Kian

by Melody Anne

  Roxie had an immediate answer, but she closed her lips instead of spouting it out as she truly thought about the question. It wasn’t something she’d ever taken time to consider.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “When I moved away, I was running. I didn’t even know who I was anymore, let alone what I wanted. I still don’t really know. My sister died, and I’ve been taking care of Lily now, and it seems that my identity is now wrapped up in my niece. But I love being with her. I don’t look at her as a burden at all,” she quickly added.

  “I understand that,” Eden said. “But, honestly, it’s okay to think about yourself, too. You have to be happy and fulfilled in order to be a good aunt or mother or wife.”

  “When in the heck did you become so knowledgeable?” Roxie asked.

  A sad light entered Eden’s eyes as she leaned back. “I’ve had my own heartbreak to deal with, and it caused me to do some soul-searching. I don’t know that much, honestly, and it’s much easier to analyze other people than myself. I just know that you and Kian are meant to be.”

  “Have you ever thought about talking to Owen, telling him how you feel?” Roxie asked.

  Eden looked around the room to make sure no one was listening before she leaned in even closer and whispered quickly, “No. Don’t say his name. He moved to New York to be this badass fireman and didn’t even blink as he left me behind. It’s over between us, and I hope I never see him again.”

  There was so much pain in her eyes and her words, and it broke Roxie’s heart because she knew how her friend was feeling. The difference was that Roxie had seen Eden and Owen together, and she would have sworn the two of them would have happily gone off into the sunset together.

  “When is the last time you talked to him?” Roxie asked.

  “We’re talking about you, not me,” Eden pointed out.

  “I know, but when?” Roxie asked. She found she liked focusing on someone other than herself as much as her friend did.

  Finally, Eden sighed. “It’s been two years.”

  “Have you tried calling, or has he?”

  “No. He did try calling a couple of times in the beginning, and then I didn’t hear from him again, and I was glad. It’s over. I even dated another guy for all of five seconds, but it was too soon,” Eden admitted.

  “I’m sorry,” Roxie said. She meant it. There truly was nothing like the pain of heartbreak.

  “Maybe we are both better off just being on our own,” Eden told her with a pout.

  “I can agree to that,” Roxie said.

  Three o’clock had come and gone, and she hadn’t texted Kian. He’d been stood up and was probably furious with her now. Maybe that was for the best, too. They really couldn’t start something up. It wouldn’t be wise.

  The sun was starting to get lower in the sky, and the clouds were rolling in. Time was quickly fading, and Roxie knew she should probably be heading home. She’d checked her phone several times and hadn’t heard from Kian at all. Maybe he hadn’t shown up at the doughnut shop, either.

  The thought of that made her cheeks heat again. She was just on such unsure footing where he was concerned, she didn’t know what to think or feel.

  “I should check on Lily now that we’re pretty much done here,” she told Eden.

  “Yeah, I guess it’s time to head out. I’ve noticed several people leaving,” Eden replied.

  The two of them walked outside, and half the vehicles were gone already, with more pulling out by the second. Eden told her goodbye, and Roxie headed toward the barn, where she heard Lily giggling so much, it made her smile.

  She stepped inside and found Doc Evan and Lily sitting in the pigpen with all the little piglets climbing all over them.

  “Well, this looks like fun,” she said, leaning against the rail and smiling at them.

  “I like the piggies,” Lily said with a huge grin as one crawled up her leg and rested its tiny head on her.

  “I know you do,” she told Lily, who quickly turned her attention back to the small animals. Lily was so gentle with them, Roxie couldn’t be more proud.

  “How did you get roped into babysitting duty?” Roxie asked.

  Evan looked up with a conspiratorial grin. “I avoid the meddlers as much as possible. I felt safer out here. The other kids took off a little bit ago, so I agreed to let Lily have some uninterrupted playtime. Come in and join us,” he told her.

  “I can’t resist that invitation,” she said, and quickly climbed inside and sat down near Evan.

  For the next fifteen minutes, she was swarmed with baby piglets that couldn’t seem to get enough attention. Roxie found herself laughing more than she had in the past four years.

  “You’re a natural with animals. You should have gone to vet school instead of becoming a nurse.” Evan patted her shoulder.

  She’d always enjoyed Evan’s company. He was such a good guy. She was comfortable with him. Why couldn’t she feel just as easy around Kian? Maybe because around Kian, she felt hot and bothered and never knew quite how to react. Would she have fallen in love with him if she’d never had such highs and lows? She wasn’t sure of that answer.

  With Evan, she was comfortable, thinking of him almost like a brother. There weren’t any sparks, but what would it be like to be with a man whom she was simply comfortable with? No excitement, but no devastation. She wasn’t sure.

  “I might have to think about doing that. I’m finding that I do enjoy animals more than a lot of people,” she told him, laughing again.

  “Well, this looks nice and cozy.”

  Roxie froze at the cold fury in the voice above her. She didn’t want to turn and look up, didn’t want to see Kian’s face, but almost as if she had no will to stop it, she looked anyway, and though he wasn’t exactly glaring, he didn’t appear to be a happy camper at all.

  “Hey, Kian, want to join us in the pigpen?” Evan asked, seeming oblivious to Kian’s bad mood.

  Roxie decided to look away from him, afraid if she continued to stare, his eyes were going to shoot fire at her and burn her alive. This was the reason the two of them would never have a relationship. It was too intense, too much for her to handle.

  “No, I was worried about Roxie and Lily when they didn’t show up for our date,” Kian said.

  Roxie gasped as she turned and glared at the man. “We didn’t have a date,” she told him through clenched teeth. She might not want to cause a scene, but she wasn’t going to allow him to make her look like some flighty girl in front of her friend.

  “Yes, we did, for doughnuts,” he told her, refusing to back down.

  “I received a note from you. I didn’t respond, and then I got busy,” she said. Her own voice was growing colder by the second, and Lily seemed to be picking up on it because she looked at Roxie with wide eyes.

  “It was a date,” Kian said. “And last night was more than a date.” But right after he said that with a smug look, he seemed to notice Lily’s distress, and he calmed the tone of his voice. “Hey, Lily Bear, we’re all good.”

  “Well, I’m definitely not getting in the middle of this,” Evan said with a laugh as he jumped to his feet and quickly climbed from the pigpen. “You guys take your time, and make sure the gate is latched when you leave.”

  With that, Evan took off, his chuckle easily heard as he left the barn. Roxie was furious at the way Kian had just behaved, and because of that, she sat right where she was for the next ten minutes, ignoring the man. She felt his gaze on the back of her neck the entire time.

  “I’m hungry,” Lily said as she tugged on Roxie’s arm.

  “Oh, I guess it’s past dinnertime, isn’t it?” she said, feeling again like a terrible guardian since she’d forgotten to feed the child.

  “We’ll get pizza,” Kian said.

  “Yeah, pizza,” Lily said before Roxie could correct him. Lily jumped up, startling a few of the piglets, who squealed and ran back toward their mama to hide. She ran to the fence and held her arms up for Kian to p
ick her up, then snuggled against his chest as they both looked over at Roxie, who was slowly rising.

  “I’m just going to make some dinner at home,” she said to Lily, refusing to look at Kian.

  “I want pizza,” Lily told her stubbornly.

  Roxie had to take in several deep breaths. This kind of thing wasn’t going to work with her. Kian couldn’t paint her into a corner.

  “It’s been a long day, and you haven’t even had a nap. We need to go home,” she firmly told Lily.

  The little girl’s lip began to quiver, and a couple of big tears slipped down her cheeks, making Roxie feel about two inches tall and making her want to punch Kian square in the jaw. She probably would have if he hadn’t been holding Lily at that very moment.

  “I’ll pick up pizza and bring it to your house,” Kian told Lily.

  “Promise?” Lily said, her eyes still watery.

  “Yep, I promise. You ride home with your mama, and I’ll get pizza.”

  She wrapped her hands around his neck and gave him a wet kiss on his cheek in her gratitude. Roxie wanted to tell him he couldn’t just invite himself over, but he wasn’t asking her permission. She was beyond frustrated now.

  Lily wouldn’t let her take her, so she stomped after both of them as Kian approached her car, once again grumbling about how unsafe it was. She was likely to punch him yet. Because she didn’t want Lily to see that happen, she quickly dived into the driver’s seat and locked the door. When the click went into place, Kian paused in buckling up Lily, and she felt his heated gaze on the back of her neck. She didn’t turn around, but she heard his sarcastic really as if it were louder than a gunshot.

  “I’ll see you in about thirty minutes,” he said. The words certainly were a threat. Maybe Lily would be passed out and she could turn all the lights off and pretend they’d both gone to bed. Roxie was really hoping.

  She got home and gave Lily the shortest bath the kid had ever had, then brushed her hair and offered her some toast with jam, one of her favorite treats, but her darling child refused. Though she was hungry, her mind was set on pizza, and almost to the minute, Kian showed up at the door with a hot box and a smile.

  Begrudgingly, she let him in, not happy at all about the situation. He had a smirk on his lips she would absolutely love to wipe off. Roxie was pretty silent as Kian and Lily talked all about their days with each other. He told her about a little girl he’d seen as a patient, and she listened as if she could understand any of it. She told him about playing with the other kids and all the tiny animals.

  Roxie felt as if she wasn’t needed in this conversation at all, and she didn’t appreciate the feeling. It was in that moment that she knew she truly was the one out of place. She hadn’t had a relationship with her niece until recently, and she’d wanted nothing to do with her sister. She was simply the aunt, nothing special. Sure, Lily was calling her Mama more and more, but she wasn’t her mama. And the reality was that Kian was her dad.

  The weight of sadness that suddenly rested on her shoulders was almost too much for her to take. She had to get away from the table. Her appetite completely gone, she jumped up and went to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she barely recognized the woman gazing back at her. Who was she? She had no idea. She felt as if she were living on the outside of reality, just a stranger who was the only one out of place in this perfect little world.

  She knew she had to pull it together for Lily’s sake, but right in this moment, she couldn’t seem to do it. She felt so unwanted, so out of place. She felt as if she had nowhere to go and no one who’d miss her if she were gone. It was like the first time she’d left this town. No one had come after her. She’d been able to slip away without anyone truly caring.

  Tears streamed down her cheeks as she faced her own worthlessness. It wasn’t a feeling she would wish on anyone. There was no one she disliked so much she’d want them to face the emptiness she was feeling.

  Lily needed to go to bed. She truly should pull it together enough to get her there, but she couldn’t face Kian right now; she couldn’t even face Lily, who was perfectly happy to be with her father. They might not have told the little girl yet that he was her daddy, but she was drawn to him, anyway. She seemed to instinctively know it.

  Roxie cracked the bathroom door open and called out to Kian. “Do you think you could help Lily with her jammies and tuck her in? I have a terrible headache, and I’m going to take a bath. You can see yourself out after,” she said.

  There was dead silence for a few seconds, and she wondered if he was going to refuse. He’d told her he wanted to know his daughter’s nighttime routine, and this was the perfect way to be immerged into it.

  “Yes, I’ve got it,” he called back. She couldn’t tell from his tone what he thought about her request, but she was too emotionally wrecked to focus on it. She closed and locked the bathroom door, then turned on the night-light so it was dark, and then she filled the tub.

  She sat there for well over an hour, adding hot water when it began to cool. When she heard no more sound coming from the house, she decided it was safe to come out. She knew she was going to have to face Kian again soon, but at least it wasn’t going to be tonight.

  She deserved a small reprieve because she hadn’t allowed herself to let everything sink in over the past couple of months, and now it seemed to be doing so with the force of a perfect storm.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Kian couldn’t help but smile as he stretched out on Roxie’s bed. If she seriously thought he was so easy to dismiss, then she truly had forgotten all about him in their years apart. That thought didn’t bode so well for him.

  He hadn’t forgotten a single thing about her—not the way her body felt, not the sound of her laughter, or the way her cheeks would give her away every single time. He had been in love with her, and he was coming to the conclusion that no matter how hard he’d tried to forget her, he still was in love with her.

  He truly had no idea how she felt about him, though. Kian didn’t like this uncertainty, but he had never been a person to run from his problems. When he’d found her and Lily all cozy in the barn with the vet, he’d wanted to punch Evan in the face, then put Roxie over his shoulder and smack her ass a few times before taking her home and proving to her over and over again who she belonged to.

  The second he’d had Lily in his arms, he’d calmed down. Of course Evan wouldn’t try anything with his woman. That would never happen. But it was much easier to be rational when he wasn’t filled with jealousy. He’d waited at that damn bakery for a half hour before realizing she wasn’t showing up. It hadn’t taken much investigative work to figure out where she was.

  He’d been jealous all the way out there, and, well, it had piqued. But tonight had been ideal for him. He’d been able to have dinner with the two most important ladies in his life, and then he’d gotten to read a story to his daughter before tucking her into bed. She’d fallen asleep almost instantly.

  Now, he’d been waiting in Roxie’s room for a half hour. He was glad she was taking her time. It allowed him to calm himself and to think. Roxie was scared. He wasn’t sure of what exactly, but she was scared.

  When that happened, she tended to want to run. Kian just had to be strong enough for the both of them to not allow her to do that. He could certainly hold the burden of their problems on his wide shoulders. He’d be more than willing to do so. He just had to know what they were, first.

  She should trust him a little bit by now. He had the power to take Lily anytime he wanted, and he hadn’t attempted to do that. He didn’t want Lily not to have Roxie. He wanted them all to be a family. He just wasn’t sure how to make it happen. He didn’t want to come on too strong and cause her to run again, but he didn’t want to move too slowly, either.

  He wished life could be just a little bit simpler at times. But then where would the fun be in that? He heard the bathroom door open, and his heart skipped a beat. The lamp was on the lowest setting, and the
moment she walked into the bedroom, she’d know she wasn’t alone. His eyes were fixed on the door.

  Kian’s breath was literally stolen from his body when she stepped into the room. Her head was down as she ruffled a towel through her long, dark tresses, her freshly bathed scent drifting to him, making him hard as a boulder.

  His arousal poked up through his boxers, which were all he was wearing, and his stomach twitched. He curled his fingers into fists to keep from launching himself through the air toward her.

  She had nothing on but a skimpy towel that was barely covering the top of her thighs, and her generous cleavage was about to spill out as she leaned forward. She still hadn’t noticed him when she moved forward and sat on the edge of the bed, her head down as she scrubbed the top of her head.

  Her smell was intoxicating, and though Kian had hoped the two of them would be making love this night, it hadn’t been his main objective when he’d gotten comfortable on her bed. He’d wanted the two of them to talk first. He wasn’t sure he had the willpower to make that happen now, though, not when she was so unwittingly tempting him.

  “Damn,” he growled, startling her, and she twisted. The action caused the towel around her body to open and fall away, revealing the undeniable beauty of her flesh.

  Within seconds, he had her beneath him, and his lips were on hers. His hunger was nearly uncontrollable as he plunged his tongue into her mouth, his hands smoothing down her sides. She whimpered against him as she reached for him, her own need catching fire as quickly as his.

  “I wanted to talk,” he said as he wrenched his lips from hers, then dived into the crook of her neck and sucked her sweet skin. “But then you came in here looking like this, and I’ve lost my mind.”

  She whimpered as she arched her back into him. Her hard nipples were pressing against his chest, her legs spread wide beneath him.

  “Take me. Make me stop thinking,” she demanded.

  The pain of her words nearly brought him back to reality, but she arched her back again and rubbed her hot core against him, and he lost his mind before rationality could seep through. She opened her lips and begged for a kiss, and he gladly obliged, sealing their mouths together.