God Ain't Blind

by Mary Monroe

  “Hospitality and forgiveness are a big part of our culture. What do you think about that?” he asked.

  Hosting a cookout in my backyard, with Louis and Jade among the guests, was a fate worse than death as far as I was concerned. My face was so stiff, all I could do was blink. I tried to talk, but my lips wouldn’t even move.

  “Annette, what’s wrong with you? You look like you just seen a ghost,” Pee Wee said with a concerned tone of voice.

  “I…I’m fine,” I croaked. “Uh, let’s hold off on having a cookout until Muh’Dear, Daddy, and Charlotte get back from the Bahamas. We can celebrate everything at the same time.”

  He gave me a thoughtful look and then a broad smile. “You’re right, baby. We’ll do it then. All right?”

  When pigs fly, I thought to myself.

  CHAPTER 49

  This had been one of the most eventful Saturdays in my life. I didn’t think that anything else could happen that would top Jade’s wedding mess and Pee Wee’s news about his health. I was wrong. My husband made love to me that night.

  It felt like the first time, in more ways than one. It seemed like he had forgotten where certain things went and what they did once they got there. He was so clumsy, he accidentally bopped the side of my head with his elbow so hard, we had to stop so I could go take some Advil and press a warm, wet bath cloth to the spot where he’d hit me.

  When I returned to bed, he jumped on me so fast, we both rolled to the floor. After we returned to bed, he ejaculated twice before he even got his dick in me.

  “Baby, please be patient with me. I’ve been hibernatin’ for so long, it’s goin’ to take a lot of practice for me to get back up to speed,” he said with an apologetic look. “Besides that, there is another reason why I can’t get my shit together like I used to.”

  “And what is that?” I asked, rubbing my throbbing neck where his teeth had clamped down on me like a pit bull.

  “There was a whole lot more to you the last time we made love. Now I got to get used to all these shrunk-up parts on your body.”

  He played with my titties so long, they got sore and then so numb, I couldn’t feel them at all. Just when I thought he was making progress, he ejaculated again before it was time. Since his dick wasn’t even all the way in me when it happened, semen splashed all over the inside of my thigh. After that he petered out like a deflated balloon and stayed that way for about ten minutes.

  The longer and harder we tried, the worse it got. By the time it was over, I was ready to climb up one side of the wall and down the other. We tried again an hour later, and it was so much better. I actually enjoyed it. Afterwards, he fell asleep in my arms, and that was where he was when Sunday morning rolled around.

  He was still snoozing when I untangled myself from his embrace and leaped out of bed. I grabbed my housecoat from the chair by my nightstand. After I had put it on, I stood by his side of the bed for a couple of minutes, just watching him sleep. Then I padded downstairs to use the phone in the kitchen. When Rhoda answered my call, she was glad to hear from me.

  “I meant to call you last night when we got home from the hospital,” she told me. “But I was so exhausted and upset. And bein’ around all those doctors and nurses didn’t help, because that brought back some painful memories.”

  Like Pee Wee, Rhoda hated doctors, hospitals, and anything else related to the medical profession. She had felt that way since she’d lost her breasts to cancer shortly after Jade’s birth. And if she had not had a stroke ten years ago, she probably would not have gone near a hospital if you paid her. I was glad that she still managed to visit her doctors for regular checkups.

  “Rhoda, you don’t need to explain anything to me,” I told her. “Your daughter comes first.”

  She let out a great sigh. “God is so good. Jade’s goin’ to be all right. Dr. Long wants to keep her for a few days for observation. And…and I overheard a couple of nurses talkin’ about how they had a suicide watch on her. Annette, if I lose that girl, I don’t want to live myself.” For the next few moments, she cried like a baby.

  I listened as Rhoda sobbed. “Rhoda, stop talking crazy, and you stop that crying. You are not going to lose your daughter,” I insisted. Well, one thing was for sure, I couldn’t dump my latest tale of woe on Rhoda. At least not yet. She already had enough on her plate, so she didn’t need to hear what Pee Wee had finally told me.

  She blew her nose, cleared her throat, and coughed a few times. When she spoke again, her voice sounded dry and scratchy. “Did you get a chance to spend some time with Louis yesterday? He looked so handsome in his tux.”

  “Uh, no, I didn’t.”

  “Well, you should. You’ve got to keep him happy if you want to keep him. If you need me as an alibi before our next bowlin’ date, just let me know. I know you still care about Jade, so I know all this mess is botherin’ you, too. So you might want to chill out for a while, too. How’s Pee Wee?”

  “He’s fine, Rhoda. He’s still in bed, and he wants to take me to a bed-and-breakfast soon.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “My husband wants to take me to a bed-and-breakfast. The same one that you and Otis and Pee Wee and I went to that time.”

  “For what?”

  “Rhoda, the man is still my husband. He still likes to do nice things for me.”

  “Except make love to you.”

  “Well, that changed last night.”

  Rhoda remained quiet for a few seconds. “What voodoo potion did you use to make that happen?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Horsefeathers! Somethin’ had to happen. Was he drunk?”

  “The man was as sober as an embryo,” I replied. “Listen, I know this is not the time to go into great detail, but we had a very serious conversation yesterday after I got home from your house. He shared some information with me that I’d like to share with you when the time is right.”

  “What’s wrong with sharin’ it with me now? I’ve got time.”

  “And you’ve got your own problems right now, too. Besides that, I need to make sure it’s all right with Pee Wee for me to tell you what he told me.”

  “I see.” Rhoda cleared her throat. “Whatever it is, I’d like to hear it ASAP, and I don’t care if you tell me, or Pee Wee. Now what about Louis?”

  “What about him?”

  “Is he still on your agenda now that things between you and Pee Wee have changed?”

  I hesitated before I responded. “Uh, for now he is. But I need to give that situation a lot of thought in the next few days.”

  “I see. Tell me this. Do you still want to be with him?”

  This time I was the one who got quiet for a few seconds. I was so uncomfortable that those seconds seemed more like minutes. “Uh-huh.” My bedroom was directly above the kitchen. I heard Pee Wee stumbling around upstairs. I glanced at the doorway before I continued. “When I let Louis down, I want to let him down gently. He’s been good to me, and I feel I owe it to him. It’s the…it’s the right thing to do.”

  “Girl, please! Can’t you hear how melodramatic you sound? This is Rhoda you are talkin’ to, not Father Flannigan. Don’t lay any of that ‘it’s the right thing to do’ shit on me. If you were so concerned about doin’ the right thing, you wouldn’t have jumped into bed with Louis in the first place.”

  “You can say what you want, Rhoda. Louis has been good to me. There were times when he treated me better than I treated myself. Men like him are rare. I’d feel better about ending the affair with some dignity.”

  “Shit! I wish I had a violin so I could play some of that sad violin music you hear in the movies when somebody says the kind of stupid shit you’re sayin’ right now.”

  “Rhoda, you can make fun of me and yip-yap all the gibberish you want about how I should handle my relationship with Louis. But I still think that I owe it to him to let him down gently.”

  “Unless he lets you down first,” Rhoda quipped.

  “If he does, he doe
s. I won’t lose much sleep over it,” I said firmly, annoyed that Rhoda would make such a comment. And that it made so much good sense. I was glad when she hung up.

  Louis called me up the next morning at my office. After a few sympathetic comments about Jade, he went straight to the point. “Can I see you later in the week? I really miss you.” I couldn’t believe how weak I was. I agreed to leave work immediately and meet him at his apartment.

  “Gloria, I have a family emergency I need to take care of. Can you keep an eye on things until I return?” I said, stopping in the doorway to Gloria Watson’s cubicle on my way out. I had bolted out of my office like a bronco in a rodeo.

  “Don’t worry about nothing here,” Gloria told me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see some of my rubbernecked workers trying to find out what was going on.

  I lowered my voice to almost a whisper. “My husband is worse than a child….”

  “Girl, I know what you mean. That fool of mine would set the house on fire if I didn’t keep an eye on him. I can see how frazzled you are. You all right to drive? I can drive you in my car, and Cindy Pang can hold down the fort.”

  “I’m fine,” I insisted, wondering why Gloria had such a puzzled look on her face.

  “You got your sweater on inside out,” she informed me.

  “Thanks, Gloria,” I said, embarrassed. I removed my sweater and draped it across my arm. “I don’t know when I’ll be back,” I called over my shoulder as I sprinted out to my car.

  Five minutes after I arrived at Louis’s apartment, we were naked and wallowing on a quilt that he had placed in the middle of the floor and surrounded with candles.

  CHAPTER 50

  I had lunch with Rhoda on Tuesday in my office. Over fried rice and egg rolls, I gave her an abbreviated report on Pee Wee’s condition. All I told her was that he’d had a slightly serious, mildly cancer-related prostate situation. It had worried him, which was the reason he had neglected me, but it had not been as serious as he’d first thought. He had responded well to treatment, and according to his doctor, he had nothing else to worry about.

  “Hmm. Well, anything remotely connected to cancer, whether it’s serious or not, can surely wreak havoc on a person’s sex drive. I know from experience. The important thing is that things are back to normal between you and him, right?”

  “I guess,” I muttered. “Uh, I’d appreciate you not mentioning what I just told you to him. Wait until he brings it up.”

  Rhoda gasped. “I can offer him some comfort, too, you know. After all, the man is my boy,” she told me with a stern look on her face and a firm nod.

  “Well, the man is my husband,” I reminded her. “It took him almost a year to tell me.”

  “What if he had never told you about it?” There was an unbearably sad look on Rhoda’s face.

  “Rhoda, he took his time telling me because he didn’t want me to worry. He was doing enough for both of us. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you. Now can we bury this subject and move on?”

  Rhoda gave me a reluctant nod, but the sad look was still on her face and remained there until we finished our lunch.

  Jade was released from the hospital the following Wednesday. I had not visited her in the psych ward, but I had sent flowers and a get-well card from me and Pee Wee. Bully was the one who told me that Jade never even opened it, because she saw my name on the return address. That did not surprise me, and frankly, I didn’t care.

  For the life of me, I could not figure out why that child still had such a hostile attitude toward me. Especially when she was the one who had tormented me, not the other way around. But I was not going to waste any more of my time trying to figure that girl out. I knew that some people were just bad to the bone. Apparently, Jade was one of those people. And if she didn’t change her ways, bad karma would always be a part of her life. I didn’t want to think about what all could have happened to Rhoda had she not changed when she did.

  I knew that Rhoda was going to be busy for the next few days attending to Jade’s needs, so I didn’t even attempt to call her to tell her that I had decided to continue my relationship with Louis.

  Even though my marriage was back on the right track, Pee Wee and I still had a long way to go. He had made love to me several times since he’d revealed his medical condition to me. It was still not as good as it used to be, but I was thankful that it was getting there. Therefore, Louis’s services were still necessary. Besides, the way he fawned all over me every single time I saw him still did wonders for my morale and recovering ego. With Pee Wee back on the right track, I felt like I had the best of both worlds. What woman who had been neglected by her husband wouldn’t want to be in my position?

  I knew that my affair was not going to be as ongoing as Rhoda’s with Bully; it had to end eventually. I told myself that as soon as I regained my comfort level with my husband, I’d start weaning myself off Louis. In the meantime, I would see him every chance I could.

  What I said and what I did were two different things. Before I realized it, my affair with Louis was out of control. It felt like I was trapped on a runaway train and I couldn’t get off. But the thing that scared me the most was the fact that I wasn’t ready to get off, anyway. I was enjoying the ride on Louis’s train. And speaking of trains, that was one of several words he used when he referred to his penis. It sounded a lot better than poker. Now that was a word that I had never heard anybody else use in a sexual way, not down South or anywhere else.

  Since Rhoda was not that available for the bowling date ruse until further notice, I had to get more creative. I spent time with Louis during the day, when my coworkers thought I was attending staff meetings at the main office. But that was an excuse I couldn’t run into the ground, for obvious reasons. I didn’t want some busybody like Gloria to get too suspicious of my actions and call up the main office to check up on me, so I claimed I had doctor’s appointments, too. That was the only excuse I didn’t like to use. Not because somebody could check up on it, but because it was the excuse that Pee Wee had used—which turned out not to be an excuse after all. I used it only a few times. In addition to that, I started saying I had to leave the office for a couple of hours to go meet with my lawyer, then my banker, and once even a fictitious old friend from school.

  One night when I got an overwhelming urge to see Louis, I told Pee Wee that I needed to go out to pick up something from the Grab and Go convenience store. He insisted on going for me until I told him that I needed to purchase tampons, douche powder, and butt spray.

  “Eeyow! I ain’t about to go up in that store to buy all them gruesome female doodads,” he said with a grimace and a shudder. “You know how I feel about all that mess.”

  “All right. Are you sure you don’t want to think about it some more?” I asked, knowing damn well he didn’t want to go. But I had to make it look good, for his sake as well as mine. I had my car keys in my hand. I did have to pick up everything I had mentioned, but the main reason I had to visit the convenience store was to pick up some more condoms for Louis to use with me.

  Pee Wee didn’t even bother to answer my last question. He just gave me an exasperated look and waved me toward the door before he plopped down in his La-Z-Boy.

  I knew that Louis was still struggling to make his business succeed, so his finances were not as stable as mine. Before I knew it, I was the one paying for motel visits when we didn’t want to go to his apartment. I was also paying for gas for his van and for dinner in out-of-the-way places. I didn’t mind, because it was worth it to me. As a matter of fact, Louis never asked me to pay for anything; I always did it on my own. Mainly because had I not, I would not have been able to see him as often as I wanted to.

  Despite my eagerness to be so generous, there was one situation that made me curious about Louis. The oven in his restaurant had stopped working all of a sudden. For every hour that it didn’t work, his business lost a hell of a lot of money. He adamantly “refused” the three-thousand-dollar loan I o
ffered him to get the oven repaired or replaced. I didn’t know anything about the price of a restaurant oven, but three thousand dollars to get it fixed or replaced seemed like a lot to me, but it was an amount I could manage. “I wasn’t raised to take handouts,” he’d claimed, slapping my hand when I pulled my checkbook out of my purse. “Besides that, I wouldn’t want to put you in a financial bind.” The man was as noble as King James. I admired him for that.

  I couldn’t stand to look at his long puppy-dog face during the days he was scrambling around, trying to get loans from various banks. That was why I approached the situation from a different angle. Since he wouldn’t let me help with the oven, because he thought it would be a financial hardship for me, I proposed an offer that he could not refuse. I decided to dummy up a bogus invoice to make it look like he had catered another event at my office, in addition to our regular Monday luncheons. I decided that a “performance recognition” event that included myself and some process servers—who didn’t exist—sounded good in the comments section on the invoice. Since I had been so hands-on in setting up my original deal with Louis, he and I were the only ones who kept copies of his invoices. Under these circumstances, he accepted my offer to help him replace his oven without hesitation. And he was more concerned about me getting caught than I was.

  “Baby, I’d die if you got in trouble with your boss for something you did for me,” he told me. I assured him that there was nothing to worry about. When I handed him the check for the bogus service, his hand was shaking, and he was so hesitant to accept it, I had to slap the damn check into his hand and close his fingers around it.

  CHAPTER 51

  “You stupid bitch!” That was what Rhoda screamed at me when I told her about all the money that I’d invested in my relationship with Louis.

  “What do you mean?” I asked stupidly.