God Ain't Blind

by Mary Monroe

  Instead of a quick shower, I filled the tub with hot water and rose-scented bubble bath. My body felt as tense as a gangster’s hatband, and I couldn’t think of a better thing than a long, hot bubble bath to remedy that. I didn’t know if my evening with Louis would include any serious physical contact. But in case it did, I wanted to be more relaxed, and I wanted to smell and taste good to him. As special as he made me feel, that was the least I could do.

  I had been marinating in that hot water up to my neck for about ten minutes when I heard a commotion downstairs. I held my breath and listened.

  “Shit,” I said, splashing water all over the floor as I flopped around in the tub like a fish in a bucket. “Not tonight,” I groaned. Muh’Dear, Daddy, and Charlotte were yip-yapping at the same time. I snatched a towel off the rack and dried myself off as fast as I could. I didn’t even take the time to put on any underwear. Cursing under my breath, I threw on my housecoat, slid into my house shoes, and trotted downstairs as fast as I could.

  “We want to get an early start tomorrow mornin’, so we came to get Charlotte’s stuff,” Daddy told me, picking his teeth with a straw from one of Muh’Dear’s whisk brooms. He looked like a field hand, standing in the middle of my living-room floor in his dingy bibbed overalls and wide-brimmed straw hat. For a man in his late seventies, my daddy was still a sight to behold. It was hard to tell that he’d once been a handsome man, with rich, healthy-looking dark brown skin and exotic features. Now he was just a mess. He had lost most of his hair, teeth, and vision. He was fussy and cantankerous most of the time. Some days all he did was complain and sleep. Then he’d wake up and complain some more. He removed his horn-rimmed glasses and stared at me with dark eyes that looked like they’d seen all the troubles of the world. “Don’t forget to go by the house and water them plants and check the windows, like you done that last time we took off out of town.”

  “I won’t forget,” I mouthed. Charlotte rushed up to me and gave me a big hug. I rubbed her back and patted the side of her head. “You better behave yourself down there,” I warned.

  “I know, I know,” she replied, rolling her eyes. As soon as I released her, she ran to the suitcases I had packed for her.

  “Y’all ain’t got to rush off,” Pee Wee said. He stood next to my mother as she bent over my coffee table, running her fingers across the top. She seemed disappointed not to find any dust. “Frank, you want a beer? Muh’Dear, you want a beer?”

  “Don’t mind if I do, Pee Wee,” Daddy said, flopping down on the sofa with a piercing groan.

  “I guess I’ll have one, too,” Muh’Dear said, now standing by my front window, inspecting the gold brocade curtains that I had purchased last week. “Even though I know I shouldn’t be drinkin’ on no empty stomach.”

  “Oh, we got plenty of food. Why don’t y’all get comfortable while I heat up some of them greens and that neck-bone casserole left over from yesterday,” Pee Wee said, looking at me. “Baby, do you mind whuppin’ up some hush puppies?”

  “Uh, I guess not,” I said. I sounded flat and distracted, and I knew it. There was no way I could look and sound like I was happy to be making some hush puppies! I had left my watch on the counter in the bathroom, so I glanced at the clock on the wall by the door. “I guess I have time to make some hush puppies before I go.”

  “Where you gwine this time of night?” Muh’Dear asked. She was talking to me but looking at my husband.

  “I was going to meet a friend for dinner,” I said quickly.

  “Well, don’t let us stop you,” Muh’Dear said with a pitiful look that made her face look twice as long as it really was. “If you don’t want to visit with us, that’s fine.” She sucked on her teeth and blinked. “Even though we won’t see you until the end of August after tonight…”

  I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so trapped.

  “I told my friend that she could count on dinner with me tonight. I sure hate to stand people up,” I said. “I’d hate for somebody to disappoint me that way.” I glanced around the room, but I saw no sympathy for my predicament. All I did see was mild contempt, and I knew why. Unless it was a matter of extreme importance, nothing was more important to my parents than family.

  “Why don’t you call your friend and have her come over here? We got plenty of food. And, like your mama just said, after tonight you won’t see them, or your daughter, until the end of August,” Pee Wee said. It was just like him to join forces with my folks. “I know you don’t like to disappoint people, but when it comes to family, you need to make some exceptions.” That sucker looked from Muh’Dear to Daddy and received their sheepish looks and nods of approval.

  I heard Charlotte whimper and then mutter something unintelligible under her breath. “I wanna go now,” she insisted, stomping her foot. She stood next to the suitcases I had packed for her, toying with the handle on one. “I thought we was just going to come over here to get my stuff, then go get some hot dogs at the Weenie Dog House.” This was the first time I didn’t mind my daughter pouting like a toddler.

  “Shaddup, young’un,” Muh’Dear ordered. “We ain’t gwine no place until we get them greens and hush puppies.”

  Muh’Dear slipped off her pink sweater and kicked off her fuzzy pink house shoes. A shower cap covered her thick hair, which was almost all white now. She had earned her share of lines and wrinkles on her light brown face, but she was convinced that she was as foxy as she was fifty years ago.

  Suddenly, all eyes were on me, and I knew what I had to do to keep the peace intact and the questions and suspicions at a minimum: I had to cancel my date with Louis.

  “I’ll go upstairs and put on some clothes,” I managed, stumbling back toward the steps that led to my bedroom. “And I’ll call, uh, Gloria Watson and tell her that I have to cancel our plans for tonight.”

  “Gloria Watson?” Pee Wee gasped, and then he gave me a dumbfounded look. “Ain’t she that jealous, blockheaded woman you work with that’s been a thorn in your side ever since you got that manager job?”

  I nodded.

  “Since when did you and Gloria become so chummy?” Pee Wee looked from Muh’Dear to Daddy again. “Gloria is a evil ghetto woman that Annette works with that gives her such a bad time.” Then he looked at me with both eyebrows raised. “You and that woman have been at each other’s throats for years.”

  “Well, things are different now. I’ve become more tolerant, and Gloria’s a changed woman…since she started going back to church,” I replied.

  “See there! If church can turn that Gloria woman around, just think what it could do for you!” Muh’Dear yelled.

  I ignored my mother’s outburst. “And I’ve learned to be a little more patient with Gloria,” I explained. I cleared my throat and excused myself.

  As soon as I got to the top of the stairs, I held my breath and shot down the hall like a missile toward my bedroom. I called Louis immediately, but he had already left work for the night. I tried to reach him at home but had no luck. I whirled around and looked at the clock on the nightstand by the side of my bed. It wasn’t quite six yet, and I was supposed to meet him at seven thirty. There was still a chance that I could meet him on time.

  But when I got downstairs and saw that Pee Wee had popped a video into the VCR with the last six episodes of The Cosby Show that he’d recorded, I knew I was in for the night. I let out a sigh of defeat as I headed for the kitchen to make the hush puppies.

  Charlotte fell asleep on the sofa, with her head in my lap, right after the third episode of Cosby. Muh’Dear, who was on the sofa with me, had started yawning right after she finished her second plate of collard greens. Daddy had fallen asleep on the floor, with his head propped up on four pillows, a few minutes before I announced that those damn hush puppies were done.

  I didn’t know if Pee Wee was really asleep in his La-Z-Boy or just playing possum, because every time I tried to get up and go use the telephone to try and reach Louis, he stirred and moaned.
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br />   As soon as I turned off the VCR and the television, everybody came back to life.

  “What time is it?” Daddy asked, with a gaping yawn. He sat bolt upright, looking like a deer caught in somebody’s headlights. He rolled up the sleeve of his plaid flannel shirt and wobbled up from the floor. “We better get home so we can get up in time to get to that airport in the mornin’, y’all.” He grabbed Muh’Dear by the arm and pulled her up from the sofa.

  Charlotte sprang up like a jack-in-the-box on her own, rubbing her eyes and mumbling under her breath. “We still going for hot dogs?” she asked with a pleading look.

  “You should have et when we did,” Muh’Dear scolded.

  “I didn’t want no greens and neck bones!” Charlotte wailed. “I wanted some normal American food for a change.”

  “If you don’t stop sassin’ grown folks, you ain’t goin’ to the Bahamas or nowhere else,” Pee Wee threatened. “Now do you want them greens or not, girl? You missed out on them neck bones and hush puppies. I gobbled up the last of them bad boys myself.”

  “No! Collard greens is for old folks and rednecks!” Charlotte declared.

  “Charlotte, don’t you never let me hear you use that word in this house again!” Pee Wee yelled, shaking his finger at Charlotte.

  “Which word, Daddy? Greens or rednecks?” she asked, looking confused and innocent at the same time.

  “Redneck is a bad word. That’s the white folk’s version of nigger,” Muh’Dear explained.

  The explanation didn’t help, or make Charlotte feel any better. She still looked confused. And now a major pout was on her face, too.

  “Well, y’all, we best get to steppin’,” Daddy said, stretching and yawning again. “We don’t want to wear out our welcome.”

  After several group hugs, they finally left.

  I had already turned to head upstairs when Pee Wee stopped me in my tracks.

  “Uh, I’m takin’ the day off tomorrow. I’m goin’ to ride over to the Blue Creek. They tell me them carps is bitin’ like mosquitoes,” he informed me. “Maybe you can call up that friend you had to stand up tonight, and y’all can go eat tomorrow evenin’,” he said.

  I nodded. “Maybe I will,” I replied. “Maybe I will.”

  He slept in the bed with me that night. Had he not been snoring like a chain saw, breathing on my neck, and blasting farts in his sleep like a skunk, I would have sworn that he was dead.

  CHAPTER 31

  It was a difficult night for me. I tossed and turned so much, I developed a cramp in my neck. I got up around midnight to take some Advil, but that didn’t help. Even though it got rid of the cramp in my neck, it didn’t stop me from continuing to toss and turn like a washing machine. I grabbed the remote off the nightstand and turned on the portable TV on the dresser facing the bed. There was nothing on worth watching. I tried to listen to the radio at the head of the bed, but what was on it was just as boring as what was on the TV.

  I got up again around two and read an article in a two-month-old edition of Ebony magazine. Then I read the latest edition of Jet magazine, from cover to cover. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the magazine articles were so intriguing that I didn’t want to go to sleep now. But I knew I had to if I wanted to be able to perform like a normal person at work in the morning.

  After I put the magazines away, I padded downstairs to the kitchen and heated some milk. Before I could drink it, I remembered that somebody had told me a glass of merlot was good for insomnia. I didn’t hesitate to try that. I snatched open the refrigerator, popped open a fresh bottle, poured a glassful, and drank it as fast as I could. I knew right away that I would have no trouble getting to sleep now—if I could make it back upstairs to bed. I got such a mellow buzz so fast that it felt like was I walking on a cloud. I was so dizzy, I couldn’t even find the light switch in a kitchen that I’d been familiar with for more than thirty years. I left the light on and staggered out of the room. I literally crawled back upstairs. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

  When I opened my eyes the next morning, Pee Wee was already up. I could hear him stumbling around and bumping into things downstairs. That man was so clumsy. It sounded like he was tearing down the house.

  I groaned and rubbed the back of my head. Even though the merlot had helped me get to sleep, I promised myself that I would never drink as much as fast as I’d done the night before, because now I had a mild hangover. Then I took a shower, because the wine had made me sweat, so I felt unclean and sticky. I had no idea how my day was going to go, so I was a bit apprehensive. I was even tempted to play hooky from work and go shopping again, since my recent shopping expedition had been interrupted by Jade.

  Just as I entered the kitchen, already dressed for work, Pee Wee dropped a glass. It was just a small glass, but it sounded like a chandelier when it hit the linoleum floor. He squatted down and started to scoop up the pieces, cursing under his breath.

  “I’ll take care of that. You’ll be late for your fishing trip,” I said. I was glad to see that he had made a pot of coffee. I poured myself a cup immediately.

  “I got it,” he insisted. A second after he said that, he howled like a wolf. “I cut my damn finger!” He rose from the floor, cursing under his breath and shaking his hand.

  I put the coffeepot down and got a Band-Aid from the drawer by the stove where we kept a variety of notions. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and wiped the spot of blood off his middle finger with the tip of my finger.

  “You’ll need to change this Band-Aid in a few hours,” I informed him. “You’d better take a few with you to that creek.” I looked in his eyes, and for a moment, I saw the man that I used to know. He looked away first as I took my time wrapping his finger. “I saw Jade yesterday,” I said.

  “Humph! I seen her, too. That heifer! She was struttin’ down Main Street yesterday like she was Diana Ross’s cat. Had some foreigner with her, holding on to his arm like he was her pocketbook that somebody was tryin’ to snatch.” There was a grimace on Pee Wee’s face as he spoke. “She seen me, but you would have thought I was a rank stranger by the way she looked clean through me. I spoke to her, but that little ninny didn’t even speak back!”

  “I had my run-in with her at the mall,” I groaned and shook my head. “I feel sorry for her family and everybody else who enters her orbit. She’s going to cause them so much misery.”

  “She done already caused half of Richland enough misery to last ’em a lifetime. And us, too.”

  “I don’t want her in this house unless I’m here. It’s too dangerous for you to be alone with her,” I announced. I checked the Band-Aid and tapped it. “Try not to get this wet.”

  “You ain’t got to worry about me. I wouldn’t let Jade in this house if I had a SWAT team standin’ by.” Pee Wee shook his hand again and looked at me. “Annette, by the way, you are still a real good wife,” he told me.

  Still a good wife? I appreciated that comment, but it also confused me. I asked myself if there was a time when I wasn’t a good wife.

  “I’m glad you still think that. I’d like to think that I’ve always been a good wife,” I squeaked.

  “And you didn’t have to lose all that weight for me. I was happy with you bein’ a real big woman. Your weight was never no problem to me. You were the first extra-large woman I ever got serious about, and I never regretted it. I loved the fact that you was so soft and mushy and cuddly and shit. That was a unique experience for me.” Pee Wee leaned to the side and checked out the snug linen dress I had on. “One of the best kept secrets in America is that big women give the best sex….”

  My husband was not a stupid man, but he sure knew how to come up with some dumb shit. I was reluctant to respond to his off-the-wall comments. I gave him a disgusted look and rolled my eyes, and he got the message. “You’re giving me more information than I need,” I said in a deliberately dry voice.

  “Don’t you want to hear the truth?” He had a contrit
e look on his face, so I could not understand why he was still on the same subject.

  “You just told me all I need to know,” I insisted. “Can we put this puppy to bed?”

  “Oh. Well, now you know what I think.”

  “And for the record, I know what I looked like before I lost the weight, and I know what I look like now. I don’t need you or anybody else to remind me.” A sharp pain shot through my chest, because at that same moment, I recalled some of the hurtful things that Jade had said at the mall in reference to my weight.

  It was obvious that Pee Wee wasn’t going to get off this subject until he was good and ready. I was clearly annoyed, but that didn’t seem to bother him. If he was trying to get my goat, he had already done that.

  “Do you have anything else to say about my weight?” I asked with a sneer.

  He gave me a thoughtful look. “Now that you mentioned it, I just want to say that I don’t see why you get so sensitive about your weight now.” He shook his finger at me. “You done made your point by losin’ so much of it, and I want you to know that I am real proud of you. You done good.”

  “I didn’t lose all that weight for you,” I told him. “I did it because I needed to. And besides, it pretty much happened on its own, thanks to Jade.” I took a sip of my coffee. “And to think that I treated her like family for all those years. Boy, was I a fool.”

  “Sure enough,” Pee Wee agreed, pouring himself another cup of coffee with his uninjured hand. “They say that the folks closest to you can be your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time.” He set his cup down and whirled around, looking at his watch. We stood in the middle of the kitchen floor, looking at each other. “You look real nice today, Annette. If I didn’t already have plans, I’d take you somewhere to show you off.”