, angry voices in the background, which meant the hookers and the truck drivers had locked horns.

  “Hi. It’s Annette,” I said, trembling like a schoolgirl.

  “Hold on, baby. Let me close this window. Those fools outside in the parking lot are getting on my nerves.” He was gone so long, I thought he’d joined the melee in the parking lot. “I’m back,” he told me, huffing and puffing. “Damn, this place is a dump. I had to wrestle with the window to open it and to close it.”

  “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

  “Oh no, baby. I am so glad you called. My dick is buzzing like a killer bee and throbbing like a lawn mower,” he told me.

  “That must be a sight to behold.” I laughed. “I wish I could see that.”

  “I wish you could see it, too.”

  “You were still heavy on my mind, so I just thought I’d call. I hope I didn’t disturb you.”

  “You could never disturb me. I was just lying here in this bed, roasting up under the kivver, listening to that jazz station you told me about. That damn air conditioner is about as useless as a third leg.”

  “It would probably help if you got out from under the kivver,” I suggested.

  “Then these flies would be lighting all up and down my body.”

  “Then you should have left the window open. I don’t mind the noise.”

  “Well, I do. And another thing. My dick is as hard as Chinese arithmetic.”

  “That must be a sight to behold, too.” I laughed again. It felt so good to be amused.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Everything is fine. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your company tonight.”

  Louis took his time responding. Whenever a person got hesitant during a conversation with me, it made me nervous. The first thing that came to my mind was that they were trying to come up with whatever they thought I wanted to hear. I was usually right. No matter who it was, they usually said exactly what I wanted to hear at the time. This time was no different. He said, “Well, if you enjoyed my company half as much as I enjoyed yours, I’m in good shape.” He should have stopped while he was ahead, but he didn’t. “I never know how these things are gwine to go. All kinds of things can come up, with you being married and all. Lord knows, I don’t need any more complications in my life. I’ve been in the storm too long as it is.”

  “Now what in the world does that mean?”

  “I know what kind of mess I could get myself into by dipping my bucket in another man’s well. There are way too many other fish….”

  That was something I hadn’t expected to hear or wanted to hear. “Bucket? Fuck it!” The last thing I wanted to be was just another link in some man’s chain of fools. “You don’t have to worry about me,” I assured him.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, with a gulp.

  “We had a good time tonight, but if there is something else you want to do, or some other fish you’d like to catch, please don’t let me stand in your way. I was doing fine before I met you—”

  Louis wasted no time cutting me off. “Now, you just hold on! You hold on there right now. Where is that gobbledygook coming from?”

  “I don’t know. But since you brought it up, you ought to know. So why don’t you tell me? The last thing I want to do is complicate things for somebody else. I do enough of that to myself.”

  “Annette, I’ve been looking for a woman like you all my life. You’re beautiful. You’re funny and smart. And they ought to stuff that body of yours and put it on display when you die.” He laughed. I laughed at the thought of that. “I want to see you again, and I hope you want to see me. What happened tonight was just the beginning of a wonderful relationship. Don’t you think so? Wasn’t tonight wonderful for you?”

  “It was,” I admitted, looking toward the door. My husband had stopped snoring. I held my breath as I heard him shuffling up the steps, dragging his feet like a zombie with a clubfoot. “Oh shit! I have to go!” I announced. I hung up before Louis could say another word. I was kind of glad to end the call. We’d both said a couple of stupid things. The last thing I wanted was for one of us to say something that was stupid enough for us to end our relationship before it grew legs.

  By the time Pee Wee entered the room, I was facing the wall, with the covers up to my neck. I was wrapped so snugly in my red silk sheets, I felt like I was in a body bag. When he slid under the covers and started patting and rubbing me on the butt, I got excited. For years that gesture had usually meant only one thing: he wanted to make love. It didn’t matter that the last thing I needed right now was more sex. I sat bolt upright and turned to face him so fast, I almost rolled to the floor. Despite the fact that I had made love for hours with another man, I would have jumped through hoops to share some passion with my husband tonight.

  “Yes, baby,” I cooed, trying to sound as seductive as a forty-six-year-old, size-sixteen sister could.

  I was disappointed to see that there was no look of love or lust on his face like I had known back in the day. He just looked uncomfortable,
like he was constipated. “I know you just got your nails silk wrapped again this afternoon, but can you scratch my back for a few minutes?” he asked. “I’m itchin’ like a hound.”

  “You want me to scratch your back?” I wailed, disappointed. “Is that all you want?”

  “Why else would I be pesterin’ you this time of night?” he replied, with a mighty belch. “And why you layin’ up in this room this time of night, half-naked? You ain’t in no doctor’s office.”

  I just looked at him and blinked. Then I gripped his shoulders and spun him around so I could scratch his back.

  CHAPTER 7

  I was glad that it was June. For one thing, school was out, so I didn’t have to worry about getting up an hour earlier to get my ten-year-old daughter, Charlotte, ready for school before I left for work. But I had gotten up early this particular morning, anyway. As a matter of fact, I had rolled out of bed two hours earlier than I normally would have. I hadn’t slept but three or four hours, anyway. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I’d done the one thing that I’d promised my husband and God I’d never do: I’d committed adultery.

  The mild guilt that I had felt before and after I left the motel the night before was gone. And I do mean completely gone. Pee Wee’s behavior had helped me get over that. As a matter of fact, I had the nerve to walk around with a smile on my face this morning. His request for me to scratch his back so he could get to sleep last night was the straw that had broken the camel’s back in two. There I’d been, lying next to him in a see-through gown, ready, willing, and able to do anything he wanted me to do, and all he’d wanted from me was a back scratch!

  It was all good, though. It had made him happy. Even though that back-scratching episode had caused me to break two of my nails. But if that was all it took, I was way ahead of the game. As long as I kept him somewhat happy, I didn’t have to worry about him checking up on my outside activities. I wondered if Louis would ever ask me to do something as mundane as scratch his back. The thought made me laugh out loud.

  “What you guffawin’ about so early in the mornin’?” Pee Wee asked, walking into the kitchen.

  I sat at the table, nursing my second cup of coffee. I had already dressed for work and read the morning paper. “Huh? Oh, nothing,” I muttered, fanning my face.

  There was nothing wrong with our air conditioner, but it still didn’t do the job. I was sweating like a seal. I had on a navy blue skirt and a white sleeveless blouse. I’d left the two top buttons on my blouse undone so that I could enjoy the mild June breeze, and show a little bit of cleavage. Since my bosom was so attractive now, I couldn’t help showing it off a little from time to time—as long as I did it tastefully. Had I not had to go to work, I would have been walking around the house, naked, trying to keep cool. I often did that when I was home alone.

  “Nothin’?” Pee Wee gave me a dumbfounded look. “Most people don’t go around cheesin’ like a hyena about nothin’.” He stopped and stood in front of me, with his hands on his hips. Even though he had lost his shape and most of his looks, he still looked good to me in his crisp white barber’s smock. The creases in his black slacks were razor sharp.

  “I was just thinking about something funny that one of the girls on the bowling team said last night. You remember Lizel Hunter?”

  “Who don’t? She’s one of them sisters that helps Rhoda look after them kids at her child-care whatnot. What about Lizel? I bet she’s pregnant again.”

  I shook my head. “She’s looking for a new husband,” I reported.

  “What happened to the husband she had? Wasn’t he her fifth or sixth? How many more she need to be satisfied? She must have one hell of a meat grinder between her thighs.”

  “She’s had only four husbands. She’s still with husband number four, but she’s always looking for a better one.”

  Pee Wee groaned and shook his head in disgust. “You women need to find better things to do with your time than look for a better husband,” he retorted. “I hope her bad habits don’t rub off on you. Lord knows, you got enough bad habits of your own already.”

  “Thanks, Pee Wee. I needed to hear that,” I scoffed, giving him a look that would have killed him if looks could kill.

  “Aw, woman, you know what I mean. I know you know that I know you got better sense than to be out there looking for a better husband. I don’t mean to brag, but you can’t do no better than me.”

  “Do you want me to find out?” I offered. One of the things I liked about having a lover, especially one as young, handsome, and aggressive as Louis, was that it brought out courage in me that I didn’t know I had.

  Pee Wee removed his hands from his hips and folded his arms. “Woman, do I have to remind you that there wasn’t nobody, not even a cat, standing in line behind me when I went up to you and asked you to get married? You ain’t Halle Berry.”

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Don’t you have to get to the shop and open up?”

  “I’ll be home late tonight,” he told me, looking away as soon as I met his gaze.

  “So will I,” I told him. “I’m going out for drinks with Rhoda.” I wiped the slight smile off of my face because I didn’t want him to see it.

  “What about Charlotte?” he asked, with one eyebrow raised.

  “She’s spending the night with the Peterson twins down the street.”

  “Oh. Well, I hope you and Rhoda have a good time gettin’ drunk tonight.” He turned and walked out the back door, slamming the screen door so hard, a pot holder fell from its hook on the wall to the floor.

  “I hope you have a good time tonight, too. Doing whatever it is you do these days,” I said, knowing he couldn’t hear me.

  It saddened me to know that it had come to this. We were more like indifferent roommates than we were husband and wife. It had been almost a year since we’d had sex—with each other. I didn’t know about his sex life, and the way I was feeling this morning, I didn’t want to know. At that moment, I knew what I had to do. Especially since I had ended my dry spell last night.

  As soon as I heard Pee Wee start the motor in the candy-apple red Firebird in our driveway, which he’d bought three months ago, I stumbled over to the telephone on the wall next to the refrigerator. I waited until I heard him drive away before I dialed the motel again.

  “Louis, did I wake you? I’m sorry I had to get off the phone so quick last night. My husband came into the room,” I said, without pausing to take a breath.

  “That’s all right, baby. I understand. Where are you?”

  “I’m still at my house. I’ll be leaving for work in a few minutes,” I replied, looking at my watch. “I just have to check on my daughter before I go.”

  “I can’t wait to meet her. I am looking forward to it,” he told me. That was good to know. That meant he planned on being around for a while. “And I know she’s as much of a fox as you are.”

  “Uh, she’s only ten, so we’d have to be careful around her. We’d have to watch everything we said and did,” I warned. “She’s at that age where she blabs everything she sees and hears. Intentionally and unintentionally.”

  “Baby, we are gwine to take things real slow. Maybe by the time I meet your daughter, we won’t have to be sneaking around. The way you say your old man has been neglecting you, it sounds like he’s got a little something on the side himself.”

  “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I said, with a heavy sigh. Pee Wee’s lack of interest in me was one thing, and that was bad enough. That was all I could handle. But if the reason was another woman, I’d find out soon enough, and I’d deal with that then.

  “When can I see you again?”

  That question brought a broad grin to my face.

  “Uh, let’s talk about that later tonight. I’ll be at the Red Rose, having a few drinks with a friend. You can meet us there around six if you can make it.”

  “You’ll be with a friend?” I could tell he was nervous by the way he was whisperi
ng. “Is she cool? She know about us?”

  “Louis, she knows everything. She’s the one who, uh, encouraged me to get to know you better. She drove me to the motel and picked me up last night.”

  “Bless her heart. When you see her, hug her for me.”

  “She’s the only person on this planet that I would trust with my life.”

  There were a few moments of silence before he spoke again. “I’m gwine to knock off work around five thirty. I’ve been working till eight almost every night this week. Last night I realized I’ve got something much better to do with my time in the evenings now.”

  His last sentence made me grin even more.

  “Does that mean you’re coming to the Red Rose tonight? Friday night is buy one drink, get one drink free. And all the free buffalo wings you can eat. And they are the best—no offense.” I immediately wanted to bite my tongue. I should have known better than to brag about another cook’s abilities to a struggling caterer.

  “None taken.” He laughed. “I know I can hook up a mean meal. I’ll be at the Red Rose tonight. There and any other place you want me to be.”

  I was smiling so hard when I got off the phone, my cheeks hurt. I was still smiling when my daughter pranced into the kitchen, already dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt with a black Barbie’s face on the front. She was spoiled, materialistic, self-centered, and manipulative. But she was also smart, generous, loving, and cute. Even though she had the same habits and mannerisms, and the nice, slim build and soft, gentle features, that her daddy used to have, she was my most treasured creation.

  “What are you smiling about, Mama? You look like that cat in Alice in Wonderland,” she said, with a smirk.

  I cleared my throat and stopped smiling. “Nothing,” I managed.

  CHAPTER 8

  I was probably the only person at the company I worked for who didn’t look forward to Friday. I didn’t know what to do with myself on the weekends anymore. My personal life had become so humdrum that I preferred being at work to being in my own house.