Panzina's Passion

by Teresa D. Patterson

  Did he think of her as one of those women? Was she in the same category as Marshayla Forbes? He’d shown her no indication that he loved her. The best thing she could do was to stay as far away from Trevor Grant as possible. Otherwise, her heart would shatter into a thousand pieces.

  * * *

  Trevor drove toward his home, but his mind went in a completely different direction. It traveled back over the incident that had taken place on the beach. He felt like a total jerk. Why hadn’t he controlled his urges? He’d probably scared Panzina off for good, putting the moves on her like that. She was different and he’d sensed that from the beginning. She wasn’t like Marshayla Forbes, willing to sleep with the highest bidder. He should have been more careful, especially after that evening at his house. Maybe they could have had something. Maybe she could love him.

  Love? Trevor laughed to himself cynically. Why even bother to dream? Panzina would never love someone like himself. She saw him only as a shoulder on which to lean. Besides, she probably thought he was an overbearing ass. It was no wonder, the way he’d come charging into her shop telling her that she was incompetent , only to buy and take over that shop a short time later. Sure, he was doing her a favor by saving her from her creditors, but it took a very humble soul to put up with all that Panzina had gone through over the past months. A truly humble, yet passionate soul.

  He’d fought so hard not to fall in love with Panzina. The ones you loved, you always ended up losing. Hadn’t he learned anything yet? Hadn’t his fiancée’s death proven that? Now he was on the verge of losing his little sister, LeTicia. He didn’t need to add another person to his “Lost List.” The ones he’d loved the most, he had lost. He didn’t want to lose Panzina, so he couldn’t afford to love her.

  When he thought of the ones that he’d lost his heart twisted with pain. He especially ached for his sister. Her life was over, at age fourteen. It was senseless; so unfair.

  Trevor would always regret the role he played in his sister’s condition. Though there was nothing he could have done to prevent what had happened, he still felt responsible.

  He had let LeTicia spend the night with her friends on the wrong night. An innocent outing had caused LeTicia her childhood, her very existence.

  LeTicia had been on a life-support system for ten months with no signs of improvement. If she did happen to awaken from her comatose state, she would remain a vegetable for the rest of her life.

  What a raw deal.

  Trevor turned into his driveway. He immediately noticed Marshayla Forbes sitting on his patio as if she were queen of the Adirondack chairs. She wore an impatient frown on her artificial face that shown brighter than the porch lights. The last thing he wanted was to be bothered by her again!

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Nightmares plagued Panzina’s sleep. She dreamed of her aunt’s funeral and of dead flowers. She couldn’t understand the meaning of the dreams. To her, it was nothing more than a jumbled mess of memories, hopes and fears. When she awoke the next morning, it was as though she hadn’t slept at all.

  She took a hot shower and thought of calling Mrs. Stearns to cancel volunteering at the retirement home. By the time she’d dried off and wrapped the towel around her, she had changed her mind. She would go in because it would do her good to be around others. She felt that some of those lonely people truly needed her and she didn’t want to let them down. Besides, she had made a promise and that was something she never broke.

  She chose the most cheerful outfit in her closet to wear, a floral sheath dress that danced around her knees. The bright colors cheered her up and she felt a bit better as she went about the day. She tried not to think of Trevor, but failed. She couldn’t get him out of her mind and she kept remembering the heated passion they’d shared on the beach. Memories of him were as natural to her mind as the landscaping that surrounded the home. They fit. They were beautiful. Now if she could only put a hedge around her heart.

  As soon as Panzina walked through the door of the nursing home, she forgot Trevor for the moment. Mrs. Stearns rushed over to her wearing an anxious expression on her tired face. It was unusual for a nurse to seem so flustered, so Panzina figured she must have been having a trying day, early as it was in the morning.

  “Panzina, I’m so glad you’re here! There’s an emergency in room ten that I must attend to immediately and Mr. Gnome is refusing to eat,” she said in exasperation.

  “Go ahead and see to the problem,” Panzina told her. “I’ll take care of Mr. Gnome,” she assured the nurse.

  After fifteen minutes of coaxing, Panzina actually succeeded in getting Mr. Gnome to eat. All she’d had to do was mention that her aunt had liked a particular food and Mr. Gnome would eat it readily. This worked for everything except for asparagus. He simply refused and Panzina really couldn’t blame him.

  “I don’t care for asparagus either,” she said softly as she wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. The corner of his mouth lifted, and she knew that he was grateful that she was taking such excellent care of him.

  She’d just about finished feeding the patients she’d been assigned when she glanced up and saw Trevor enter the building at full speed.

  “Trevor-” she began, stopping when she saw the anguished expression on his face.

  “I came as fast as I could,” he said breathlessly. Is she all right?” He had a strange look in his eyes. His mind seemed to have flipped and flopped in the wind along with his tie, which hung over his left shoulders. His dress pants were wrinkled and bunched, and his shoes were covered in mud. He had obviously run straight through a puddle of water without thinking. She could tell that something was not right.

  “Is who all right?” Panzina asked, puzzled.

  “My sister. She’s in room ten,” he told her.

  At that moment one of the RN’s on duty spotted Trevor. He stood in the foyer with his hands braced on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

  “Mr. Grant, you’re needed immediately. Please hurry,” she said urgently. Trevor rushed off after her. “And please try to calm down. I don’t need another patient. Take deep breaths. You’re no good to your sister in this condition.”

  “What’s going on?” Panzina asked one of the other assistants passing by. The woman stopped and gazed at Panzina with sympathetic eyes that mirrored the concern in her own eyes.

  “Mr. Grant’s sister is a patient here.” She shook her head and clucked her tongue as she spoke. “She’s in a coma and hasn’t responded to any of the treatments since she’s arrived. I’m afraid that she’s not going to make it. The family made the decision to remove her off the life support system. Poor girl, she’s only fourteen years old,” she said with compassion.

  “I had no idea,” Panzina whispered. “Thank you,” she told the assistant. The other woman nodded and walked away.

  Her heart went out to Trevor. Why hadn’t he mentioned that his sister was in Palm Shores Nursing Home? She remembered the day that her aunt had passed. Trevor had been at the nursing home then. It was because of his sister, but he’d never said a word.

  Now she knew the reason for the strange lapses he’d had from time to time. He’d been worried about his sister.

  Panzina felt awful. Trevor had been disguising his own grief to help her deal with hers. She didn’t need another confirmation that Trevor was a caring human being, but this only added to the true testament of his good character.

  It must have difficult for him to listen to her go on about her aunt when he couldn’t share his own experience with her.

  Only, he could share his own experience with her. He could share everything with her, but he chose not to. She wondered why he seemed so attached to her, yet so detached at the same time. Deep down, she knew the answer.

  Telvin.

  Trevor may love her, but he would never be able to give himself completely to her until she was in a position to do the same. Panzina felt her heart wrench. All this time she could have shared so much with this wonderful man, but
she had refused to tie up loose ends. Why did she have to listen to her head instead of her heart?

  She was scared. Of what, she wasn’t sure. Any woman in her right mind would have given Telvin the boot a long time ago, but she kept dragging her feet. Loyalty was no excuse at this point. And now that TJ was happily reunited with his mother and being well taken care of, she couldn’t use that excuse either. It was time she did what she knew she had to do.

  So what was it? Why was she still chasing a leprechaun when she could plainly see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? She contemplated this as she cleaned away the remnants of the patients’ breakfast.

  Ten minutes went by as she searched her heart for answers. The front door burst open again as ambulance attendants rushed inside pushing a stretcher. All the staff and residents paused to watch as they flew past. It was a scene they had witnessed many times. They knew what it most likely meant. Never was mortality so tangible a fact of life than in a nursing home.

  “It can’t be good,” someone said in hushed tones.

  “Oh God,” Panzina whispered. “Trevor. He must be in so much pain.”

  * * *

  Panzina had checked all of the locks on her windows and doors. She had just settled on the couch when the doorbell sounded. She quickly slipped her bare feet into house shoes and headed to answer the door. Instinctively, she knew that it was Trevor. She had worried about him every minute since she’d left the nursing home that evening. She’d tried to reach him by phone, but had been unable to do so. She had even driven to his home, but his Mercedes had been missing, an indication that he wasn’t there.

  Now, she stared into Trevor’s unreadable face when she opened the door. She noticed the tautness of his lips. She gazed into his blurry, unsmiling eyes. Panzina knew that he needed to be comforted as he stood there in his wrinkled clothing.

  She moved aside and he entered. She locked the door and turned to face him. Guilt rushed over her, though she didn’t know why.

  “Trevor- I- I heard about your sister,” she said softly. “I’m sorry.”

  “She’s gone,” he replied hoarsely, the words barely audible.

  “Oh, Trevor!” she gasped. “I am so sorry.”

  She placed her arms around him, wanting to somehow erase the hurt she knew he felt. She held him for a while then looked up into his face again. At that point she noticed the trail of tears slipping quietly down his cheeks. Her heart caught in her throat. She had never seen a man so completely vulnerable and exposed. It moved her to the core.

  She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. She slowly kissed away all of his tears. She felt him shudder then his arms tightened around her waist.

  “Panzi, I need to be with you,” he said with a desperate catch to his voice. “Please, don’t turn me away. Not tonight,” he pleaded.

  Her heartbeat quickened. She wanted Trevor and she knew that he needed her. What she didn’t know was if she could give him what he really needed. She was totally inexperienced. She knew nothing of what it took to please a man.

  “Panzi, please,” he said again.

  She forgot about her fears, reservations and promises made. Trevor had been there for her when she’d needed someone desperately. It was only right to be there for him in his time of need. She wouldn’t be a virgin on her wedding night, but at least her first time would be with a man whom she truly loved.

  She reached up and touched his face with gentle fingers. His eyes didn’t flinch. He bent his head and her breath caught in her throat. Trevor’s kiss was firm and seeking. Panzina’s lips parted and his tongue slipped past them. Her head spun with overwhelming sensations.

  She felt Trevor lift her up and she closed her eyes. When he reached her bedroom and laid her down on the bed she gazed at him through parted lids. He unbuttoned his shirt with swift fingers and then removed it. He had a broad chest, covered with dark, curly hair.

  Panzina’s heart fluttered in her breast as he slid into bed next to her. His marvelous hands lifted her thin gown up and away from her. As he touched the thin fabric that covered her most private area, she shivered. Her trembles made him instinctively cover her body with his own.

  She briefly wondered if she should tell him about her lack of experience with men, but emotion and sensation took her voice away as she sank deeper into his charms.

  His hands traveled seductively down the length of her. He lifted her small hips and slid her panties off. The fire started in the middle of her stomach and spread throughout her being. She yearned for something, some fulfillment, but didn’t know how to achieve it.

  Trevor cupped her breasts and squeezed them gently. Then his mouth took over where his hands left off. Panzina moved beneath him and gasped as she felt his hardness press against her moistness. He lifted himself over her and silently surged forward. As he entered her, he heard her small cry of pain and realized that she’d just given him her most precious gift ever.

  His eyes held a question as they met hers. In answer, Panzina moved beneath him.

  “Don’t stop,” she whispered, clinging to his broad shoulders.

  He began to move in rhythm. It wasn’t long before warmth overcame Panzina. Spasm after spasm washed over her and she cried out. Trevor’s mouth covered hers and his body tensed as he met Panzina’s passion. She held on tightly and trembled as she gave in to the sensations.

  * * *

  “Panzi, why didn’t you tell me?” Trevor asked later as they lay side by side in the queen-sized bed. Panzina turned toward him and buried her face in his chest. She couldn’t pretend to not to know what he was talking about.

  “I didn’t see any reason to tell you. Would it have made a difference?” she asked, her voice muffled against his chest.

  He ignored her question and rolled over onto his side. Panzina shifted her weight and settled comfortably in his arms.

  “You amaze me,” he whispered in her ear. “You really amaze me.”

  “You amaze me,” she returned.

  “Oh really?” He kissed her gently. “Thank you,” he whispered.

  “For what?” Her wide eyes stared back at him.

  “For giving me something so special.” He gazed into her eyes. “It means a lot to me.” He reached out and traced the outline of her lips with his index finger. “You’re so beautiful.”

  “Trevor- ” She hesitated hating to interrupt the loving mood they had created.

  “Yes, Sweetheart?”

  “Tell me about your sister. What happened to her?” she asked quietly. “Why was she in the nursing home?” Trevor took a deep breath and Panzina saw pain fill his hazel eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “If it’s too painful for you-”

  “No. I need to talk about it.” He sat up in bed and put a pillow behind him, then laid back. “She was only fourteen. Only fourteen.” Panzina waited for him to continue and he did shortly. “She came to live with me because she was having some problems at home. She was going through that “teenager rebellion stage,” nothing too serious. She wasn’t a bad kid, not at all. Just a little misguided. She‘d started hanging around the wrong crowd and skipping school. My parents thought it would be good to get her in another environment away from the temptation. I agreed. So, she came to live with me. It took a while but there was a definite improvement. LeTicia had done a complete 360-degree turn around. She had re-enrolled in school and had caught up on all that she’d missed. She was doing so great, had even made the Honor Roll. She’d made us so proud. I had promised her that she could do something fun, her choice. She wanted to spend the night with her friend, Wanda. Wanda had planned a pajama party and she’d been invited. She was so excited about it because it was her first pajama party.” His voice caught in his throat and he paused. Panzina took his hand and held it in her own. He frowned slightly and continued. “Before the sleep-over, they wanted to go down to the pier to play miniature golf. Wanda’s mother called me thirty minutes after LeTicia had left.” Trevor’s eyes filled with tears. “She told me t
hat LeTicia was on her way to the hospital. She’d gotten hit with a stray bullet. A group of teenagers had gotten into a fight with another group. Someone pulled out a gun and fired into the crowd. LeTicia ended up getting shot.” He took a deep breath. “We thought that she’d pull out of it, but she never did. She remained in a coma until she died,” he ended.

  “Trevor, I’m sorry,” Panzina offered. He said nothing, just reached for her. She held him tightly, never wanting to release him. He held her because she eased his grief. She held him because she loved him with all of her being.

  Soon, she heard Trevor’s soft snores. It wasn’t long before the rise and fall of his chest lulled her to sleep. Later that night, his fitful tossing woke her up. “Trevor,” she called out. “Trevor, you’re having a bad dream. Wake up.”

  “No,” he mumbled. “No, don’t leave me!”

  “I’m here, Trevor. Wake up.” She shook him gently.

  “Please don’t go. I love you,” he cried out. “I love you, Gayle.”

  Panzina drew back as if a glass of ice, cold water had been thrown in her face. Had he said, Gayle? Who was Gayle? Why had Trevor spent the night with her if there was someone in his life named Gayle? More importantly, did he love this Gayle woman?

  She had heard that people don’t lie in their sleep. Suddenly, Panzina realized that there was more that Trevor needed to explain. He had opened up to her about his sister, but would he come clean about Gayle, too?

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The next morning Panzina felt Trevor stir next to her. She hadn’t slept a wink since she’d been awakened by his dreams earlier. Thoughts of Gayle had haunted her all night long. She wanted to know who Gayle was, but dared wake him and ask. Panzina hoped that Trevor would eventually tell her on his own.

  “Panzi, what time is it?” he mumbled in an early morning voice that was a good octave deeper and scratchier than normal. She turned to glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand.