Kian

by Melody Anne

  “That could have been Kian when he did a perimeter sweep,” Roxie said hopefully.

  “I don’t think so,” Declan said. The way he spoke was all business and was spooking her even more than she needed to be.

  “It’s okay, Roxie. We’re going to keep you both safe,” Owen assured her, the first of them to approach and pull her in for a hug she hadn’t even realized she needed. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and took comfort from someone who had always been a great friend.

  “She’d be safe if she just came to my place,” Kian told her, his eyes narrowing as Owen’s hand rested low on her back. She rolled her eyes at him as she let go of Owen and took a step back so Kian wouldn’t think he could grab her next.

  “I’ll just add an extra lock or two,” Roxie said, satisfied with her solution.

  Kian stared at her for several moments, not wanting to back down. She looked right back at him, letting him know without words she wasn’t a damsel in distress who needed rescuing.

  He lifted his phone, punched in a number, and waited. Roxie could hear the irritated voice from six feet away as it snapped out a greeting to him. Kian didn’t even blink as he interrupted the man.

  “How soon can you get a security system installed?” he said. The command in his tone would make most people jump to do his bidding.

  “Not good enough,” Kian said. He waited a moment longer. “I’ll triple it if you get someone here by morning.” Again, there was a pause, and the person was no longer yelling. “Done.” Kian hung up the phone.

  “What did you do?” she asked.

  “I’m not leaving tonight. A system will be put in tomorrow,” Kian said.

  Exhaustion was quickly pulling Roxie under, and she had no desire to keep fighting with him, especially in front of his brothers and the town sheriff, who appeared to be amused. Yeah, Kian was just a barrel of laughs.

  “Blankets are in the closet. Good night,” she told him without a smile. She did give the others a thank-you and a smile before turning around and going into her bedroom, firmly shutting the door behind her.

  Even with the excitement in the middle of the night, Roxie didn’t have any trouble drifting off to sleep again. She wouldn’t admit, even under torture, that maybe, just maybe, it was because Kian was out there ensuring her safety.

  Chapter Eighteen

  After putting in a security system for Roxie, Kian was able to leave town for two days for an emergency in California. But he was back now, and he’d insisted on seeing Lily. He was trying to give Roxie some space and respect, and trying to be patient, but that certainly wasn’t a virtue for him.

  Kian wouldn’t say life had been easy for him, but he’d been born with natural talent and the drive to succeed. It always seemed odd to him when others had to work so hard to make it in life. Didn’t everyone want to have all they could? Apparently not. Some just wanted to skate by. Kian wasn’t one of those people.

  Now he found himself more nervous than he’d been the first time he’d held a scalpel in one hand and the life of a patient in the other. He paced around the children’s park as he waited for Roxie to show up with Lily. He wanted to tell the child she was his; he wanted the world to know he was a father. But at least he was getting to visit with her. That was a step in the right direction.

  He never should have had sex with Roxie again—twice. That had opened up a whole chain of emotions he hadn’t been ready to open, and now he was even more reluctant to do what needed to be done in order for his daughter to be raised how she deserved to be. She was his daughter, and every single day she wasn’t in his home was another day he lost.

  But his feelings were clouded and getting more and more mixed up in Roxie. He couldn’t stop thinking about the woman. He should be focused solely on Lily, but now he couldn’t imagine Lily without Roxie. He wanted them both.

  He watched as small children climbed up ladders and slid down slides, laughing and chasing one another. Never had Kian imagined himself smiling as he sat at a park and enjoyed the warm laughter of children. His life had changed in the blink of an eye, and he wasn’t sure what to think about that.

  Kian wasn’t the type of man who could easily change his type of thinking, and he was obsessing about whether or not he’d make a good parent. At one time in his life, he hadn’t hesitated to think about having kids of his own. He’d imagined Roxie and him sharing a home, her belly rounding with their child growing inside, a little girl with her eyes and hair running toward him. It had been a dream he’d been more than happy to have every single night. Until she’d left. Then that dream had turned into a nightmare.

  Too restless to sit, Kian paced as he gazed from the playground to the parking lot. He was early, but he was still frustrated Roxie wasn’t there yet. A girl called out, and Kian watched as a father pushed his daughter on the swing, her legs sticking out as she called for him to go higher. The man smiled, looking happy as he bonded with his child. That should be Kian every single day.

  Finally, Kian recognized the unsuitable vehicle as Roxie pulled up. He wasn’t sure if he should go over and help her or stand by and wait like he hadn’t been crawling out of his skin in anticipation of their arrival. He took too long to decide, and then he saw Roxie pulling Lily from the back seat. His little girl struggled to get down, and then Roxie was clutching her hand as she tried to wiggle away to get to the playground.

  The second they came through the gate, Lily shot off like a torpedo, running with her limbs twisting in every direction as she headed straight for the ladder and began climbing. Kian wasn’t sure what to do. Panic slammed into him as he found himself holding his breath.

  But Lily climbed up effortlessly, and then was shooting down the slide. She rushed back to the ladder as she instantly made friends with another girl about the same size, and they decided to race side by side down the slides again.

  Roxie seemed hesitant to approach him, so Kian didn’t say anything as he kept an eye on her out of the corner of his eye while she slowly approached. His main focus was on his daughter. He couldn’t help but smile as she laughed with joy, instantly able to make friends with other kids at the park. He wanted to get her attention, but he knew this wasn’t a sprint. He didn’t want to smother her and have her be afraid of him.

  Kian was anxious as he stood next to Roxie without speaking and continued watching Lily. How did parents do this? How did they not wrap their children in their arms and protect them? Lily ran fast over to the monkey bars and tripped, and he about jumped out of his skin. He moved to go to her, and Roxie placed a hand on his arm. It wasn’t enough pressure to stop him, but it did.

  “She’s fine,” Roxie said in a soothing voice. And she was. Lily jumped to her feet and was off again.

  “How do I do this?” he asked. It was odd, but that moment of her touch against his skin and his heart slowed; his breathing evened out.

  “I was just like this the first week, afraid of everything, but I’ve learned that she’s smart and vivacious and independent. If we smother her, she gets frustrated. It will be fine,” she promised.

  There was so much Kian wanted to speak to Roxie about, but this wasn’t the time or the place. They would talk, but it would be when Lily wasn’t around. Lily flew down the slide again and then came in a full-blown sprint toward them.

  “Swing,” she demanded, her head turning from Roxie to him. She didn’t care which of them pushed her.

  Kian grinned. “Let’s go,” he said.

  She took off running to the swings, and he followed her, a smile engulfing his lips. He helped Lily up on the swing and pushed her gently. Her head swiveled around as she glared at him.

  “Higher,” she demanded.

  His heart pounded again, and he added a little more pressure to his push. Lily squealed with delight, and each time she launched into the air, he felt as if he could have a heart attack, but the sound of her laughter more than made up for the fear he was facing.

  This was what he’d been wanting, to
have a carefree afternoon with his daughter, to do this normal type of activity, to feel as if the world wasn’t continually spinning off its axis. He’d be happy to stay right where he was for the rest of his life.

  Emotions he hadn’t known it was possible to feel flooded through him. His heart felt twice its normal size, and his cheeks hurt, he was grinning so much. He needed his daughter. He loved her without question, just like that.

  Looking up, Kian’s gaze met Roxie’s, and for a moment, just a brief moment, she let down her guard, and the two of them shared a smile, a carefree smile as they shared their time with this amazing child. But, too quickly, Lily demanded their attention, and the connection was broken.

  Could Kian have it all? Could he have the life he’d once taken for granted? And have his daughter as well? He wasn’t sure, but all of a sudden, it seemed like a real possibility. And for this small moment in time, everything in the world was right where it was supposed to be.

  He felt a connection with both Roxie and Lily, but the uncertainty would be a constant. As long as he was aware of that, he’d be fine. Maybe he would finally learn to have patience. His mother always had said it was a virtue. He’d always thought that was a piece-of-crap line that those who had no goals used.

  For people like him, who had to close the deal, patience was a weakness, but if he truly wanted to embrace his new role as a father, then he had to learn some new skills. The good news was that he was always up for a challenge.

  “Done,” Lily yelled.

  Kian stopped pushing his daughter, then tensed when she launched herself from the swing while it was too high up in the air. He took a step toward her when she rolled on the ground, but she giggled and then was up like a shot again, running over to the monkey bars.

  “I don’t know how these parents seem so relaxed. I remember playing on this same type of equipment, but it didn’t seem so dangerous back then. There’s potential for bone breakage in every direction I look,” Kian complained.

  “Did you ever break a bone?” Roxie asked.

  “Well, yeah, but not at the playground,” he said.

  “How, then?” she asked.

  “I was sliding into home plate my freshman year of high school and twisted wrong, snapping my ankle,” he said. “Hurt like hell, but I was safe, so it was worth it,” he said smugly.

  “Well, as long as you were safe,” Roxie told him with a chuckle.

  “Of course. If I’d gotten out, I’d have been pissed,” he said. It was pretty logical to him.

  Roxie laughed, and he decided right then and there, he wanted to make her laugh as often as possible. It was not only a beautiful sound, but it went straight to his gut and made his heart pound.

  He’d thought he was over this woman, but he now knew he’d been living in denial. As much as he wanted to have his daughter living with him right this moment, he was having to go back to that patient word again, because now his goals were bigger. Now he found that he wanted them both.

  Roxie loved Lily, and she would be an excellent mom for her. He could have his daughter and a wife. The past would always be there, but now they had more than themselves to think about. Now they had Lily, and she needed a mother and a father. They could do that together. Kian wasn’t sure how he was going to go about reaching his goals; he just knew this was too important to screw up.

  Roxie would have to watch out, though, because once he set his mind on something, he wouldn’t quit until he got what he desired. And right now, he wanted Lily and Roxie.

  Game on.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Roxie had no idea what to think or feel anymore. She wasn’t sure she even trusted herself, let alone anyone else in her life. Confusion seemed to be the one emotion she could be sure of. Why, oh, why had she allowed herself to get pulled back into the orbit of Kian Forbes? Was she a glutton for punishment?

  She’d told herself that chapter of her life was over, and then bam! On-call room. The sad thing was, she couldn’t even regret it. The sex had been that good. The self-recriminations weren’t the best after, but during, oh, during, had been well worth the fifty lashes she should give herself.

  Of course, she couldn’t allow her train of thought to go down that route. Nope. That got her kinky mind to thinking in bad, bad ways, and since Lily was in her car seat, napping, Roxie certainly didn’t want to have sex and ropes and mouths and . . . Nope! Had to turn off those thoughts again. What in the world was wrong with her?

  Maybe it was because, until that first night at Kian’s after Lily was released from the hospital, she hadn’t had sex since so brilliantly deciding to leave Kian four years ago. She’d almost forgotten how amazingly wonderful it actually was. But he’d awakened her in a big way.

  She wondered if it would be wrong to do it just once more. No. She couldn’t think like that. One more time would never be enough when it came to a man like Kian. He certainly knew his way around a woman’s body, and though she hadn’t been with anyone since she’d left him, she knew for sure he had.

  Looking in her rearview mirror confirmed that for her. He’d not only been with other women, but one of them had been her sister. That made her cringe. Sure, he might not have known it was her sister, but still, it was disgusting. She felt a deep betrayal she couldn’t figure out how to push away.

  Besides the fact that he’d slept with her sister, what was happening between them was going at warp speed. From the moment she’d come back to town, the man had been everywhere, in person and in her thoughts and dreams. She didn’t know how to handle that.

  For now, Roxie was trapped in her car. Lily had fallen asleep, and as soon as her vehicle pulled up to home, her niece would wake up, and then she’d be grumpy because she hadn’t slept long enough. Roxie didn’t mind peaceful Sunday drives, though. There never tended to be much traffic out, and it gave her a chance to clear her head. She liked to explore new areas. But now that she had Lily with her, she was a lot more careful. She didn’t need to get lost in some back-roads area where a creeper killer found her and she was never seen again. The things a person thought about with a child in the car were much different from what they imagined when they were responsible for only themselves.

  As she continued down the road, her thoughts turned to Kian again. At one time, she’d been so in love with him, she hadn’t known where he ended and she began. That had frightened her. She hadn’t wanted to lose herself in another’s identity. That hadn’t been his fault, though. It was all on her shoulders. But even knowing that, she was scared to open that door again. Kian had changed in the past four years.

  He’d always been a confident man—it was why she’d been so drawn to him. But now he was harder around the edges, not quite so trusting. She was tense around him, just waiting for the shoe to drop regarding when he’d serve her with papers to take Lily away. He seemed to be playing by her rules for the moment, but she knew that wasn’t likely to last. He would give up on her eventually. Didn’t everybody?

  Unlike Kian, who had a beautiful family, Roxie had no one. The one thing she’d always been able to count on was disappointment. People came and went in life, but the truth was that they always did go. It wasn’t a matter of if; it was a matter of when. Maybe that’s why she’d left Kian. Maybe she knew she wouldn’t have been able to handle it if he left her.

  Ugh. She didn’t want to go there. Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel, to the point that her knuckles turned white. She took in some calming breaths, knowing she couldn’t get upset and start making mistakes while driving. She reduced her speed since no one else was around. It might even be safer for her to just pull over. Her mind was focused on just about everything except for driving.

  But there wasn’t any other traffic on the road. She’d only passed a couple of vehicles in the last hour. She’d turned around a while back and would be in town soon enough. Lily had gotten plenty of sleep. Maybe the two of them would make a trip to the bakery. With all the stress of the last week, Roxie was burning pl
enty of calories and could totally afford to eat some sugary delights.

  Roxie saw movement out of the corner of her eye and realized too late that a yearling was bounding right into the road, straight in her path. Slamming on her brakes, Roxie swerved to the left, the rear of her car fishtailing as the front tires caught the gravel on the side of the road.

  The deer was on the road, staring at her in horror. Their eyes met, and Roxie silently pleaded with the animal to move, but it didn’t listen, and her front corner bumper slammed into the poor animal, sending it forward. Her car came to a screeching halt on the side of the road, and Roxie’s heart was now lodged in her throat.

  Her entire body trembling, Roxie pulled all the way off the road and killed her engine. Turning to check on Lily, she let out a relieved breath when she saw her niece shift in her seat, then rest her head comfortably again and start snoring. The impact had been minimal and had shaken Roxie up far more than the damage it had caused.

  She still had to make sure everything was fine, though. She needed to stop trembling before she left the safety of her car. All she could think about was Kian telling her how unsafe her car was if she were to get into a wreck. Well, she’d proven him wrong. Both she and Lily were just fine, and they’d just had a minor accident.

  Of course, she’d barely clipped the deer and had been going only forty-five, but still, the car seemed to be holding up well. Adrenaline was flowing through Roxie’s veins as she gazed at her niece a few more moments while concentrating on her breathing.

  Finally, Roxie emerged from her car and felt tears sting her eyes when she saw the yearling lying on its side, its legs moving in a running motion as it tried to right itself. Blood oozed from its shoulder, but she couldn’t tell if anything was broken. The sound it was making was enough to make her sob, but she tried desperately to hold it together.

  It was just a baby, and it was hurt. She couldn’t possibly just leave the young animal there to suffer, but there was no way she’d be able to put it out of its misery. She didn’t have it in her. She paced in front of the deer that appeared to be terrified, and she felt a tear slip free.