“Thank you.” It’s a whisper against the crown of her head, and not nearly enough to express the magnitude of the gift she’s given me. She quickly steps out of my embrace, obviously uncomfortable with the physical contact, and I walk into the living room with her at my side. The guys look up.
“I want you to meet my godson.” I clear my throat. “Elijah Thorin Decker.”
They grin like fools, and approach us.
“Poor little fella,” Carson says. “Middle name like that is a bad omen.”
“Shut up, you ass,” Benji replies. “Reese named him.” He winks at her, and Reese looks a little bashful. Trust him to eavesdrop on a private conversation.
“Welcome to the family, little guy.” Fletch takes Eli’s tiny hand, and gives it a little shake. “I’m your uncle Fletch, and this bastard,” he wraps an arm around Carson’s shoulders, “is your uncle Carson, and that douche right there,” he points to Benji, “is your uncle Benji. We’re totally going to be your favorites, and teach you all about getting into mischief. Guy stuff.”
Benji snorts. “Uh, you have to get past his godmother first, douchebags.” How he knows Reese is Eli’s godmother, I have no fucking idea, but it doesn’t surprise me. Benji knows everything about everyone.
“Not to mention his grandma.” Mom appears at my side, and smiles proudly at Eli before looking at us all. “This boy is lucky to have y’all, and I expect each of you to take that responsibility seriously.” Her voice cracks, but she continues with fortitude. “Ryan was so proud of you boys.”
A weight settles in the air, heavy, and stifling, and the guys become subdued. “We’ll make sure Eli is taken care of, Maggie. We’re his family now, and we know how much family meant to Ry. We won’t let him, or you, down,” Carson says.
Well, shit. I rub my eyes, and notice Benji and Fletch doing the same. With watery eyes, Mom kisses my cheek, Eli’s forehead, and hugs Reese. “Love you, baby,” she tells her. “You’re going to be just fine.” I can only hazard a guess as to what she means, but Reese obviously knows.
“Love you too, Maggie. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Mom disappears upstairs, and then Reese’s attention is on me. “I’m going to leave you to spend some time with him. The monitor is in your mom’s room if he wakes up, but he only cries when he’s hungry or when his diaper needs to be changed,”—she’s rambling, and damn if I don’t find it cute. Could it be that she’s nervous around me?— “and his bottles are all prepared, your mom knows what to do when it’s feeding time.”
“You don’t want to stay?” I ask. I don’t want her to leave just yet, not when being around her again is stirring up all kinds of things, both good and bad.
With a shake of her head, Reese replies, “No, that’s okay. I need to get some sleep.”
“Of course, I’ll walk you out.”
“No,” she says quickly, raising her hands, “I’ll be fine. I’ll just see you tomorrow.”
Before I can get another word in, Reese mutters “night” to the guys, and all but runs for the door. I’m too distracted by Eli, and the guys, to lament on Reese’s hasty escape, but somewhere in my mind I wonder why she fled like the hounds of Hell are on her heels.
“Man, this kid is gonna break hearts, just like his daddy, and his godfather, and his crazy-ass uncles.” Carson laughs, and just like that, the mood is lifted.
“Yeah,” I sigh, smiling down at Eli. “Welcome to the family, Elijah Thorin Decker. We’re all real happy you’re here.”
The bedside clock reads 2:00am. I’ve been staring at the ceiling for four hours, and when I can’t handle it any longer, I grab a beer from downstairs and walk out to the back deck. It overlooks the entire back-end of the property, including a massive pool, a decked out fire pit, and Reese’s house. To my left is a thirty-horse stable, which Ryan had rebuilt a few years ago to expand the business, and to my right is an old, dilapidated barn. Ryan purchased a few extra acres of land, with my help, and now the ranch is a fully functioning horse breeding and training facility. I might not have had the same calling as my brother and my daddy, but I loved growing up with the horses. On weekends, before I got too busy with football, and before Ryan left for college, we spent hours on horseback, roaming the pastures, racing over the rolling hills, and swimming in the small creek at the bottom end of the property. And it was always me, Ryan and Reese. Reality hits me like a ton of cement blocks. I exhale a heavy breath, and brush a hand over my face. My brother is gone, and so is his wife. They’re never coming back. I’ve met Mel a few times, and I really liked her, knew she was good for Ryan, and I was pissed as hell when I couldn’t make their wedding because we were on a tour in Europe. Looking back now, I should have been there. I shake my head. “Why, Ry? Why’d you have to go?” I ask no one. No point in asking God because He’s as able to answer me as Ryan is. My eyes travel to the bay window of Reese’s place, and the light peeping from between the curtains. I can’t see her, but I know she’s there. When Reese and I didn’t have a chance to talk (because clearly, she wanted to get as far away from me as possible after she dropped Eli off), I had Mom tell me how Ryan and Mel died, and to know Reese dealt with it all alone makes my stomach curl into itself. “I should have been here,” I mutter, taking another sip of my beer. “I should have fucking been here.”
The back door creaks open, and Benji rubs sleep from his eyes, a beer bottle in hand. “You writing a new song, or talking to yourself?”
“Asking my brother why the fuck he had to leave.”
“And beating yourself up for not being here, apparently.” He takes a sip. “For letting Reese deal with it all on her own.”
“Something like that.”
“She’s tough,” Benji notes. “Girl’s survived worse.”
He’s abso-fucking-lutely right about both. Reese is tough, and she has survived worse. “I was hoping none of you remembered that.”
Benji gives me a side-eye. “Carson and Fletch might act like they don’t remember, but they do, and so do I. I was the one who stopped you from going ape shit in the hospital, remember? You nearly clocked Reese’s mom for not letting you see her.” It’s Reese who told the nurses I wasn’t allowed in her room, but I don’t bother telling Benji that. Doesn’t matter now. “Ryan ever talk about her when he called you?”
I shake my head. “Not once. Jackass didn’t tell me she was living here, or that he’d built her a house on the property. The few times I asked, he’d shut me down, and I have no idea if that was his choice, or if she’d asked him not to talk about her with me. It stung the first few times, not gonna lie about that, but I realized Ryan was protecting her, the way I should have and didn’t.”
“You know, Thorin, at some point you’re gonna have to let that shit go. It’s in the past, and you sure as fuck can’t change that you were a class A dick.”
I snort. “You were no better, Benj. You stood by and watched all that shit happen to her, too.”
“True,” he sighs, “and I felt bad about it for years, but she wasn’t my best friend, or mine to protect. And even if I could, it’s not like Jessica would have listened to me. She barely listened to you, brother, and y’all were going steady.”
Bastard’s going straight for the jugular, and hell if I can make sense of the shit running a riot in my own head. Old feelings, new feelings, a fucking mess tangled together.
“If I could have done things differently, I would have, but you know what they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty.”
“Well,” Benji grunts, “You’re going to have to figure your shit out real fast because we’re here for the foreseeable future, and you and Reese are raising Eli together, whether you like it or not. Your life just changed, Thorin. Own your shit, and step up.”
I lean over, resting my elbows on my knees. “Say what you want to say, without beating around the fucking bush, yeah?”
“You’re going to have to make things right with her, man. You can’t take on the responsibility of raisin
g a kid together when she can barely look you in the eye. Hell. She looked terrified being around the four of us again, like she was waiting for one of us to tease her. Fix what needs fixin’, is what I’m saying.”
“I’m not sure it’ll make a difference at this point.” What I really mean is, I don’t even know where, or how, the fuck to start.
“Yeah, maybe not, but you have someone else to think about now, not just yourself and your bandmates.”
I know he means Eli, and damn if being responsible for him isn’t weighing on me. My brother discussed what he wanted from me if anything happened to him and Mel, but I didn’t think it’d be now. Or that Mel would die giving birth to Eli. Or that my brother would be killed by a drunk driver while racing to the hospital the moment Reese called him. None of this has been expected, and I had no time to prepare for what lies ahead. I’m a rockstar, with bandmates. We travel the world and record songs for months on end, how does raising Eli fit into all of that? How does co-parenting with Reese fit into all of that? Hell, how does Reese fit into all of it?
“I have to think about Reese, too,” I add quietly, draining my beer, and sitting back in the chair. Benji snorts, and shakes his head. “Brother, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you ever stopped thinking about Reese.”
My mouth tilts up on one side. “No,” I relent. “I guess not.”
Question is, can I get her to trust me again?
Reese allows me to hold her for a whole five minutes before she starts struggling in my arms and pushes me away. Her gaze flits around me, and when I turn, Jessica is watching us with her brainless drones flanking her. She scowls, and I know she’s going to rip me a new asshole when we have English Lit. First class of the day, yippee. And Reese is in the same class.
“Don’t worry about her,” I tell Reese, taking her hand. Her eyes meet mine, and I notice how pale she looks, how lifeless her blue eyes are. They’re missing the vibrancy I’m used to, and while I want to kick her parents’ asses for stealing that verve, I know I’m partly responsible for its absence.
“Have lunch with me today,” I tell her, hoping to coax something from inside her, anything resembling the old Reese. My Reese.
She looks away, and starts grabbing books from her locker. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Thorin. I’d rather not poke the Hornet’s nest if I can help it. I have enough to deal with.”
“She won’t do anything—”
Reese snorts, and shakes her head. “You clearly don’t know your girlfriend very well.” She slams her locker shut, and the sound has a few people in the hallway glancing at us. “Look,” she slips her messenger bag over her shoulder, “I appreciate the concern, but I don’t need you to protect me. I haven’t needed you for a long time now, Thorin.” I hate that she says it with so much conviction, as if she believes it. I don’t. At least, I don’t want to. “I’ll manage without you.”
I want to say something, but before the words can even string themselves together in my head to form a response, she pushes past me, and walks to class. Jessica makes a grab for Reese’s messenger bag, and I snap.
“Don’t touch her!” I shout. Jessica’s eyes widen, as does her sneer. I cross the hallway to her, having had enough of the distance between me and Reese. I want my best friend back, and if I have to earn her trust again, I’ll do what it takes. “Your games end here, Jess. Enough.”
With her hands on her hips, she glares up at me with no regard for our audience at all. “You choosing Peppa Pig over your girlfriend, Thorin?”
The nickname grates me, but I keep my cool, and level Jessica with a steely glower. “Keep calling her that, keep pulling your pathetic fucking pranks, and I swear to God, I will end you. I will make sure the tables are turned real fast, and you and your girls will no longer be welcome in our circles.”
“You don’t have that kind of power,” she snarls. I’ve got her, and she knows it. If there’s one thing Jessica thrives on more than picking on Reese, it’s the popularity she has. She would never do anything to put that at risk.
“Let’s not test that theory, yeah?”
We stare a minute longer, and when she realizes I’m not fucking around, her posture relaxes, and she plasters on her signature fake-ass smile. “Very well, babe. I’ll behave, no more games. I swear.”
She bats her eyelashes, and only part of me believes her; the other part knows I’ve just made things a whole lot worse for Reese.
Chapter Seven
Reese
“All I’m saying is, you have reason to be nervous around them, and it has nothing to do with the fact that they’re a world famous rock band,” my assistant and best friend, Mya, tells me. I’m on my knees, scrubbing the floors with my wireless earphones in, and the baby monitor clipped to my yoga pants. “They bring back a lot of bad memories for you, Reese.”
“I still feel like a crazy person for running out the house. I was around all of them for no longer than five minutes, and I had the urge to flee. Like a crazy person.”
Mya sighs, and I know she’s exasperated with me. Unfortunately for her, she’s paid to put up with my bullshit, irrational behavior included. “Honestly, Reese, you’re overreacting.”
“I”m overreacting about my overreaction?” Well, when you put it that way, I really do sound like a crazy person, but I can’t help that being around the band had me reverting to old behavior. They might not have gone out of their way to make my life hell in high school, but they were bystanders, nonetheless. Carson and Fletch laughed when Jessica did or said something, just like everyone else did, while Benji and Thorin stood on the sidelines and did nothing. I don’t know what’s worse, now that I think about it.
Snap out of it, Reese. It’s ancient history.
“Look,” Mya says, “for all you know, they’ll be gone in a few days, and then it’s just you and Thorin.”
I scrunch my nose. “You know, now that I think about it, maybe having the band around won’t be such a bad thing.” As if. “If they’re keeping Thorin busy when he’s not looking after Eli, then I have even less reason to see him.”
“Okay, now you’re just being ridiculous. You can’t avoid him. Besides,” she adds, “you have to get back to work soon. I know you’re still reeling from losing Mel and Ryan, but I know you. If you don’t stay busy, you’ll really be on the fast track to Cuckoo Town.”
“I know.” I perch my hands on my knees and blow an errant strand of hair from my face. “But I just need a few more days, Mya. I’m still adjusting to becoming an insta-mom, and having to be around Thorin after all these years is really doing my head in.”
“Well, you still need to work, Reese, and I think it’ll be good to at least start interacting with your followers again. I’ve been keeping your social media up-to-date, but I’ve also been getting emails and messages about when you’re going to start posting videos again. A few sponsors have contacted me too, including the clothing company.”
“Jesus,” I swear, going back to scrubbing the already spotless floor. “What part of ‘my best friends just fucking died’ is so difficult to grasp? I need time. I have a newborn who’s relying on me and—”
“I know, Reese. But, I think it’ll be a good idea for your share that with your followers. Hearing it from me is one thing, but they want to hear from you, and I don’t think it’ll be a bad thing if you did a ‘raw’ video about what’s been going on in your life. Talk about Mel and Ryan, without going into the details, and consider introducing them to Eli.”
“I’m not going to use my personal experiences as fodder, Mya.”
“And I’m not saying that you should,” she replies patiently. “Just talk to them, remind them that you’re a real person, going through some real shit. All they know is the woman who’s built this incredible lifestyle business, who’s shared her journey in fitness and who’s helped people on theirs. But they don’t know Reese, and let’s face it, that Eli is a heartbreaker. You need to express yourself somehow, because keepin
g all your emotions stuffed in a jar on your bathroom counter is not healthy.” Her observation is pretty accurate considering it feels like that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Stuffing every feeling, and emotion into a jar, and sealing it shut. “I don’t know, Mya.” I stand, and arch my back. I have no idea how long I’ve been scrubbing the damn floor, but my house is now spotless because I’ve cleaned every nook and cranny. It’s 2:30 in the morning, but I can’t sleep. There’s just too much ruckus in my head, in my chest. Even in my bones. An unscratchable itch under my skin, in my muscles. “When was the last time you wrote a song?”
That stops me in my tracks. “How’d you know about that?”
It was one of my most well-kept secrets. The only people who knew I used to write songs is Ryan and Thorin. I stopped when I graduated college, and really, it was just a form of expression when I wasn’t studying, or working my ass off in the gym.
“Remember when we got wasted the night of graduation?”
“Yeesss…” I think. Graduation night is still a blur, and it’s not because it was five years ago.
“You told me about it, in your drunken stupor, and then you told me all about Thorin Jude Decker.”
“Oh, God,” I groan. “Did I really? How drunk was I?”
“Well, considering we’d just survived four years of hell, you got hammered. I stopped after two drinks because someone had to get us back to our apartment in one piece.”
Mya and I met at freshman orientation, and luck was on our side because we ended up sharing a dorm room until junior year. Then we got an apartment together, and the rest, as they say, is history. She studied public relations and communications, and when we graduated, she became my assistant. She’s basically helped me build my business, and encouraged me to pursue just about every avenue, including the launch of my own fitness app and clothing line.
“I haven’t written since college,” I admit. “I kind of threw everything I have into everything else, and forgot about it.” That’s what I tell myself, when really, the truth is I’m scared to write again, scared of what will come out when I put pen to paper. My mind had a nasty habit back then of dredging up old feelings about Thorin, and putting those feelings into lyrics. I had to sever the connection at some point. “I think you should get back to it.” Mya makes it sound both appealing, and easy, but it’s the exact opposite. I stopped when it no longer felt like a release, and only reminded me of Thorin, especially after their first album went platinum, whatever that meant.
Under The Same Sky (Horseshoe Bay Book 1) Page 6
