Lost for Words

by Andrea Bramhall

  Sasha shook her head again and let her chin fall to her chest as she shook with what Jac hoped was laughter and not tears. “I’ll let her know that for next time.”

  “Exactly. So, what do you say? Stay at my place?”

  “Honestly, Jac, you’ve been so kind. I can’t put you out like this.”

  “You aren’t. Honest, it’ll stop me worrying, and potentially laughing all night. Plus I can make sure you’re not late for your first day in the morning, and if you have any issues with finding your way around this maze, I can be on hand to guide you through. You’d be doing me a favour, really.”

  Sasha chuckled and said sarcastically, “Well, when you put it like that, it certainly does seem like a sensible solution, but what about your partner? Surely she won’t want me camping out at your place for the night. I don’t even have a change of clothes with me. Bloody Mother.”

  “Partner?”

  “Yes. I remember Sophie mentioning when we met that a girlfriend lives with you.”

  “Oh, well, Sophie has a big mouth and isn’t afraid to use it. She also happened to be working with outdated intel at the time. I’d split up with Vanessa a few days before that. I just hadn’t told Sophie and Mags then.”

  Sasha put her hand on Jac’s arm. “I’m sorry to hear that.” She squeezed gently. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. It wasn’t a surprise. Well, maybe the timing of it was, but not the split. If that makes sense?”

  Sasha nodded but didn’t say anything, clearly content to let Jac talk if she wanted to.

  “Just one of those things.”

  “Were you together long?”

  “Eighteen months. So not really, no.”

  “Long enough when you love someone.”

  “If you love someone, yes, I guess it is.”

  “Ah,” Sasha said softly. Knowingly.

  “Yeah, ah,” Jac mimicked.

  “I’m still sorry. Even if you didn’t love her, you must have cared to stay with her so long.”

  Jac nodded. She did care about Vanessa, and there was still the void that was her home without someone else there to help fill the space. Jac wasn’t prepared to head down the road into maudlin tonight. “Yeah, well, the upside is no partner to object to you using the guest room.”

  “And I won’t be in your way? Newly single and all that?” Sasha’s voice was playful, and the timbre sent a shiver down Jac’s spine.

  “Ah, no. We’ve got a project to concentrate on and a lot of work to do. Newly-single–type distractions aren’t on the horizon anytime soon. And certainly not for tonight.”

  Sasha looked sceptical.

  “Besides, it’ll be nice to have some company around the place.”

  Sasha cocked her head to one side and waited.

  Jac pointed a finger at her in warning and said, “If you tell Sophie I said any of this…”

  Crossing a finger over her heart, she held up three fingers in a facsimile salute. “Girl Scout’s honour.”

  “You were a Girl Scout?”

  Sasha rolled her eyes and wiggled her fingers to encourage Jac to get on with it.

  “I hate to admit it, but it feels so empty that I hate going home right now.” She crossed her arms over her chest. She didn’t want to admit she’d stayed with Vanessa as long as she had just so she didn’t have to be alone. Somehow, she didn’t think she needed to say it. Sasha was an intelligent and insightful woman, and more than capable of reading between the lines.

  “You sure you don’t mind?”

  For a moment, the only thing Jac was sure of was that she wanted Sasha in her home. Sure enough that she decided just to go with the feeling and not question it. She’d trusted her gut instinct more than once, and it had never steered her wrong. The only time she remembered life going all to shit was when she ignored it. “I’m positive.”

  Sasha stared at her for several long moments before she nodded and looked away again. She looked unaffected, but Jac felt naked, like she’d been stripped to her soul. A tremor swept the length of her spine, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as though even they were reaching out towards Sasha. Jac was self-aware enough to admit her attraction to herself, and to acknowledge she was in big trouble right now.

  “Do you have a washing machine?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Well, if I’m going to be stuck in the same clothes tomorrow, I’d at least like to try and wash my shirt.” She plucked at the red blouse and pencil-line black skirt she was wearing. “My mother has already traumatised me this evening, I’m not sure I can face a walk of shame that isn’t even my own tomorrow. I mean, it’s the first day in my new job!”

  Jac took a moment to look her up and down. “I can’t do much to help with the skirt; I don’t own one. And I don’t think my pants would fit you. But I’m sure I can find a shirt in my wardrobe that would look okay for the day.” Sure, Sasha had a much curvier body than she did, but her shoulders and back were much narrower, and added to the height difference, Jac was pretty sure she’d find something wearable.

  Sasha eyed her sceptically.

  “Might be a bit butcher than your normal style, but with the skirt, it should be okay.”

  “Seriously?” Sasha took in her body, and Jac could feel her eyes on her as if she were using her hands. “I’m not sure anything in your wardrobe would fit me.”

  Jac took hold of Sasha’s hand and started to tug her out of the door. “Trust me, I won’t let you make a fool of yourself in front of anyone tomorrow.” She went through her wardrobe in her mind and settled on the white shirt with the pleated front. Add in the black braces bisecting the white shirt and clipped to Sasha’s black skirt…yeah, she’d look hot. A flush swept her cheeks. Maybe with her hair piled on top of her head…and those glasses she kept in her handbag… Jac wanted to fan her face. Hot didn’t even begin to cover the image in her head.

  “You okay now?” Jac opened the door to her apartment and ushered Sasha inside. “Or are you still traumatised?”

  “I think she’s managed to traumatise me tonight for the rest of my natural life.” Sasha stumbled past Jac and into the large living room. Then stopped in her tracks as Jac flicked on the lights. “Wow.” Sasha stared. “This is your home?” she asked unnecessarily.

  “Yeah.” Jac looked about her and tried to see it from Sasha’s point of view. The floor-to-ceiling windows along the two external walls of the room let in the light of the moon and the buildings across Salford Quays and Manchester, each twinkling in competition with the other to chase away the shadows of the night. The huge L-shaped sofa dominated the sunken floor space, strewn with cushions and throw rugs in an attempt to make it look homey and lived-in instead of the showpiece Jac often felt it was. It was so big that she and Vanessa had been able to lie out flat on it and still not be able to touch each other if they so wished…and that had seemed to be the case far more often than not.

  The kitchen was at the opposite side of the open-plan living area, all highly polished white cupboards, stainless-steel appliances, and granite worktops. It was functional and modern and hardly ever used, so little used, in fact, that Jac wasn’t actually sure which of the cupboard doors hid the dishwasher, though she could locate the fridge…and the wine cooler.

  The two spaces were separated by the metal sculpture she’d purchased at Velvet three years ago, displayed on the five-foot-long plinth like an island with a sunbather upon it. But that wasn’t what had drawn Sasha’s attention.

  Sasha dropped her bag where she stood and crossed the floor like she was being pulled by a magnet. The telescope the decorator had set up looked out the window, and Sasha’s hand reverently stroked the length of it.

  “I always wanted a telescope when I was a kid.” She looked over at Jac. “May I?”

  “Please,” Jac said softly, watching as Sasha ben
t over to position herself and her skirt pulled taut across her backside. Jac licked her lips. Stop it, she admonished herself as Sasha adjusted the eyepiece and stared through the lens.

  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “It’s all so beautiful. How long have you lived here?”

  “About five years now. It’s a fairly new development, so I’m the only person to have owned this place.”

  “You’re very lucky. This view is incredible.”

  Jac nodded as she continued to stare at Sasha. “Incredible,” she echoed softly.

  “Sorry, you must be exhausted.” Sasha stood and held her hands out in question. “Where shall I park my stuff?”

  “Follow me.” Jac led her to the guest room, pointing out the en suite as they went while Sasha grabbed her bag from the floor where she’d dropped it. “We need to leave about eight to get to tomorrow’s meeting in time. I’ve already messaged Sophie to bring coffee and croissants so we don’t need to grab breakfast before we leave. Is that okay? Personally, the longer I can spend in bed in the morning, the better, but if you want, we can grab something on the way. I don’t have too much in—”

  Sasha held up a hand to stop her rambling. “Breakfast at work sounds great to me. Tomorrow is going to be a long enough day; no need to add to it by insisting on getting up for a healthy breakfast.” She dropped her handbag on the bed and went to the bathroom to have a look around. “You have a gorgeous home.”

  “Thanks.”

  Sasha stared at her expectantly, but Jac wasn’t sure what she was expecting. They’d had a wonderful day together, a lovely meal to finish off the evening, and had this been a date rather than time spent with a work colleague, Jac knew she’d be leading Sasha to that big bed behind her and would spend the night worshipping her body until they both passed out from exhaustion.

  Sasha cleared her throat. “You mentioned something about a shirt for the morning. Maybe something to sleep in tonight?”

  “Oh God, of course. Sorry.” She slapped a hand to her forehead. “One minute.” Jac ran from the room, straight-armed the door to her own open, and rummaged through her wardrobe until she found the shirt and braces. Then she pulled open a drawer in the chest and grabbed an oversized T-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts. She was back in Sasha’s room—Sasha’s room?—within two minutes.

  “I wasn’t sure what you’d sleep in, but I didn’t think my pyjamas would work. I hope this is okay?”

  “Well, well, well, this is a surprise, Ms Kensington.” Sasha held up the T-shirt and grinned at Jac.

  “What?” Jac frowned. “You don’t like T-shirts?”

  Sasha turned it around and showed her the character on the front. “I’d have guessed you as more of a Peter Pan…maybe even a Hook fan. But Tinkerbell? Really?”

  Tinkerbell was winking at her from the front of the shirt—right over Sasha’s breasts—and offering her the slogan of All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust. Jac laughed, and marvelled at just how much of that she was doing around Sasha.

  “You’re right. I don’t think I’ve ever worn that. Sophie bought it for me as a gag gift one Christmas. That line’s kind of our company motto.”

  “I remember you telling me that.” She put the shirt on top of the comforter and unfolded the white shirt, then draped the suspenders over the shoulder of the hanger. She turned the shirt side to side, like she was unpicking the stitching and mentally resewing it again as she did. “Might be a little tight across the chest. The suspenders should detract from that a little.” She nodded to herself, seemingly satisfied, but Jac was more than a little disappointed she wasn’t trying it on. “This should be fine. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” She stuffed her hands in her pockets to stop herself from reaching out to caress Sasha’s cheek or pull her in for a kiss. She cleared her throat again. “I should let you go and get some sleep.”

  Sasha smiled. “Thanks, and goodnight.” She leant forwards and placed a gentle kiss on Jac’s cheek. “Thanks for letting me stay here. I know you could have done without the trauma too.”

  Jac grinned, her cheek burning with the imprint of Sasha’s lips. “I can honestly say I’ve never enjoyed a trauma more.” She grasped and squeezed Sasha’s fingers before backing out of the door. “Goodnight, Sasha. See you in the morning.”

  Chapter 13

  Sasha stared into the wardrobe where she’d hung the borrowed shirt last night, wishing to God she had something of her own to wear instead. She felt woefully underprepared for the day ahead of her. She felt nervous and so out of place that she was sure, with every second that passed, she should never have picked up the phone to speak to Jac, never mind signed the bloody contract. What on earth had she been thinking? She looked at the door, ran her hand through her hair, and contemplated going to find Jac and tell her just that. That she was sorry to have messed her about, but she needed to get back home, to look after her mother. After the phone call, Jac surely wouldn’t be surprised. Clearly her mother couldn’t be trusted to her own devices.

  She bowed her head. What was she saying? Her mother was a grown woman who was clearly set on having a good time. Maybe Sasha did need to take a leaf out of her mother’s book. Well…sort of.

  “So,” Sasha said to herself as she plucked the hanger from the rail, “time to put on your big-girl pants and get on with it.” She shimmied into her skirt and stepped into her mid-heeled shoes. She piled her hair on top of her head in a messy bun that she secured with the only item she could find in her bag—a pencil. She smoothed on lipstick, eyeliner, and a little mascara before a knock startled her.

  “Sasha, are you almost ready?” Jac’s voice was muffled by the door.

  “Yep, I’ll be right there.” She pulled Jac’s shirt up her arms. She’d been right about it being tight across the chest. She had to leave an additional two buttons undone or risk them taking out someone’s eye throughout the day. That meant it was only fastened in line with her bra. She clipped the braces into place and tugged them over her shoulders. There was a vast amount of cleavage on display. More so than Sasha would consider appropriate for a working Monday, but she had to admit it wasn’t an unattractive image that looked back at her. Kind of librarian chic.

  “Sasha?”

  “Coming now.” She grabbed her bag on her way across the room, slipping it over her shoulder as she pulled the door open.

  “Wow,” Jac said with a smile from the other side. “Just…wow, that looks totally great on you.”

  Sasha’s cheeks burned as she glanced down shyly. “Thanks.”

  Holding out her coat and her arm, Jac asked, “Shall we?”

  “Such gallantry.” Sasha wrapped the fingers of one hand around Jac’s bicep and took her coat with the other. “Thank you.”

  Jac led her towards the door. “Are you ready for this?”

  “Nope.”

  “Nervous?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, remember something for me today.”

  Sasha waited a moment, then prompted, “And that would be?”

  Jac pointed over her shoulder. “Above the door. Read what it says.”

  “‘The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it,’” Sasha said. “Another Peter Pan quote? You’ll have me thinking it’s a favourite of yours or something.”

  “It is.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course. I know, I know. It’s a children’s book, but there are reasons why some children’s books are classics. There are layers of meaning we can only begin to fathom in them when we’re grown up. We usually rediscover them and learn more from them when we start reading them to our kids, but I don’t have the pleasure of reading them to my children, so I just have to read them for myself.” She shrugged. Sasha squeezed the arm beneath her fingers.

  “It’s always been one of m
y favourite stories. I made my mum read it to me nearly every night when I was a child.” She smiled, feeling more than a little shy herself. “I read it again just a few days ago.”

  Jac’s grin was every bit as cheeky and heart-melting as she’d always imagined the boy Peter’s had been, but Jac’s grin made Sasha’s heart skip and her belly tighten. “Good to know. So,” she said and pointed to the door, “remember that if it weren’t for you, none of us would be doing this at all, and don’t doubt, not for a second, that you can fly.”

  “Even without the pixie dust?”

  “Especially without the pixie dust.” Jac opened the door and led her to the lift. “I’ve met your mother, after all.”

  “Funny.”

  “I thought so.” The door opened and lowered them to the streets of Salford.

  The room was already full when they arrived, and Sasha cursed herself for making them late until she glanced at the clock and saw they were still five minutes early. The aroma of coffee and sugar hung in the air, but was made to battle with the pungent scent of overpriced perfume and manly deodorant. Sasha quickly fixed coffee for herself and Jac and sat next to her, smiling as Sophie caught her eye and sat on her other side. She clasped her hand and squeezed her fingers together.

  “Hey, girl. You okay?” She leant over and kissed Sasha’s cheek. “Love this outfit, by the way. Very sexy.”

  “I’m good, and thanks.” Sasha felt the heat in her cheeks. “You?”

  “I’m good. Ready to get this project started, that’s for sure. I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but you look a little tired. Worry about this keeping you up?”

  “A little, I think. But I never really sleep well in an unfamiliar bed. And after being banished from home last night, well, let’s just say it was a late night.”

  “Okay, unfamiliar bed…I was about to congratulate you and ask for details, but banished… Now I’m truly curious. What do you mean?”

  “Jac didn’t tell you?”

  “You slept with Jac?” Sophie stared at her, wide-eyed, incredulous…and maybe just a little disapprovingly.