Fear of Love

by Carole Mortimer

  ‘Perhaps you would like to make some coffee,’ Gail suggested. ‘I think we could all do with a cup.’

  Trevor stood up. ‘Any coffee you have can be drunk in bed. You’ve been up quite enough for one day.’ He swung her up into his arms. ‘And no arguments,’ he warned as she made to protest. ‘You’ll do as you’re told or you’ll go straight back into hospital.’

  ‘Yes, Trevor,’ she smiled up at him. ‘What a father you’re going to make!’

  Dominic stood up. ‘No coffee for me either,’ he said abruptly. ‘I only called round briefly to see that Gail was all right.’

  ‘Me?’ Gail scoffed. ‘I didn’t get myself taken hostage. Having a baby is quite tame compared to that!’

  ‘There was absolutely no danger involved to me or anyone else. These people just wanted the money to buy more arms,’ he added dryly. ‘It would have caused too much of an incident if they’d harmed us in any way. They want support for their cause, not bad publicity.’

  ‘Well, I’m just glad you’re safe, although it was very naughty of these two to keep it from me.’ Gail yawned tiredly. ‘I must be more tired than I realised.’

  ‘Bed for you, young lady,’ her husband said sternly. ‘You’ve been up far too long as it is. No doubt you’ll see Dominic tomorrow.’

  ‘I love it when he’s so domineering,’ she giggled.

  Dominic nodded curtly to them all and left. Alexandra was too stunned at first to realise he had actually gone, but once she did realise she hurried after him, catching up with him just as he was unlocking his car door.

  ‘Dominic,’ she said breathlessly.

  He looked at her with narrowed eyes. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Are you really all right?’ Now that she was here she didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Really,’ he said mockingly. ‘You’d better get in, they’ll be wondering where you are.’

  ‘Dominic, I—you—’ she moved from one foot to the other. ‘I’ve been waiting to hear from you.’

  ‘Why?’ he asked coldly.

  Her eyes widened. ‘Why? Because of what happened between us, because I’ve been worried to death about you. Isn’t that reason enough?’

  ‘Nothing happened between us, Alexandra,’ he said with a sigh. ‘I told you at the time not to read too much into it.’

  She gasped. ‘You can’t mean that! You kissed me, you came back to say goodbye to me,’ she added desperately.

  ‘I’ve kissed hundreds of girls,’ he dismissed. ‘As for saying goodbye to you, you were there, that’s all.’

  ‘I don’t believe you. You said—’

  ‘I said a lot of things,’ he interrupted harshly. ‘That doesn’t mean you had to take them seriously.’

  ‘So Sabrina Gilbert meeting you at the airport did mean something,’ she choked. ‘I hoped—’ she shook her head, the ready tears gathering in her deep blue eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter. I should have realised your cruel sense of humour would find something like this amusing.’

  Dominic’s face was harsh in the moonlight. ‘You don’t know the meaning of the word cruel. And of course Sabrina meeting me meant something. She cared enough to be there.’

  ‘So did I! But—’

  ‘There’s always a but, Alexandra,’ he snapped. ‘Get inside and go to bed, there’s a good girl.’

  ‘Don’t talk to me as if I’m a child! I’m no longer a schoolgirl, you know. I go to college.’

  ‘So Trevor informed me.’

  ‘Why should he tell you that?’ she asked sharply.

  ‘Probably so that I could stop paying your school fees,’ he said abruptly.

  ‘You—you paid for my schooling?’

  ‘Some of it,’ he acknowledged.

  All these years and she had never known. No wonder he had scoffed at her when she had told him to stop interfering in her life! ‘I didn’t know,’ she whispered dazedly.

  ‘Why should you?’ Dominic swung into the driving seat. ‘It didn’t concern you.’

  ‘Didn’t concern me!’ she repeated shrilly. ‘Of course it concerned me. I don’t like being beholden to you for anything.’

  His teeth gleamed whitely in the moonlight. ‘It didn’t take you long to get back to the spitting wildcat I’m used to. I think I prefer it.’

  ‘Perhaps that’s as well,’ she said bitterly. ‘I doubt I’ll ever make a fool of myself like this again. You teach a hard lesson, Mr Tempest, but you teach it well. I’ll concede defeat to Miss Gilbert and women like her.’

  ‘You do that.’ He started the car engine. ‘Go back to your dolls, Alexandra.’

  ‘Why, you—’

  ‘Let me know when you want any more lessons on growing up,’ his grey eyes mocked her.

  ‘You’ve already taught me one I won’t forget.’ She turned on her heel. ‘Goodbye.’

  ‘Goodnight, Alex,’ he said softly.

  That name—how dared he call her that name! With a sob Alexandra ran into the house, vaguely conscious of the roar of the car engine as he accelerated away. He was cruel, very cruel—and she still loved him!

  Trevor found her in the kitchen preparing the coffee Gail had asked for, the tears streaming down her face. ‘It will be ready in a minute,’ she sniffed, her head averted.

  ‘You went after Dominic.’ It was a statement, not a question.

  ‘Yes—and I wish I hadn’t.’

  ‘I did warn you, Alexandra,’ he said gently. ‘I know Dom of old, and Marianne did scar him pretty badly.’

  ‘Does that mean every other female has to pay for it?’ she demanded angrily. ‘He’s cold and ruthless and he—he deliberately let me believe—let me believe—’

  Trevor shook his head. ‘I’m sure he did no such thing. Dom has never needed to go to that extreme. On the contrary, women have always been falling over themselves to go out with him. I remember I used to envy him a lot when I was younger.’

  Alexandra’s blue eyes flashed. ‘You have nothing to envy him for,’ she said vehemently.

  He grinned. ‘I know that now, but at the time … But I wouldn’t change one minute of my time with Gail for all of his social whirl.’

  ‘His women, you mean,’ she snapped.

  ‘If you like,’ Trevor nodded. ‘You can’t blame him for taking advantage of his attraction.’

  She could if he used her as one of his experiments! ‘Dominic said—your brother said that he—that he paid for my schooling.’

  Trevor turned away. ‘When did he tell you that?’

  Alexandra bit her top lip. ‘Just now.’

  ‘You must have given him great provocation,’ he looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I gather you had quite an argument.’

  ‘Yes. Is it true, Trevor? Did he pay for me to go to boarding-school?’

  He sighed. ‘Yes.’

  ‘But why? I didn’t need to go to a private school, I could have gone to the local daily school like most of the other kids in the area.’

  ‘Dom didn’t want that. He—’

  ‘It had nothing to do with him! If I’d known he had a hand in it I would have refused to go to the school!’

  Trevor smiled. ‘I think he knew that, that’s why he made Gail and me promise not to tell you. I suppose that now you’ve left he didn’t see the need to keep it a secret any longer.’

  Or else he had just wanted to hurt her some more! Well, he had done that; she only hoped he left her alone now. ‘Probably. Here,’ she handed him a cup of the cooling coffee, ‘take this to Gail before it’s undrinkable.’

  Trevor gently touched her flushed cheeks. ‘Don’t fret about Dom. He may have been a little harsh on you tonight, but he’s been through a lot this past week. I couldn’t even let Gail watch the programme in case she saw just how rough things were for him.’

  ‘But he—said there was never any danger.’

  ‘He lied for Gail’s sake. We had a long conversation on the telephone the night he got back, and I can assure you he didn’t get to look the way he does tonight by sleepi
ng on a feather bed and eating three-course meals.’

  ‘I didn’t realise,’ she said slowly.

  ‘Think about it, chicken,’ he advised softly. ‘And don’t judge his behaviour tonight too harshly.’

  Alexandra made her way to her bedroom, her thoughts solely on Dominic. Perhaps she was judging him too harshly, he had been through a lot, never knowing from one minute to the next whether he was going to live or die. But he had been deliberately cruel to her, made her feel like a juvenile with a crush on an older man. But perhaps that was what she seemed to him. She certainly wasn’t acting very grown-up.

  She hadn’t considered anything but the fact that Dominic hadn’t been in contact with her. It would have been just as easy for her to contact him. And tonight when he had come here she had been out with another man, hardly the act of a woman who was supposed to be in love with him.

  But there was no supposition about it; she did love him, and she had to tell him so—even if he didn’t want to hear it. If she told him and he still rebuffed her she would at least know where she stood.

  Her mind made up, there seemed only one course of action. She had to go and see Dominic—and see him now. She wouldn’t be able to sleep until she had spoken to him and so she might as well go over there as soon as she was sure Trevor and Gail were asleep.

  It was almost one o’clock in the morning before she considered it safe. She crept quietly out of her bedroom and made her way down the stairs, noticing for the first time the two creaky steps half way down. She had never noticed them before, but then she had never tried to sneak out of the house unheard before either.

  She had almost reached the back door when she realised she was no longer alone. Turning slowly, she saw a huge dark figure in the open doorway. Her eyes opened wide with fear as she imagined that on the one night she had tried to get out of the house undetected a burglar should come to call.

  The light beside the kitchen door was flicked on and she blinked rapidly in the sudden glare. ‘Trevor!’ she breathed his name softly, her relief evident. ‘You gave me a scare!’

  He closed the door softly behind him. ‘I should damn well think so,’ he snapped angrily. ‘Just what do you think you’re up to?’

  ‘How did you hear me?’ She ignored his question, frantically searching in her mind for a good excuse for being down here, ‘I thought I’d been so quiet.’

  ‘You were,’ he whispered. ‘But Gail is a light sleeper at the moment. She thought she heard burglars.’

  She gave a soft laugh. ‘And I thought you were one!’

  He gave her an impatient look, the usually even-tempered Trevor truly angry. ‘I asked you what you were doing,’ he said curtly.

  ‘I was—I was getting a drink of water,’ she told him, realising how weak that sounded even to her own ears.

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Fully dressed? You went to your room hours ago.’

  ‘Yes,’ she smiled brightly, ‘but I was reading. I—I hadn’t got ready for bed yet.’

  ‘You lie very badly, Alexandra. Now tell me what you were really doing.’

  ‘I—I was just going out for a breath of fresh air,’ she lied.

  ‘The real reason, Alexandra,’ he said hardly.

  ‘I was going to see Dominic,’ she admitted miserably.

  ‘At one o’clock in the morning?’

  Her eyes were beseeching. ‘I have to see him.’

  ‘You’ve already seen him once this evening. Nothing has changed since then.’

  ‘I’ve changed. I need to see him, Trevor.’

  He sighed deeply. ‘I know I told you to think about it, but I didn’t expect your conclusions to make you take off in the dead of night. Can’t it wait until morning, Alexandra?’

  She shook her head obstinately, her mouth set in a stubborn line. ‘I’ll never sleep, so it might as well be now.’

  ‘But he could be asleep. He has a lot to catch up on.’

  ‘If he is asleep I won’t disturb him.’

  ‘Okay,’ he gave in with a sigh. ‘I know you in this mood, nothing will change your mind.’

  ‘No,’ she admitted.

  ‘All right, I’ll be listening for your return. But don’t make too much noise getting in, and make sure you aren’t too late,’ he ordered firmly. ‘I would hate to have to come and drag you out of Dom’s arms.’

  Alexandra’s mouth twisted. ‘I doubt that will be necessary.’

  ‘I hope not. I’ll go back upstairs now and try to persuade Gail she imagined it all.’ He grimaced. ‘It won’t be easy. Drive carefully,’ he warned.

  The roads were quite deserted this time of night, this part of Hampshire not exactly teeming with night-life. Alexandra saw the odd car going in the opposite direction, but other than that it was a lonely drive over to Dominic’s house.

  The house was in darkness as she approached the front door, except for a single light burning in the lounge. Unless the light had been left on as a precaution against burglary it meant Dominic was still up.

  She let herself in, creeping quietly through the house so as not to disturb the watchful Charles. The last thing she needed right now was the stiff politeness of the butler; she was nervous enough about being here without that.

  The opening of the lounge door seemed very loud to her ears and she looked around furtively before entering the room. Only the side-lamp illuminated the room, and Dominic sat slumped in an airmchair, his eyes closed, an empty glass dangling from his fingers. His face was pale and drawn, his hair ruffled and untidy as if he had been running his fingers through its blond thickness. He looked tired, so very tired, and she hesitated about disturbing him.

  Just as she had made up her mind to leave the grey eyes flickered open, pinning her to the spot. ‘What are you doing here?’ he shot the question at her like a whiplash.

  Alexandra felt tongue-tied now she actually had the chance to speak to him, afraid of the outcome of this conversation. ‘I wanted to talk to you,’ she said softly.

  ‘How did you get in?’ He stood up to pour himself another drink. ‘I didn’t hear anyone at the door.’

  ‘I still have the key you gave me.’ She put it on a side-table. ‘I didn’t want to bother Charles.’

  Dominic gave a humourless smile. ‘I doubt he would have approved of letting you in this time of night. Does Trevor know you’re here?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Is that the truth?’ His eyes were narrowed.

  Alexandra flushed. ‘I don’t tell lies,’ she snapped.

  ‘All women lie,’ he said bitterly, downing most of the whisky in the glass in one gulp.

  ‘Dominic!’ she gasped his name.

  ‘All right, all right,’ he snapped. ‘So you told Trevor you were sneaking over here, and for some reason he allowed you to come. I suppose that was mainly due to the fact that he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop you,’ he added dryly.

  ‘Yes,’ she admitted.

  ‘Don’t you think it’s time you stopped thinking of yourself and considered other people for a change?’ he demanded harshly.

  ‘It’s because I can’t stop thinking about you that I’m here,’ she choked.

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘Thinking of me? Why on earth should you be thinking of me?’

  She looked at him with tortured eyes. ‘Now that I’m actually with you I don’t know.’ Seeing him like this, so arrogant, so coldly withdrawn from her, she didn’t know how she had dared to come here at all.

  ‘Then perhaps you’d better leave,’ said Dominic callously.

  ‘No! I—I don’t want to, not yet. I have to know how you feel about me.’

  Dominic gave her an impatient look. ‘We’ve already had this conversation once tonight.’

  She shook her head. ‘No, we haven’t. You were cruel and unkind to me, but we didn’t actually talk.’

  ‘I thought we had,’ he disagreed wearily. ‘In any case, I’m too tired right now to try and placate a juvenile.’

  ‘You see, you
’re doing it again!’

  His eyes blazed with anger. ‘Will you please leave, Alexandra! I’m tired and I want to go to bed.’

  ‘I’m surprised you aren’t there already, you left us hours ago.’

  ‘And would you have violated my bedroom too?’ he snapped.

  ‘I already have, once,’ she reminded him softly.

  He turned away. ‘Leave, Alexandra!’

  ‘Won’t you call me Alex?’ she invited.

  ‘You don’t like it.’

  ‘I do when you call me it. Dominic, I—I wanted to come to the airport to meet you, but Trevor wouldn’t let me. He said you would call me if you wanted me.’

  ‘What the hell does he know about it?’ he rasped.

  ‘He knows everything,’ she told him shyly.

  ‘Everything?’ he echoed. ‘What is everything?’

  ‘That we’re attracted to each other, that you came back to the house the night you flew out of the country, that I—that I love you.’ She looked at him pleadingly, begging for his understanding.

  ‘Not that again, Alex,’ he said with a sigh. ‘You don’t understand the meaning of the commitment of the word. Your love was so strong that tonight you were out with another man. And don’t attempt to deny it, Gail was full of the fact that you seem to have got over the idea of marrying Young. Who was this one, another poor sap who thinks you’re going to marry him?’

  ‘John thinks no such thing! He—’

  ‘John Anderson?’ he queried sharply.

  ‘Yes. Do you know him?’

  Dominic shook his head. ‘I know his father. He’s more my generation,’ he added tauntingly.

  She ignored his deliberate jibe about their age difference. ‘Well, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to come up to London, but as I said, Trevor wouldn’t let me. And you didn’t call me, so I didn’t know how you would feel about my coming up there. Plus there was Sabrina Gilbert. She met you at the airport. I saw you kissing her,’ and she looked at him accusingly.

  ‘Did you indeed?’

  ‘Yes, I did!’

  He sighed. ‘I would have kissed Dracula’s sister at the time. I was just glad to see a familiar face. It wasn’t the face I expected to see, but it was better than nothing.’

  Alexandra looked puzzled. ‘But on the television you appeared to be looking for her.’