Fear of Love

by Carole Mortimer

  His grey eyes held her mesmerised. ‘Oh yes, I want to. But I don’t think I should.’

  ‘Not even if I want you to?’

  ‘Especially if you want me to.’ He smoothed back her hair from her face, cradling each side of her face. ‘You have the most beautiful, tempting blue eyes I’ve ever seen,’ he said huskily. ‘I wonder why I’ve never noticed that before.’

  ‘Possibly because they were usually spitting dislike at you,’ she suggested shyly.

  ‘You’re probably right,’ he agreed. ‘But they aren’t spitting dislike now, are they?’

  ‘No,’ she admitted softly.

  Dominic moved away from her, a grim look on his face. ‘I can’t kiss you, don’t you understand. If I do that I shall know, and I—don’t want to know.’

  Alexandra frowned. ‘Don’t want to know what?’

  ‘I don’t like emotional entanglements,’ he said sharply, determinedly not looking at her. ‘I’ve explained my relationship with Sabrina to you, it means nothing to either of us. And that’s the way I like things.’

  ‘Are you saying—’ she swallowed hard. ‘Are you saying I don’t mean anything to you either?’

  ‘No!’ he turned on her fiercely. ‘No, I’m not saying that at all. God, Alex, I came back here tonight because I— Oh, hell, forget it!’

  ‘Why did you come back, Dominic?’ she asked.

  ‘Because I wanted to see you before I left. I wanted to—to say goodbye to you. And that’s quite something, considering I don’t like goodbyes. I learnt early on that it’s better to just go.’

  ‘From Marianne?’ she prompted gently.

  ‘Yes. I shouldn’t have come here tonight, you would have learnt soon enough that I was out of the country.’

  She ran into his arms, hugging him about the waist. ‘I’m so glad you came back. I’ve missed you so much the last couple of days.’

  ‘And now I have to go away again. I could be away weeks.’

  ‘Weeks! Oh no, Dominic, I couldn’t bear it! I—I love you.’

  She raised frightened eyes at the enormity of her declaration, searching his shuttered features for some sign of reaction to her words. If anything he looked even more forbidding than usual, his mouth rigid.

  ‘What the hell did you say that for?’ he rasped.

  ‘Because it’s true.’

  He gave a harsh laugh. ‘It’s true that until two days ago you were vowing vengeance on me for stopping your marriage to Roger Young. That’s the truth, Alex, not this crush you have on me.’

  She shook her head. ‘It isn’t a crush, Dominic. I think I’ve always loved you, although I didn’t realise it. I love you, Dominic. I do!’ she cried at his scathing look. ‘How can I prove it to you?’

  ‘There is no proof of love,’ he snapped. ‘Only time is proof, and you haven’t had time to know how you feel. Neither have I, for that matter.’

  ‘Then you—you do feel something for me?’ she asked tentatively.

  He moved impatiently. ‘I suppose I must do—I came back to say goodbye to you. I’ve never done that with any woman before.’

  ‘Except Marianne.’

  ‘Not always Marianne either. She was always hysterical about my going away, so in the end I didn’t even bother to tell her.’

  ‘That must have been even worse than knowing,’ she shuddered. ‘I would hate it.’

  ‘Maybe it was worse; Marianne seemed to think so. The scenes she caused were unbearable, though. In the end I just stopped going home at all.’

  Alexandra licked her lips. ‘And am I—am I causing one of those scenes now?’

  ‘You’re building up to it,’ he acknowledged grimly.

  ‘I’m sorry, I—I don’t mean to. If you’ll just kiss me I’ll let you go without another word.’ Even if she desperately wanted to plead with him to be careful. She wouldn’t become another Marianne, another clinging vine around his neck. If she was to stay in his life at all it would have to be on his terms.

  ‘I’ve already told you I can’t do that,’ he said tersely.

  ‘Because you’ll know how you feel about me.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Well, I want you to know,’ she said determinedly. ‘I want you to know, Dominic.’

  Once again she moved into his arms and this time he didn’t remain unresponsive, his mouth claiming hers with all the expertise she had known him capable of. His arms strained her to the hardness of his body as his lips teased hers apart to deepen the intimacy of the caress.

  Nothing that had gone before had prepared her for this, for the dizziness and breathless pleasure. She could feel his pulsating hardness against her, her own body quivering with feeling, her hands enmeshed in the thickness of his hair, in no way wanting him to be gentle with her.

  Dominic pulled back to draw a ragged breath. ‘I knew I shouldn’t have done this,’ he muttered. ‘It hasn’t made things any easier.’

  ‘It wasn’t meant to,’ she told him huskily, raising her lips for further kisses.

  ‘You temptress!’ he moaned against her parted lips.

  He swung her up into his arms, laying her gently, almost reverently down on to the blue coverlet. He swiftly moved to her side, bending his head to trail his tongue along her jawbone and to the corner of her mouth as she turned to receive his kiss.

  He held her immobile as he plundered her mouth, his thumbs moving rhythmically against the pulse in her throat. He moved to caress her throat with his fire-giving mouth, and Alexandra gasped at the pleasure and pain of the gently biting caresses he placed down the column of her throat and along her bare shoulders.

  Dominic was shaking with the effort it took him to hold on to his self-control, his hands running down the length of her body, lingering momentarily on her taut breasts. ‘This has to stop!’ he said almost angrily, trying to pull out of her arms.

  ‘Not yet, Dominic,’ she clung to him. ‘Stay with me a little longer.’

  ‘Oh, Alex!’ he groaned. ‘I can’t. I should have left fifteen minutes ago.’

  ‘You couldn’t go without knowing how I feel about you.’

  ‘How you think you feel,’ he corrected, this time forcing her to release her hold on him. ‘Leave it for now, Alex. We can talk when I get back.’

  She sat up on the bed as he stood up, smoothing his hair with shaking hands. ‘You won’t have forgotten me when you come back?’

  He gave her a hard look. ‘Hardly.’

  She blushed. ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘Yes, I—’ he broke off at a discreet knock sounded on the door. ‘Come in,’ he called.

  Charles entered, his eyes flickering over Alexandra before coming to rest on his employer. ‘The driver of the car you came in, sir, he says that if you don’t leave soon you’ll miss your flight.’

  ‘Hell, yes!’ Dominic ran a rough hand through his already tousled hair. ‘Tell him I’ll be there in five minutes, Charles.’

  ‘Yes, sir.’ He retreated stiffly out of the room.

  ‘Your Charles doesn’t approve of me,’ Alexandra giggled.

  ‘I’m not sure I do. You’re shameless, coming to my room like this.’

  She moved to stand in front of him, reaching up to kiss his chin. ‘Absolutely,’ she grinned at him. ‘You make me feel like that.’

  ‘Not now, Alex,’ he moved away tersely. ‘You heard Charles, I have to leave. I can’t stay here any longer, I’ve wasted too much time already.’ He picked up the case and the folder, leaving the room as hurriedly as he had entered it.

  Alexandra ran after him. ‘You’ll let me know when you get back?’ she pleaded. ‘Trevor’s making me move back to the house tomorrow,’ she explained, ‘so I won’t be here when you return.’

  ‘He’s making you move out to protect you from me,’ Dominic said bitterly. ‘Taking you away from here won’t protect you.’

  ‘I hope not,’ she said happily.

  He shook his head. ‘You’re too much for me, Alex. I need this time away fr
om you to look at this rationally.’

  ‘You can’t think of love as a rational thing,’ she denied, running to keep up with his long strides.

  ‘I never said anything about loving you!’ he snapped harshly. ‘I’ve never mentioned that word to you.’

  ‘No,’ she agreed slowly. ‘But I mentioned it to you—and don’t forget it.’

  They had reached the front door by now. ‘I won’t forget. Now go back to your guests.’

  Alexandra looked guilty. ‘I’m sorry about all these people being here. There weren’t supposed to be so many, but you know what it’s like—you invite a few people and they all invite someone else along.’ She knew she was babbling, but she didn’t want him to leave.

  ‘You can have who you like here, I don’t care—as long as it isn’t Young. I could cheerfully have wrung your neck last night when you said he was here with you.’

  ‘He left soon after Trevor arrived. He’s with someone else tonight.’

  Dominic bent to kiss her roughly on the lips. ‘Well, so are you, so don’t judge him. I’ll call you when I get back,’ he added. ‘Goodbye, Alex.’

  She didn’t even have time to answer him before he closed the door behind him. By the time she had wrenched open the door only the bright tail-lights of the car were visible. She stood miserably outside, watching until the lights completely disappeared.

  ‘Where did you disappear to?’ John met her in the hallway. ‘You’ve been gone for ages.’

  ‘I—er—’ she looked at him dazedly. ‘Dominic came home, I had to speak to him.’

  He raised dark eyebrows. ‘You mean Dominic Tempest was here and you didn’t tell us? I would have loved to meet him, we all would.’

  ‘He was in a hurry,’ she said vaguely, still with Dominic. She mentally shook herself, longing to just go to her room and think of Dominic. But she couldn’t, she had guests, and besides, she would have all the time she needed for thinking during the next few days. She had nothing else to do. ‘How is the party going?’ she asked brightly.

  ‘Great, but we’re all missing you.’

  ‘Well, I’m back now. Let’s go back in and enjoy ourselves.’

  She gave a very good impression of it the next couple of hours, but in reality she was relieved when the last of them left. It had to be John, of course, he had been making mild passes at her all evening. She was finding it more and more difficult to hold him off without angering him.

  ‘So you won’t come to the party with me Saturday night?’ he asked for the fifth time.

  Alexandra sighed, just wanting to be alone. ‘I don’t have the time, John. I have my sister to look after when she gets home.’

  ‘You have time to go to a party,’ he insisted.

  ‘No. No, I don’t. It’s late, John, and I—’ she put up a hand to her throbbing temple. ‘I have a headache. It must have been the music—and the wine,’ she added ruefully.

  He swayed towards her. ‘Come with me on Saturday. I’ve been trying to date you for months now, you know that, but Roger got in before me,’ his words were slightly slurred. ‘But he’s out of the picture now.’

  ‘I’ve explained my reasons, John.’ Alexandra was beginning to feel impatient now, as she gently manoeuvred him towards the door.

  ‘You’ve explained a reason.’ He wouldn’t be moved. ‘We’ve always got on together, haven’t we?’

  ‘Yes, we have. But I—I’m not in the mood for another party.’ Her voice was rising shrilly.

  ‘Not with me, hmm? I’m beginning to think there was some truth in what Roger had to say,’ he said nastily.

  ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Just that you and Dominic Tempest were—’

  ‘Stop!’ She didn’t want to hear any more, knowing full well what Roger had had to say. ‘Dominic and I are not and never have been lovers. Now who do you want to believe? Me, or Roger who’s obviously feeling as if I’ve wronged him in some way?’

  ‘I want to believe you,’ John gave a lopsided grin, ‘but I’ll need proof.’

  ‘P—proof?’

  ‘Mm,’ he pulled her roughly against him. ‘Like this,’ and he bent his head to claim possession of her lips.

  Alexandra squirmed to avoid him. ‘Stop it, John! You’ve drunk too much this evening.’ She was panting with the effort it took her to hold off the bulkier and much stronger John. ‘Will you stop it!’ she pleaded desperately, finding it more and more difficult to avoid his searching mouth.

  ‘No, I—’

  ‘Is there anything wrong, Miss Paige?’ Charles stood in the doorway behind them.

  She sighed her relief, smiling gratefully at the butler. ‘No, nothing, Charles. I was just seeing Mr Davies out.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m going,’ John sneered. ‘I don’t need any more convincing, not when the man puts a guard over you. Roger was right, you are involved with Tempest.’

  ‘You’re being ridiculous,’ she snapped.

  ‘No, I’m not. People like Roger and me aren’t good enough for you now, not when someone as famous as Dominic Tempest shows an interest. Don’t worry, Charles,’ John added insolently as the butler took a step towards him. ‘I’m just leaving.’

  ‘I think that would be as well, sir,’ the butler agreed stiffly.

  ‘Don’t bother to show me out, I know the way.’ John slammed out of the front door.

  Alexandra looked at the butler shyly. ‘Thank you for your help. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I’m afraid Mr Davies had too much to drink.’

  ‘Yes, miss. If you’ll excuse me,’ and Charles turned away.

  ‘Oh, Charles, I—I shall be moving back to my sister’s house tomorrow.’

  He nodded. ‘Young Mr Tempest did inform me of that earlier. Do you wish anything else tonight, miss?’

  ‘Er—no, thank you. Goodnight, Charles.’

  ‘Goodnight, Miss Paige.’

  Alexandra tidied up the lounge before going up to her room. ‘Young’ Mr Tempest, Charles had called Trevor, and she supposed he was, but Dominic certainly didn’t seem old to her. Tonight they had passed the point of antagonists, and now she had to wait and see how he felt about her when he returned. But whatever he felt for her she knew she would never dislike him again.

  Perhaps her dislike of him had always been a shield over what she had secretly felt for him, she hadn’t disliked him at all until— But that wasn’t important now, her shield was well and truly down and she didn’t think it would be up again.

  But Dominic had flown away into danger, unable to tell her where he was going. And she had no way of knowing when he would be back, if he would be back. She knew that the filming and research of his current affairs programme often involved danger, wars and revolutions being dangerous even to the uninvolved press.

  Dominic had once been just a reporter, until his flair for getting the right stories at the right time and his natural ability to keep digging until he found the truth had all been rewarded by his own weekly television programme.

  But he was a popular man in himself, his sun-bleached blond hair and steely grey eyes earning him the adoration of many women. She knew for a fact that he received hundreds of letters from these women every week, and she now felt a jealousy towards them that made her angry.

  It was a futile anger with no reason to it; Dominic was unlikely to meet any of these women. But there was still Sabrina Gilbert, the woman he admitted was his mistress. But surely he wouldn’t see her now, not when he felt this attraction for her? She realised it was still a possibility. Dominic spoke quite freely of his need for a sexual relationship, and she didn’t think she could provide that.

  She had been brought up with too much morality to enter into an affair with him, even if she was in love with him. How would Dominic react to that? He wouldn’t like it, and it could mean his affair with Sabrina Gilbert could continue. Dominic wasn’t accustomed to denying himself.

  Alexandra turned over restlessly in her bed. She had no guarantee th
at he would even remember tonight’s conversation when he returned, no guarantee that he would want to remember it. Well, she did, and she would make sure he did too.

  Trevor hadn’t managed to arrange Gail’s discharge from the hospital the next day, his colleagues requiring her to stay in until Saturday to make sure her condition was stabilised. He had managed to extract a promise from them that if everything was all right she could come home to his and her sister’s care then.

  It seemed strange to be in the house on her own having returned from visiting Gail at eight-thirty, Trevor staying on until his turn of duty had finished at nine-thirty.

  Watch the programme, Dominic had said, and so she did, her heart in her mouth as she realised it was a revolution in one of the African states that had caused his hurried departure of yesterday.

  There was shooting going on all around him as he continued his report, the programme obviously put together in the London studio as flashbacks of the brewing trouble were interspersed with his commentary.

  Alexandra didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at being able to see him like this, aware all the time of the distance between them and the sound of gunfire that could be constantly heard in the background.

  The trouble out there looked very serious, although Alexandra found herself looking at Dominic rather than listening to what was being said. How handsome he was, how vital to her very existence. But he would be back soon, the story had been covered now and it was really too dangerous to stay on any longer than was necessary. He could even be on his way back to her right now.

  This brought a smile to her lips and she stood up to turn off the television, her hand arrested in the action at what the newscaster had to say.

  ‘News has just come in that shortly after these films were flown out to us Dominic Tempest and his film crew were taken hostage by the revolutionaries.’ Alexandra sank back into her chair, intent on the man’s every word. ‘We are told that the television company have been asked for a ransom, but the amount has not been disclosed. We will keep you informed about any further developments. This is the end of this newsflash.’